"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K1300S, GT, R, RS world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it. Also... something to keep in mind... My language in the email subscription version may offend the meek. Subscribe at your own risk. The on-line version is a bit more... PC..

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

Lastly, our subscriber newsletter has a link to all our specials .. sales, blems, close-outs, scratch & dent items, etc. If you'd like a list of our current specials, just email me and I'll make it happen.

Bad Santa

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: December 2009 .. Happy Holidays!!

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

Buddy, who is human, but was raised by elves at the North Pole, innocently bursts in on his newly discovered dads business meeting where the worlds most prolific children's book writer (and little person), Miles Finch is trying to explain the concept of his new book. Buddy proudly proclaims.." Dad! I'm in love, I'm in love, And I don't care who knows it!... Then he notices the diminutive man at the other end of the table..

Buddy: I didn't know you had elves working here.
Miles Finch: Oh... boy, you're... you're hilarious, my friend.
Walter: He doesn't, uh... get back to
MIles Finch: The story.. All right, okay. [Clears throat] So, on the cover above the title...
Buddy: Does Santa know that you left the workshop?
Miles Finch: You know, we're all laughing our heads off.
Buddy: Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?
Walter: Buddy... go back to the basement.
Buddy: [thinking Miles is an elf] Did you have to borrow a reindeer to get down here?
Miles Finch: Hey, jackweed, I get more action in a week than you've had in your entire life. I've got houses in L.A., Paris and Vail. In each one, a 70 inch plasma screen. I get the latest Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter before it's even sent out to the masses. Perks of who I am. So I suggest you wipe that stupid smile off your face before I come over there and SMACK it off! You feeling strong, my friend? Call me elf one more time.
Buddy: [after a pause] He's an angry elf.

Buddy / Will Ferrell.. Miles Finch / Peter Dinklage...Walter / James Caan .. .Elf (2003)

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Antebellum Remains! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our spectacular December POTM was contributed by my good friend and legendary bon vivant, Marc Block, aka Don Marco del Toro. He says of the photo.."Here’s a photo from the latest circumnavigation of the continent.  It’s the remains of Windsor, near Lorman, Mississippi. This Antebellum mansion that burned to the ground had once been 5 stories and somewhere in the neighborhood of 65k sq.ft.  Quite the shack.."

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, or any model year K1200GT and B. In focus.

Click Image for a Larger View

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BMW K1300S / K1300GT Recall : I'm Laughing at the Superior German Intellect!

BMW just issued yet another recall notice on the 2009 K1300GT and K1300S. Apparently, the turn signal, emergency engine off/start switches on the K bikes may fail. According to documents BMW submitted to the NHTSA, the material used for the electrical pathways in the switches may develop micro-cracks under conditions such as large changes in temperature and humidity. Micro-cracks in the electrical pathways may disable the switches on the 2009 BMW K1300GT and K1300S

Model Year: 2009
Models affected: K1300GT, K1300S
NHTSA Campaign Number: 09V384000

Summary and Consequences: The switches on the handlebars for both the directional indicators and the emergency engine off/start functions may fail resulting in risk of engine stalling while in motion .. probably as you are pulling out in heavy traffic.. in front of a fast moving Escalade .. whose
teen driver is texting her BFF.

Corrective Action: Dealers will inspect and replace necessary components on the affected motorcycles free of charge. BMW did not provide an estimate to the number of motorcycles that may be affected, but did indicate the recall notice affects K1300S motorcycles produced between Oct. 1, 2008 and May 31, 2009, and K1300GT motorcycles produced between Nov. 1, 2008 and May 31, 2009. Owners may contact BMW at 1-800-831-1117.

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Flip-Up Helmet Comparo!! 2009 Nolan N-103 N-Com vs Nolan N-102 N-Com

I have been wearing a Nolan N-102 helmet for the last 4 years. (pic below right) It's a wonderful helmet. IMHO...one of the best flip-ups on the market. Comfy, attractive, relatively cheap, and quieter than many full face non-flip helmets. I've owned 2 of them with nary a complaint with the fit or finish. Every time it's time for a new helmet I seek out the options and ultimately end up buying another. They are that good. In fact.. I recently read a customer satisfaction survey comparing the top 50 helmets on the US market and the Nolan N-102 was rated # 2!

As I replace my helmets about every 2-3 years, I was looking forward to trying the new Nolan N-103 (pic at right) with the "Gort-like" inner drop down visor. I've always thought the "outer" visor on the N-102 was a bad idea. After a few months or years of daily usage, minor spider-web scratches are unavoidable no matter how anal you are and looking through TWO less than perfect layers of plastic is not something I like to do. As you are looking through multiple pieces of plastic, optics aren't as good as a single shield and if you are also looking through sunglasses, it can be down right distracting when the late day sun is already producing shadows. As a matter of fact.. I would rarely ride with the N-102 tinted visor all the way down, but instead just use it as a sun visor. It worked great in that capacity. Actually looking through it.. not so much.

I should mention that both the Nolan N-103 and N-102 N-Com allow for Nolan's optional N-COM blue-tooth communications system, but I did NOT order this feature for either helmet as I am 100% opposed to such or similar distractions on motorcycles so I won't even comment on that aspect of these helmets.. only the basics.

Finish: Dead heat. Both exude class. Both are attractive although difference. The materials inside and out look expensive. The outer finish on both have a shine that would blind Ronnie Milsap.

Fit & Comfort: The N-102 wins here. Both are plush and down right luxurious, but the N-102 has a little more room. Especially in the chin area. Jay Leno would never be able to get the N-103 on. Both have removable, washable liners. Both have air guards. Both come with extra ear pads for even less wind noise although I found them uncomfortable. It's a treat to wear either, but the newer helmet seems smaller and I imagine that if measured.. is.

Noise Level: Another close category, but I'll give the edge to the new Nolan N-103. I'd guesstamate that it's about 10% quieter than the N-102. I suspect this has everything to do with the better aerodynamics.

Weight: Usually, the major downside of wearing a flip-up helmet is the weight. A heavy helmet will make your neck tired and your penis shorter even after short rides. It's a tradeoff for the convenience of the flip feature. One I willingly accept. The new Nolan N-103 weighs in at 4lb/3oz while the Nolan N-102 comes in at a slightly lighter 3lbs/14.8oz..

Aerodynamics & Venting: The Nolan N-103 wins here hands down. Venting is noticeably better. At subsonic speeds their isn't much difference between the two, but when you kick the tires and light the fires, the Nolan N-103's new super smooth shell design really struts it's stuff. Again.. the only problem with the N-102 is the external tinted visor. At over 100, I'm always afraid the external tinted visor on the N-102 might pop up and rip my head off. It never has, but the thought is always lurking in the back of my mind like the fear of an IRS audit. Wouldn't be pretty if it ever happened. The Nolan N-103 slices through the wind like a hot knife through a lawyer.

Ease of Use in Daily Mortal Life: Both these helmets are easy to live with, but one is simply superior. Both offer one-hand flip-up operation. Comfort is about the same. Weight is close. They are both relatively quiet. Both offer a quick-release helmet strap for easy off/on convenience. Change of shields on either is chimp easy. What sets them apart, besides the N-103's better aerodynamics is the inner flip-down visor. I love this feature! If used properly it'll almost never get dirty or scratched as it's not exposed to the elements. You never even have to actually touch it. The easy-to-use slide switch on the left hand side works like a charm even with the heaviest gloves. You can leave the visor in any position or just flip it up into the helmet. Sweet. Having this feature makes carrying 2 shields a thing of the past. And did I mention this drop down visor looks cool? Nobody can convince me that helmets like this weren't inspired by movies like The Day the Earth Stood Still.

Cost: I paid $285+ shipping for the new N-103 N-Com. That's about the going price at most helmet shops or ebay. Now that the N-102 is near manufacturing extinction, you can find killer deals on them on ebay for $90 delivered until they disappear from shelves. That's a huge discount off the $239 I paid www.motorcycle-superstore.com a couple of years ago.

Bottom line.. These are two damn fine helmets, but the N-103 is a significant step forward from the Italian manufacturer. IMHO.. the N-103 is far superior to the N-102 that it replaces in many ways. Disagree with me and this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder. Your choice is simple. Buy a Nolan N-103 N-Com and live in peace, or pursue your present course of choosing bad helmets and face obliteration. The decision rests with you.

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BMW Concept 6: Feel The Chub

BMW just surprised the beejesus out of me. Check out the Concept 6. It represents the introduction of a new BMW six-cylinder engine. Did anyone see this coming?

According to BMW's marketing spiel..
"Six-cylinder power units have always had particular appeal, offering not only supreme smoothness and refinement, but also superior power and performance as well as a truly emotional driving – or, in this case, riding – experience. A further point is that the typical sound of a straight-six almost like a turbine is absolutely incomparable.

The Concept 6 engine is extremely compact. It is 100mm narrower that other six-cylinder engines that have been built and only slightly larger than a four-cylinder engine. The Concept 6 offers smoother power and performance but is also gives extra attention to the environment because fuel consumption of a six-cylinder engines are less than four-cylinder engines. The E-Gas technology also creates extra power by optimizing fuel consumption and power output".

The new BMW straight-six will further expand the K-Series in the foreseeable future. The first model to be introduced will be an innovative and luxurious BMW touring machine. Reflecting the tradition of the BMW K-Series, this will of course be a genuine top-of-the-line product."

I don't know about you guys/gals, but I think this is one beautiful motorcycle. Well done BMW. Wheelbase looks kinda long in the pics, but the Germans certainly have my attention. I'll post updates from time to time. Looks like the new 6 cylinder engine will be featured in the upcoming replacement for the venerable K1200LT. I've posted more pics in the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery. Look for the album cleverly titled.. BMW Concept 6 Cylinder.

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2010 BMW S1000RR Accessories: Who Ya Gonna Call?

Pretty soon the 2010 BMW S1000RR will start showing up in showrooms around the world. Woohoo!! I think every dealer in the US has a few pre-sold and of course, people will be turning to Pirates Lair for accessories..(at least we hope they do). And rightly so. We have big plans for our S1000RR product line. Not much is available yet, but we did just get this list from R&G Racing (in the UK)..We've already placed an order for a supply of the following parts. They are due in by late December. We will have most of the following R & G Racing Parts listed here.. after the first of the year. I'll mark them as in stock as soon as they arrive.

BLP0002BK - Pillion Peg Blanking Plates / $TBA
BE0050BK : Bar End Sliders - Black / $42.00
CRP001 : Clutch/Brake Reservoir Protector - Black / $11.95
CP0263BL: Aero Crash Protectors - Black / $105.00
CR0032BL: Cotton Reel Sliders -  Black / $42.00
EP0005BK: Oval Exhaust Protector -  Black / $42.00
FP0093BK: Fork Protectors - Black / $50.00
LP0092BK: Tail Tidy w/LED Plate light - Black / $135.00
OCG0005BK: Oil Cooler Guard - Black / $TBA
RAD0087BK: Radiator Guard - Black / $TBA
TG0006BK: Toe/Sprocket Guard - Black / $60.00

Lots of other projects for the S1000RR are in the works from Pirates Lair. We are currently talking with at least a dozen other manufacturers trying to get ahead of the prophesied parts demands.. Pit Bull, Sato, Tech Spec, Depends, etc . Many are trying to get access to a bike to design products around. Once they do.. it'll just be a matter of time. As with the current K1300S, the K1200S, and the venerable K1200RS before it... my goal is for Pirates Lair to be the center of the BMW S1000RR universe.. Stay tuned.

What's New In the K12 / K13 No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and first generation GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these chat sites..

1.BMW Press Club Pics of the S1000RR! These pictures are very detailed and of high quality. They can be enlarged keeping the ability to check out the smallest machined parts on the bike. Also many pictures of the full bike in all colors! Scroll down thru the German verbiage to get to the pictures.

2. Looks like a new BMW dealer.. VanWall Motorsports will be opening in Des Moines next year. Details are here..

3. .. and apparently another BMW dealer opening in Chattanooga, TN. Perhaps Obama's stimulus is working! Bwah. Check out Pandora's European Powersports.. This new BMW/Ducati dealership is scheduled to be opening on Dec 15th 2009 located on Hwy 58 across from the big Kmart. Phone: 423 991 5003 Their website isn't up yet..

4. Bad news for New Jersey - as if New Jersey needed any more bad news. We just got word that DeSimone BMW is CLOSED. Guess the stimulas din't quite trikle down for everyone.

5. The dates of the 2009-2010 Cycle World International Motorcycle Shows is up! Don't expect BMW to be there. I think they are only doing one or two dates ...I guess biz is just so good that they don't have to show up. Good for them.

6. Wunderlich of Germany has a Carbon Fiber Hugger for the K1300S on their menu.. Price looks like (are you sitting?) .. a lofty $370US + shipping.. Part # 8602314

7. Alpha Racing (in Germany) is supplying Arrow Silencer Slip-On for the S1000RR

8. 2012 ain't even here yet and things are already going all to hell. If you've been yearning, hungering, lustfully longing for a Laser Stealth HotCam 2 for your K1200S or K1300S... prepare yourself for even more disappointment. As you probably already know, delays have been heaped upon delays. Issues cropped up upon the initial release so they redesigned and recalled over (50) units. After the redesign, materials were discovered not up to spec so they stopped production and bought parts elsewhere causing more delays. This all started over a year ago. About 2 months ago I got a second generation Stealth HotCam 2 designated v.2 and have been road-testing it for the company. All looked good for about a month then the Carbon Fiber started turning a yellowish color. Not good. I, along with another tester with the same problem, sent pics to Laser showing the problem and it now looks like they're gonna have to scrap the current v.2 version and figure something else out... I don't expect to see a v.3 version for at least 6 months.. Aint dat a pisser? I think the Mayans predicted this.

Got wood?!

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Sign of the Apocalypse? As per the scrolling red banner at the top of this newsletter.. Pirates Lair will be closed from December 1st-8th for a long overdue vacation and mental renovation. This is the first time we've shut down completely in almost 2 years. Deal with it. We'll be back in time to get all your goodies out in time for Christmas delivery. FYI... I'll try to check in remotely with my laptop while out of the country. Zero idea if I'll have internet access as we will be in a jungle region of a third world country. Will address all issues, orders, emails, fan mail, etc upon our triumphant return around December 9th. "Courage."

2. Just In Time For Christmas: We just got a rare shipment of Carbon Fiber Huggers by Ilmberger of Germany. These are harder to get than a bag o' weed at a Billy Graham Seminar. Took 6 months to get the few that I have. These will fit the BMW K1200S / K1200R / K1200R Sport / 2006-09 K1200GT. Still no word on a K1300S version.

3. Ever had a ride go bad? Haven't we all. Sometimes things go so bad that it's funny. So bad that you wished you had stayed in bed. If you didn't already see it posted at www.i-BMW.com, I have a new listing in the sacred Archive section.. It's a ride review I made recently called.. Good Day Gone Bad: Karma Gone Amuck The title kinda sums it up...

4. I now have R & G Racing Slider Kits for the K1300S in stock. Unlike the round K1200S version frame sliders.. the K1300S kit features Aero shaped sliders. We have sliders for the frame, shaft, forks, and engine case. Well worth the money for some peace of mind should you go down. Trust me.

5. As per the blurb above.. I am diligently working on an entire product section for the BMW S1000RR Superbike. It should go live on or around Jan 1st, 2010.

6. I should have a new shipment of our sexy Pirates Lair Torque Arms just before Christmas. We only get 2 shipments a year. Looking for the perfect holiday gift for the K1200S, K1200R, K1200R Sport, or 2006-08 K1200GT rider? Look no further. No promises that they'll be in.. That's just what they are telling us.

7. California Customers: If you live in California or anywhere else where the fuel nozzle has the vapor recovery boot, you already know that the stock cap is a major pain in the arse. The stock cap will not open enough to get past the vapor boot so with the deep filler neck, it is almost impossible to fill without splashing. Not good for your expensive paint or riding gear. We just heard this good news from a customer in Kaleefornia who bought one of our Oberon Billet Gas Caps. He told us that our caps eliminate this issue for easy, splash-free fueling. Cool, huh?

K12 / K13 Rally / Event News : Down The Road: 2010

* NEW* 2010 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 / K13 Rally: May 13-16, 2010

Where: Peaks of Otter Lodge, Blue Ridge Pkwy mp 86, Virginia
When: May 13th thru 16th, 2010 (Thur – Sun)

Call Peaks of Otter Lodge for reservations.
1.540.586.1081 • 1.800.542.5927 • Fax 1.540.586.4420
Note: Specify one bed or two. !!........Peaks does not offer Group Rates

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford

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* NEW* 2010 Sierra Gold Rush K12 / K13 Rally: Sept 12-15, 2010

Where: Sonora Days Inn, Sonora, California
When: Sept 12th thru 15th, 2009 (Sun – Weds)

A pre-rally is planned in Downieville, CA at the Riverside Inn: Rooms are reserved for Sept. 8th through 10th. September 11th will be a travel day to Sonora, an easy and beautiful day's ride south of Downieville. Lodging here is very limited... there are only a handful of rooms available, so if you plan to attend the pre-rally you should make your reservations immediately. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group!! If they are booked up when you call, there is other lodging available in Downieville, and everything is within walking distance:

For booking at the actual Sierra Gold Rush Rally call the Sonora Days Inn at 209-532-2400. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group. If you talk to someone who is clueless about our group, ask to speak to Tracy. We have rooms reserved here for Sept. 12th through 15th, with the 16th optional. Make your reservations now!

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* NEW* The 11th Annual Deals Gap K12 / K13 Rally: Sept 23-26th, 2010

Where: Microtel Inn
111 Rodney Orr Byp
Robbinsville, NC 28771 US
When: Sept 23rd thru 26th, 2010
Reservations: Direct 828-479-6772 or Toll free 888 771-7171 or email.

Be sure to mention i-bmw group / If you have any issues.. ask for Sue. This motel won't hold us all, so make plans now! I have.

Group Rates $58.46 for a queen bed & around $64 for 2 beds per night plus tax / MC, Visa , Amex , Disc
24 hour cancellation notice / Area Maps
Alternative Lodging: San-Ran Motel Located in downtown Robbinsville on US 129 1/8 mile down from the Microtel. Covered bike parking. Paved parking for trailers. Reasonable rates. Clean and motorcyclist friendly. 828-479-3256

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

No new tips this month, but they are always worth a re-read.
Could our tips save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website.. I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

No new contributions this month...

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

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Guess that kinda wraps up another year. Don't they pass so quickly? This will be the last communiqué for 2009. It's been another good year for Amber and I (and Pirates' Lair) in spite of the shenanigans going on in Washington. We appreciate everyone's help, advice, encouragement, and occasional naked pics. Best wishes to you all for a prosperous 2010...

In spite of what the far left ACLU would like us to say, we sincerely hope that you and yours (no matter what bike you ride and/or religion) have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember if you're gonna drink...stop by here and of course... leave the bike at home... For our secularist customers... Happy Winter Season...

For our troops serving all around the world... a heartfelt thank you for everything you are doing.. Godspeed, soldier.

Take care.. ride safe...stay warm.. watch out for flying reindeer...see you in the New Year.. in my mirrors.

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Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues