Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA.

Prepare to be boarded!

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: June 2003 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed K12 Riders.... Let me tell you why you are here. You have come because you know something. What you know you can't explain but you feel it. You've felt it your whole life, felt that something is wrong with the world. You don't know what, but it's there... like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about? No.. it's NOT the Matrix..Unfortunately.. it's time for another in a painfully endless string of cheesy newsletters to invade your personal space and clutter your in-box, but with the noble intent of informing you of what's new in the BMW K1200RS/GT community and... at Pirates' Lair so sit back..take the blue pill and I'll show you how deep the rabbit hole goes...

Rally Info: What's Next?

The 4th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally:
The finest K12 Rally of the year, IMHO... will again be held at the very laid back Topoco Lodge. We were lucky, even @ this early date to have secured the entire place as the weekend before and after were completely booked. Lodge just minutes from the world famous Tail of the Dragon.. One of the most awesome motorcycle roads on earth. Mark your calendar for September 18, 19th, 20th. You can sign up at David A's official website at http://abrahamson.net/dgr2003/index.htm

Tapoco Lodge Resort
14981 Tapoco Road
Robbinsville, North Carolina 28771
828.498.2435 or 800.822.5083 Tell them you are with the BMW K12 group.

The Microtel in Robbinsville is an alternate lodging place. Tapoco might have a cabin or dorm room left as of this writing so book now! (FYI... the primary 'meeting' spot is Topoco) if you want to check out the area... Tail of the Dragon is an excellent resource for the area at http://www.tailofthedragon.com/

Down The Road:

The 2004 Texas Hill Country Rally is already in the works for April 8-11 in Kerrville, Tx. Barry Gibbs, the "seasoned" rally organizer (and former body guard to Gary Coleman) will have an updated website up by the end of the Summer.

News from the Front:

On June 21st, fellow K12'er Jerome Eberharter and White Cloud Coffee is co-sponsoring a rally to support adult and child literacy. The one-day ride will start in Boise, Id and travel to Redfish Lake in the majestic Sawtooth Mountains and then back to Boise. This rally is open to all riders and all makes of motorcycles. The tax deductible entry fee is only $35. This includes a t-shirt, a White Cloud Coffee travel mug, a guide to the best riding around Boise and a light breakfast.

Why do I mention THIS non-K12 rally and very few others? Because he's a friend, a good guy, and a fellow K12'er working for a good cause. You can go to the White Cloud Coffee website at http://piratesk12site.net/www.whitecloudcoffee.com for additional information and to register. As I said..it's a good cause... be there if you can.

What's new in the K1200RS News...?

1. Alan Cathcart of Motorcyclist at www.motorcyclistonline.com has published some interesting info on what the next generation K1200RS will be. I tend not to place much credence in these "European" sources but in my never ending effort to inform in the least prolific manner possible... here's a summation of what they are spewing...The engine layout will be extremely compact with the forward end of the engine inclined downward, the new bike will have BELT DRIVE (similar to the one on the BMW F650CS), a twin spar aluminum frame similar to almost every Jap bike on the market, a completely redesigned rear shock system, a redesigned and streamlined front telelever with a shorter shock, and if that's not enough.. they claim it will be SUPERCHARGED delivering 150HP and a dry weight of 540lbs. The new bike, supposedly named the K4 Kompressor will be unveiled at the 04 Intermot Show in Munich as a 2005 model with retail price in the $16K neighborhood.....Hmmmm.. Sounds like wishful thinking to me..... or as Jack Palance used to say... "Believe it... or not....."

2. This word in from a representative of Pyramid Plastics in the UK.. "Our development department has informed me that (due in no small part to the incessant pestering of one Jerry Finley.. a.k.a. Pirate) we are definitely going to develop the Hugger for the new bikes with the 5.5" wheels. We will know more in approximately 2/3 weeks."

3. We reported in last month's newsletter that the power-geeks at RB Racing are developing an exhaust system for the K1200RS..It's called the Black Hole System and RB is taking pre-orders for a summer release.. Their website now has updated info..and it "sounds" impressive. Along with the exhaust, RB Racing replaces your oem fuel-limited injectors with RC Racing injectors that have been calibrated and balanced to give .. listen to this... a conservative 20 horsepower increase or or approximately 150 crank horsepower. Got wood? ... there's more.. The kit also includes an optional chromed pipe called the Cold Air Ram System for the 02+ body styles that replaces the factory air inlet system, bolts directly to the air-box, and sticks out just under the headlight. IMHO.. it all sounds good... albeit labor intensive for mere mortals. I spoke to one of their people and he said they were just tweaking the design. You can check this out for yourself at http://www.rbracing-rsr.com/blackhole/bmwk1200exhausts.htmlI asked about a dyno chart and they blew me off like a $10 ho..

4. This just in....There is a service bulletin out - not a recall - on all 2001 through mid year 2003's K12's to replace both upper and lower ball joints. They supposedly are out of tolerance - slightly too big around - causing sluggish steering response. You mean your dealer hasn't called to inform you? As if... Go ask them and they'll replace them..

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Have a heartfelt plea for assistance on the Fender Elimination Kit Project. The designer is ready to begin the project as soon as we can furnish him with a bike to do measurements/fittings..The bad news is..he will need the bike for 4 weeks. and it gets worse... They are located in Jonquiere, Québec, Canada.

If anyone is interested in helping us get this project done and you can do without your bike for a few weeks... I will pay your bike note for the month that it's in the shop and 100% of your transportation charges to get you to and from the facility (within reason.. no limo's, Lear jets, Concord, Air Force One, etc) and Amber will talk dirty to you on the phone for 1/2 her usual rates. If this offer isn't quite sweet enough or your needs are...er.. special... I am open to suggestions... no matter how aberrant or deviant they may be.

I realize that this hits in the middle of the riding season and finding someone willing to let their bike sit in a shop for a month at this time of year will be akin to finding a volunteer for exploratory rectal surgery, however, it is my duty to mankind to try. We all know BMW cares nothing about making these bikes sportier...I do.

Even the guys doing the job said winter would be the best time to find volunteers. Just impatient and excited. Remember.. as soon as this kit is complete, Remus has agreed to produce and under-seat exhaust for the K12..

Any volunteers? If you are interested, please call us at 828.628.7093 EST..

2. We have a new page up with nothing but our customer's opinions of Pirates' Lair. Check it out at http://piratesk12site.net/PLCC.htm Our "ploy" of being honest seems to be working. If you are a past or present customer and you'd like to spew your own comments (brief or prolific) for this page, please e-mail them to pirate@acelink.net. Naked pics are always welcome, as well..er.. of women.

3. Just got back from Nashville where I have arranged for a plastic manufacturer to produce our Solo Seat Cowlings in paintable "thermo-plastic." http://piratesk12site.net/Solo.htm This should allow us to lower our criminally high price to something more er... less criminal.... Actually, the mounting hardware is what makes them so expensive as part of the rig is produced on a CNC machine before being powder coated. The straps and velcro parts are hand sewn by scantily clad, full buxomed virgin seamstress's.

4. Due to the fact that BMW puts shorter cables on the GT's.. ANY barbacks you install on them will require a longer brake line... no way around it. Not sure if we'll offer longer lines with the upcoming American Machine GT Barbacks or not.. we're still pondering the possibilities. FYI.. the first prototype pairs should be in my hands this week and testers are lined up so don't waste your dime..er.. quarter calling us with a weepy story of how you need them in order to ride cross country to attend your Aunt Jamima's funeral. When they are available we will have them on our barbacks web page at http://piratesk12site.net/Barback.htm

5. Cruise Controls!!..The MotorCycle Cruise Controls for the 98-01 K1200RS (manufactured by the Australian Guymer brothers) will be back on the market in about 2-3 weeks and like before, Pirates' Lair will get them first. Price should be in the $550.US-$600 neighborhood. Out of all the ones we sold, not a single one has ever been returned or had to be replaced due to probs. Those suckers were and are bullet-proof.. unlike the problem plagued factory models on the new bikes. I have a preliminary page up at http://piratesk12site.net/Cruise.htm

6. The Carbon Fiber Fender Project is dead. This just in from AK Composite of California who was producing them for us... Read it and weep...
(pasted with permission)

Mr Finley...God of all things great and small.. (Note from P... er.. I kinda embelished that a tad..)
After some careful consideration, we will unfortunately have to abandon this project. Due to the complexity and difficulty associated with the manufacturing of these carbon fiber front fenders, approximately 70% have to be destroyed because they fail to meet our stringent quality standards. As a result, the required labor and materials yields a quantity of only 30% from the batch that we feel are in perfect sellable condition. From a bottom-line standpoint, this represents a near-loss for us.

We hope you understand.
Thank you for your time,
Gilmore Lee
AK Composite

Sorry guys.. I tried for over a freakin' year to get this one done... time to fold and walk away..

7. Dirty deeds done dirt cheap: Our one and only non-BMW product... the Honda ST1300 Stealth Backrest is nearly complete. We'll start road testing this week. You can see it at http://piratesk12site.net/ST13Stealth.htm It should bring in heaving buckets of filthy lucre and make a few of our travel dreams come true. Arrrrg... Look out BoraBora!! ....100% a biz decision.

8. the list of things you can't get for your K1200RS/GT just got shorter. http://piratesk12site.net/TopGear.htm Our K1200RS/GT Custom Footpeg Kit project appears to be complete. The company in the UK that is producing them for us said the final prototype kit is in transit for my approval. They weigh ½ as much as the stock pegs and offer a little more ground clearance while keeping the pegs at exactly the same height. The kits will come with matching front and rear pegs and will be offered in a variety of colors... Silver, Blue, Red, Black, Gold....and Purple for the very disturbed.

9. Looking for a clean way to mount your Valentine 1 or Passport 8500 on your your 97-2001 K1200RS? In the weeks to come we'll be offering an Acrylic V1/Passport Radar Detector Mount that stretches from the 2 upper windshield posts and attaches via supplied replacement buttons. Platforms are cut to mimic the lines of each detector. Install is under 5 minutes. When your detector is velcro'd to the platform, not only will it be out of the wind and rain and have a clear view of the road ahead, but you'll have an unobstructed view of ALL your instrumentation. The platform swivels for raising and lowering your shield. We will offer this in both clear and dark smoke tinted. Price has not been nailed down as of this writing, but it should be around $40. FYI.. I tested one all last week and it works perfectly with zero probs or concerns. Wish I had thought of it.. I got pics if you want to see them. Web page is in the works.

10. We are working on our first Pirates' Lair K1200RS Tees.... a company has approached us with some good artwork pricing (FREE) and cool designs..

11. Any day now we will start offering the new Viper Exhaust from Remus. I have pics of it if you are interested or we will update the website in a few days with a pic or two and prices. In case you haven't seen it, it has the double outlet on the end cap... It will come in Aluminum and Titanium only.

12. Yes... it seems like we've been out of our Stealth Backrests since MC Hammer was on top of the music biz, but... *somebody alert the media*... Our stock problems should be over within a week.. Have had nothing but probs from our village idiots..er.. Nashville machinists so we have hired a second (competent) local company to fill the void... and their first shipment is due in late this week...

FYI.. we have actually been shipping them a few at a time on the pre-paid orders as parts trickle in... but have not had any left over to post IN STOCK on the site..Currently as of this weekend, this is the first time that we have been caught up in 3 months with only a few back-orders to fill. If you want one.. you can pre-pay via Paypal any time and you'll go straight to the top of the waiting list... or you can wait a week or so...We will even have a few with slight cosmetic flaws at a discount. If you are interested in saving a few $$... call us for availability. So sorry everyone for the delays... there are only 2 of us..they literally fly off the shelves... and we supply the world.

New How-To Links at http://piratesk12site.net/Howto.htm
None this time around... however..if you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To.. we'd be more than happy to link you up to our site. Might be your only chance to be respected and admired by your peers. Just send us the URL or if you are HTML ignorant.. maybe we could work it up for you if you furnish it on floppy disk or CD.


Guess that kinda wraps this one up.
Take care.. Ride safe... ride fast.. see you .. in my mirrors.

PS.. Before we sail off into the sunset. If anyone out there has sold their K12RS or just wants their hallowed name OFF my VERY private and 100% confidential e-mail notification list.... just let me know by simply writing the word REMOVE in your reply and your name will disappear faster than Velvetta in a trailer park.

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues