Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K1300S, K1200S, GT, R, RS, S1000RR world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: August 2010

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

Bella: [to Edward] You're impossibly fast. And strong. Your skin is... pale white and ice cold... your eyes change color... and sometimes you speak like your from a different time. You never eat or drink anything... you don't go into the sunlight... and you are constantly reading the Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter..
Bella: How old are you?
Edward: Seventeen.
Bella: How long have you been seventeen?
Edward: ...a while.
Bella: I know what you are.
Edward: Say it, out loud .. say it.
Bella: A BMW rider...
Edward: Are you afraid?
Bella: ...No.

Bella Swan ..Kristen Stewart / Edward Cullen .. Robert Pattinson ... Twilight (2008)

You don't ride a GS do you?

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Skyline Drive Overlook! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our August POTM was contributed by Jim Nelms of Aldie, VA. He says of this shot..“This was taken at about 7:30p last year in July on Skyline Drive at mile marker 92 looking east into the Shenandoah National Forest on my return of a several day trip down into Tennessee.   This point is called Moormans River Overlook on the top of Turk Mountain.    The Moorman River begins in the National Park and runs east towards Charlottesville, VA.  Skyline Drive is a 105 mile continuation of the 469-mile Blue Ridge Parkway ending in Front Royal Virginia at its northern most point.   This ride consisted of the Skyline Drive and about 275 miles of the Blue Ridge Parkway.   Speed limit is 35 mph on Skyline Drive and 45 mph on the Blue Ridge Parkway and unless you want to tangle with a black bear, herd of deer, fox or numerous other woodland creatures, hanging pretty close to that is a good idea  (not to mention the ample number of Park Rangers to remind you if you forget the recommended speed).   This was taken with a Casio EX-S10 at f3.4 with a shutter speed of 1/500. My ride is a late 2008 K1200S which provided ample power for the posted speed limit !!"

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S or K1300S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, S1000RR, or any model year K1200GT or K1300GT and B. In focus.

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Radar Detector False Alert Solution Part 2 / Schaffer Power Line Filter

In the supremely entertaining July 2010 Cheesy Newsletter, I mentioned the testing of a modified USB cable with my Passport 9500ix which was supposed to eliminate bogus or false signals. The theory was that as the USB cable was shielded it would eliminate a lot of the "noise" that supposedly causes the sporadic, sphincter-puckering problem. The USB solution did actually make things marginally better on my K1200S , but alas.. the problem was not resolved and my quest for "false-free" wiring continued.

On some bikes, hitting the horn triggers these false signals. On some bikes, decelerating via engine braking sets them off. I've heard quite a few well thought out theories of what causes this phenomenon from cell phone towers to the Bush administration. I've always thought the problem was a current draw issue. Extra draw on the battery causing a current drop causing the detector to go off. Other people.. smarter than myself.. say it's an electrical noise issue.

After reading last months newsletter another solution was sent to me for evaluation. (pic at right) Here's what R.V. says of his "McGrubber" solution .."The suggestion to use ferrites was on the right track, but just didn’t go far enough to eliminate the RFI/EMI (Radio Frequency Interference/ElectroMagnetic Interference) noise. Here’s the cure for your detector problem. Just make sure and connect the “load” side to the battery or Centech (fused of course) and the line side to the detector. My 9500i never false’s from anything generated on the bike. Zero alternator whine on the audio though I know you don’t use it. Use shielded cable (can see it soldered on the left in the pic) from the filter to as close as possible to the detector  so that the bike generated noise (injectors, ECU, alternator, servo brakes, etc.) doesn’t get re-injected in to the wire. Ferrites are useful, but nowhere near as effective as a properly designed and spec’d filter. "

Click For Larger Image

It took my pet chimp about an hour to attach the new device ie.. the Schaffer Power Line Filter to the Escort power cord on my Ducati 1098 and that included removing and reinstalling the side body panel. He left the current Escort power cable in place and just inserted the new device and cables to the lower end between it and the battery. There are only 2 wires.. a hot wire and ground so your chimp ain' t gonna damage any simian synapses figuring things out. After the easy install, I ventured forth onto the local roads for some testing with high expectations and this time I got better results.The Passport 9500ix was "almost" bogus warning free... almost.

On my favorite "hooligan" section of the BRPW where I ALWAYS get falses, all things were hunky dory until .. yep.. you guessed it.. the detector went off twice. No cops around. Once when deep into a tunnel on the BRPW and again just after exiting the tunnel. The two alerts may or may not have been instigated when the Passport 9500ix's warning voice announces that the GPS signal has been lost (when going into a tunnel) and again when the signal is reacquired (upon exiting.) I may have to do some more testing to see if the falses are actually caused by the 9500ix's verbal warnings which is very possible or if it's just a coincidence. I don't like coincidences. Otherwise.. after a week of sporadic testing I received only one other warning which may or may not have been a false. I was decelerating rapidly when the detector went off.. Never saw a cop which doesn't mean much. They're sneaky little bastages around here. Could have been a false.. could have been the real deal.

My gutty wuts tell me that the falses have been reduced by 95-98% by the $11 Schaffner module giving me a nice warm vibraty feeling inside, but that assumption is totally unscientific and characteristic of my half-assed testing procedures. What do you expect for free? Thoroughness? As I write this, I'm naked, but convinced this is the best idea I've seen to eliminate the dreaded falses. It does seem to work as promised. Thx, R. For a detailed How-To Install on a BMW K1200RS.. Click Here

What's New In the K12 / K13 / S1000RR No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and first generation GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

1. More and more details are trickling in on the upcoming 2011 BMW K1600GT & K1600GTL, but of all the info I've seen... nothing impresses me more than the Adaptive Headlight. IMHO.. this could revolutionize the industry.. Check out the video and tell me you aren't impressed. I dare ya.

2. If you own a 2005-2008 BMW K1200S, sooner or later you're gonna need to change your oil which means you'll need to buy an oil filter. Here's a link where you can buy K&N Oil filters for these bikes. Cost is a reasonable $14.95+ shipping. I just installed one on my bike and one major benefit is... with the K & N filter you don't need a "special wrench" to tighten or remove it. Guess the Germans couldn't figure that out?

3. Whether on the track or the street... a good set of tank grips makes a world of difference.. Not only in controlling your S1000RR, but protecting the finish. My choice has always been Tech Spec Tank Protectors and have them on all my bikes. Pirates Lair also sells them. Tech Spec Kits don't take away from the looks of the bike, are re-useable, and feel good. Another option on the market for the new BMW S1000RR are StompGrip Traction Pads. I've used them and didn't like them at all... but.. others might.

4. If you are drooling...er.. thinking about the aforementioned upcoming 6 cylinder uber-bikes... the BMW K1600GT or K1600GTL.. you'll find this interesting ..Check out this Very Detailed .pdf Tech File from BMW on the K16GT/GTL!

5. Speaking of the BMW K1600GT or K1600GTL.. Here are the latest spy-photos from Europe!!

6. Speaking of waaaay cool Japanese products for the S1000RR.. Check out these Sato Engine Sliders Me likey.

7. K1400R in the future?? Looks like it's gonna happen....Just wish the Germans would concentrate on making the K13 series lighter rather than just more powerful. Just sayin.'

8. The new MRA S1000RR Double-Bubble Racing Windscreen is now available. The windscreen is made of 3mm High Impact acrylic, which is one of the best grades of acrylic and provides strength and flexibility to the screen. The new double bubble design offers a great improvement on aerodynamics (12.2% better than OEM) and a better wind protection. It uses the stock hardware and does not need any modification. Moreover, the screen follows the OEM design at the bottom on the ram in-take. Guess where you can get them??

9. Want to see something sweet!! Check out the Yoshimura Slip-On for S1000RR.. Damn that's pretty.

10. Just found this... Sato Racing Hooks for the BMW S1000RR.. My question is... while they look cool.. what the f#@* are they for? Strapping down luggage? Somebody please 'splain it to me... I am clueless.

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. As per the blurb not 2 inches ago.. MRA has finally released the new S1000RR Double Bubble Racing Windscreen and we have them! The windscreen is made of 3mm High Impact acrylic, which is one of the best grades of acrylic and provides strength and flexibility to the screen. The double bubble design offers a great improvement on aerodynamics (12.2% better than OEM) and a better wind protection. It uses the stock hardware. Moreover, the screen follows the OEM design at the bottom on the ram in-take. Price is $120 to your door. Those are In Stock!

2. We just got confirmation that Heli-Bars are compatible with Throttlemeisters on the BMW K1200S & K1300S. Click Here for a View. Thx, M.

Click for larger image..

3. We started selling IDI Designs K1300S / K1200S / K1300R / K1200R Bar Risers last month... Just got the following glowing testimonial.. Thought I'd share: "Thanks for letting me test the IDI Risers on my BMW K1200S on my recent 2 week vacation. As promised... here are my impressions. Richard, who is the chief mechanic at Matrix Motorsports here in Tallahassee installed them for me. I watched the install and I believe just about anyone with any degree of mechanical skill can do the install in less than an hour. The instructions are clear and we had no problems. Once installed, changing the position is very simple. I changed them myself in under 5 minutes a side. The bars in the up position are perfect for traveling. We rode 2000 miles and I was comfortable the whole time. The down position gives the ride a whole new dimension. By forcing the torso over the bike the weight shifts forward making cornering easier and more precise. I am able to ride faster in the corners than I ever could in a stock raised position. The IDI risers are great. They give the flexibility to ride upright or in a racing position. The best of both worlds. They are easy to work with and the adjustments take only minutes. For the money involved they are a great addition." Ralph H. Haben / Tallahassee, FL.

4. Somebody alert the media... We now have the Evoluzione Clutch Slave Cylinder Kits for the 2005-08 BMW K1200S, 2006-08 K1200R, 2007-08 K1200R Sport, 2006-08 K1200GT In Stock!!

5. Ok.. you've gotten your BMW S1000RR and the first thing you do (after the drooling subsides) is remove your rear footpeg brackets for track days.. or to make sure nobody asks you for a ride. Who'd want to ride two up on this bike, anyway?? You get the hangers off and you are stuck with those unseemly holes. What to do? We now have R & G Racing BMW S1000RR Blanking Plates on the menu.Tidy up the rear of your bike with these easy to install blanking plates. Sold in pairs only. Chimp-easy install. a paltry $50 (chimp not included).

6. We now have Marc Parnes Wheel Balance Kits on the menu for the BMW S1000RR. Some of us choose to mount and balance our own tires.. Why? Because we hate to pay the local extortionist.. er.. dealer $60 a pop to mount, scratch, and balance our tires when we can mount, scratch, and balance our own!

7. If you own a BMW K1200S or K1300S and have been waiting for the magnificently beauteous Sato rearsets to hit the market.. Your wait is almost over, bucko..We just got word that the first US shipment is in transit from Japan. Woohoo! As beautiful as they are functional, Sato rearsets set the standard in a sea of "fugly" equipment and we'll have them Here... You own one of the most beautiful bikes ever created.. Shouldn't you choose your equipment with the same criteria? They'll come in 3 color choices.. Silver, Black, or Gold anodized. Levers ride on twin ball bearings for a smooth feel, and no slop, as in found with bushings. Knurled non-folding pegs offer good grip, with more ground clearance. Fully adjustable 8 positions. Individual replacement parts are available. Not sure if these will fit the K1200R but they should and we will find out.. You deserve the best... or do you? Details and more pics to come...

K12 / K13 Rally / Event News : Down The Road: 2010 / 2011

2010 Sierra Gold Rush K12 / K13 Rally: Sept 12-15, 2010

Where: Sonora Days Inn, Sonora, California
When: Sept 12th thru 15th, 2009 (Sun – Weds)

A pre-rally is planned in Downieville, CA at the Riverside Inn: Rooms are reserved for Sept. 8th through 10th. September 11th will be a travel day to Sonora, an easy and beautiful day's ride south of Downieville. Lodging here is very limited... there are only a handful of rooms available, so if you plan to attend the pre-rally you should make your reservations immediately. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group!! If they are booked up when you call, there is other lodging available in Downieville, and everything is within walking distance:

For booking at the actual Sierra Gold Rush Rally call the Sonora Days Inn at 209-532-2400. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group. If you talk to someone who is clueless about our group, ask to speak to Tracy. We have rooms reserved here for Sept. 12th through 15th, with the 16th optional. Make your reservations now!

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The 11th Annual Deals Gap K12 / K13 Rally: Sept 23-26th, 2010

Where: Microtel Inn
Robbinsville, NC 28771 US
When: Sept 23rd thru 26th, 2010
Reservations: Direct 828-479-6772 or Toll free 888 771-7171 or email.

Be sure to mention i-bmw group / If you have any issues.. ask for Sue. This motel won't hold us all, so make plans now! I have.

Group Rates $58.46 for a queen bed & around $64 for 2 beds per night plus tax / MC, Visa , Amex , Disc
24 hour cancellation notice / Area Maps
Alternative Lodging: San-Ran Motel Located in downtown Robbinsville on US 129 1/8 mile down from the Microtel. Covered bike parking. Paved parking for trailers. Reasonable rates. Clean and motorcyclist friendly. 828-479-3256

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The AHR.. aka.. Arkansas Hillbilly Rally K12 / K13 Rally: Oct. 13 - 17th, 2010

Where: Jasper, Arkansas, Gordon Motel
When: Oct 13th thru 17th, 2010
Reservations: Direct 800-477-8509

Be sure to mention i-bmw group / If you have any issues.. ask for Mrs Gordon. This motel won't hold us all, so make plans now!

Group Rates: Reasonable / MC, Visa , Amex , Disc
There will be no refund after 7 days prior to your arrival date. / Directions

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2011 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 / K13 Rally: May 12-15, 2011 (New!)

Where: Wattstull Inn, just north of Buchanan, Virginia
When: May 12th thru 15th, 2010 (Thur – Sun)

Call Wattstull Inn for reservations.
540-254-1551 / Mention: i-bmw group
SPECIFY ROOM TYPE - single, double, king

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford or Peaks of Otter Lodge

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have a new contribution
this month. Woohoo! Check out # 156! Contributed by M. Ellwood.. aka Muzzy in Australia. Could our tips save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

We have a new contribution this month.. pilfered from lagunas2k over at www.I-BMW.com. Well done. Thx, mate. ..Check out his
How To Install Z4 Turn Signals on BMW K1200S

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues