Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K1300S, K1200S, GT, R, RS, S1000RR world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: September 2010

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

French Bicyclist: I should read the Aug Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter before I go to work.
French Bicyclist's Friend: Can you make Nadia's party tonight?
... a pause then...
French Bicyclist: I should read the Aug Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter before I go to work.
[a scream is heard in the distance]
French Bicyclist's Friend: That frightened me.
French Bicyclist: I should read the Cheesy Newsletter.
French Bicyclist's Friend: What?
[the friend sees that everyone has stopped walking.. the only sound is the wind blowing]
French Bicyclist's Friend: My god...
French Bicyclist: ... Cheese.

The Happening (2008)


News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Klausen Pass in Switzerland! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our Sept POTM was contributed by Alpinebiker aka Paul Starmer, who lives in Prevessin-Moens, France. Paul runs AlpineBiker.com.. a motorcycle tour company specializing in guided Alpine Motorcycle Tours in France, Switzerland and the Jura region of France.

He was actually leading a tour when this months POM was taken. He says of the picture..."this was taken half way up the Klausen Pass in Switzerland which is at 1948 meters on 14th July.  Temperature was around 25 degrees C at this altitude, although at lower levels it was 30+ degrees C! The camera used in a Panasonic Lumix DMC TZ7 and is basically a point and shoot with 10.2 megapixels."

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S or K1300S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, S1000RR, or any model year K1200GT or K1300GT and B. In focus.

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LSL 'Twin Match' Risers for BMW S1000RR: Have Your Cake and Eat It Too!

We just got word that LSL has just released their waaay coool looking riser kits to fit the BMW S1000RR. I'm sure this'll be welcome news to all the er.. formerly young riders (like me) with wrist or neck problems... or for those who are shocked.. yes shocked that the the stock comfort level on the S1000RR isn't comparable to their former bike.

LSL Twin match bars for the BMW S1000RR, which are available in SILVER only, are reportedly 70mm higher (that's 2.75" to you Americans) and 15mm closer towards you over stock. Bar weights are also required. The ID of the LSL bars is 14mm. Not sure if these are Throttlemeister compatible yet, but we're working on that. The kit includes the Twin match bars and clamps, a relocation bracket with hardware for the brake fluid reservoir, fairing spacers with hardware to lift the fairing 15mm (0.59”) and 1mm thick steering stop plates which have to be glued to the steering stops (ignition lock still works). Here's a good shot. Handlebar ends should be included if I have my way. Price is a sphincter clinching $500US. Ouch! Click image at right for larger view. FYI.. Pirates Lair will have them here..

Click Image for Larger View If You Dare!

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First Look: BMW Motorcycle Magazine: Damn Impressive!!

We few months ago I got a call from Sandy Cohen, former editor of BMWON magazine. She was all excited! Not because she was talking to me, although I do have that effect on most women, but because she had a new gig as editor of a new magazine .. BMW Motorcycle Magazine. She wanted to know if Pirates Lair would like to launder.. er..funnel some advertising dollars their way. As I'm always skeptical of advertising in any new magazine I agreed to run one ad in one issue until I could at least "look" at the rag and evaluate whether it was "worthy." We all know there are lots of crappy motorcycle magazines out there and to be honest, in this Obozo economy .. advertising dollars are hard to come by. Just sayin.'

A few days ago I
received a couple of complimentary copies of BMW Motorcycle Magazine and WOW!.. It is impressive! The look and content seems more like the slick Euro magazines (except without the nudity) rather than those 2 stodgy BMW US rags currently on the market. FYI.. I advertise in one of them as the demographics are near perfect for our biz, but honestly.. I rarely even bother reading it as the articles generally don't cater to my horsepower hungry, knee-dragging tastes. Surprisingly, I found myself reading BMWMC magazine from cover to cover. Unlike the other 2 BMW magazines (which are subscriber only, BTW), the new magazine seems geared to modern BMW riders rather than old codgers fixated on aging airheads. The bikes.. not old blond biker chics, not that there's anything wrong with that..

If you get a chance.. check out this hot new, BMW oriented magazine. While it is just hitting newsstands around the US, you can find them in Barnes and Noble and at many BMW dealerships. With the risk of making a rash judgment after only seeing two issues... IMHO this may be the magazine we have been waiting for. If you'd like to subscribe, check out www.BMWMCMAG.com Trust me... you will be impressed. So it is written.. so let it be done. Nice work Sandy (and the staff of BMWMC Magazine) BTW.. any chance of a little nudity like the Euro mags? Doesn't hurt to ask.

Would you like to try me?

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BMW S1000RR Taylormade Exhaust System Available

While I don't know much about this British company, I sure like the looks of this new S1000RR exhaust system. Taylormade is now offering this full system, complete with 2 carbon trim-panels (one for either side of your S1000RR) and an optional dB killer for those who don't want to piss off their neighbors or attract the Po Po. Here's some info pilfered directly from their website..

The BMW S1000RR Taylormade Exhaust is the first offering from Taylormade with an optional dB killer. Complete Installation Guide PDF Here..

  • At mid-range, power will be increased by 10% (that's 8hp!)

  • Remove the bulky standard BMW system and you'll be delighted with the weight saving of a massive 6.8 kilograms - no need to go on that diet anymore.

  • The BMW Taylormade exhaust will produce a grunty 107dB with the optional dB killer removed, but if you're looking for some peace and quiet (or need to quieten things down for track day purposes) then the dB killer can be slotted into place, ensuring your BMW produces a reasonable 103dB.

Click For Larger Image

Here are a a couple of YouTube videos showing the Taylormade Exhaust.. Video 1 and Video 2. All in all, the Taylormade Exhaust looks to me like a worthy alternative to some of the other options out there and surely does make things "cleaner" looking. . Price according to their website is $1995US + shipping. Not cheap.

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1st BMW S1000RR Recall: Move Along.. Nothing To See Here

We just got word that the 1st S1000RR recall has been announced in Germany. Apparently not serious. The website I was pointed to is in German.

Model Year: motorcycles manufactured before June 16, 2010
Models affected: BMW S1000RR only
NHTSA Campaign Number: 0011240000
Mfr's Report Date: June 15, 2010

Summary and Consequences:
In short.. if the bike goes down there's the possibility of getting oil in the airbox. In the recall, the dealer will re-route the internal oil-breather line.. and also a 'drop-sensor' will be replaced (this will stop engine if bike is dropped.)

What's New In the K12 / K13 / S1000RR No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the K1200RS and first generation K1200GT have been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

1. If you have a new BMW S1000RR...sooner or later .. probably sooner, you're gonna need a radar detector mount. The good news is.. the long awaited TECHMOUNT S1000RR Euro Radar Detector Mount is now available. The new Techmount 55mm "Euro" mount, which fits ONLY the S1000RR, is impressive even by my anal standards. They offer these in both silver or black anodized finishes. The Euro Mount system is designed to clamp onto the top of the S1000RR fork tubes for an unobtrusive look and unobstructed view of all your dash functions.You can mount the unit on either the left or right hand sides (or both) giving you install flexibility should you be the type rider that goes both ways. Another cool feature... as the mount has two ball bearings, you can adjust both the height and angle of the platform to your sick, demented needs. No mods or engineering diploma needed. Kits include velcro and tools. You'll also be able to get these from the friendly people at Pirates' Lair! Price will be around $80.US

2. These look damn cool.. Check out the LighTech Rear Chain Adjusters For The BMW S1000RR With the 0-40 mm indicators, adjusting them straight will be caveman easy. Available for just under $300.

3. Own a K1200S or K1300S and wondering if spending the money on R & G Sliders is worth the money? Check out this testimony from a former virgin...

4. We just got this information from Bestem Carbon Fiber... "please be aware that for all the carbon fiber products, we are switching to twill weave from plain weave pattern on the following bikes after our current stocks of each item run out respectively.- BMW K1200GT - BMW K1300GT - BMW K1200R - BMW K1300R - BMW K1200LT - BMW S1000RR - Ducati Streetfighter - Can-Am Spyder" You'll notice that the K1200S and K1300S aren't listed. That's good news, IMHO. I informed them that I think it's a bad idea. because most of our customers always ask the pre-purchase question.. "Does Bestem CF match other brands CF?" Most of us CF aficionados, like myself have multiple brands of CF on their bikes. We mix and match. Currently the Bestem CF matches ALL other brands. Why on earth would they decide to change? I further explained.... we sell a lot of exhausts. Many have Carbon Fiber canisters. Two Bros Racing puts out a wonderful Carbon Fiber exhaust and we can NOT give them away as everyone can look at them and tell the Carbon pattern doesn't match anything on the market. Their product has been out for 2 years and we haven't sold a single one in Carbon... They call and ask me why they aren't selling and I tell them it's their strange weave pattern in the Carbon... They say there must be another reason. They don't believe me. O, well...

5. Wow.. This one will catch a few of you off guard. Just when we thought we had heard the bell tolling for Laser Exhausts... I got an email from the CEO a few days ago informing me that their new and improved Laser Stealth HotCam 2 exhausts for the K1200S, K1300S, K1200R, and K1300R are about to start shipping. As many of you will recall if you've been following the weepy saga in our past newsletters... there were numerous production problems early on involving bad (outsourced) materials, poor inner packing, sexual indiscretions, and Carbon Fiber that turned a nauseating greenish-yellow after a few weeks of use. I actually still have one on my bike as we speak. The company lost hundreds of thousands of dollars early on and I honestly thought they'd be living in a van, down by the river by now. Apparently I underestimated their determination (and depth of wallet) as the 3rd (or is it 4th?) version will be on US shores shortly.. or so they say. It appears that the shape and design have changed a little. I'll know more soon as they are shipping me a replacement system any day now... or so they say. For that it's worth.. I've tried virtually every aftermarket system on my own K1200S .. Remus, Akro, Two Bros, etc.. to find the one that both looks and sounds the best and hands down the Laser Stealth won. This truly is good news... but I'll have to see it to believe it.

6. Free S1000RR Safety Package for Active Duty Military : BMW Motorrad USA has launched a promotion to help America’s servicemen and women ride more safely. Active-duty* military personnel who purchase a new BMW S1000RR from August 19, 2010 until December 31, 2010, will receive a free safety package, including Race ABS & Dynamic Traction Control worth $1,480 from BMW Motorrad USA. “To show our gratitude and appreciation to our men and women in uniform for their service to our country, BMW now offers them our safety package on the S1000RR free of charge,” remarked Todd Andersen, BMW Motorrad USA Marketing Manager. “The result will be safer riders, fewer accidents and greater protection from harm for those who protect us.”

7. Just when I thought BMW and Toyota had the market cornered on recalls.. we get this news.. Garmin recalls 1.25 million GPS units for fire hazard! Garmin is recalling 1.25 million GPS devices, most of which were sold in America, because their batteries could overheat and cause fires, the company said Thursday. The affected units contain batteries made by a third-party supplier, and almost 800,000 were sold in America. Garmin said it had received fewer than 10 reports involving certain "nüvi" GPS models, and no property damage or injuries occurred. But the company decided to recall the units due to "an abundance of caution." Only GPS units with model numbers 200W, 250W, 260W, 7xx and 7xxT, where xx is a two-digit number, may be affected. Customers should visit www.garmin.com/nuvibatterypcbrecall. If they own recalled units, Garmin will replace the battery and insert a spacer on top of it for free. Owners should not try to remove the batteries on their own.

8. Been wondering what colors will be available for the 2011 BMW's? Sprechen Sie Deutsch? BMW press release in German gives the following color choices for the upcoming 2011 K1300S. Looks like bright red is finally available along with black. No pictures came along with the announcement (click on the link) or any other specifics on the "S". Also check the K13R colors. Yes, "Acid Green" is included!! Sad to say, no info on the GT. But then, it didn't include anything on the popular GS models, either. Thx, Miles.

9. Never heard of this company, but they are located here in the USA. (Brookpark, Ohio).. and the price is right. The HMF Carbon Fiber Slip-On Exhaust for the K1300S price is less then $430+ shipping. The sound clip sounds pretty good and it does look better than stock. Worthy? No idea. The Aluminum version is $100 cheaper! Might be worth a Google to find some opinions.

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. We're baaaaack! Amber and I really appreciate everyone's patience and all the well wishes while we were closed for our 1 week vacation to Costa Rica in late July and early August. We had a great time.. It was more of an adventure than a vacation as we rented a 4WD and drove deep into rain and cloud forest country armed with nothing more than our wits, some sardines, and a GPS. We were tested on the "road from hell" and actually swindled out of a few dollars by a young scam artist, but otherwise it was all good. If interested in our exploits you can find our vacation pics in the Pirates Lair Photo Album in the album cleverly.. "Costa Rica Trip 2010." For your safety I have edited out all the shots featuring gratuitous nudity. If you'd like to read about the trip in lurid lengthy detail, I have posted my lengthy trip report here.. It was written for one of the travel websites but you might find some of it entertaining. Again.. thanks all.

For our Costa Rica photo album click here..

2. Riding a BMW S1000RR on the street without a radar detector is like visiting a brothel without condoms. I simply do not know how anyone can do it. Sooner or later bad things are gonna catch up with you. For those who've been patiently waiting for a radar detector mount for your BMW S1000RR... Good news!! We now have a TechMount Euro Mount for the new BMW. We currently have SILVER mounts in stock and should have a black version soon. I have a similar mount on my Ducati 1098 and swear by it. It's sleek, beautiful, and reasonably priced.

3. As per the blurb above.. we now have the LSL 'Twin Match' Bar Risers for BMW S1000RR on the menu. Sweet looking and expensive. No mods or longer cables necessary. Last I heard they were back-ordered but close to getting on top of that.

4. Geezz. I caught hell a few weeks ago when I failed to mention the upcoming AHR. aka.. Arkansas Hillbilly Rally K12 / K13 Rally in our rally section. (see Event News below.) Sorry. I plead ignorance. If the organizers don't furnish me with the info.. I can't post it. I'm no Edgar Cayce. However.. as I am a man of the people and many are asking for details.... I have capitulated. All the pertinent info is below... Keep in mind.. I'd be glad to promote any of the dedicated K12/K13 rallies if organizers would send me the info.. without it... not so much.

5. Woohoo!! Good news if you've been waiting for a Techmount for your BMW K1200S / K1300S / K1200GT / K1300GT. Some of you may have noticed that about 5 months ago we stopped selling the ZTechnik/Techmount Mirror Mount, Control Mount, and the Aluminum Center Mounts. Here's the deal. For reasons that mystify me, Techmounts decided that they would put ROUND platforms on all their new mounts. I thought it was a bad idea and told them so. I explained that I thought people would prefer the older version platform which was squarish. After all.. virtually every aftermarket accessory that would probably mount on the mount was also squarish. Duh! They assured me they had been selling the chit out of the new version mounts with no complaints. I said.. "sure..ok" until I started getting complaint after complaint from customers who got the new version mount and didn't like the round platforms. Many returned them for refunds. Not good. Rather than subjecting myself to more torment I pulled all our Techmount products off the shelf and returned them to the manufacturer to have the squarish platforms installed. Bottom line..After a 5 month wait.. I have the Mirror Mount, Control Mounts for the K1200S & K1300S and the Aluminum Center Mount for the K1300GT & 2006 -08 K1200GT in stock and all with the old platforms!!

Old version Control Mount

6. Ok.. you've gotten your BMW S1000RR and the first thing you do (after the drooling subsides) is remove your rear footpeg brackets for track days.. or to make sure nobody asks you for a ride. Who'd want to ride two up on this bike, anyway?? You get the hangers off and you are stuck with those unseemly holes. What to do? We now have R & G Racing BMW S1000RR Blanking Plates on the menu.Tidy up the rear of your bike with these easy to install blanking plates. Sold in pairs only. Chimp-easy install. a paltry $50 (chimp not included).

7. Here Ye.. Here Ye... Pirates' Lair will be closed for the I-BMW.com Deals Gap K12 / K13 Rally from Sept 22nd - 26th. Adjust your life accordingly.

8. If you own a BMW K1200R and have been waiting for the magnificently beauteous Sato rearsets to hit the market.. Your wait is over, bucko.. Woohoo! As beautiful as they are functional, Sato rearsets set the standard in a sea of "fugly" equipment and we'll have them Here... You own one of the most beautiful bikes ever created.. Shouldn't you choose your equipment with the same criteria? They come in 3 color choices.. Silver, Black, or Gold anodized. Levers ride on twin ball bearings for a smooth feel, and no slop, as in found with bushings. Knurled non-folding pegs offer good grip, with more ground clearance. Fully adjustable 8 positions. Individual replacement parts are available.

Note: Any day now we should have final word if the K1200R kit fits either the K1200S and/or K1300S or both. We are working on this as we speak with a bike in Kaleefornia. You deserve the best... or do you? You can order these today right here.....

K12 / K13 Rally / Event News : Down The Road: 2010 / 2011

2010 Sierra Gold Rush K12 / K13 Rally: Sept 12-15, 2010

Where: Sonora Days Inn, Sonora, California
When: Sept 12th thru 15th, 2009 (Sun – Weds)

A pre-rally is planned in Downieville, CA at the Riverside Inn: Rooms are reserved for Sept. 8th through 10th. September 11th will be a travel day to Sonora, an easy and beautiful day's ride south of Downieville. Lodging here is very limited... there are only a handful of rooms available, so if you plan to attend the pre-rally you should make your reservations immediately. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group!! If they are booked up when you call, there is other lodging available in Downieville, and everything is within walking distance:

For booking at the actual Sierra Gold Rush Rally call the Sonora Days Inn at 209-532-2400. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group. If you talk to someone who is clueless about our group, ask to speak to Tracy. We have rooms reserved here for Sept. 12th through 15th, with the 16th optional. Make your reservations now!

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The 11th Annual Deals Gap K12 / K13 Rally: Sept 23-26th, 2010

Where: Microtel Inn
Robbinsville, NC 28771 US
When: Sept 23rd thru 26th, 2010
Reservations: Direct 828-479-6772 or Toll free 888 771-7171 or email.

Be sure to mention i-bmw group / If you have any issues.. ask for Sue. This motel won't hold us all, so make plans now! I have.

Group Rates $58.46 for a queen bed & around $64 for 2 beds per night plus tax / MC, Visa , Amex , Disc
24 hour cancellation notice / Area Maps
Alternative Lodging: San-Ran Motel Located in downtown Robbinsville on US 129 1/8 mile down from the Microtel. Paved parking for trailers. Reasonable rates. Clean and motorcyclist friendly. 828-479-3256

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The AHR.. aka.. Arkansas Hillbilly Rally K12 / K13 Rally: Oct. 13 - 17th 2010

Where: Jasper, Arkansas, Gordon Motel
When: Oct 13th thru 17th, 2010
Reservations: Direct 800-477-8509

Be sure to mention i-bmw group / If you have any issues.. ask for Mrs Gordon. This motel won't hold us all, so make plans now!

Group Rates: Reasonable / MC, Visa , Amex , Disc
There will be no refund after 7 days prior to your arrival date. / Directions

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2011 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 / K13 Rally: May 12-15, 2011 (New!)

Where: Wattstull Inn, just north of Buchanan, Virginia
When: May 12th thru 15th, 2010 (Thur – Sun)

Call Wattstull Inn for reservations.
540-254-1551 / Mention: i-bmw group
SPECIFY ROOM TYPE - single, double, king

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford or Peaks of Otter Lodge

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

No new contributions
this month. Our last was # 156! Contributed by M. Ellwood.. aka Muzzy in Australia. Could our tips save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

No new contributions
this month. Our last was pilfered from lagunas2k over at www.I-BMW.com. Well done. Thx, mate. ..Check out his How To Install Z4 Turn Signals on BMW K1200S

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues