Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K1300S, K1200S, GT, R, RS, S1000RR world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: June 2010

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

D-Day: War's over, man. Wormer dropped the big one. He's cancelled the Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter!
Bluto: Over? Did you say "over"? Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell no!
Otter: Germans?
Boon: Forget it, he's rolling.
Bluto: And it ain't over now. 'Cause when the goin' gets tough...
[thinks hard]
Bluto: ... the tough get goin'! Who's with me? Let's go!
[runs out, alone; then returns]
Bluto: What the f#@* happened to the Delta I used to know? Where's the spirit? Where's the guts, huh? Where's the cheese? This could be the greatest night of our lives, but you're gonna let it be the worst. "Ooh, we're afraid to go with you Bluto, we might get in trouble." Well just kiss my ass from now on! Not me! I'm not gonna take this. Wormer, he's a dead man! Marmalard, dead! Niedermeyer...
Otter: Dead! Bluto's right. Psychotic, but absolutely right. We gotta take these bastards. Now we could do it with conventional weapons that could take years and cost millions of lives. No, I think we have to go all out. I think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part.
Bluto: We're just the guys to do it.
D-Day: Let's do it.
Bluto: Lets dooooo it!

Bluto/ John Belushi ...  Otter / Tim Matheson... D-Day /  Bruce McGill ... Animal House (1978)


News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Texas Hill Country Beauty! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our June POTM was contributed by my good buddy, Ken Bowen. He says of this shot..“Just did a ride last weekend to the Texas Hill Country,  a 495 mile RTE from Dallas to Llano, TX on Saturday. All the Texas Bluebonnets are in bloom and spectacular this year!  This shot was northeast of Cherokee and Llano, TX, on Texas FM 501.  It was a hard decision to pick a spot as there were so many great photo opps!"

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S or K1300S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, S1000RR, or any model year K1200GT or K1300GT and B. In focus.

Click Image for a Larger View

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The 2010 Hill Country K12 / K13 Rally News!! Few Tickets!! Fewer Molested Cattle This Year!!! !

We hear the 2010 Texas Hill Country Rally was da bomb and we've got the pics to prove it! The weather was to be expected.. some rain and plenty of Texas sunshine. We heard of at least one deer/bike close encounter. Lots of trip reports are posted over at the sponsoring website... www.I-BMW.com and it sounds like a good, clean, semi-law-abiding time was had by all.

A few "velocity awards" were archived by some of the usual and not so usual suspects. Thx for doin' us proud, guys...!! . A special thanks to James Myrick and his posse who organized the event and all the guys at www.I-BMW.com for promoting yet another successful event. Wish I could have been there.

If interested/bored/bi-curious.. check out our Texas Hill Country Rally 2010 Photo Album. Thx to all the I-BMW.com miscreants who selflessly (and in some cases.. unknowingly) contributed photos to this year's photo album.. justjoe, IMXMAN, Martin D, JamesTexas, Allen, Lee, Charlie W, and last but not least... the effervescent Muddy1.

Show me more!!

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The 2010 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 / K13 Rally: It's All Fun Until Somebody Pulls a Beer Out!!

Thanks to Tim and Susan, and of course the great crew at www.I-BMW.com, for making this years event yet another success, albeit a smaller one than in past years, and one that ended in a little controversy. I'd guess we had about 35-40 bikes total in attendance. Not too shabby.

The rally weather forecast was suspect from the get go and may have scared off some of the more timid, but in the end it turned out to be spanktacular. Sunny all 3 days with only a few late afternoon showers. I'd wager a guess that everyone had a great time. Even those that received "velocity awards." Did anyone else notice they had all new beds this year? I slept like a baby. On the downside.. I saw triple the numbers of deer this year. Amazing nobody in our group hit one.

I have posted as many rally pics as I could plunder..er.. accumulate from the I-BMW site in our Pirates Lair Photo Album . It's the first album cleverly entitled.. Blue Ridge Parkway Rally 2010 Enjoy! As for next year.. well..er... Houston.. we have a problem.

Apparently the Peaks of Otter Lodge was NOT happy with our little group of hooligans and as of today.. it looks like we may not be welcome back in 2011. DOH! Just after the rally when our quasi-designated group rep asked if he could reserve a block of rooms for 2011, they refused to commit.. NOT a good sign. While there, our aforementioned rep was publicly chastised and then keelhauled because some rally "attendees" were seen with (god help us all..) open alcoholic beverage containers in the parking lot and (somebody cover the kids eyes..) .. even in the lobby area.

Friday evening those who were allegedly imbibing were reminded of the "no open container" policy and most seemingly complied. However.. apparently many in the group must suffer from CRS (can't remember s#@*) as Saturday there were more open containers in the parking lot. Big Brother.. er.. I mean management got wind of this and went nuclear! They warned that if those few didn't cease immediately... they'd call the Park Rangers and/or the Uriki. Damn!

As of this writing a return to the Peaks of Otter in 2011 looks as doubtful as a fiscally responsible congress and alternative locations are being looked at. It'll happen.. just have no idea where. Will post any info as it becomes available.

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BMW S600RR Existence Denied – "There is No Spoon."
Source: MCN

BMW has officially denied the existence or development of a 600cc sportsbike to run alongside the all-conquering S1000RR released this year.

The denial has come about after it emerged that BMW owns the internet domain name www.s600rr.de but clarification from BMW claims this was done to protect the rights to the name because someone else was trying to use it in Germany.

MCN reported that BMW did have some thoughts about developing a 600cc supersports bike back in 2008 but this was later put on the back burner by the German firm which has publicly stated it will only be developing bikes in markets it has no presence in already and that can make profit.

In official statement from BMW in Germany says: “Developing a 600 supersport bike is more or less as expensive as a 1000cc superbike; the production costs aren’t very much lower but the retail price would be. Therefore, trying to recoup development cost for such a project would be much more difficult."

While the points are all well and true by BMW, there still remains strong arguments for why the Bavarians should still pursue a middleweight sportbike. For starters 600’s serve as an entry point for liter-bike sales, and help bring in customers that otherwise would not have bought a motorcycle from the German manufacturer.

Clearly from its statement, BMW is choosing to ignore this theory of product segmentation, which leaves the company the option of taking a different approach to middleweight motorcycles. When rumors initially hit about the S600RR, there was speculation about a possible three cylinder, 675cc configuration. With exotic designs like the concept above, BMW could possibly ask for a premium on a machine that separates itself from the Japanese 600’s…of course this ethos would be counter to their current game plan with the S1000RR. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

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Corser Makes History with BMW Podium : "Top O The World, Ma!"
as seen in motorcyclenews.com 11 May 2010 13:57

Troy Corser’s secured BMW’s landmark first WSB podium after making radical changes to his BMW S1000RR between race one and race two at Monza.  

The Australian veteran engineered an impressive turnaround for race two after being out performed by his team-mate Ruben Xaus all weekend. Starting from 12th on the grid, Corser made one of his trademark fast starts and was in the fight all race long.

Speaking to MCN, he said: “It was a different bike to race one – we made a lot of changes, not just one thing, but three or four things which completely changed the package. I could race the bike instead of fighting it."

When BMW entered the WSB Championship they revealed a three year plan to learn in year one, secure podiums in year two and then fight for the championship in year three. Now five rounds in to their second year they are on target, now it remains to be seen if Corser will still be the man to fight for the title in 2011.

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Yawn.. Another Recall! BMW Recalls 122,000 Motorcycles : I'm Laughing at the Superior German Intellect! .. Again..
Source: BBC / London Tuesday, 18 May 2010 17:30 UK

BMW just issued yet another recall notice on 122,000+ motorcycles worldwide because of potential brake problems. BMW began notifying dealers in late April about the potential faults. Affected owners who have not yet been contacted by their dealer should get a letter in a few days, said a company spokesman. Letters received by British owners of the bikes said vibrations could cause the front brake lines to develop leaks, which could allow brake fluid to escape and lead to brake failure. The company said the bikes were safe to ride, as long as there was sufficient brake fluid in the system. How comforting.

Model Year: motorcycles manufactured between August 2006 and May 2009.
Models affected: R1200GS Adventure model, the R1200GS, R1200R, R1200RT, R1200ST and the K1200 GT.
NHTSA Campaign Number: Unknown at this time

Summary and Consequences: Loosening of brake line fittings due to vibrations causing loss of fluids
followed by loss of brakes followed by ..well.. use your imagination.

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Dunlop Sportmax Q2s: Mini Review!

Anyone who owns a BMW K1200S or K1300S will tell you these bikes go through tires like Kirstie Ally goes through donuts. As this is a painful reality, I'm constantly in search of a tire that provides both grip and at least a modicum of longevity for the overweight BMW. Is that too much to ask? Thought I'd spew on my initial impressions of my first pair of Dunlop Q2s.

FYI... as a baseline.. in the last year or so I burned up a few pairs of Pirelli Corsa 3's, a pair of Diablos, and a set of Dunlop Qualifiers. I got between 1800 min miles to 2200 max out of the front and/or rear of the Corsa 3's.. Very consistent.. Wonderful tires. The Qualifiers lasted about 2500 miles but didn't have the grip of the Corsas. They were no better than the discontinued Diablos. Frankly, I wasn't impressed with either of those tires for my riding environment.

As advertised.. the highly touted, multi-compound Q2's did not disappoint. I tossed the spent FRONT Q2 yesterday at 3200 miles. The REAR was the victim of road injury at 2300 miles and at the time I noted that it had about 1000 miles left so I'd put the rear at 3200-3300 miles if it had lived out it's natural life. All the aforementioned tires were used in the same riding environment..

With that said ...I feel like I got my doubloons worth out of the Q2s . They hold almost as good as the Corsa 3's, lasted 32% longer, and were cheaper. I've already mounted a second set.. 

I should mention.. If I still had the same income I did 2 years ago.. pre-Obama.. ahhh.. those were the days... I'd still be gleefully buying and trashing the Corsa 3's as they are clearly better tires.  The Pirellis feel better.. stick better.. warm up faster... and they are a little more neutral. They are still my tire of choice for my Ducati. However.. as I now have the income of a mere mortal.. (read: finite).. I'm choosing to forego premium street rubber ..ie.. the Corsas for something almost as good but a little less punitive to my wallet... the Dunlop Q2s. IMHO... Well worth the money considering the increased longevity..

What's New In the K12 / K13 / S1000RR No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and first generation GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

1. There are some new bar risers on the market for the K1200 and K1300S.. ..IDI Designs bar risers, which were designed for sport bike or track riders who wanted their bars lower and further forward, can also be rotated up and towards the rider for a 3/4" rise. In actuality, IDI Designs bar risers can be rotated a full 360 degrees with no changes to cables. Cool! And in case you are wondering, there are no problems with clearance with the fairing on the 'S' models. This allows for a wide range of positions. Up, down, forward, or back. Available in anodized black or natural aluminum. No drilling or mods involved. Chimp easy 1 hour install. Raise or lower bars 3/4 inch. The complete kit includes a pair of handlebar adapters and fitting instructions. You can also get them directly from Pirates Lair.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

2. Wanna see something sweet for the BMW S1000RR? Check out the Yoshimura R-77 Slip-On Exhaust An optional high-mount bracket is also available, which replaces the stock passenger pegs with a laser-cut aluminum mounting-bracket for that race-ready look. Looks like prices are $669 for the Ti and $769 for the Carbon Fiber.

3. Powerbronze (in the UK) as an all new windshield available for the S1000RR.. Check out their S1000RR Airflow (Double Bubble) Screen Cost looks to be a reasonable $61US + shipping. I should mention.. I have spoken to 4-5 people in Europe that have one of these and none were very impressed. They said the fit is fair at best and the material feels kinda cheap. I'm just sayin.'

4. Bifracing (in the UK) has BMW S1000RR TRW Black Edition Rearsets on their menu. Price looks to be around $445US + shipping...

5. If you are planning on "tracking" your brand spanking new BMW S1000RR.. you might want to consider some cheap bodywork. HotBodies Racing has what you need...

6. Cotton Reels With S1000RR Pit Bull Stands: If you bolt on your R & G cotton reels to your bike and then stick your Pit Bull stand under to lift, you'll probably find that the stands lift arms won't quite line up with your new reels.. Here's the chimp easy fix contributed by the good people at Pit Bull.. "Those top supports on the S1000RR stand should be inverted so that the square piece of steel that the spooled plate is bolted to is facing UP and not DOWN. That will allow for additional width at the expense of a small amount of leverage when lifting the bike. Here's a picture. That will allow anyone to use R & G spool kits with our stands."

7. Looking for a single sided swingarm for your BMW S1000RR? The first custom BMW from Roaring Toyz features an all-new billet single-sided 240 swingarm. Sweet! While this place looks like a squids paradise .. you can learn more about Roaring Toyz and see their full lineup of aftermarket squidly parts online at www.RoaringToyz.com.

8. We hear rumors that BMW is getting into Moto GP in 2012!! Details in the July newsletter!

9. MRA is about to launch the new S1000RR Double-Bubble Racing screen for the new BMW. The windscreen is made of 3mm High Impact acrylic, which is one of the best grades of acrylic and provides strength and flexibility to the screen. The new double bubble design offers a great improvement on aerodynamics (12.2% better than OEM) and a better wind protection. It uses the stock hardware and does not need any modification. Moreover, the screen follows the OEM design at the bottom on the ram in-take. Price is under $100.

Click for larger image..

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. IDI Designs K1300S / K1200S / K1300R / K1200R Bar Risers! While Pirates Lair does offer Verholen risers for those who want their bars both higher and a full 80mm closer to them for a more upright riding position, we now offer a cheaper, less aggressive alternative for those who want only a little change..IDI Designs bar risers, which were designed for sportbike or track riders who wanted their bars lower and further forward, can also be rotated up and towards the rider for a 3/4" rise. In actuality, IDI Designs bar risers can be rotated a full 360 degrees with no changes to cables. Cool! And in case you are wondering, there are no problems with clearance with the fairing on the 'S' models. This allows for a wide range of positions. Up, down, forward, or back Available in anodized black or natural aluminum. No drilling or mods involved. Chimp easy install. Raise or lower bars 3/4 inch. The complete kit includes a pair of handlebar adapters and fitting instructions. No drilling or mods. 1 hour /1 beer install. Fits the BMW K1300S, K1200S, K1300R, K1200R, & R1200S only.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

2. 2002-2005 K1200GT Owners: Thinking about installing one of our DDM HID kits on your bike?? Of course you are. Here's some news that might influence your purchase. Your bikes use a H7 Low beam and H3 High beam. While the DDM H7 HID install is virtually plug-n-play with zero problems.. the DDM H3 kit for your high beam is not due to the weird oem adapter on these bikes. Can it be done? Absolutely, but not without a few mods. I mention this as on virtually every other motorcycle that we've seen, the kits are almost plug-n-play. Consider yourself informed.

3. We now have BMW S1000RR Hemet Locks on the menu although they are temp out of stock. We offer them in a black only to match the frames of the mighty sport bike..The lock and mechanism are made by BMW. The mounting bracket is produced here in the US by a fellow rider. We package the bracket and lock together and sell it as an easy install kit. Install time is about 10 minutes and it will look factory. It's even re-keyable to your factory key. Is that cool or what? Unfortunately we sell these locks faster than BMW can produce them...

4. We now have Marc Parnes Wheel Balance Kits on the menu for the BMW S1000RR. Some of us choose to mount and balance our own tires.. Why? Because we hate to pay the local extortionist.. er.. dealer $60 a pop to mount, scratch, and balance our tires when we can mount, scratch, and balance our own!

5. "Shaka.. When the walls fell..." As of 5/3/2010, I have chosen to discontinue the LED version of Clear Alternative's Clear or Smoke K1200S / K1200R Tail Lights. We're not sure why, but 60-70% of the last few dozen sold caused dash warning lights that the furnished resistor couldn't cure. This has caused both our customers and Pirates Lair major headaches and in a few instances... erectile dysfunction. Time to bail on this product. We will continue to carry the Clear Non-LED version should our customers still want the clear or smoke tail light effect. Those are trouble-free. And of course, the customer can still buy the LED version from Clear Alternatives should they A. feel lucky or B. Have the brain power of Steven Hawking to make a troubled unit work properly with these insanely complex bikes.

6. Here's one for the K1200RS and early GT owners... As of 4/6/2010 we now carry the Ilmberger Carbon Fiber K1200RS / K1200GT Hugger. We get a lot of requests for these so .. what the hell. Protect your bike from flying debris and add a little flash with this German import. FYI.. Ilmberger products are the highest quality carbon fiber we have found. This Ilmberger hugger will fit all K1200RS's and 2002-05 K1200GT's no matter what wheel size. Price is $288.US

7. MRA is about to launch the new S1000RR Double-Bubble Racing screen for the new BMW and we'll be the first to get them. Our first shipment is due in in about 2 weeks or less. Cost should be around $120US. I'll get a web page up as soon as I get more info and a retail price.

8. We just got word from Staintune that their R1200GS Full system is now available and we have it! woohoo!!.. You can buy either the Slip-on canister for $600 or the whole shebang for $1200. Click Here for YouTube Video.

9. We now have R & G Racing BMW S1000RR Blanking Plates on the menu. Ok.. you've gotten your BMW S1000RR and the first thing you do (after the drooling) is remove your rear footpeg brackets for track days.. or to make sure nobody asks you for a ride. Who'd want to ride two up on this bike, anyway?? You get the hangers off and you are stuck with those unseemly holes. What to do? Tidy up the rear of your bike with these easy to install blanking plates. Sold in pairs only. Chimp-easy install. a paltry $50.

10. Somebody alert the media... We now have the Evoluzione Clutch Slave Cylinder Kits for the 2005-08 BMW K1200S, 2006-08 K1200R, 2007-08 K1200R Sport, 2006-08 K1200GT In Stock!!

11. Parts-Unlimited will not sell to Pirates Lair for no other reason than we don't have a store front. They don't care that we've agreed to sell at their suggested retail prices, blow the appropriate people, or bribe the designated politicians. "Dem be da rules," we were told. Due to this fact there are certain aftermarket products that we've been unable to offer to our quasi-esteemed customers with Akrapovic Exhausts being the most obvious. Just recently we were offered a little clandestine help from a third party (who I'll just refer to as.. a third party) which now allows us to carry the Akrapovic Slip-On Exhaust on our K1200S and K1200R menus. Woohoo!! I think it's generally acknowledged that Akrapovic exhausts are among the absolute best on the market so we're all wet and excited about this development. As of this writing, I have one of these slip-ons in my shop for evaluation. Will post a full review when I can make the time. You can expect increased performance, reduced weight, a deep sexy sound, and longer lasting erections. The ONLY downside I've found has been that an optional silencer is not available from Akrapovic. However.. I'm working on that issue for those like me who prefer to be a little more stealthy. Available in Carbon Fiber and Titanium. See Dyno Chart Fits the BMW K1200S, K1200R, & R Sport only.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

K12 / K13 Rally / Event News : Down The Road: 2010

2010 Sierra Gold Rush K12 / K13 Rally: Sept 12-15, 2010

Where: Sonora Days Inn, Sonora, California
When: Sept 12th thru 15th, 2009 (Sun – Weds)

A pre-rally is planned in Downieville, CA at the Riverside Inn: Rooms are reserved for Sept. 8th through 10th. September 11th will be a travel day to Sonora, an easy and beautiful day's ride south of Downieville. Lodging here is very limited... there are only a handful of rooms available, so if you plan to attend the pre-rally you should make your reservations immediately. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group!! If they are booked up when you call, there is other lodging available in Downieville, and everything is within walking distance:

For booking at the actual Sierra Gold Rush Rally call the Sonora Days Inn at 209-532-2400. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group. If you talk to someone who is clueless about our group, ask to speak to Tracy. We have rooms reserved here for Sept. 12th through 15th, with the 16th optional. Make your reservations now!

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The 11th Annual Deals Gap K12 / K13 Rally: Sept 23-26th, 2010

Where: Microtel Inn
Robbinsville, NC 28771 US
When: Sept 23rd thru 26th, 2010
Reservations: Direct 828-479-6772 or Toll free 888 771-7171 or email.

Be sure to mention i-bmw group / If you have any issues.. ask for Sue. This motel won't hold us all, so make plans now! I have.

Group Rates $58.46 for a queen bed & around $64 for 2 beds per night plus tax / MC, Visa , Amex , Disc
24 hour cancellation notice / Area Maps
Alternative Lodging: San-Ran Motel Located in downtown Robbinsville on US 129 1/8 mile down from the Microtel. Covered bike parking. Paved parking for trailers. Reasonable rates. Clean and motorcyclist friendly. 828-479-3256

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have no new contributions this month.
Could our tips save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website.. I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

We have a new contribution from IMXMAN .Thx, mate. ..Check out his
How-To Modify the Fuel Filler Neck for Improved Venting on K1200S

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues