Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy K12 newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell .. I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek, amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: April 2005 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed K12 Riders.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the day.....

(Lafayette Hotel).. it's dark.. pouring rain....lightning flashes...

Morpheus: "At last. Welcome, Neo. As you no doubt have guessed, I am Morpheus."
Neo: "It's an honor to meet you."
Morpheus: "No, the honor is mine. Please, come. Sit down. I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole? Hm?"
Neo: "You could say that."
Morpheus: "I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?"
Neo: "No."
Morpheus: "Why not?"
Neo: "Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life."
Morpheus: "I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain. But you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is but it's there, like a splinter in your mind driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?"

Neo: "The Pirates' Lair Cheesy Newsletter? "
Morpheus: "?? er.. Guess again.."
Neo: "The Matrix?"
Morpheus: "Do you want to know what IT is? The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth."
Neo: "What truth?"
Morpheus: "That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage, born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind.... Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.... Remember, all I'm offering is the truth, nothing more...."

Thomas "Neo" Anderson / Keanu Reeves / Morpheus / Laurence Fishburne .. The Matrix (1999)

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

www. SportbikeTracktime.com : Worthy of Praise

A few weeks ago I attended my second track day event. This time at the Barber Motorsports Park in Birmingham, Ala. Again, this event was hosted by the good people at http://www.sportbiketracktime.com/

I can NOT say enough about the professionalism of this group. Monte Lutz and Bonnie Strawser, owners of SportbikeTrackTime are simply on top of every aspect of the track day experience delivering a stress-free event full of fun, speed, excitement, and most importantly...learning. All under an ever present philosophy of safety. Mark Sheldon gave the best orientation/briefing of any I have seen... Thorough.. precise.. informative.. and even humorous. The instructors (who work for no pay!) were always there for help and to give advice. None, that I could see tried to play the "I'm a moto-god" card.. Instead.. they were thoughtful and helped all that needed help yet let those of us who are fairly competent, run to our hearts content...

My instructors, Larry Haber and Robert Mckay were both grreat guys and damn good riders giving each of us the perfect balance of stern instructional advice with praise when deserved. What a great team Monte has assembled. My personal thanks goes out to the entire staff of SportbikeTracktime for providing this world-class learning forum.. To be honest, this was the most fun I have had on a motorcycle in 35+ years of riding. If any of youz guyz/galz have been thinking about trying a track day event.. I'd give these guys a call...Phone: (888) 390-4020 or email them at monte@sportbiketracktime.com Tell them I sent you... and BTW.. No.. I get no kickbacks from these guys.. not that I'm above that...

Click for Larger Image If You Dare
Click For Larger Image

I-BMW. com Patches Are Complete!! From Sir David Littlefield... Man About Town

"The patches turned out awesome. For a minimum of $7.00 each you can get all you want. I'll keep $4.00 until my cost is recovered and send the balance to the site. Of course, anything in excess of $7.00 will go to the site so ante up. The easiest would be Paypal, littlefield@orbitworld.net. If not a check is okay:"

David Littlefield
52 Sweetleaf Ct.
Lake Jackson, TX 77566
Don't forget to include your mailing address.

A portion of the price will go to support the greatest K12 Chat Site in the Milky Way Galaxy http://www.i-bmw.com/ To see a patch.. click here..

BMW PhotoShoot at Deals Gap?? or Don't Ask.. Don't Tell?

You might think so if you saw and read the full 2 page high-dollar R1200ST advertisement on page(s) 12-13 of the May Rider Magazine. It's a great advertisement of the bike and the Tail of the Dragon at Deals Gap..with the typical blurbs... "318 curves in 11 miles"... "Avoid the tree of shame"...."Leave the pavement as fried as your lunch"... all with a magnificent shot of the new R1200ST tearing around a sweeper... somewhere other than Deals Gap...DOH! I have no idea where the picture was taken..They talk a mean game..Subterfuge? Say it ain't so!

Sucking Gas Sucks! How To Beat OPEC

I don't want to get off on a rant here but...No matter what we Americans do to make the world a better place.. Europe and especially the middle eastern countries hate us or worse.. want to kill us. They love taking our money and living under our blanket of protection but choose to treat us like dog s#@*.. Tired of pumping your hard earned dollars to the Arabs and/or indirectly supporting terrorism? Want to buy non-OPEC gasoline and strike a blow to their wallets? Here's a list of the oil companies that supply non-OPEC product... All of this information is available from the Department of Energy.
Non-Opec Oil
Citgo.....................0 barrels from OPEC
Sunoco.................0 barrels from OPEC
Conoco.................0 barrels from OPEC
Sinclair.................0 barrels from OPEC
BP/Phillips...........0 barrels from OPEC
Hess.....................0 barrels from OPEC
ARC0....................0 barrels from OPEC

What's New In the K1200RS/GT/S/R World

1. In our last newsletter I mentioned that Hyperpro Racing Suspension in the Netherlands has a bolt-on replacement for the factory steering damper. I was going to offer a rare group buy. I actually found and spoke with the US importer, requested the vendor approval paperwork but after looking over the stack of forms..apparently.. we're not worthy. You have to meet all kinds of criteria .. store front..(which we don't have)... can NOT live at the same location as the store...(which we do).. must have a showroom for customers to walk around in..(which we don't)... must blow somebody at HyperPro..(not likely)... must have badjez!... and "we don't need no stinkin badjez.." Guess it's not gonna happen.. sorry.

2. I recently learned that there is a mount that has been modified by Recchia Moto in France that can be ordered so that you can mount the 33 liter Top Bag (from the R1150RT) to a K12GT. Thanks for the tip JM.

3. Thinking about repainting your aging RS? Need the factory decals? Rather than letting your nearest extortionist...er... dealer plunder your wallet... here's a place that sells decals for our bikes...The RealOEM.com BMW Parts Catalog Looks like the site is new.. Not sure if it's up and running as I write this... Worth a look as these are the best prices I've seen. and I'll add my own tip.. If you purchase LARGE decals for these bikes.. Pay a professional to put them on.. They know what they are doing.. you probably don't. ANY sign shop that applies vinyl graphics to windows or vans can do it and do it right..They'll charge less than $40.. If you try to save the $40 and end up screwing up.. you'll be cussing yourself.. Learn from others mistakes.. You only get ONE shot at installing them.. The question is.. "Do you feel lucky?... well.. Do ya punk?"

4. Most of us use the factory system cases on our bikes, but some of us like to swap to the slimmer, sleeker city covers from time to time and a few Sherpa's amongst us opt for the wider covers. The problem with changing covers is the actual swapping is a pain in the buttock... Those tiny rivets have to be drilled out.. screws have to be installed, panties have to slide up and over the soft white ankles...er.. where was I? Oh, yea.... Here's a way around all this nonsense.. Check out Cycle Gadget's QuikHinge With their new gadget, you'll be able to switch from city to standard, or standard to XL lids, in a matter of seconds - with no tools, and without even having to take the panties...er..cases off your bike! The QuikHinges are made of precision-machined aluminum, and fasten to the existing hinge mounts on your inside cases and case lids. One set of QuikHinges comes with all the parts necessary to outfit a bike, with parts for two inside cases and four lids. All the hinge fasteners are inside the case, so when the case is closed there's no way for someone to pop the hinge rivets like they can with the factory hinge. A bit pricey at $150, but... they're the only game in town!!

5. Pit Bull is working on a REAR Wheel Lift for the new K1200S and R. It'll look just like the MV/Ducati lift we sell at http://pirateslair.net/MVpitbull.htm It should be on the market any day now.. For those of you who opt NOT to buy the optional centerstand.... I would think this would be a necessity for tire changing, cleaning, etc..

6. Have you recently purchased the Brake LED Kit (by Gizmo Mills) or the Clear Tail LED Kit (from Clear Alternatives) and had problems with your cruise not working after install? You wouldn't be alone, but you'd be in a small group. Out of hundreds of these kits sold .. perhaps a dozen late K12 bike owners have had the EXACT same problem... non-working cruise. We've spoken in depth with BOTH companies in the last 2 weeks brainstorming the issue. As I write this, BOTH companies think they have a solution. Clear Alternatives thinks it's simply a matter of installing (2) 50 watt resistors in-line instead of the (20) watt resistors included in all past kits. Both companies say they'll not bail on anyone and will make things right as rain in the weeks to come. Again.. this problem is an anomaly.. nothing to panic about... move along now.. nothing to see here... Will keep everyone in the loop as info rolls in.. As of today, 4/7/05.. Pirates Lair will NOT be shipping any of either kits to late K12 owners until we get the revised versions in stock.

7. Got a new ECU in your new RS or GT? Wondering if you can use the RhineWest Chip? I just spoke with good buddy, Hank at RhineWest... Heres the deal.. initially RhineWest was against trying their chip with the new ECU's simply because they didn't know what info or changes BMW had made to them.. Now they know.. Basically.. BMW simply tweaked the cold temp start settings of the old ECU program so now the bike reads a different temp on first startup.. Due to this minor change, cold start stumbling should be eliminated.. What this means for you prospective chip buyers is... as the NEW ECU program is essentially the same as the OLD ECU except for temp settings at start up.. the RW Chip will work just fine with them...and now you know.. the rrrrrrest of the story...

8. As seen at http://www.i-bmw.com/ New for all the K1200RS's and GT's...Chrome Gauge Rings . another product from Hornig of Germany.. They offer polished rings for the speedometer, the tach, the temp and the fuel gauge. You simply stick them to the speedometer e.g. with silicon and you can remove them without any residue.

9. Consider yourself a Travelin' Man? "Tryin' ta make a livin' and doin the best you can??"... A chronic speeder/lawbreaker? Rarely carry enough bribe money? Join the club.. Check out http://www.mit.edu/~jfc/laws.html It's a site with a summary of and links to state laws related to speeding, and in particular excess speeding and reckless driving. Be aware of the penalties... Knowledge is power... Power is bliss. Bliss is a night in an oil filled hot tub with Jessica Alba.

10. We just got word that the 2006 International BMW Rally will be held in Essex, Vermont. While I wouldn't waste my tires to ride to the 2005 Rally in f#@%ing Ohio even if the events and food were free and Angelina Jolie were sharing a room with me.. .. Vermont sounds wonderful.. !! I'll be there!!

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. You knew it was just a matter of time.... With the advent of the new K1200S and K1200R, Pirates Lair has expanded our menu to include a full line of accessories for these new K bikes.. As per the prophesies.. our K1200S/R product page is up. It's a bit sparse at the moment, but sooner or later.. we'll rule..

2. Just purchased the new K1200S or K1200R and it's simply too slow for you? Need more power? Have a small penis? We got your back!! Our new LASER Slip-On Exhaust pages are up!. These are due in the US in about 2 weeks. For the K1200R.. Click HERE and one for the K1200S bike.. Click HERE

While I have a page for each bike, in reality the THREE offerings will fit either bike... exhaust parts are the same for the S and the R...100% interchangeable.
Essentially... 3 versions..All are Slip-ons / All come with a canister, a collector (where the O2 sensor plugs in) and TWO removable silencers. No engine mods or chips necessary. Plug-N-Play. In case you're curious as to weight reductions... Your stock R or S canister weighs around 16lbs. The Laser DuoTech's weight in at 8.3lbs and the Laser HotCam at only 7.3lbs.. !! Each offers a HP boost. Waiting for dyno's as we speak.

3. Speaking of the "S" bike.. We have TWO K1200S Tee's on the menu. One feature's the Yellow/Black/Silver bike which is IN STOCK.. the other the Blue/White should be in today. You can see them BOTH at http://pirateslair.net/teeS.htm Be the envy of your work place or prison yard..Guaranteed to get you non-married people laid more often.

4. As per the prophesy.. our R1200GS Stealth Backrest will hit the market THIS WEEK!... Comments? Opinions? Jesus juice?

5. Speaking of the S Bike.. We're selling a lot of the Baxley Chocks to the S guys without centerstands.. and for good reason. Just ride your bike into the garage right up into a Baxley Chock....get off and walk away...IMHO...Man's single greatest invention after air-conditioning and the microwave.

6. I had mentioned last month that our next backrest project would be the 2005 R1200RT., but due to parts availability issues, we think we are gonna squeeze in a backrest for the 1000cc and 650cc Suzuki V-Stroms. http://pirateslair.net/SuzukiV.htm Why the Suzuki? We get a lot of requests for them...

7. We will soon have plastic kickstand pads emblazoned with our Pirates' Lair logo. Small enough to carry in your back pocket, tank bag, or bra.. No more looking for a freakin' rock or crushed can when we pull over on damp days...Can also be used as a back protector.. if you are 14" tall..

8. We finally have our MV Agusta Reservoir Covers In STOCK! We offer these in 5 anodized colors.. Red, Black, Blue, Silver, Gold. Leave it to the British to produce something this sweet. Euro craftsmanship. Install is easy as it gets. Fits every model year MV Agusta F4, Brutale, and the new 1000cc F4

9. We are expecting our first shipment of MV Agusta Clear Blinker Lenses within the next 10 days. We'll offer front and rear lenses in a package deal..

10. Check out another Pirates' Lair Exclusive... A custom made MV Agusta specific Front Wheel Stand I've been using one for a few weeks.. it's too cool. Fits every model year MV Agusta F4, Brutale, and the new 1000cc.

11. The long awaited MV F4 1000 Exhaust Manifold's are in transit from Europe. We should have them by April 18th. We are the ONLY US importer.

12. We have a preliminary Remus Exhaust page up for the new K1200S and R bikes Will provide pics when we have some.. and NOT BEFORE!!

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2005

The 2005 Hill Country Rally is upon us! I'll be leaving in a few days. I think registration deadline is over. See you at Inn of the Hills, on April 14-17. Info is at http://www.tbmwsr.com/.

The BRPR 2005 is Set !!!! (info provided by the inestimable Tim Hudspeth.. a.k.a CBNFVR)
Where: Peaks of Otter 1-800-542-5927 Blue Ridge Parkway, mile post 86
When: May 12-15 (Thur-Sun) First night deposit required ($94.17, 2004 rates, No change expected for 2005.)
We have all 63 rooms (62 now) held until April 1st, 2005. After April 1st, all non-reserved rooms go public. Mention BMW Motorcycle Group to reserve your room. Other lodging available in Bedford, Va: Super 8 and /or Days Inn

Italy, May 2005 The German K12 Chat site at http://www.k1200rs.de/events/meeting-11/index.htm is having a K12 Rally in Northern Italy next year, May 26-29 2005, in San Damiano near Piacenza and just south of Milan.

2005 Ride to Read Rally (from fellow K12'er Jerome Eberharter / Founder, CEO White Cloud Coffee & self proclaimed Coffee Adventurer)

"A quick note to let you know the 2005 Ride to Read rally here in Boise will be on June 11. We had an excellent turn out and ride this year. People can see more at: http://www.whitecloudcoffee.com/r2r/index.php "
Thanks & All the Best! Jerome

Summer Solstice Rally, Northeast (from the quasi-esteemed Mike Cousino at www.I-BMW.com)
Okay the place and date is set for Camp Meade on Friday and Saturday, June 10th and 11th, 2005. They have twenty rooms. Some are their own cottages. Some are double, with two separate rooms to one cottage. Each room/cottage has their own bath. There are no cots so don't ask to put extra people in a room. I would ask the the single riders pair up and share a room/cottage with another person as space is limited.
Prices are:
Dbl = $63, there are eleven of these
2- Dbls = $73, there are eight of these
For reservations or additional information telephone:
Camp Meade @ (802) 223-5537 / Refer to BMW group

The 6th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally ...will again be held at the Tapoco Lodge in 2005, Sept 29th-Oct 1st to be precise. It won't hold us all, so make plans now! No sign-up sheet yet. Just reserve a room and be there! Most of us from this year already have a room, so it's not too soon to plan.
(info provided by the quasi-esteemed moto-god...Tim Hudspeth.. a.k.a CBNFVR) Glad to know that besides Bill O'Reilly.. someone else is looking out for us.. Thanks Tim.

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have a FOUR new contributions this month!!.. The first from quasi-esteemed Laurie (Lozz) Burrows from Western Australia.. Check it out # 81
The second offering is # 82 from Tom of Albany, Ill.
and lastly.. #'s 83 and 84 from man about town, Michael Lyman of Fremont, CA Could these tips save your life? Do you dare NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and I'll add it on.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

BMW How-To Section

We have a new offering .. How To Relax Your Throttle Springs contributed by ex super-hero Matt McCabe (with spiritual guidance from Larry Wilbers)
Guess that kinda wraps this one up. Ride safe and best wishes for a insect-free spring!.... See ya in my mirrors...

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues