Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. our subscriber version newsletter has been suspended as of June 1st, 2013. As much as I've tried to conjure the time to keep them flowing... I've come to realize that there are simply not enough hours in the day and something (other than my sanity and last remaining hair follicles) has got to give.. However.. our on-line version will continue ad infinitum. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen.  I will continue to email each of our former subscribers a notification of when a new newsletter is posted. Enjoy!

Prepare to be boarded!

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: Sept / October 2013 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

The Rock Ledge of Sietch Tabr is filled with Fedaykin and monks; Chani, Jessica, Gurney and stand together near the back. Paul moves out on the Rock Ledge overlooking the Hall of Rites which is crowded with Fremen warriors who chant "Maud'Dib" along with the powerful sounds of the wind organ and Fremen war drums.

Paul Atreides looks out over the masses... raises his open hand. *SILENCE* A hush falls over the Fremen gathering.

Paul: Arrakis... Dune... Desert Planet.
A quiet, haunting MOAN of recognition of a master rises from the Fremen.
Paul: (loud) Your time has come. (inner voice) Father... our time has come. (out loud again) A storm is coming -- our storm... and when it comes it will shake the Universe like the latest Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter. Emperor... we come for you!
A thunderous ROAR arises. War drums pound. The organ blows a hurricane of power through the sietch.
Paul: (he raises his crysknife) Long live the fighters!
Stilgar: Long live the fighters!
Fremen Warriors: (in unison...) : Long live the fighters!

Paul Atreides ... Kyle MacLachlan / Stilgar ... Everett McGill / Dune 1984

News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Foggy Morning in Windsor, Australia! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our Sept / Oct POTM was contributed by Matt the Kiwi (aka..KiwiMatt over at I-BMW.com) of Australia. He says of the shot... " This shot of my 2013 K1300R was taken at 5:40am on Sept 1st. This is the first day of spring down here. The place.. the Hawkesbury river in Windsor, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia. I took the SLR digital camera this time and tried to get a bit creative with pictures. For you camera enthusiasts it's a Canon 60D with Tamron 18-270 lens."

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S, K1300S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, S1000RR, K1600GT, GTL, or any model year K1200GT or K1300GT and B. In focus.

Click for Larger Image

---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

New Product: Remus "Short" Series Hexacone Slip-On Exhaust for K1200R/S/GT and K1300GT!

There are few things in life that men would admit to wanting shorter.. Off the top of my head I can only think of two... Time dedicated to foreplay.. and the exhaust canister on their bikes.

The Remus Hexacone is our biggest selling exhaust system. It outsells all others by a huge margin and for good reason. It looks damn good, sounds damn good, is reasonably priced, and offers longer lasting erections. I've seen and heard virtually every brand option exhaust for the K-bikes and the Hexacone has always ranked in my personal top 2. I chose a Laser Stealth HotCam 2 "shortie" over the Remus Hexacone for my K1200S for one reason and one reason alone.. The Laser is/was shorter.. IMHO the shorter the exhaust canister on one of these bikes.. the better looking they are. That was then... This is now..

Just heard that Remus now offers a 17" "shortie" Hexacone for the K1200R/S/GT and K1300GT. They'll be available in both Carbon Fiber and Titanium. As this goes to press I do NOT have them listed on our website, but I will within the next week or so. Details should be about the same as the standard Hexacone which we sell here. In case you are curious, yes.. they come with a removable noise insert. Sound will be a little louder than the standard Hexacone due to the shortness. As of today I only have these 3 pics to wet your appetite.. The Carbon Fiber version (pic at right)... the Titanium version .. and this side by side shot. Sorry..no pics of them actually installed on a bike yet.. Soon.

Click for Larger Image
If anyone is interested in buying one of these beauties, for now just email me and I can make it happen. Price will be the same as the standard Hexacone.. $840US delivered inside the US.

---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

New Two Bros CF "Short" Silver Series Slip-On Exhaust for K1300S / K1200S

Looks like this issue is gonna blow... Hot exhaust emissions, that is.. Here's some more exhaust information.......

I just got off the phone with my rep at Two Brothers Racing...   Most of you know we sell quite a few different brand exhausts for the BMW K1200S and K1300S... Staintune, Remus, Laser, Two Brothers, and until recently.. Akropovic..

About 95% of our exhaust sales for these specific bikes are Remus. We recently picked up Laser exhausts and I expect that brand will take a chunk out of our Remus sales. The other 5% of were divided between Staintune, Two Bros, and Akropovic.. I dropped Akropovic about a year ago as nobody wanted them for whatever reason... I think because they are larger than the competition and people seem to want small.... The Two Bros is another story...

Two Brothers Racing makes a great product.. Easily as good as the competition, but there are a few downsides that sway many customers away from the brand.
1. They use that huge carbon fiber weave pattern that doesn't match any other carbon fiber in the known universe. Have met few who liked it...
2. The "rubber band" canister hanger.  Some like it.. Some don't... It's definitely not as clean as the competition, but it really protects the exhaust....
3. You have to re-pack them periodically. That frightens away a lot of customers although it's not that difficult..
4. The badge/logo which until recently was riveted on... Now it's just an optional sticker...and the new logo is less "in-your-face."

Two Bros SILVER series Carbon Fiber Canister
Anyway.. getting back to my phone call.. Two Bros has an all new carbon fiber canister designated the Silver Series and it's EXACTLY what I've been asking them to produce for years... Here is the ONLY picture he had available..(above right). Not only is the carbon fiber a small pattern with a matching carbon fiber end cap (which matches other brand carbon fiber parts), and the logo is an optional sticker, but the canister is only 14".. Much shorter than virtually anything else on the market except maybe the new Laser HotCam 2 "shortie." I think Two Brothers measures the 14" without the end cap, BTW...

My rep told me they do NOT have any immediate plans on adding a SILVER series K1300S or K1200S kit to their on-line menu, but they would build them for Pirates Lair to order... exclusively for us..

With that said....We sell their standard Two Brothers Carbon Fiber slip-ons (I think they are 21" or so)  for $720-$760 delivered... If anyone wants to try one of these 14" Silver series slip-on kits for their K1200S or K1300S...for a limited time I'll make it happen for $700 delivered inside the USA. The price will include their optional P1X silencer. T the Two Bros logo decal would be included but not installed.

Again.. this is a special offer... If anyone is interested, feel free to email me for details or to arrange a purchase... FYI.. these are NOT listed on our website or on the Two Brothers website...

---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

Custom Exhaust Offer: Laser Stealth HotCam 2  Carbon Fiber "Shortie" for BMW K1200S / K1200R

As some of you know, for whatever reason Laser only sells the Laser Stealth HotCam 2 Carbon Fiber "Shortie for the BMW K1300S.. In fact.. they don't offer any Carbon Fiber exhaust for the K1200S. WTF??! After countless emails to their CEO I could never get an answer from them as to why they don't produce one for all the K1200Ss on the road which out-number the K1300's by 4-1... All they said was.. "we'll look into it."   yea right..

Anyway.. we started getting shipments of the K1300S Laser "shorties" a few weeks ago and I instantly fell in love with the small carbon fiber can and decided I wanted one on my bike no matter what it entailed. After discussing the issues with my welding/metal fabricator guys we came up with a modified Laser connector which allows for a K1200S owner to install the K1300S "shortie" to the bike..  Here's a shot of it on my bike.... I've been riding with it for the last few weeks now and it's definitely a keeper.. While I loved the previous (slightly longer) Stealth HotCam 2.. I like the shortie better.. It has an even deeper, slightly louder sound and IMHO.. is one of the shortest canisters on the market for the K bikes...Only the new Two Brothers Silver Series and/or the new Remus Hexacone "short" is comparable..

With that said... I've decided to offer this kit on our menu. Basically... our customers will be buying a complete K1300S Stealth HotCam 2 slip-on kit and Pirates Lair will custom modify the Laser connector to allow for K1200S install. Simple as that... The mod takes us 1 week or less.

Show Me More!
Before purchasing be aware that you'll not be able to use the oem K1200S heat shield which is true with any aftermarket system anyway... and the connector will show some minor welding discoloration and buffing abrasions. My guy spends very little time repolishing the connector to keep the cost down. Here's what mine looks like... IMHO.. a non-issue, but I feel I should point out that this is a custom-modified piece so it's NOT gonna look like it came out of a million dollar factory. Saavy? If the buyer wants to spend the time to polish one out to a mirror-like finish.. It is doable and he can do so on his own. For the K1200S Laser CF HotCam 2 Shortie.. Click Here. For the K1300S Laser CF HotCam 2 Shortie.. Click Here.

What's New In the BMW No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the K1200RS and first generation K1200GT have been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

1. For patrolling the wastelands... Mad Max would probably ride one of these.. Suprine Machinery's Exodus. There are 2 versions.. Both powered by a 1200cc BMW engine.. One will be turbo-charged. It looks like they are using the old K1200RS flat four engine and rear drive, which IMHO.. is a smart move.. It's arguably the best powerplant BMW has ever produced..They are taking deposits.. The standard model is around $55,000.US The Turbo "G" versions around $100,000. Custom versions equipped with "G" components likely will exceed $150,000.

2. Looking for bar-end mirrors for your K1200R or R Sport? Here are a few options... I like the look of this product made in Hong Kong... Black Billet Alu Imola CNC Bar End Mirrors BMW K1200R / K1200R Sport 05-08 06 07 Also... BikeBandit.com has some fold-up bar-end mirrors for the K1200R as well. Check their 2007 BMW K1200R Sport Mirrors (Universal)

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

3. Wanna save some money on your next oil filter?? Don't want to hassle with visiting your local extornionist..er.. dealer? Walmart now has the Bosch D-series oil filters for the BMW K1200RS... ie # D3330 for a reasonable $11.97. BTW... Bosch filters and Purolator are the same....from the same factory. The 3330 and the D3330 ARE interchangeable/compatible with each other and work perfectly on the K1200RS. Oh... and you'll need an oil filter wrench for it.. - part number W54106 Oil filter cap wrench from Advance Auto Parts . Thx, Trent J (poster over at I-BMW.com) for the info.

4. AS per the blurb above.., Remus is about to offer a shortie version of the K1300 / K1200S Titanium and Carbon Fiber Hexacones. They'll be the same 17" as the new Laser shortie and Two Brothers Silver Series. Sweet!! Had hoped to have more details and pics of them by the time this went to press but I simply couldn't get the info. Here is a teaser pic.. We should have them listed on the web site soon and will certainly have more details in the year end Nov/December issue. Stay tuned. Same bat time.. Same bat channel.

5. Want to cut down on your two-wheel travel expenses? Willing to take in traveling riders for a night or two? Not as anti-social as I am?? Here's an interesting idea.. Motorcycle Travel Network. I perused their website and it's a "Kum ba yah" type program for the budgeted "social" rider. Certainly cheaper than staying at motels and/or a good way to make a few bucks and maybe a few friends.. Worth a look....

6. The I-BMW Sierra Goldrush Rally (see details in rally section) has had a last minute venue change due to the spreading wildfires in California. Hate to hear this with just a week's notice, but it is what it is. Thanks to Charlie W (aka Kneedragger over at I-BMW.com) for the valiant effort to keep the rally on track. Full updated details are in our rally section below.

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. New Product Alert! We just got our first shipment of Oberon Clutch Cylinder Kits kits from the UK! These are designed to improve the efficiency of the original clutch slave cylinder for K1200/K1300 engines. Do you want a smoother clutch action and easier pull on your K1300S or K1200S? Sure you do... Then we have a kit for you...

2. We've been selling Original Grip Buddies Super Sharkskin Motorcycle Grips for about a year now and have gotten lots of positive feedback. I see that Rider Magazine just posted their own on-line review of the product.. All good... The lazy man's way to replace those crappy oem grips...

3. As per the blurb above.. We are taking orders for the Laser Stealth Carbon Fiber Hotcam 2 "shortie" for the BMW K1200S, K1200R, and R Sport. No one else on the planet has them.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

4. We just got our first shipment of Oberon's K1300S / K1200S Touring Footpeg Kit from the UK. These imported billet aluminum peg kits (from Great Britain) are sleek, attractive, and durable. While we plan on keeping silver in stock, we can special order these in Blue, Red, Black, Gold, or Titanium. Expect about a 3 week wait on colors. Our kits come complete with (2) front and (2) rear pegs and all necessary mounting hardware to make your K13/K12 stand out in a sea of mediocrity. They are machined to precise measurements and is a direct replacement to the existing footpeg - No mods necessary. Chimp easy install. Chimp not included.

5. Looking for a way to lower the footpegs on your BMW K1300S, K1200S, K1200R? Need a little more leg room? Or just want to rid yourself of those boring, butt-ugly oem pegs? Gaze upon yet another exclusive offering from Pirates' Lair... The SSR K13/K12 Footpeg Relocating Kit. These billet aluminum pegs are both functional and easy on the eyes. Not only are they infinitely adjustable and lightweight, but they come in all sorts of color combinations. Each footpeg offers two lowering positions with fore and aft positions as well. Choose between 25mm & 40mm lower than oem. The mid position drops the peg 1" lower than stock. The lowest position drops the peg another 1/2" or a total of 1.5" lower than stock. Also.. if you don't want to lower your pegs, but do want to replace your boring oem pegs, you can mount the SSR pegs in the oem position for a tasty, custom look.

6. During the month of December, Pirates Lair will be giving away a Free Pirates Lair Kickstand Pad with each order to every customer currently serving in the military... If you are on active duty, just ask and you shall receive. This is our humble way of saying "Thank you for all you do, soldier..."

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

K12 / K13 / K16 Rally Event News : 2013

SGR Rally / Change Of Venue Notice 8/27! Due to the raging wildfires sweeping the area, SGR rally organizers have changed the venue. Currently, the fires are approaching 400 square miles and only 60% contained. Communities along the lower sections of our favorite passes (such as Hwy 108, Sonora Pass) are being evacuated. Most of our favorite roads are either burned, in the path of the fire, or inundated with heavy smoke... It's the biggest fire in California since 1987!...Plans (that we've had posted for over a year) for the Markleeville location at the Creekside Lodge have been cancelled as of 8/27/13 - Plan B plans are posted below.

The 6th Annual I-BMW Sierra Goldrush Rally: Sept 6th-10th, 2013

Where: 49er Gold Country Inn
Where: Weaverville, CA
When: Friday, September 6th… check out date is estimated to be Tuesday, September 10th
Reservations: 530-623-4937

5 Economy rooms with one queen bed... $60 for 1 person, $65 for 2
1 Economy room with two queens... $75 for 2 people
5 Deluxe rooms with 2 queens... $85 for 2 people

Here is what they have available for Friday, 9/6 through Tuesday, 9/9...

They are located in the center of town with 6 restaurants within walking distance, including one next door that has a breakfast special for motel guests. The rooms are all well equipped, including wifi.

We need to move quickly to secure these rooms. If you plan to attend, you should call immediately to make your reservation, and be sure to tell them that you are part of the I-BMW motorcycle group!! 530-623-4937. PS... IMPORTANT... don't forget to cancel your reservation in Markleeville!! Jeannie at Creekside Lodge... 530-694-2511 or Sandy at Toll Station 530-694-2507

NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an official sponsor of any posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

---------------------------------------- Last I-BMW Rally of 2013 ----------------------------------------

The 14th Annual I-BMW Deals Gap Rally: October 3-6th, 2013

Where: Fontana Village Resort
Nearest town: Robbinsville, NC
When: October 3rd-6th, 2011 [Thur-Sunday]
Reservations: Direct 800.849.2258

Geezz. Have we been doing this for 14 years? I've had marriages that didn't last that long. 20 lodge rooms w/ 2 queen beds/ns: $85+tax - 6 2br cabins with 1 queen and 2 twin beds/kitchen/ns: $120+tax When calling, specify room or cabin. Cabins will be either the Laurel or Hemlock cabins. Reservations for blocked out rooms will end 45 days prior. Saavy? Be sure to mention i-bmw group when booking. Amber and I will be there. Neither of us will be wearing panties.

...and don't forget... Pirates Lair will be offering your choice of either Pirates Lair Plundering hats, Pirates Lair tees, or $25 gift cards to anyone who achieves a "velocity award" while in transit to or from or at the rally itself.. If we don't reward bad behavior... who else will?? Arrrrrrg.

Be there!!!

NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an official sponsor of any posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

---------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have no new contributions this month. Our last safe riding tip # 162 was sent in by Stephen M Jones of Perth, Wa! Thx, bro. Could his tip save your life? Dare you not look?.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-hundred page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

The last contribution for our How-To section is..
How-To Install Verholen 85mm Handlebar Riser Installation on 2010 K1300S contributed by Sir Stephen Myott. Thx, Steve.

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

---------------------------------------- --------------------------------------

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues