Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K1300S, K1200S, GT, R, RS, S1000RR world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

Prepare to be boarded!

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: September / October 2011

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

Indiana: Hello, Marion.
Marion: Indiana Jones. I always knew some day you'd come walking back through my door. I never doubted that. Something made it inevitable. So, what are you doing here in Nepal?
Indiana: I need one of the newsletters your father collected. A particularly cheesy one.
[Marion surprises him with a right cross to the jaw]
Marion: I've learned to hate you in the last ten years!
Indiana: I never meant to hurt you.
Marion: I was a child. I was in love. It was wrong and you knew it!
Indiana: You knew what you were doing.
Marion: Now I do. This is my place. Get out!

Marion.. Karen Allen / Indiana.. Harrison Ford.. Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Arctic Circle Desolation! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our September / October POTM was contributed by my good friend Robert Wood. . He says of his contribution .."This shot was taken from the saddle of a friends R1200GSA about 10 miles or so south of the Arctic Circle on the Dalton Highway, heading south. Bikes ahead include an F650GS Dakar, R1200GS, Kawasaki 1500 Drifter, and yours truly on a 2008 K1200GT. Turned out to be a terrific trip for my son and I, joined by three friends for the final run from Fairbanks to the Arctic Circle and back. Scott Haney shot this with a Canon PowerShot SD4000 IS Elph (teenycam), f/5. ISO-125. It was quite warm for the Arctic Circle at 78 degree. It was a 8 days / 4,000+ mile trip I had wanted to make for several years, with the best company one could ask for. A special thanks to Alaska Motorcycle Adventures."

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S or K1300S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, S1000RR, K1600GT, or any model year K1200GT or K1300GT and B. In focus.

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The Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletter– Politics and the 411 on Free Cheese..

Some of our loyal readers have privately emailed me wondering why our monthly cheese-infused newsletters have seemingly dropped off to every other month. A few have actually asked for their money back! Sheesh! Honestly.. the answer is simple. Since the economy crashed we've been strugglin like every other business in the US. We've had to make adjustments in order to survive.. Cutting back on advertising, keeping fewer items in stock, no more track days, eating less filet mignon and more Pedigree, using Pam instead of AstroGlide, even using fewer letts in words. During this "lifestyle downscaling opportunity" in order to keep this ship afloat we've had to take on more products than I feel comfortable doing just to keep the cash flow up, the creditors away, and erections still attainable. Amber, my wife/partner/shipping/invoicing/receptionist/second mate has had to take a second (real) job, meaning.. the workload that only 2 years ago took 2.5 people to do has increased by 40% and now has only 1 person.. me.. doing it. Am I whining? Far from it.. Millions aren't as fortunate. It is what it is. I'm just 'splainin.

In a perfect economy, each cheese filled issue takes 29-31 days to complete and that's with me spending up to an hour or more every single freakin' day working on it. Now that I'm doing the work of 2-3 people, my time is spread thinner than an ameba's foreskin. I simply don't have the time and/or energy to pump them out monthly. I hope things get back to normal after the 2012 regime change (please God) so this "inconvenience" to YOU, my loyal cheese-starved readers should be short lived.

Click For Larger View.. If You Dare!

Speaking of politics..OK.. poor segway.. Over the last 6 months, I've had a quite a few complaints and even cancellations from readers who tell me I've gotten too political in our newsletter and that there's no place for politics in a motorcycle related newsletter. I feel their pain and I always appreciate feedback so here's my explanation. Blow me!.. er.. I mean.. while I admit I must have missed the memo that explains what is and what isn't supposed to be in a motorcycle related e-rag, I am not now or will I ever succumb to political correctness. Homey don't roll that way. The fact is.. I'm angry to the point of blowing a cranial gasket and I admit... some of that does bleed over onto my keyboard. How could it not?

If this makes you feel any better.. every single word I choose (even the ones without the correct number of letters) is scrutinized by this wordsmith. Each has a purpose, although some may be subliminal. While I am NOT blithely unaware of my jabs aimed at our incompetent electorate, I'll never come right out and say.. "vote this way or your a moron." For the most part, I'm just venting through the written word. Secondly, I am 100% aware that some of my readers support the current administration and will possibly be offended by my views and some may even choose to abandon ship. If I were an Obama supporter (and there must be a few out there as the polls show that there are, although I've never actually met one)....I'd probably be a little sensitive about the current state of affairs and any sort of criticism, too. Just keep in mind, if you stick around long enough, I'll probably be bashing the Republicans after the 2012 elections as I have little doubt that they'll have the fortitude or courage to do any better.. Remember.. YOU come here of your own free will. The E-version is via subscription upon YOUR request. Like the little warning says at the beginning of every newseltter... "While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done...."

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Product Review: ERGOMAXX – Triple Density Anatomic Handgrips

Ask anyone who rides a modern BMW and they'll tell you the factory handgrips are total crap. They're generally as hard as a rock and thin as saran wrap. Because of this fact, we get lots of requests for grips. It's not that I haven't wanted to offer any to our quasi-esteemed customers. Just haven't found any I deem worthy, but not for lack of trying. I've tried a dozen different brands and types over the years, but never seen any I could endorse.

In this month's issue of MPN (Motorcycle Product News) a blurb about Ergomaxx Anatomic Handgrips (sold by Hayes Accessories) got my attention. The concept looked unique and their sales spiel made them sound a cut above the white-bread competition. One of the main selling points is that they are made with 3 unique rubber densities to minimize hand fatigue while riding. Worthy a try. A quick call to the Hayes people and a few days later .. wunderbar!.. I had a pair in my hands for evaluation. One of the perks of the biz ..Would these make the cut?

Click For Larger View.. If You Dare!

Going into this, I wasn't actually sure the Hayes ErgoMaxx grips would even fit on the BMW. The ErgoMaxx are thicker than some grips due to the design and NOT very pliable. While the length is perfect for a BMW (130mm), the packaging says they fit most 7/8” handles and most late model BMW grips are a full 1"in diameter. While I have put thinner 7/8" grips on my K1200S, it usually took David Copperfield like magic to make it happen as it involved warming the grips in hot water and or the use of hair spray or soapy water. Getting the Hayes grips over the BMW's larger diameter tubes would not be easy.

After struggling and sweating for about 20 minutes, trying multiple slippery chemicals I keep in the shop (no dice) and a couple we keep in the bedroom (this didn't work either, but the grips got aroused), and then resorting to the unthinkable.. WD-40... I finally coaxed them on. Definitely too small for a BMW, but I prevailed. They fit like a glove, feel really good when sitting on the bike, work perfectly with my Throttlemisters, are the correct length, and actually look good. Time for a test ride.

Within 100 miles I had ascertained both the positives and the negatives. Just to make sure.. I put in another 100 miles total.. The results..

The Positives... IMHO, the Hayes ErgoMaxx grips would be perfect for touring or long distance riders. The protrusion towards the end of the grips kinda functions like one of those Throttle Rocker / Wrist Rest devices you see all over the www. Great for touring riders. Counter steering is made easier due to the ergo-friendly design and I noticed that bending a heavy bike into a corner is easier as your palm has more leverage with the ErgoMaxx grips. They just feel good although I wish they were a little softer..They really do fit your hand.

The Negatives: While the ErgoMaxx may be the bees knees for touring riders... these are not sport bike friendly and here's why. Sport bike riding requires more precise throttle action. Put your thumb and forefinger together in the OK sign. With standard round grips the muscles around these 2 fingers control the throttle for the most part on the inside of the grip near the switch housing. With the ErgoMaxx grips your palm also controls the throttle from the outside to a lessor extent, but it's just enough to make minor throttle position changes a little dicey. During my testing, when I wasn't asking much of the bike.. cruising, slabbing, long sweeping curves... the grips worked wonderfully. In the tight stuff with the speed picked up, I actually blew a few lines and over accelerated a few times as my palm was inadvertently controlling the throttle just a bit. I'm sure any rider could probably adapt to this over time so I won't over emphasize this observation, but it was worth mentioning. The ErgoMaxx are NOT as thick and bulky as Grip Puppies, but they are thicker than most stock grips. If you have small hands.. you probably won't like these. If you have larger hands.. you probably will. Their advertising spiel says they are heated-grip compatible, but I honestly do NOT believe that you could get evenly distributed warmth on a grip that varies so dramatically in thickness from 50mm at widest point to 30mm at smallest. As we're in the 90's here and I wasn't about to turn on my heated grips, ... I can't back up this gut feeling.

View.. If You Dare!

I spoke with the big cheese at Hayes after my testing and told them pretty much what I'm reporting here. That they would be smart to market these to touring riders only. They did tell me they are (at my suggestion) seriously looking into producing a version with a 1" opening for the BMW crowd. Overall... this is a very nice product. They are very well made.. The best quality grips I've ever seen. Depending on your riding style.. these may be the grip you've been looking for.. or not. I think I'm going to send my demo pair out into the field and see if I can get a true touring riders opinion. Just to see if my assumptions are right. Me? I'm going back to standard gel grips and continuing my quest for that "perfect" pair of grips..

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60 Second Product Reviews: Gel Handgrip Comparo

I run through grips like Congress runs through our tax dollars. It's an obsession. Grips are cheap, simple to install, and can make a world of difference to our daily riding so when I see a new offering on the market I generally will spend the bucks to evaluate hoping to end my lifelong quest for the "perfect" grips.. While on one of my most recent obsessive/compulsive grip testing sprees, I tried 3 pair of aftermarket "gel" grips and ... drum roll please.... Here are my results.

Driven Kraton Gel Grips: Advertised as 2-ply gel grips to reduce vibration and arm pumping, whatever that is. I paid $12.95 for these. I installed them on my BMW K1200S and in (2) 40 minute evaluation rides, my hands were numb literally 1/2 the time. Hmmm.. The packaging clearly says "Gel" yet they simply did not live up to the advertising spiel as far as killing vibration or comfort. I contacted the manufacturer scolding them for advertising them as "gel" grips when clearly they are simply well made rubber grips and their response was... "The rubber material used is technically called Kraton.. Google it... it's a type of gel" Hmmm... OK... So I Googled "Kraton" and got this enlightening info.. (pasted) "Kraton is the trade name given to a number of high performance elastomers manufactured by Kraton Polymers, and used as synthetic replacements for rubber. Kraton polymers offers many of the properties of natural rubber, such as flexibility, high traction, and sealing abilities, but with increased resistance to heat, weathering, and chemicals." How comforting to someone who was sucked in by that single 3 letter word.. "Gel."

Click For Larger View.. If You Dare!
My dissatisfaction with the Driven Kraton grips has nothing to do with poor quality. In fact they have wonderful grip, they look great, and the material is the finest I've ever seen on a pair of hand grips. Think of the surface as a cheese grater made of rubber. Very nice. The problem is.. the packaging terminology is misleading and IMHO.. just short of false advertising. It's this pirate's opinion that when a customer chooses grips with the word "gel" in the description, be it grips, gloves, bras, or shoe inserts.. they are expecting a soft, cushiony feel... Kraton grips are just a variation of rubber. Not soft like one might hope/expect of a gel grip, although still softer than BMW factory grips,... but so is concrete. If I still had a track bike...these would be on it, but for a softer pair of grips for street riding... avoid these..

Pro Grip Open Model 699: Now we're talkin! These gel grips delivered both comfort and vibration dampening as Allah intended. These offer a luxurious, cushiony feel, yet they weren't so soft that you lose the feel needed for microscopic throttle control when at full tilt like you do with Grab-On or any type foam grips. I paid only $9.95 for the Pro Grip 699's and they were worth every penny.. These were the softest of the 3 tested.

There's only one downside of the Pro Grip 699s and that should be obvious to anyone with the gift of sight. They are ugly as Nick Nolte on a meth bender. The unusual pattern reminds me of the ugly plaid flannel shirts my Uncle Clon used to wear. Of course.. most people aren't as anal as I am about such things, but I kinda cringe every time I look at them.. Could I live with ugly grips? Absolutely. A minor trade-off for the comfort.

Pro Grip Sportbike Gel Model 713: Ahhh.. After a lot of trial and error I declare the Pro Grip model 713's my favorite of the 3 tested! These 125mm Italian made grips rocked my curvy world and I'll probably keep them as my daily grips.. for a while. These just felt good, although NOT quite as soft as the 699s. Vibration was dampened. Numb hands were rare during testing. Control was not compromised. They look good. Win/Win. I tested these for a few hundred miles and really could find no downsides. Like all the other grips tested here the openings on the 713's were 7/8." The713's (like the 699's) required a little trimming for proper BMW install, but that's kinda SOP for aftermarket, non-BMW designated grips. With the 713s, I had to use a Dremel tool as the ends were closed and had to be opened. That took all of 5 minutes. I paid $10.95 delivered off eBay... Has my quest for the perfect grips ended with the Pro Grip 713s? Only temporarily.

Click For Larger View.. If You Dare!

All the Gel grips tested in this comparo were very pliable and required no glue for a proper install. A few drops of laundry detergent smeared on the inside of the grips prior to install was all I needed to slide them on. All were under $15. All were vastly better than stock. All worked perfectly and uniformly with my heated grips. All were plenty long enough for the BMW application. All required minor mods.

Finding a grip that fits one's hands is as subjective as finding a a good pair of shoes, but IMHO.. just as important. BMW installs some of the crappiest, cheapest, hardest grips in the known universe. Another one of life's enigmas. Why just accept them when wonderful alternatives can be had for under $15?? Good question, huh? It's the little things, my friends.

Pro Grip Sportbike Gel Model 713

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Pirates Lair Plundering Tees! They're Baaaack!

You asked for them.. and again, we bow to the needs of the masses with a new batch of Pirates Lair Plundering Tees. Unlike past Pirates Lair tees which featured a specific bike on the back, these tees offer a more minimalistic approach in order to make all our customers happy. At least.. that's the theory. The front image (similar to top right ) is is self explanatory. The back of each tee (similar to bottom right) features simple words.."Substance Over Image" for the simple mind. Some might consider these words a blatant slap in the face to a certain segment of the population. I like to think of them as a statement showing your individuality, intelligence, and proof that you weren't fooled by millions of dollars worth of advertising promoting a "lifestyle" and/or inferior machinery.You and I both know that BMW makes the best motorcycles on earth. Why not help educate the ignorant masses of this fact. Consider it an educational tool.. yea.. that's the ticket!

When some moron asks you why you ride a BMW and not a Harley ... rather than open your wise-ass mouth and risk being pummeled by some chap-clad miscreant and his overweight girlfriend... just point to the back of this tee and let our shirt do the talking for you. Inform the uneducated masses that you ride a BMW Motorcycle and are proud of it.

Breaking centuries old traditions, we are offering our tees in a "slimming" Black (to please the dark forces) and a stylish pigment dyed, pre-washed Charcoal Gray in short sleeve only .. for now. Tees are 100% cotton. We may offer a long sleeve version during the winter months. We offer the Pigment Dyed Gray in Med, L, and XL. The Black tees are available in L, XL. and a limited quantity of XXL. If you need a larger size than that... you may need to start working out, my friend. As with all the Pirates' Lair plundering tees, these are produced in limited quantities. When they are gone.. there will be no more. No amount of begging.. no amount of pleading.. no amount of crying.. no offers of BJs..well.. BJ's might do the trick, but otherwise...

Whether wanting to look stylish at your daughter's wedding or just stylin in the board meeting.. we have a tee for you.. Be the envy of your work place or prison yard!! Pirates' Lair Plundering tees make great birthday, graduation, parole, Christmas, Hanukah, Father's Day gifts. The XLarge tees also make wonderful sleepwear for your rug rats or that special person in your life. Also good for covering up back hair and/or aging tattoos. Guaranteed to get you laid more often.*

* Does not apply to married customers.

Does this make you horny?

What's New In the K12 / K13 / S1000RR No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the K1200RS and first generation K1200GT have been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

1.. I do a lot of kidding in this most holy of newsletters, but this one is serious, my friends. One of the regulars over at www.I-BMW.com.. one of our own... just lost virtually everything she owns in one of the massive Catskills flooding caused by Tropical Storm Irene.. De's house was swept off the foundation, pushed up against some trees and crushed by the force of the water. Her's and her daughter's cars were lost as well. To top that off, the county office she worked in was flooded and will not open for four to six months. Even her cat died in the home. De was on a motorcycle trip to Nova Scotia at the time. Can you imagine her homecoming? I can't either. Our thoughts and prayers go out to her and her daughter.

With the help of friends and family she has salvaged many clothes, some furniture, and tools. De is a trooper, but is overwhelmed by all that has to be done. Dealing with FEMA, insurance, and needing a place to live are taking their toll on her. She lived in a flood plane and does have flood insurance, but it will not cover everything (does it ever?)

One of the big hearted administrators over at I-BMW has set up a paypal account and is accepting donations for De and her daughter. If you are in a position to help a fellow BMW rider out.. you can paypal a donation to De at phoward@aeroconsulting.com October 7th will be the last day to send funds. In the interim, the organizer will be forwarding 100% of the funds from the account to De weekly. Remember.. what comes around.. goes around. Score yourself a little good Karma by extending a hand to a fellow rider in her time of need..

2. I've been told by our supplier that Stebel (makers of Nautilus and Magnum horns) has gone belly up! Bankrupt!!! Apparently they had a problem supplying automaker Mercedes, were sued, and lost the lawsuit. The bankruptcy judge is starting to sell off assets. The good news is...we may see them back, but probably not soon. They tell me they are trying to re-organize.

3. Check out the PUIG Racing Screens for 2011 BMW K1300S.. Looks identical to the MRA version...

4. We don't offer much for the "twin" people. Not really our niche, but.. I just got a notice from Pyramid Plastics (in the UK) that they have Fairing Lowers and BellyPan available for the BMW F800S / F800ST. Actually looks pretty damn good, me thinks! If anyone is interested, I'd be glad to special order this (3) piece $500US kit for you... Let me know.

5. We just got confirmation that ZTechnik will have (3) VStream Windshields available shortly for both the K1600GTL and the K1600GT!! Woohoo!!. Will post pics and info as soon as we get it...

6. The company that has been making the IDI Bar Risers for the K1200S, K1300S, K1200R, K1300R is closing their doors.. Another victim of Obamanomics.. or so they tell me..Hate to hear this...

7. BMW has announced the 2012 colors of the entire product line..

8. Not sure if they got this idea from Doctor Evil, but BMW is working on Laser Beam Headlights... Personally.. I like the sound of that. Look for them in cars at some point and no doubt... bikes to follow.

9. As most of you know by now, Legal Speeding.com.. the purveyors of the wireless H.A.R.D. Radar detector warning devices discontinued them about a year ago. They were looking for a new manufacturer for their all new and improved V5 version and apparently found one as I was just contacted with some juicy bits of info on the upcoming units. Of course the new kits will be compatible with Adaptive, Beltronics, Escort, and Valentine detectors. On the new kits you'll have a choice of audio or visual or both. The new units will be microprocessor run so they should be bullet proof. Units will be water-proof and use standard batteries. Also.. (and this is my favorite.).. Auto off – the H.A.R.D. System (V5) receiver will shut itself off automatically after a set amount of time (eight hours of use). Before shutting itself down, the receiver will flash to notify rider of shut down. If the rider wants to keep the receiver on, simply touch the on / off switch and the eight hour timer starts over. Sweet!. Expect those around December 1st. Lastly... He is looking for beta testers.. If interested... contact them.

10. The USA may be in the middle of a economic armageddon, but there is good news out there if you look for it. BMW of Asheville is now open for biz!! Woohoo! Nice bunch of people. And we just heard that there's a new BMW dealer in Birmingham, Alabama.. the appropriately named... BMW Motorcycles of Birmingham @ GPS: 33.530477 86.722824 or (205) 987-2090 . Good luck guys.. you're gonna need it.

Click Here for Full Web Page.. If You Dare

11. Here's a neat Youtube video that shows the ergo differences between the K12/13GT, the K16GT/GT-L, and the now replaced K1200LT.

12. CycleWorld Magazine just proclaimed the 2011 BMW K1600GTL the best touring bike on earth with the following quote..." It’s one thing to win the game; it’s something else altogether to change the rules. But that’s what BMW’s new K1600GTL has done to the world of two-wheel touring. It’s no small feat to trump the revered Gold Wing in this category; but with its 11.2-second quarter-mile zip, near-sportbike-quality handling, electronically adjustable suspension and windshield, adaptive headlight that illuminates around corners, Bluetooth wireless capability, detachable luggage and utter ease of operation, the six-cylinder Beemer puts the Wing on the trailer. And from this point forward, anyone who believes that over-the-road luxury and thrilling high performance are mutually exclusive is...well, wrong."

13. Looks like our little band of misfits will NOT be holding our year-end I-BMW Deals Gap Rally at the newly renovated Topoco Lodge any time in the near future. The new owner has put the new and improved rates up into the stratosphere! And they tell me the rates are going even higher in 2012! Hang on readers as the next few sentences may be a bumpy ride. Prices 2011 prices are as follows: In the lodge the rooms are 219.00 for a non river front room, 239.00 for a river front room, and 299.00 for a suite. Cabins are 199.00. Those prices are based on two people to a room. They have 18 cabin rooms and 11 lodge rooms (that does include the suites as well). They add a 15% gratuity to the room that goes to tip the housekeeping and wait staff so there is no tipping in the restaurant. They require a 25% deposit (non-refundable) for holding the lodge for a group and not booking any other rooms. Ouch!! I think my rectum is bleeding.

I spoke with the owner after I came to and questioned his biz decision to set the rates so high in an area frequented primarily by your every day motorcyclists and asked him.. "who exactly is the targeted demographic?".. Oil sheiks? Senators? Tony Montana? Zero response...

Lastly.. When the Tapoco reopened, they also started the Slick Rock Grill, located on the property overlooking the Cheoah river which runs behind the resort. The specialty was burgers and wood-fired pizza for lunch and dinner. Sweet!! I like the sound of that and in the past I usually stopped in at the Topoco whenever I'm in the area for a homemade burger as the Crossroads of Time was always crowded and noisy. The local paper reported the food was great and the grill stayed packed with riders coming from all around the area. Well.. apparently the high-paying guests complained about the unsavory types clogging up the restaurant and taking up the resorts parking places so what did the new owner do?? Yep... he closed the new grill to the public. No more customers just stopping in and spending their money.. This guy must have graduated from the Ben Bernanke School of Business. I'm just stumped what his game plan is. What better way to make a resort popular in these hard economic times than to turn away the very people (in droves) that can make you a full blown success? IMHO.. this will all come back to bite him in the long run..

"Say hello to my little resort.."

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Pirates Lair Closing Their Doors!!! No.. it's not what you think. The I-BMW.com Deals Gap Rally is just a few weeks away and we're shutting down for 3 days for the October 6-9th event. Also will be closed for one week on November 11th-17th for mental renovation. Order/weep accordingly.

2. Pirates Lair now has Shorai Batteries! Shorai makes the world's lightest, longest lasting powersports batteries or so we're told. Sooner or later you're gonna need a battery. It's an inevitable as divorce. I love the fact that these are 1/5th the weight of standard batteries with weight savings up to 8-9 lbs over competing brands. Weight savings on a motorcycle is always hard to come by so this is a major plus. The Shorai BMW Standard battery weighs only 2.2 lbs! Sweet. Another selling point is that according to Shorai, these LFX Lithium batteries do not need to be put on a charger when you let the bike sit for a few months. Lastly.. Shorai offers a full 2 year replacement warranty should something go south.. Simple drop-in replacement. Battery Tender compatible. Could you ask for more??

Show me more!

3. As per the blurb above... The company that has been making the IDI Bar Risers for the K1200S, K1300S, K1200R, K1300R is closing their doors.. While the standard version risers are sold out, the sweptback version are still available while supplies last. We have those here...

4. Apparently size does matter. Are you visually challenged? Some of us are. I get that. Have gotten a handful of complaints...er suggestions from loyal readers of our email subscriber newsletter informing us they thought the font I use is too small. As I'd hate for the news to get out that I couldn't satisfy due to the size of my font, starting with this months e-newsletter ... I've gone up one full size... Now get off my back!

5. Need a new clutch for your BMW K1200RS or 2002-04 K1200GT? Check out the German company SIEBENROCK option. It's the world's first dry-clutch that doesn't´t absorb oil and therefore can not glaze.

6. News for the scantily clad! The latest limited edition, Pirates Lair Plundering Tees are now in stock. These are completely different than past tees .Unlike past versions which featured a specific bike on the back, these tees offer a more minimalistic approach in order to make all our customers happy. At least.. that's the theory. The back proudly proclaims.. Substance Over Image.. The front just says... BMW Motorcycles by Pirates Lair in a very cool, metro-sexual font. We're offering our tees in a "slimming" Black and/or a stylish pigment dyed, pre-washed Charcoal Gray in short sleeve only .. for now. We may offer a long sleeve version during the winter months. As with all the Pirates' Lair tees, these are being produced in limited quantities. When they are gone.. there will be no more. No amount of begging.. no amount of pleading... no offers of BJs..well.. BJ's might do the trick, but otherwise...

7. In my never ending quest to keep youz guyz and galz informed.. we just got word that ZTechnik has 2 new VStream windshields out for the S1000RR.. A Tall Touring Screen (comes in clear only) and a Sport Touring shield (dark tint only). I've already got them on our menu with full specs. Customer comments are just starting to trickle in....

More... If You Dare

K12 / K13 Rally / Event News : 2011 / 2012

The Kentucky Hill Country Rendezvous : August 18-21st, 2011

Where: Lure Lodge, Lake Cumberland, KY
5465 State Park Rd Jamestown Ky 42629
When: August 18-21, 2011 (Arrive Thursday - Leave Sunday)
Reservations: 800-325-1709 or 270-343-3111
$71.95 for Wed and 80.95 for Thur and Fri. Plus tax. .. Be sure to mention that you are with i-BMW.
Agenda: The usual i-bmw tire kicking and general hooliganisms. "Safety" meetings optional. See you there!
Map: Lure Lodge, Lake Cumberland State Resort Park, Kentucky

Standard rooms have two queen beds. Rooms have a balcony with a Lake view. Five accessible rooms have one queen bed; four of these also have a sleeper chair. Main lodge has two floors with step access. . Parking areas are not adjacent to most rooms.

NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an official sponsor of any posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability.

Be there!!!


The 12th Annual Deals Gap K12 / K13 Rally: October 6-9th, 2011

Where: Fontana Village Resort
Nearest town: Robbinsville, NC
When: October 6th-9th, 2011 [Thur-Sunday]
Reservations: Direct 800.849.2258

30 lodge rooms w/ 2 queen beds/ns: $85+tax 7-10 2br cabins with 1 queen and 2 twin beds/kitchen/ns: $120+tax When calling, specify room or cabin. Lodge rooms are in the Garden units with parking outside the door. Cabins will be either the Laurel or Hemlock cabins. Reservations for blocked out rooms will end 45 days prior. Saavy? Be sure to mention i-bmw group when booking. Thx to Bert B for arranging this event!!

NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an official sponsor of any posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

Be there!!!

-------------------------------------- 2012 -----------------------------------------

2012 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 / K13 Rally: May 17-20, 2012

Where: Wattstull Inn, just north of Buchanan, Virginia
When: May 17th thru 20th, 2011 (Thur – Sun)

Call Wattstull Inn for reservations.
540-254-1551 / Mention: i-bmw group
SPECIFY ROOM TYPE - single, double, king.. / Rooms are 68 (ish*) per night plus tax (*2011 rates)

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford or Peaks of Otter Lodge


How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have a new contribution
this month from Chuck Poler Jr.. Woohoo! Check out his safety tip # 159 Thx, bro. Could his tip save your life? Dare you not look?.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

No new contributions this month.

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

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Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues