"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S/R world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek, amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: December 2006 Issue : Happy Holidays

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the day.....

As various members of the family bring out a punch bowl and glasses, Janie sits down at the piano and strikes a chord. She starts playing "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing," and the entire crowd joins in the singing. Some people are still coming in and dropping their money on the table. Carter, the bank examiner, makes a donation; the sheriff sheepishly looks at George and tears his warrant in small pieces. Just then, Harry, in Naval uniform, enters, accompanied by Bert, the cop.

Harry: Hello, George, how are you?
George: Harry . . . Harry . . . !!
Harry: (as he sees the money) Mary ---- looks like I got here too late.
Bert: Mary, I got him here from the airport as quickly as I could. The fool flew all the way up here in a blizzard.
Mrs Bailey: Harry, how about your banquet in New York?
Harry: Oh, I left right in the middle of it as soon as I got Mary's telegram. Ernie hands Harry a glass of wine.
Harry: Good idea, Ernie. A toast . . . to my big brother, George. The richest man in town! Once more the crowd breaks into cheering and applause. Janie at the piano and Bert on his accordion start playing "Auld Lang syne," and everyone joins in.
George, still holding Zuzu in his arms, glances down at the pile of money on the table. His eye catches something on top of the pile, and he reaches down for it. It is Clarence's copy of the Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter. George opens it and finds an inscription written in it "Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has a BMW and friends. Thanks for the wings, Love Clarence."
Mary: (looking at the newsletter) What's that?
George: That's a cheesy Christmas present from a very dear friend of mine.

George Bailey / James Stewart Mary / Donna Reed / It's a Wonderful Life ... 1946

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Sargent's Upcoming K1200S World Sport Performance Seat!!

As most of you know.. I hate Corbin and their criminally priced products. When possible I will do my best to steer people away from them to better, more reasonably priced products.. Enter the upcoming Sargent K1200S World Sport Performance Seat option. I have to admit.. it looks damn fine. FYI.. I pilfered the following wordage directly from their website...I doubt if they'll mind.. Good folks.. good products, great customer service.. unlike some previously named seat manufacturers..

The BMW K1200S World Sport Performance Seat is tentatively scheduled to be released in Spring 2007 and will feature our new modular seat system.While pricing and full feature information is not yet available, here is a preliminary list from R&D:

Seat Features:
* Rear seat can be quickly swapped out for a trunk unit via quarter-turn fasteners.
* Quick-release passenger backrest.

Trunk Features:
* Lockable, spring-assist lid provides wide easy access to contents.
* Auto-switched LED-lighted interior.
* Felt-lined storage area.

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Product Review: Wunderlich Triton 2 K1200S LED Tail Light

The factory BMW K1200S & K1200R tail light is an abomination to anyone with sight and quite possibly .. even the blind. It's been the #1 thorn in my side since I bought my K1200S causing many sleepless nights, occasional nausea, vomiting, and erectile dysfunction. What were the Germans thinking?? The factory piece looks like a baboon's ass after a gang rape. Many say.. "I've gotten used to it".. which is probably true. I've heard that convicts get used to violent prison sex after a while so when I saw the first picture of Wunderlich's Triton 2 LED Tail Light, I leapt for my phone to call BMW Santa Cruz.. the lone importer of Wunderlich products and ordered one. WooHoo!!

After a long 7 month wait I received mine and immediately read through the simpleton instructions and went about the "plug-n-play install. The first thing you notice is that the wiring coming out of the back of the Triton 2 looks like a HYDRA.. the nine-headed water-serpent of Greek mythology. In actuality there are 10 wires coming out of it PLUS a separate 1 foot long harness with a transistor built into it to make the unit compatible with the foofoo CanBus system that BMW unloaded on us. While it looks like something only Steven Hawking could install.. it's actually chimp..er.. baboon easy even with my own Cro-Magnon wiring skills. Took me about 1 hour to do the install and 40 minutes of that was just figuring out how to run and hide the wiring.

I should mention.. Wunderlich, for whatever reason, has 2 wires coming out of this thing that are meant for wiring to the bike for a license plate frame light... This kinda baffled me at first but then I realized that the Euro-spec K1200S and R do NOT have a license plate light. I didn't hook up those 2 wires and everything is fine.. the factory plate frame light is still in place doing it's thankless job.

Once installed I was thrilled with the result. Visually it's 100% better.. It blends well with the back of the K1200S and with it's TWO full banks of Red burning LEDs, appears brighter than stock unit when viewed from behind. There are only 3 caveats to the Triton 2 kit..The first would affect only Corbin Smuggler owners such as myself. The Corbin Smuggler was designed around the stock tail light and it's heinous shape.

The Triton 2 is actually smaller than the stock tail light so when you have the Triton 2 installed with a Smuggler, you are left with about a 1" gap between the Smuggler and the new tail light.

The good news is.. it's NOT that noticeable and doesn't look bad... The second issue is inherent in all LED's.. They are directional, meaning.. they are not as bright when viewed at angles. Lastly.. the only other negative about the Triton 2 is it's lofty $270 price.. Ouch!!! Worth it?? Hell yes..!! How do you put a price on ridding yourself of reoccurring baboon ass dreams?

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Product Review: GIVI T431 Soft Saddlebags

As most know, I'd rather submit myself to a prostate exam given by a coked out Mike Tyson than pay BMW $600+ for their foofoo, sissy hard luggage option for my K1200S. I simply won't do it. You have to draw the line somewhere, my fellow pirates. So.. what to do as an alternative? I'm glad you asked..

We recently road tested 2 soft saddlebag offerings from both RKA and Tourmaster. Both were OK, but nothing to write home about so I kept looking and have now found (at least for me...) the perfect soft saddlebags for my own K1200S. The GIVI Model T431 Soft SaddleBags.

The GIVI's are admittedly a little smaller (11"x 18"x 11") than the others we've tested but they offer more clearance of the exhaust can and a much sleeker look. They actually look good on the bike!! While looking uber-chic when zipped up, they also expand to offer a total capacity of 20 liters ea.. or so they say. They are constructed using a new textile that imitates carbon fiber and are supplied with rain covers. You can buy them in black only for around $150.

The only downside? Mounting them on a K1200S will require a little creative thinking. Here's a pic of them on my bike. They provide plenty of velcro and numerous bungies and straps with snaps but no instructions as to how to mount them. Took me a full 20 minutes to figure it out but now I can now mount and remove them in less than 2 minutes.. Mongo happy. WooHoo! Where can you get these bags you ask? Almost any BMW dealer carries GIVI as well as those guys at Pirates' Lair.
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Getting Into Carol Davis' Underwear!! Sweet!!

Looking for a no-miss Christmas gift for that certain motorcycling SO?? Trust me.. You can't go wrong by ordering a pair of Carol Davis Fleece Underwear. I've been wearing mine for years..(I do take it off once a year for washing). When the temps drop there's nothing I like to do more than get into Carol's underwear before going for a long ride....The product is top quality and unbelievably comfy. These are even endorsed by wildman, guitar hero, hunter, Ted Nugent.

Here's some wordage from my good friend Carol herself.. (pasted unedited)

“Carol Davis Sportswear,Inc. is well-known at rallies for the company’s outstanding line of high-performance thermal underwear and accessories perfect for cold-weather riding. The product line consists of four styles of thermal body suits, socks, neckwarmers, skull caps and hooded mittens. Ted Nugent swears by it and there’s even a testimonial by him on the website – check it out.

All products are constructed of Powerstretch Polartec fleece which is ultra-lightweight but very warm. It wicks perspiration away from the skin to keep the wearer dry. It breathes to help keep body temp even. It retards the growth of body bacteria thus controlling odors. It is machine washable, does not shrink and is 100% USA made. No replacing American workers with third-world labor for this company!

The four way stretch fabric stretches in all direction for full range of motion and an incredibly comfortable fit that conforms to the body. Just throw on your leathers and hit the road. For more info contact www.cdsportswear.com or call 501.835.6331 for a free product catalog and swatch of the fabric."

Carol Davis, Pres.

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A Time for Seasonal Giving: Warm Holiday Thoughts

It's a harsh world out there and we'd be a little closer to actual "peace on earth" if it weren't for a certain group of people bent on destroying us and our way of life.. yes.. I'm speaking about radical Muslims. While it's obviously true that not all Muslims are terrorists.. it is true that almost all terrorists are Muslim. Go figure. So what can we do from our warm computer keyboard?..

As it is Christmas season.. the time for giving, if you'd like to give something back to a known Muslim terrorist... here's your chance to vent. About once a year I post the name of the Indonesian Muslim that stole over $30,000 from Pirates Lair in hopes that our friends and supporters might like a verbal shot at this guy. He is still operating without restraints out of Yogyakarta, Indonesia.. I think he'd love to hear from you here in this holiday season.. If you'd like to share your warm Christmas thoughts.. address them to Johnson Nugroho at nugroho@salesbandprest.com

What's New In the K1200RS/GT/S/R No-Spin Zone
I should note that as the RS and 02-05 GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.K-Bikes.com , www.I-BMW.com, and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these chat sites..

1. If I owned a new K1200GT the first thing I'd install on it.. even before a radar detector or those rubber hanging license plate testicles would be a tank protector.. I'm rough on my tank paint.. ZTechnik just informed us that their Carbon Fiber K1200R version does double duty as the new K1200GT Tank Protector. Same part #!!..

2. Verholen of Germany has some new goodies for the new K1200GT and K1200S.. including a rearward mounting camera mount, some handlebar screw bolt covers for the GT, and Denso Iridum Power U-grooved ground spark plugs.

3. 2006+ GT Owners: Looking for a platform to mount your radar detector, GPS, or coffee maker on your new K1200GT?? Here's one worth a look. Check out RCU's K1200GT 06 Accessory Shelf at Price looks to be $80.. Not bad..

4. Looking for Christmas gift idea that is guaranteed to produce wood other than a subscription to Playboy or an AutoSuck?? In last years December Cheesy Newsletter I did a full review of what I think is the Best Wax On the Planet!!..CRYSTAL-GLO Acrylic Motorcycle Polish.. I kid you not.. this stuff rocks and their vinyl treatment is much better than Armor All or anything else I've seen.! It's all I use on my bikes.. and you all know how anal I am! Well.. I just heard that in celebration of their 20-year anniversary, they are offering a HOLIDAY GIFT SET for only $29.99 (a $42 value.) The holiday kit contains Acrylic Motorcycle Polish (8oz.), Acrylic Total Wash (16oz.), Leather & Vinyl Treatment (8oz.), Helmet & Visor Polish (2.5oz.),and a Polishing Cloth Set. For a dealer near you, visit their website at www.CRYSTAL-GLO.com or call 800-263-0887. Available from November 1st, 2006.

5. Looking for some cool decals for your K1200S? Check these out at Auto Trim Design. They offer a choice of colors for $112.00 . Their direct # is (920) 832-0094

6. We just word from Monica Verholen (of Verholen of Germany) that they have just discontinued their 50mm K1200RS Barbacks.They now only produce only the 30mm, 65mm, and 80mm versions.

7. If you are worried about scratching your new paint.. and you should be.. Here's an alternative to Tankslapper Products.... http://www.xpel.com/ is selling clear 3M Kits for the K1200S and many other BMW's. Here's the X-Pel Clear Bra Paint & Headlamp Protection Kit specific to the S bike... Thx for the tip, Shelley

8. We just got word from our source in Germany that BMW is superseding their K1200S & K1200R Repair manual on CD to a DVD at a much higher price.

9. Pack-Parts of Germany has just picked up Galespeed Wheels for the K1200R and/or K1200S. Dimensions are 3.5 x 17" front and 6.0 x 17" rear. Weight: 4,20 kg (each rim.) Looks like they offer a choice of finishes: gold met, schwarz met, gun met, bronze met, polished and pearl white. The price is $ 2306.00 for the pair.

10. News Flash! The 2007 Keith Code Superbike School schedule is up! Forget about spending your hard earned money on performance upgrades.. Take this school and you'll not only be faster.. but you'll be safer. The best $$ any "serious" motorcyclist can spend. I took the class and learned more in 2 days than I did in 35 years of street riding.

11. K1200RS / GT Owners: Are you paying attention?? Guess who's going to produce one last production run of the K1200RS/GT Protectors? (see blurb below in Pirates' Lair section) Yes, smart guy... a limited number in SILVER should be available around Dec 1st.. Just watch the Protector page.

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Pirates Lair is proud to announce we've picked up the new Remus PowerCone Slip-On's for our product line. The street-legal Remus PowerCone Slip-On, with it's innovative conical design, transforms the BMW K1200S and K1200R into Moto GP look-alikes. Slightly modified Revolution technology was used to enhance power and deliver a wonderful, thoroughbred sound.. the usual hallmark of Remus exhausts. Pirates Lair offers three versions of the PowerCone.. Titanium, Stainless Steel, and a Stainless Steel with Matte Black. I just installed one on My "S" and I love it! FYI.. It is louder than the Remus Revolution but not obnoxiously so.

2. Apparently somebody likes us!!...The guys at www.I-BMW.com recently ran an opinion pole called.. Where do you purchase your accessories? and guess who ranked highest?? Yep... The masses have spoken at http://www.i-bmw.com/poll.php?do=showresults&pollid=37 Guess we're doing something right..

3. Our newest product to our K1200S product line is the GSG K1200S Frame Sliders. Imported from GSG Moto of Germany, these are just too cool.. Unlike other K1200S frame sliders on the market, GSG frame sliders install with no mods or drilling into your expensive fairing. Just bolt them on and go.. I personally evaluated one of these kits and was immediately impressed with both the first class CNC work and the sleek design. Not only was the install relatively painless, but they even put rubber backing on all the parts that actually touch your bike's frame so you won't scratch anything.. These are VERY well made. Impressive in every way.

4. Got a Staintune but no optional silencer? Do your neighbors hate you early in the am? Cops gravitate towards you? We keep a variety of Staintune silencers In Stock and can usually find one for your ticket-magnet, loud bike. Cost is generally between $25-35. Just email me with what bike/model you have and we'll figure it out..

5. Stealth Backrest Price Increase Warning: Due to the fact that in the last few months the cost of stainless steel has skyrocketed, as of Jan 1st 2007, Pirates Lair is implementing an across the board increase on ALL our backrests except for the K1200RS/GT version. Pirates Lair is eating about 1/2 the increase.. Customers will eat the other 1/2. Only fair..The increase should be about $15-25ea or less depending on which version.

6. as per the blurb above, ZTechnik just informed us that their Carbon Fiber K1200R Tank Protector does double duty as the new K1200GT Tank Protector. Same part #...

7. We just received our prototype pair of MultiVex Mirrors for the K1200S!! If you'll recall, we commissioned MultiVex to produce a pair for the new "S" bike. I had a pair on my 98 K1200RS and LOVED them..In case you didn't know.. these are the mirrors installed on Indy cars to eliminate the blind spots. Well... these do function as intended, but they look like warmed over badger s*#% on the bike due to the exposed nature of the K1200S mirror surface. On the K1200S, the mirror is exposed unlike the recessed RS version... Not a thing you can do to it to make it look good. This is VERY bad news as these mirrors are a godsend. Bottom line.. I'm gonna sell the prototype pair and NOT order any more.. Sure they will improve rearward views and virtually eliminate your blind spot, but.. if they make the bike look bad... and looking bad is well... not good.. I'm not interested..

8. Good News From Kisan: We just heard from the tech guy over at Kisan.. They have made some improvements (at my request) to their already cool Kisan Sequential License Plate Frames to make it even better suited for the complex CanBus system on the BMW K1200S and R. They shipped me the new version last week and it works PERFECTLY and really lights up the ass of my K1200S. It is the BRIGHTEST rear end enhancement I have seen for the K1200S or K1200R and is very unobtrusive.. Brighter than ANY of the other tail light mods we sell. We have now deemed them worthy of our product line at www.piratesk12site.net/Kisan.htm

9. As you may have surmised from the brief review above, we have just added the GIVI T431 Soft Saddlebags to our product line. I can not tell you how much I love these bags. They fit my K1200S perfectly without making me look like a Sherpa. Here's a pic of them on my bike..

10. Due to incessant whining from the hungering masses... I have decided to produce one last production run of our K1200RS/GT Protectors. I will only be producing a limited number in SILVER only as those look good on ALL the bikes no matter what color.. They should be in stock any day.. and No.. I'm not taking pre-orders.. Just watch the Protector page. BTW.. The last time I produced a batch.. they sold out on 36 hours...

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2007

Blue Ridge Parkway K12 Rally: May 17th thru 20th, 2007 (Contributed by our good buddy, Sir Tim Hudspeth aka CBNFVR over at www.I-BMW.com )

Where: Peaks of Otter Lodge, Blue Ridge Pkwy mp 86, Virginia
When: May 17th thru 20th, 2007 (Thur – Sun)
This is the weekend after Mother's Day, before Memorial Day, and well after the Georgia Mtn Rally.
Call Peaks of Otter Lodge for reservations @ 1.540.586.1081 • 1.800.542.5927 • Fax 1.540.586.4420
Note: Specify one bed or two. !! Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Don’t know what BRPR is? It is us. Real people, riding and laughing for three days. Rain or shine. If you don’t have a good time,.sell the bike.

Alternate Lodging (info only) :
Super 8 – Bedford
Days Inn – Bedford

Hillbilly K12 Roundup... Jasper, Arkansas (Contributed by James (Plumb Loco) Myrick aka James of Texas over at www.I-BMW.com )

FYI.. there will be no 2007 Texas Hill Country Rally due to the fact that the resort where we've had it for the last few years simply booked up for the time it's usually held so as an alternative.. it'll be in Jasper, Ark. The following info was provided by our good buddy, J Myrick.
I am happy to let everybody know.......We will be staying at the Gordon Motel in Beautiful downtown Jasper. We have All 18 rooms there but you have to call and give them a Mastercard or Visa and phone number. The number is 1-800-477-8509 and tell them you are with the BMW Motorcycle group ...October 18 ( Wed.) to 22 ( Sun.). We have a Wonderful rate of $ 40 + tax for a room with 2 beds ( 12 rooms ) and $ 45 + tax for a room with 3 beds ( 6 rooms ) for a total of 18.
So do not wait to long or you will be SOL . They have a 7 day cancellation policy as well. I have my room so now there is 1 less = 17 left

Lets enjoy another roundup ...Hillbilly style. Welcome back to the Fifties Motel way of life. www.gordonmotel.com The cabins are a few miles down the road and are NOT part of this and they do not handle reservations by website...Much Obliged ...Hope to see Y'all.

The 2007 Deals Gap K12 Rally Sept 27-29 (Contributed by our good buddy, Sir Tim Hudspeth aka CBNFVR over at www.I-BMW.com )

Tapoco Lodge at Deal's Gap again for 2007, Sept 27th - 29th. It won't hold us all, so make plans now! Amber and I are already booked!!
No sign-up sheet . Just reserve a room and be there! If you were there this year and didn't sign up for 2007, call Tapoco NOW before someone else gets your room. Most of us from this year already have a room reserved, so it's not too soon to plan.

Friday noon meal (at 1:00pm) will be at the Troll Restaurant in Helen, Ga (under the bridge)
Saturday noon meal (at 1;00 pm) will be at the Bistro, Telico Plains, Tennessee (western end of the Cherohala)

As usual, Fri and Sat evening will consist of tall tales, video worthy of Americas Most Wan.. er Funniest, and food in the Lodge. No set times.

Alternate Lodging in Robbinsville, NC. Microtel Motel.
Closest dealer (err, one in Knoxville yet?) Touring Sport BMW Greenville, SC

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have a new one this month.. !! WooHoo!! Check out #113 Contributed by Sir Larry Egerton of Wilmington, NC Could it save your life?? Dare you not look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

Guess that kinda wraps this one up. This will be the last communiqué for 2006. It's been a good year for Amber and I (and Pirates' Lair) thanks to many of you.. or in spite of many of you. We appreciate your help, advice, encouragement, and occasional naked pics. Best wishes to you all...

In spite of what the far left ACLU would like us to say, we sincerely hope that you and yours (no matter what bike you ride and/or religion) have a a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember if you're gonna drink...stop by here and of course... leave the bike at home... For our secularist customers... Happy Winter Season... for the Seinfeld aficionados.. Happy Festivus.

For our US troops and loyal allies serving around the world....a heartfelt thankyou for everything you are doing for us and the world and... Godspeed. Best wishes to you and your families.

Take care.. ride safe...stay warm.. watch out for flying reindeer...see you in the New Year..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues