Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy K12 newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell .. I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek, amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.
So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: June 2005 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the day.....

As the boat drifts alongside the seemingly never-ending curve of the cyclorama, TRUMAN's attention is drawn to an outline in the otherwise flawless backdrop. He retrieves the identikit picture of Sylvia from his coat pocket and clambers to the prow of the boat. There, camouflaged in the painted skyscape just above the water line, is a door. Truman walks the few steps to the top and grabs hold of the recessed doorhandle. He stands in front of the door and closes his eyes in a silent prayer. CHRISTOF opens a small panel on his desk, breaks a seal, and speaks into the emergency P.A. system that is linked to the entire studio.

Christof: Truman!. Christof's voice booms over the now calm ocean.
Christof: Truman! Truman drops the handle as if his hand has been burned. He looks all about him.
Christof: You can speak. I can hear you. Truman takes a moment to overcome his fear and astonishment.
Truman: Who are you?
Christof: I'm the creator...of a TV show - that gives hope and joy and inspiration to millions.
Truman: (incredulous) Then who am I?
Christof: You're the star. Truman struggles to take it all in.
Truman: Nothing was real.
Christof: The Cheesy Pirate's Lair Newsletter was real! That's what made it so good to read. Christof picks up a slim, flat monitor. He swivels in his chair and gazes intently at the image of Truman he now holds in his hands.
Christof: Listen to me, Truman-- On the screen, Truman again reaches for the door handle.
You can leave if you want. I won't try to stop you. But you won't survive out there. You don't know what to do, where to go. A wave of doubt washes over Truman's face.
Christof: Truman, I've watched you your whole life. I saw you take your first step, your first word, your first kiss. I know you better than you know yourself. You're not going to walk out that door--
Truman: --You never had a camera in my head.
Christof: Truman, there's no more truth out there than in the world I created for you - the same lies and deceit. But in my world you have nothing to fear. Truman seems to be considering the possibilities. He looks at the picture of Sylvia in his hand.
Christof: (suddenly angry) Say something, damn it! You're still on camera, live to the world...!
Truman: In case I don't see you--good afternoon, good evening and good night. He steps through the door .....

Truman / Jim Carrey/ Christof /Ed Harris..The Truman Show (1998)

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Back in Black from Machu Pichu: You Can Relax Now

As most of you know, we were closed for 10 days a couple of weeks ago for a long overdue vacation to Peru. We appreciate everyone's understanding while we were closed. If you get bored, check out our photos! I loaded these in TWO albums.. one is mostly of the trip.. the other is mainly the Machu Pichu ruins...Go to http://pirateslair.smugmug.com/ or http://www.community.webshots.com/user/pirate0007

Once there, over on the far RIGHT hand side.. click on NEWEST This will take you to BOTH the Peru albums...FYI.. I posted my trip report at http://www.i-bmw.com/
in the "Ride Tales" section. You'll need to log-in to view it. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll have a clue as to what to expect should you ever make the sojourn...

BMW in Moto Grand Prix Racing?

Sources in Europe are saying that until just a few weeks ago, BMW was actually looking into a fully financed Moto GP Racing team...With the advent of the new S and R bikes and their new attempt at garnering a new, younger image with heaps of horsepower and boring Japanese-like styling... it seems like a logical step, similar to what MV is now doing with the new 1000cc F4. BMW corporate had the meetings, approved the funding, but when it came to choosing a rider.. all wanted moto-god Valentino Rossi. All agreed that if they couldn't get him.. what's the point..? Bottom line.. they couldn't get him.. Project (we hear) is dead.

K1200RS/GT/LT Cam Kit On the Market from Rhinewest Performance, Inc

A clarification from Starfleet Command on the new Rhinewest, Inc K1200RS/GT/LT Cam Kits I mentioned in last month's newsletter...

"The Cam Kit does NOT include cams.. but instead..the kit replaces the cam sprockets. We'll offer a sprocket set (both intake and exhaust). The reason these only work best with the stock exhaust is because of the back pressure created, it helps to boost the torque. If you install these on a bike with a freeflow exhaust you will not see any gain, (for now) At the moment only have the kits for the K1200RS/GT early and late. and for the K1200LT 05 only. We will be working on the early LTs soon."

Hank Arriazola
Rhine West Performance

What's New In the K1200RS/GT/S/R No-Spin Zone

1. Speaking of RW Chips.. (For you 2005 LT people).. Just got off the phone with Sir Jim of Rhinewest and he said the 05 LT Chip is not gonna happen after all... He didn't give details..The 05 LT Cam Kit is still coming but NOT ready for release.. He will notify us as soon as he has info on availability and price..

2. Verholen of Germany has some sort of fairing spacer for the K1200S bike..offering better wind protection. Cost is just under $25US... Very clever..

3. Attention you "S" and "R" owners...Baxley, makers of the wood-giving Baxley Wheel Chocks just raised their pricing by $10ea across the board..The greatest invention since the Auto Suck, IMHO..

4. From time to time I hear from somebody about their ZTechnik tank protector's glue coming loose or wanting to know if you can remove them and reuse on another bike. I usually tell them .. "No...you moron-wannabe.. it's a one-time application so get it right the first time..".. However.. here's a useful tidbit of info from fellow K12'er and former man without stick..Sir Mark Cooperstein
" I finally found some MEK (Methyl Ethyl Ketone). Most hardware stores carry it, and I found a quart size container for about $5. Ends up that you only need a tablespoon or so, but I have to tell you it *does* work! It reactivates the glue on the ZTechnik tank protector like magic! It went on, and stayed on, even though it had a years worth of crud on the back of it from sitting on a table in my garage. "

5. We've heard a rumor that a certain British company is working on frame sliders for the K1200S and K1200R bikes...

6. A customer pointed us to an all new British-made GT fairing option ..Written material says...
"This Upgrade KIT has been specially developed for the BMW K1200GT in close collaboration with the Dutch Police authorities and tested by the RDW Centre for Vehicle Technology and Information. It upgrades the BMW K1200GT to an excellent all conditions sport/touring machine. The Upgrade KIT contains: New handlebar for more comfortable riders position; Higher positioned windscreen, the original electrically adjustable windscreen is positioned 14cm higher; New re-designed glass fiber parts;front and wider, more protective, side parts; Intergraded mirrors of the BMW K 1200 LT which provide optimum sight."

7. Need parts for your BMW? Need a part #? The parts fiche for most Beemers including the new "S" bike is available on the Max BMW site...

8. Along with Sargent, Mayer, Russell, Corbin, and La-Z-Boy... there's a new seat on the market for our beloved K bikes from http://www.kontourseat.com/
Here's some info from Kon Tour Jedi Knight, Ron K. Miller
"KonTour is a patented, 6 layer, air cooled, infinitely adjustable, damped, temperature regulated and breathable composite seat that utilizes the best characteristics of modern high tech materials and combines them to create the ultimate solution for motorcycle seat comfort. KonTour was designed by a team of motorcycle test riders, a doctor, an automotive engineer, a commercial pilot and a human factors specialist to be the ultimate in comfort and luxury. From the ground up and inside out, KonTour addresses specific shortcomings inherent in stock OEM motorcycle seat design. The result is nothing short of revolutionary and defines our motto: KonTour Seat: Like Butt-ahh!

9. Well.. If you have over 30K on your K1200RS/GT/LT, not only are your shocks worn out, but your steering damper is too. Good news. Wilbers of Germany / Wilbers, USA now has a bolt-on kit and we're working out details to sell them. Price should be around $330 delivered.. and will offer 22 adjustments. FYI.. the factory dampener offers none and I think goes for $260. Interested? e-mail me

10. Are Deals Gap and/or the Blue Ridge Pky too far for you to come for a K12 Rally? I feel ya, you west coasters. Well... dry dem crocodile tears as a fellow K12'er is working on a possible Lake Tahoe K12 Rally !! Will post info as it comes in... Sure hope this one works out..!! Damn beautiful place.

11. There's a sweet looking Tinted Double Bubble Windshield coming out of France for the K1200S.. We're trying to get more info. Anyone interested? Price looks to be 118.00 Euro = $144.USD before shipping.

12. IPod getting wet? without foreplay? Ram Mounts will soon have a waaay cool solution. We just heard from them about the upcoming RAM Aqua Box Enclosures for MP3's & Satellite Radios. There will be 2 sizes, the Aqua Box 2 (medium size for the std. iPod, Creative, Dell, MyFi, etc) and the Aqua-Box 3 for the mini series of MP3 players. Check out their website at http://www.ram-mount.com/ Due on the market in 30-45 days. For additional info contact them at staff@ram-mount.com or Phone: 206-763-8361

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. We now have Throttlemeister's for the K1200S, K1200R, AND R1200GS on our menu. However.. our first shipment SOLD OUT instantly. The good news is... we hope to have more in 2-3 days. If I owned an "S"or "R" bike.. this would be the FIRST accessory I'd buy (after the Auto Suck, of course.). Throttlemeister makes TWO versions for the "S" bike. We will carry only the standard version. They also make a heavier and slightly longer model, but I chose NOT to carry it as I personally think the shorter version, which works EXACTLY the same, looks better on the "S" bike. And in the end.. isn't it my opinion that matters most?

2. Increasing: Prices just went up a few dollars across the board on the Wilbers shocks for the K1200RS/GT/LT...

3. Decreasing: Prices just went down a full 100 Euro on our MV Agusta Wilbers shocks.. Go figure..

4. We'll have a new K1200S/R Helmet Lock on the menu any day now... Very cool.. very sleek.. and as the lock is made by BMW, you should be able to use your ignition key to unlock the helmet lock.. in theory. Will list them on our "S" and "R" bike Product page as soon as we have them in stock. We'll have 2 versions.. One for the bikes with the black frame.. and one for the silver..Install is under 10 minutes. Isn't your hat worth it?

5. We are currently testing the prototype of our Suzuki V-Strom Stealth Backrest. Just posted the first pics of the design at http://pirateslair.net/SuzukiV.htm While it isn't as quite as sleek as we were hoping for, it looks as sturdy as a Pit Bull on steroids. If all goes well.. will go straight into production. Why the Suzuki? We get a lot of requests for them..and divine providence.

6. As per a little known Nostradamous prophesy.. our R1200GS Stealth Backrest hit the market this month!... Spread the news, my brethren. Baby needs a new pair of Corsas.

7. We have Verholen "S" BarRisers and "S" Peg Lowering Kits in transit from Verholen of Germany. Web pages are up!

8. Become one with your new K1200S with a factory shop manual on CD ROM from BMW.. We have a large shipment on order... No delivery date as of yet..

9. Speaking of the K1200S... we have a few other goodies in transit from Germany.. Not sure yet if they'll fit the "R" but they should.. In Transit.. Passenger Peg Lowering Kits and Shift Lever Extensions...

10. After a 13 freakin' week wait.. we finally have the PIAA Light Kits In Stock for the K1200RS and GT

11. We just received our first shipment of MV Agusta Clear Blinker Lenses . We have them for the front and rear.. F4 and Brutale. Waaay cool.

12. Artwork for the new Pirates' Lair Hats is almost done... As with the tee's, they will be available in limited numbers.

13. The latest issue of MCN (Motorcycle Consumer News) has a great write up/review of our venerable Honda ST1300 Stealth Backrest by legendary moto journalist and former Sith Lord.. Fred Rau. In a word.. it rocked his world..and.. we're greatful for the kind review.

14. Hate to be the bearer of bad tidings but for our K12RS/GT customers waiting for the Austrian-made Carbon Fiber front fenders... I've decided to cancel our order with the importer.. refund all payments.. and call it a f#@*ed up day. FYI.. They have been on back-order for 3 months and IMHO.. this is inexcusable. Bottom line.. I'm mad as hell and not gonna take it any more.. You just have to draw the line somewhere, my friends...

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2005

The 6th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally ...will again be held at the Tapoco Lodge in 2005, Sept 29th-Oct 1st to be precise. It won't hold us all, so make plans now! No sign-up sheet yet. Just reserve a room and be there! Most of us from this year already have a room, so it's not too soon to plan.
(info provided by the quasi-esteemed moto-god...Tim Hudspeth.. a.k.a CBNFVR) Glad to know that besides Bill O'Reilly.. someone else is looking out for us.. Thanks Tim.

The 2006 Hill Country Rally is already in the works!! ! Here's a note from our good pardner James Myrick,... next year's organizer.....
"Well partners, the Texas Hill Country Roundup 2006 date is official: We are going for 4 days of two wheel fun in the country this time around. April 12 ( Wed.) 13,14, 15 and if you wish Sunday 16th ( Easter ). It will be at "The Inn of the Hills " so mark your calendars. Details to follow in a few months. "

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have a new contribution this month!!.. from quasi-esteemed Don "Old Man" Smith..Co-founder VMOA #2 . Check it out # 85 Will it save your life? Do you dare NOT look? Do you feel lucky? Well... do ya punk?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

BMW How-To Section

No contributions this month..
Guess that kinda wraps this one up. Ride safe and best wishes for a good summer!.... See ya in my mirrors...

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues