Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA.

Prepare to be boarded!

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: July 2003 Issue

Aqualung my friend...er... I mean Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed K12 Riders...... don't you start away uneasy. You poor old sod, you see, it's only me... and I'm back with yet another cheesy K12 newsletter to invade your personal space and clutter your in-box, but with the quasi-noble intent of informing you of what's new in the BMW K1200RS/GT community and... at Pirates' Lair.

Rally News/Info: What's Next?

Looks like there's gonna be a party and you're all invited!!!...a Pre-Deals Gap Rally Party! Mark your calendar everyone for Thursday September 18th, 4PM-??
Amber and I would like to share this invitation to our K12 friends and customers.. We will be providing simple foods (burger's, hot dogs, squid, beverages..), good conversation, friendship, and of course a bike wash to all who would like to stop by our house here in Asheville, NC on Thursday around 4pm. If you can't make the rally but can stop in.. please do. FYI.. we live just 5 minutes off the BRPW on Hwy 74A East.. this is also 5 minutes of I-40
For reasons even a mental defect should be able to discern, we will NOT be providing any alcohol, however...if you must imbibe.. beer is sold within 100ft of our house.... not yards... ft. No drugs please.. unless you bring enough for everyone.

As some of you already know we have a very small house and limited guest accommodations, but will gladly provide a list of local hotel/motels if requested.There is a Comfort Inn only 7 minutes away.. I am planning to leave for the rally around 10-ish Friday morning after breakfast for the leisurely... er.. spirited, 2.5 hour ride down the Blue Ridge Parkway to the Topoco Lodge.. headquarters of this year's rally. Anyone who wants to join in the ride down is welcome...

We will be updating info as the date approaches with maps to our house, etc... for now if you are interested in coming, please let us know. Address, directions, accommodations will be provided upon request. Please email Amber @ piratesmate@acelink.net or call at 828.628.7093 EST

The 4th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally: You can sign up at David A's official website at http://abrahamson.net/dgr2003/index.htm
The finest K12 Rally of the year, IMHO... will again be held at the very laid back Topoco Lodge. Lodge just minutes from the world famous Tail of the Dragon.. One of the most awesome motorcycle roads on earth. Mark your calender for September 18, 19th, 20th.

Tapoco Lodge Resort
14981 Tapoco Road
Robbinsville, North Carolina 28771
828.498.2435 or 800.822.5083 Tell them you are with the BMW K12 group.

The Microtel in Robbinsville (see blurb below) is an alternate lodging place. Tapoco might have a cabin or dorm room left as of this writing so book now! (FYI... the primary 'meeting' spot is Topoco) if you want to check out the area... Tail of the Dragon is an excellent resource for the area at http://www.tailofthedragon.com/

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2004 /
Next year's Hill Country Rally is already in the works for April 8-11 in Kerrville, Tx. Barry Gibbs, the "seasoned" rally organizer (and former body guard to Gary Coleman) will have an updated website up by the end of the summer.

Wanna vote on a date and location for the 2004 Blue Ridge Parkway Rally? Go to the new I-BMW site.. find your way to the Rallies section and place your vote(s). Current favorite date is May 7-8th.

News from the Front:

Somebody alert the media.. the new version of the Best K1200RS/GT Chat Site on Earth .. YES.. http://www.i-bmw.com/ is up and running with stylish new graphics. It's a major improvement over the old format, IMHO. Jedi Master, Vic Salemme and his posse deserve some serious kudos for finally putting it all together. Take a few minutes and register when you can ..This site is simply the best source of information on these bikes anywhere on earth. . I'll see you there.

Just made my triumphant return from the BMWON Rally in Charleston, W.Va.... my "first" national rally and had a great time.. Lots of K12'ers there.. lots of beautiful "lessor" motorcycles as well...lots of..er.. unique individuals. Amber and I have been thinking about showing up as vendors in 2004... Looks like it might be fun..I have posted a few pics at http://community.webshots.com/user/pirate0007

Under the "This is too f#@*in' cool" category.... Got a call from a fellow K12'er the other day with this story. He had been staying at the Microtel Motel in Robbinsville, NC while running the local roads (Deals Gap, Cherohala, etc) He crashed bad enough that his bike was nearly totaled. He was taken to a nearby hospital ..his bike towed.. The staff of the Microtel not only picked him up from the hospital once he was discharged, but actually took him to pick up his bike which had been towed to Tennessee!! Sounds like a place worthy of our support... My 2 cents.

Want to see a K1200RS with a fender elimination kit AND and underseat exhaust ?? I also have a shot of a K1200RS with an ALUMINUM Frame. I got pics from Europe and they are guaranteed to give "wood".. or wetness, respectively. No.. it's not purchasable. Custom work. I'm trying to get details which hopefully will help us in our upcoming project. E-mail me if you want to see what can be done... and what BMW should have done.

What's new in the K1200RS News...?

1. Cruise Controls!!..The MotorCycle Cruise Controls for the 98-01 K1200RS (manufactured by the Australian Guymer brothers) will be back on the market in about 2-3 weeks and like before, Pirates' Lair will get them first.

2. This word in from a representative of Pyramid Plastics in the UK.. "Our development department has informed me that (due in no small part to the incessant pestering of one Jerry Finley.. a.k.a. Pirate) we are definitely going to develop the Hugger for the new bikes with the 5.5" wheels. We will know more in approximately 2/3 weeks."

3. There's a new K1200RS Performance Chip on the market being offered from http://www.omexperformanceusa.com/ Claims are pretty outlandish but.... as per their website..."Up to 18 more hp depending on the exhaust used. Any aftermarket exhaust could be used. No Back firing - Better fuel mileage Higher top speed - 9700rpm redline" Cost is about $400.. same as the Rhinewest Chip. They even have a dyno graph backing up this claim.... if anyone has actually tried one of these.. I'd sure like to hear about it..

4. Need used K1200RS parts?? Try EMILLIO at emillio@direcway.com When not building Grinnall Scorpions, he buys and parts out K12's . He currently has (8) on hand. He says most parts are in PERFECT condition for 50% off retail! Tell him I sent you....and NO.. I don't get kickbacks... not that there's anything wrong with that..

What's new at Pirates' Lair?

1. Due in no small part to a concerto of whining individuals...I have decided to design a Stealth backrest for the R1100S. Project begins this month.

2. We are now offering the new Viper Exhaust by Remus of Austria....http://piratesk12site.net/remus.htm It's one damn good looking pipe.. Power specs should be about the same as their other KRS/GT exhausts.. In case you haven't seen it, it has the double outlet on the end cap... It will come in Aluminum and Titanium only.

3. Which seems more likely..? Steven Segal has won an Oscar ... Mike Tyson has just earned the Nobel Prize for his work in women's rights....Monkeys are flying out my ass .. or the Pirates' Lair Stealth Backrest stock problems are over... Yes....Our newly hired machinists are actually delivering a quality product and we have them in stock. For those of you who have been waiting since Michael Jackson was black.. we should be able to put one in your hands pretty quickly. FYI we shipped over a hundred last week alone. and while we're on the subject, ...Want to save some money on a Stealth backrest? Not as anal as the rest of us poor bastards? On any given day, we may have a few slightly flawed brackets on hand at a discounted price. Call the lovely and scantily clad Amber for availability before ordering!! 828.628.7093 EST FYI... We have Paypal buttons on the website reflecting the discounted prices.. http://piratesk12site.net/Stealth.htm

4. GT Owners: Due to the fact that BMW puts shorter cables on the GT's.. ANY barbacks you install on them will require a longer brake line... no way around it. Not sure if we'll offer longer lines with the upcoming American Machine GT Barbacks or not.. we're still pondering the possibilities. FYI.. we are testing a prototype pair this week. Cost without lines will be the same as the RS Version.. $140. When they are available for the hungry masses, we will have them on our barbacks web page at http://piratesk12site.net/Barback.htm

5. Looking for a clean way to mount your Valentine 1 or Passport 8500 on your K1200RS or GT? We are now offering an acrylic Radar Detector Mount called the Avant Guard Mount that stretches from the 2 upper windshield posts and attaches via supplied replacement buttons. Platforms are cut to mimic the lines of each detector. Install is under 5 minutes. When your detector is velcro'd to the platform, not only will it be out of the wind and rain and have a clear view of the road ahead, but you'll have an unobstructed view of ALL your instrumentation. The platform swivels for raising and lowering your shield. We offer this in both clear and dark smoke tinted. Price is a paltry $47. FYI.. I tested one for a week and it worked perfectly with zero probs or concerns. Wish I had thought of it.. Web page is up at http://piratesk12site.net/Avant.htm

6. We have finally gotten enough pictures from customers to post some of their newly painted Solo Seat Cowlings at http://piratesk12site.net/SoloPics.htm

7. Dirty deeds done dirt cheap: Our one and only non-BMW product... the Honda ST1300 Stealth Backrest project is complete. We're tooling for production..One couple has been using one for over 4000 miles and claims that it has made traveling 100% better, saved their marriage, and even heightened their sexual awareness. As designed. You can see it at http://piratesk12site.net/ST13Stealth.htm It should bring in heaving buckets of filthy lucre and make for serious debauchery. BoraBora in 2004!....100% a biz decision. We were also just asked to design one for the new Yammie FJ... Naaaahhh.

8. the list of things you can't get for your K1200RS/GT just got shorter. http://piratesk12site.net/TopGear.htm Our K1200RS/GT Custom Footpeg Kits project appears to be complete. I just OK'd the final prototype kit so production is imminent. They weigh ½ as much as the stock pegs and offer a little more ground clearance while keeping the pegs at exactly the same height. The kits will come with matching front and rear pegs and will be offered in a variety of colors... Silver, Blue, Red, Black, Gold....and Purple for the very disturbed.. not that there's anything wrong with that. I expect to have complete kits in 4-6 weeks.

9. We are working on our first Pirates' Lair K1200RS Tees....Artwork is being created as we speak.

10. We are also working on an all new design of Pirates' Lair K1200RS/GT Hats....Artwork is being created as we speak.

New How-To Links at http://piratesk12site.net/Howto.htm

We have two new offerings this month
1."How-To Install an XM Radio on Your K1200RS" contributed by Rocket John...check it out http://www.rocketjohn.com/kxm.html
2. "How-To Install a Marine Cigarette Lighter Adapter K1200RS/GT" contributed by Aaron Cordero at http://piratesk12site.net/Marine.htm

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To.. we'd be more than happy to link you up to our site. Might be your only chance to be respected and admired by your peers. Just send us the URL or if you are HTML ignorant.. maybe we could work it up for you if you furnish it on floppy disk or CD

Guess that kinda wraps this one up.
Take care.. Ride safe... ride fast.. see you .. in my mirrors.

PS.. Before we sail off into the sunset. If anyone out there has sold their K12RSGT or just wants their hallowed name OFF my VERY private and 100% confidential e-mail notification list.... just let me know by simply writing the word REMOVE in your reply and your name will disappear faster than a thong in "Hef's" grotto..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues