"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S/R world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it. Also... something to keep in mind... My language in the email subscription version may offend the meek. Subscribe at your own risk. The on-line version is a bit more... PC..

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: June 2008 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

In Annies room late at night.. she has a shrine to baseball all alit with candles..Ebby and Crash sit on opposite ends of her couch.- Both men look around the room with wonder.  Ebby is clearly more nervous than Crash, who's been in some strange rooms in his minor league career.

Annie: These are the ground rules...I hook up with one guy a season--I mean it takes me a couple of weeks to pick the guy--kinda my own spring training...And, well, you two are the most promising prospects of the season so far. So...  I thought we should get to know each other.
Crash: Why do you get to choose?  Why don't I get to choose?
Annie: Actually none of us on this planet ever really choose each other.  It's all Quantum Physics and molecular attraction.  There are laws we don't understand that bring us together and break us apart.
Ebby: Is somebody gonna go to bed with somebody or what?
Annie:You're a regular nuclear meltdown, honey--slow down.
Crash rises to leave, and heads for the door.
Crash: After 12 years in the minor leagues, I don't tryout.  Besides--I don't believe in, Quantum Physics when it comes to matters of the heart...or loins.
Annie: (challenging him) What do you believe in?
Crash at the door.  Annie's question is slightly taunting.  He stops, and speaks with both aloofness and passion:
Crash: I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, long foreplay, show tunes, and that the novels of Thomas Pynchon are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that the Pirates' Lair Cheesy Newsletter should be read by all riders.. not just K12 guys. I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, I believe that there  oughta be a constitutional amendment outlawing astro-turf and the designated hitter, I believe in the "sweet spot", voting every election, soft core pornography, chocolate chip cookies, opening your presents on Christmas morning rather than Christmas eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last for 7 days.
Annie: (breathless) Oh my..

Crash Davis / Kevin Costner  Annie Savoy /  Susan Sarandon    Ebby / Tim Robbins   Bull Durham... 1988

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Brecon Beacons National Park, Wales! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our June POTM was sent in by an anonymous European customer. The email said this was taken in Brecon Beacons.FYI.. The Brecon Beacons are a mountain range located in the south-east of Wales.. Where ever it is...it's beautiful.

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, or any model year K1200GT and B. In focus.

Hi-Rez is fine just not "stupid-large." If you don't know how to reduce a photo from a gargantuan size.. buy a freakin' book or program and learn. Geezz. Along with the photo, provide your full name and a paragraph or two explaining when and where the shot was taken.. some minor details...whatever you want to add.. temp, camera, state of mind, etc, .. I'll evaluate all the photos I accumulate at the end of the month and pick one. No promises! If you beg me to post yours.. that will guarantee you that I won't. Savvy?

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Track Day Report: First Time In Advanced Group! I came.. I Saw.. I Had My Ass Handed To Me On A Plate

At the closing event of last years track day season I was riding like a balding moto-god on my Yamaha R1. All the accumulated knowledge of the Krell, Keith Code’s Level 1 & 2 courses in 2006, and hours of gleeful practicing over a dozen 2007 track days was finally “clicking” in the old gulliver. In last years non-Pulitzer prize winning article.. “The Perfect Curve“…I chronicled my (up to that point) crowning two-wheeled achievement which transpired on the last lap of the last track day of the season at the Barber Motorsports facility. A personal best that I’d relive over and over in my thoughts and dreams during the shitty winter non-riding months.. Was my one-time “perfect curve” a fluke? Or would I be able to repeat it when back on the track?

As soon as the 2008 Sportbiketracktime.com season schedule went “live” in early January, I booked no less than 6 weekends for the year with the first event starting this last April 12th. In the past, I have always signed up for the “intermediate” group and always felt right at home riding with similarly skilled riders, but a few of my riding buddies have been telling me I should move up to the advanced group. Something I honestly never thought seriously about. After all.. those advanced guys are REALLY fast. They aren't like us.. or are they?

Click Here To Read The Full Weepy Story..

While I thought about blowing them off, an insidious inner voice was reminding me that at last years last event I was probably the fastest intermediate rider on the track. Perhaps my buddies are right. Perhaps I should give the advanced group a try. If they can do it.. and they are no faster than I am.. Why shouldn’t I? Perhaps my skills are now good enough to ride with those guys.. Perhaps my testicles are of sufficient proportions. I mean.. how fast could the advanced group really be? Read the full weepy story here..

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Product Review: HJC CL-15 Orbit Helmet

Unlike most of my peers, I don't think the price of a helmet has any correlation whatsoever as to how safe it is or how desirable. Does this make me a moron? Perhaps, but in my skewered way of thinking, all helmets sold in the US have to pass the same rigorous tests. And Snell and/or DOT tests are better than any European tests so when its time to buy a helmet I just look at what appeals to the demons my head then figure out of I can procure it..

Recently I was thumbing though one of the 2000 flyers we get in the mail each day and this HJC CL-15 Orbit Helmet caught my eye. It was last years model and at a unbelievable close-out price (from NewEnough.com) of $69.US + shipping. Retail was close to $150 earlier in the year. While it's obviously no Arai... the most comfortable helmets on earth (and some of the most expensive) I was/am thoroughly impressed with the inexpensive Orbit.

The graphics on the Orbit are as good as any I've seen. That's what caught my eye in the first place. It has the standard features.... side and rear vents that don't do much... removable/washable cheek pads and inner liner... tool-less shield install and removal... and even a slide locking mechanism to keep the shield locked down for track riding. On a scale from 1-10 on the "how quiet is it" scale.. I'd give the HJC CL-15 Orbit a solid 7.5. On the "how comfortable is it" scale.. I'd give it a 7.5. On the value scale... I'd give it a 10. For under $80. this helmet is a killer deal.

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The 2008 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 Rally: Smells Like a Sweet Success!!

Thanks to all involved, you know who you are, and of course the great crew at www.I-BMW.com, for making this years event yet another success, albeit a wet one. I had to bail at the last minute as an out of state buyer was taking delivery of a motorcycle I was selling. Screwed my weekend plans. Drat!

The rally weather forecast sucked and didn't disappoint. The weekend weather wasn't pretty and did scare off quite a few planned attendees. Pussies. However.. from what I hear.. most persevered and a good time was had by all. Another good turnout by the the good people who frequent.www.I-BMW.com I have posted as many rally pics as I could plunder..er.. accumulate from the I-BMW site in our Pirates Lair Photo Album . It's the first album cleverly entitled.. Blue Ridge Parkway K12 Rally 2008 Enjoy! Hope I can make it next year. Check our rally section below for more I-BMW.com rallies for 2008.

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Barber News : Barber Motorsports Park To Expand in 2009!

George Barber said he plans to nearly double the size of his motorcycle museum and add a freakin' motocross track at his Barber Motorsports facility in Birmingham. George B, a dairy and real estate millionaire who built the current facility with 70 million of his own money, said ground would be broken in 2009 on the 100,000 square foot museum expansion which would allow them to display hundreds more motorcycles.

The existing museum space of 14,000-square feet allows for the display of only about 1/2 of Barber's 1200 bike collection.. widely regarded as one of the best collections in the world. I'm not kidding.. while I'm not a "museum" kinda guy.. the current museum rocks. If you walk through the doors, you'll be sucked in for at least a couple of hours.

The Barber Motorsport Park, (my favorite playground except for my wife's panties) has been operational for only 6 years now but has brought in over $370 million dollars to the local economy. If you've never been there.. you should consider it..

Dirt bikes suck, Andy!

What's New In the K1200S / K1200GT / K1200R / K1200RS No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and first generation GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these chat sites..

1. A lot of people, including myself, wanted a Laser HotCam in Carbon Fiber, but quickly learned that they don't offer one in CF for the K1200S or K1200R or R Sport.. only Titanium. When I asked Laser why they offer a CF version for other bikes, but not the K-series BMW's they just blew me off and said it was a heat issue. Well.. a customer of mine in Dubai thought their explanation was total BS so he bought a CF HotCam canister that was supposed to go on a Honda, bought a BMW mid-pipe and hanger bracket from us... installed it on his 2008 K1200S and he says it works perfectly!! He says he's had it on his bike over a month now with ambient temps reaching over 110 degrees and the pipe is looking and sounding great. Click image at right to see the Carbon Fiber Laser HotCam in all it's glory... See what you get with a little skepticism and determination?? Thx, Ziad.

Click For Larger Image If You Dare..

2. Anyone who needs help with the installation of the full set of R&G Crash Protectors on their BMW K1200R..., check out this web site: http://jocke.selincite.com/bikes/rg-crashprotectors

3. Pack Parts of Germany now has some K1200S Fork Protectors on their menu .. called the Original Cup-Protectors. The exchangeable plastic protectors are mounted by aluminium adaptors near the calipers. The kit containes everything you need for installation, 1 kit contains both sides. Here's a larger image..

4. ZTechnik has a taller, wider K1200GT VStream windshield on the market. The new version is 2.5" taller than their first VStream and 1.5" wider. Part # is Z2453 and retail is $210.. about twenty dollars more than the first version. Here are the specs: Height: 25.75 in. (65.4cm); Width: 25.25 in. (64.1cm) According to their website verbiage.."It's the perfect shield for taller riders or those who want even greater wind protection."

5. If you are a K1200R or K1200R Sport owner and looking for a taller aftermarket windshield.. There is now at least one option out there...Check out these options from Laminar Products. Geezz.. Not the prettiest things, but at least it's something.. Looks like they are offering at least 2 versions for the Sport.. Clear and Smoke and one option for the K1200R. Price looks reasonable. .$84ea. Thx for the tip, Forrest.

6. Listen up rubber fetishists.. Have you been wanting rubber between your boots and your metal K1200S footpegs?? We just found out that the rubber covered front foot pegs that come stock on the R1200R fit perfectly on the K1200S...They look similar to the old K1200RS factory pegs...Thx, JoeS.

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. As I foretold in last months cheesy newsletter..our legendary Pirates Lair K1200S Plundering Tees went fast and alas.. they are all SOLD OUT.

2. I just dropped the price of the Two Brothers M-2 Aluminum slip-ons for the K1200S, K1200R, K1200R Sport, and K1200GT from $640 to $590 and that includes the P-1 sound diffuser... all included in the price..

3. We just re-added the Brake LED Kits from Gizmo Mill to our K1200RS product line. The Brake LED Light Kit is simply the best K1200RS tail light kit on the market! Yes.. a bold statement especially since I have seen and/or tried just about everything out there. Each is visually stunning, easy to install, and is as clean as it gets. We have these In Stock!

4. FYI. Here's a bone for you sissy twin guys..We just found out that our Pirates' Lair Stealth Radar Detector Mount will fit the 2007 BMW R1200R...

5. Speaking of sissy twins... You don't have to be a Nostradamus to see this one coming.. Yes.. I just bought a Ducati 1098... Yes.. after I prophetically pronounced to the world "Norwegian flying snow monkeys will fly out my ass before I buy another twin." .. Not only am I eating my words.. I actually love this bike and honestly feel like a long term relationship is in store for me and the Italian beauty. So.. can a Ducati 1098 Product section be far behind? Expect that to go live in the next month or so..

6. A while back we started selling Billet Gas Caps for BMWs..They are beeautiful!!. I have one on my bike..Very stylish.. Up until now we've only been importing them with a silver finish. As of 4/18 we have started selling them with an anodized Black finish... We have those In Stock. Same price as the silver version..

7. FJR1300 Stealth Backrest Update: OK.. the GOOD news is... Our machinists have completed the first few production pieces with the balance just a week or so out. These 3 sold in about 5 minutes... . the BAD news is..The material that we order from Sargent seats for the covers (which matches the factory Yamaha material) has been back-ordered since Feb. Sargent had enough material for our prototypes and the 3 and now they are out and waiting for the next shipment from Asia..

K12 Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2008

I-BMW Summer Solstice Rally: June 19th-22nd, 2008 (Sponsored by www.I-BMW.com )

So it's set, the 2008 Summer Solstice Rally will again be in Stowe, Vermont.

Thursday Evening June 19th - Sunday the 22nd at ye Olde England Inn on the Mountain Road. It's close to town for those that might want to venture downtown on Stowe's famous Recreation Path.

Contact # 800-477-3771

Mention BMW Group when calling for these special rates:
~ $99 per night Sgl **
~ $109 per night Dbl **
~ Suites available for small groups (ask)
** (plus Tax and Gratuity)
~ Prices good through May 12th, then regular season rates will apply.

~ A one night deposit is required, 15 day cancellation period with a $25 cancellation fee.

The pub has 150 varieties of beer from all over the world.
Worth Mentioning - Because of state law, there is no alcohol allowed in the parking lot or on the grounds that wasn't purchased there. You can have it in your room.
The owner Chris Francis, has offered a bike washing station (no hotel towels needed).
The bike path and bike rentals are right across the road from the inn.

The Rides:

For those that come Thursday, on Friday we will be riding in the Adirondacks and meeting near Lake Placid at Tail O' The Pup Those coming Friday can meet us there.

Saturday's ride will be in Vermont's Northeast Kingdom with lunch at The Eastside Restaurant in Newport.

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I-BMW.com Track Day Weekend! Aug 16th-17th, 2008 (Sponsored by www.I-BMW.com )

Woohoo! The first ever BMW K12 track day weekend has been arranged by a member of www.I-BMW.com . The event is almost booked so act now or forever hold your piece... The weekend is confirmed and reserved. If you are a member of I-BMW.com or just a mere mortal and are interested in attending this event you should visit the site for full details.. Here's some basic info...

When: August 16 & 17, 2008 (Saturday & Sunday)
Where: Roebling Road Race Track (Savannah, GA area)
Cost: 1 instructional group with 10 people. Cost is $250.00 per day. $500 total. BOTH DAYS REQUIRED! 1 non-instructional with 20 people. Cost is $150.00 per day. $300 total. BOTH DAYS REQUIRED!

I'll be attending with at least 2 bikes. I think about 50% of the attendees will be on BMW's.. the other 50% on other brand bikes.. Ducati, MV Agusta, YamaHonSuzuSaki, etc. Hope to see you there.. in my mirrors.

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Sierra Goldrush K12 Rally: Sept 14th-18th, 2008 (Sponsored by www.I-BMW.com )

Westward ho!! Looks like the very first west coast I-BMW.com K12 rally is in the works and it's about freakin' time! The dates are confirmed.. the motel is not, but wise men are working on the final details. Will post as soon as the plans are finalized. FYI... I will attend this one in all my glory. How could I miss it??

Dates: September 14th through 18th, 2008
Location: Angels Camp/Sonora area... to be determined.

This area is the gateway to Yosemite and many spectacular Sierra passes. More information will be forthcoming next month. Mark your calendars! Details to follow!

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Deals Gap K12 Rally: Sept 25-28th, 2008 (Sponsored by www.I-BMW.com )

Well.. the last K12 rally of the year will again be at the Tapoco Lodge at Deal's Gap. Dates are set for Thursday Sept 25th - Sunday 28th. It won't hold us all, so make plans now! Amber and I are already booked!! This'll be the last K12 Rally of 2008, my friends. Be there or forever regret it like the time you blew that chance with those twins because you misread the subtle signals they were giving you..

Call NOW to reserve a room...!

Friday noon meal (12-1:00pm) will be at the Troll Restaurant in Helen, Ga (under the bridge)
Saturday noon meal (12-1:00 pm) will be at the Bistro, Telico Plains, Tennessee (western end of the Cherohala)

As usual, Fri and Sat evening will consist of tall tales, videos worthy of "Americas Most Wanted", and food in the Lodge. No set times.

Alternate Lodging in Robbinsville, NC. Microtel Motel.
Closest dealer (err, one in Knoxville yet?) Touring Sport BMW Greenville, SC

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have a new contribution this month.. WooHoo!! ?? Check out # 133 contributed by contributed by
Dan Bamford of Canberra, Australia .!!! Thx mate!!

Could this tip save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

BMW How-To Section

Our last contribution??
...contributed by Sir Rich Edwards.. He documented his '07 K1200GT Oil Change in pictures. It's the first listing on the page. Thx, Rich.

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues