Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA.

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: Sept 2003 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed K12 Riders..There is nothing wrong with your monitor. Do not attempt to adjust the picture - We have control of the transmission. If we wish to make it louder... we will bring up the volume... If we wish to make it softer.. we will tone it to a whisper; we will control the horizontal ; we will control the vertical. For the next few minutes .. sit quietly as we will control all that you see and hear. We repeat there is nothing wrong with your monitor. You are about to participate in a great adventure. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... the Outer Limits...er...i mean.. Pirates' Lair! Guess what?!. It's time for yet another cheesy K12 newsletter to invade your personal space and clutter your in-box, but with the quasi-noble intent of informing you of what's new in the BMW K1200RS/GT community and... at Pirates' Lair. This one will be a little short as I just came off a week of vacation and with the big rally hitting this week...

Rally News/Info: What's Next?

"Kick Out the Jams" as this weekend is the the 4th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally. Last I heard there were almost 80 K12's sighed up.. Fingers crossed for good weather as the latest hurricane moves towards the east coast. David A's official website is at http://abrahamson.net/dgr2003/index.htm
The finest K12 Rally of the year, IMHO... will again be held at the very laid back Topoco Lodge. Lodge just minutes from the world famous Tail of the Dragon.. One of the most awesome motorcycle roads on earth. Mark your calender for September 18, 19th, 20th.

Tapoco Lodge Resort
14981 Tapoco Road
Robbinsville, North Carolina 28771
828.498.2435 or 800.822.5083 Tell them you are with the BMW K12 group.

The Microtel in Robbinsville is an alternate lodging place. Tapoco is probably booked! (FYI... the primary 'meeting' spot is Topoco) if you want to check out the area... Tail of the Dragon is an excellent resource for the area at http://www.tailofthedragon.com/

and in case you've been pre-occupied with that pic of the Brittany Spears/Madonna lip lock (damn that was sweeet..) and haven't heard....Amber and I are hosting a Pre-Deals Gap Rally Party and you're all invited!!!... it's thisThursday September 18th Evening/Night. 4PM-??

We will be providing simple foods (burger's, hot dogs, squid, beverages..), good conversation, friendship, and of course a bike wash to all who would like to stop by our house on Thursday around 4pm on their way to the rally. If you can't make the rally but can stop in.. please do. FYI.. we live just 5 minutes off the BRPW on Hwy 74A East.. this is also 5 minutes of I-40

Directions to our home:
If you come in via 40 you would get off at exit 53A...once you get to the end of the ramp You can only go east (right) here. you'll be on Hwy 74 (which is a well known local speed-trap) ...We live on this hwy.. no turns. we'll be 5.6 miles on your right .. almost directly across the street from Angelo's Restaurant... we have a 3 story STONE house.. BLUE reflectors at driveway...small flag on the mailbox. If you make it to the BPgas station (100 yds past us) you have gone too far..
If you come in via the BRPW.. our exit is right at MM 385 . They'll be (2) Hwy 74 exits off the pky. you'll need to take 74East. Once you get to the end of the ramp you'll be on Hwy 74 (which is a well known local speed-trap)...We live on this hwy.. no turns. We'll be 5.6 miles on your right .. almost directly across the street from Angelo's Restaurant... we have a 3 story STONE house.. BLUE reflectors at driveway...small flag on the mailbox. If you make it to the BPgas station (100 yds past us) you have gone too far..
If you come in via 19/23.. Merge and follow to 240 E.. and follow as it runs through town and directly into 74A (which is the road we live on and a well known local speed-trap) just on the east side of Asheville. Signs will say to Lake Lure or Chimney Rock or BatCave. As you pass the Blue Ridge Pkw Entrance hit your trip meter and we'll be 5.6 miles on your right .. almost directly across the street from Angelo's Restaurant... we have a 3 story STONE house.. BLUE reflectors at driveway...small flag on the mailbox. If you make it to the BP gas station (100 yds past us) you have gone too far..
If you have a GPS...
N 35 31.358
W 082 25.037
For reasons even a mental defect should be able to discern, we will NOT be providing any alcohol, however...if you must imbibe.. beer is sold within 100ft of our house.... not yards... ft.

As some of you already know we have a very small house and no guest accommodations, but will gladly provide a list of local hotel/motels if requested. FYI.. there is a Comfort Inn just 7 minutes away.. I am planning to leave for the rally around 10-ish Friday morning after breakfast for the leisurely... er.. spirited 2.5 hour ride down the Blue Ridge Parkway to the Topoco Lodge.. headquarters of this year's rally. Anyone who wants to join in the ride down is welcome...

If you are interested in coming, please let us know. Please email the lovely (and semi-nude) Amber @ piratesmate@acelink.net

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2004 /

The 2004 Hill Country Rally is already in the works for April 8-11, 2004 in Kerrville, Tx. Barry Gibbs, the "seasoned" rally organizer (and chief political adviser to Gary Coleman) speaks... "I have already reserved a block of rooms at Inn of the Hills in Kerrville, TX and made arrangements for the Friday night dinner at the hotel. I will update the Rally website later this summer and start taking reservations in the Fall. So mark those dates on your calendar right now. The Hill Country Rally is one of the best K1200RS rallies to be held anywhere. Great roads, no traffic and Texas hospitality. Go to www.nine-eleven.com/rally and check the photos of the 2003 Rally."

The 2004 Blue Ridge Parkway Rally has been planned for May 6-9, 2004 and will be held at the Inn at Afton in Charlottesville, VA at http://www.theinnatafton.com/index1.html-ssi or (800) 860-8559.) Rally planners have locked in 108 rooms / Rate = $50 a night. Reference "BMW" when calling. You will probably be assigned a room number. King or Double rooms, smoking or non, if guarantee needed after 6 be sure to request. Fri Sat Sun breakfast buffet available. Saturday evening buffet in planning (meal at the Inn means no night driving a.k.a... 2 wheeled deer tag, rain, drinks not a problem, etc. Register at http://abrahamson.net/brpr2004/index.htm I booked my room already.

What's new in the K1200RS News...?

1. Word on the cyber-wind is that the ONLY changes to the 2004 KRS or GT's will be new paint ...Yawn..

2. As reported last month, Verholen now has a new backrest on the market at www.verholen.de We received a sample and ran it through our vigorous testing and decided that it needed some minor mods before we agree to sell them. We forwarded detailed instructions to the German company of what we wanted changed and have yet to hear back from them. Overall.. it is a very simple and well designed piece, but honestly.. have yet to meet a German engineer that took our advice. Could be just too busy with the wedding plans, etc... We'll see. I have pics upon request. To use it you must already have the BMW soft bag tail bag system.

3. Speaking of Verholen.. as of 8/6/03 they have discontinued their K1200RS Hubcaps for both the 5.0 wheels and the newer wider 5.5 version..Yes.. this is a pisser and yes.. we're sold out.

4. There are now 2 companies producing GT barbacks. RCU has a version... Suburban Machine has one. American Machine bailed on their GTBB project due to all the cable weirdness.

5. RB Racing has updated their website with new Black Hole Exhaust info... a short film.. and a well-made sound clip. http://www.rbracing-rsr.com/blackhole/bmwk1200exhausts.html Have heard from one upset customer who pre-paid months ago... and has yet to see a product. No idea if they are behind on the project or experiencing problems. Any feedback would be appreciated..

.What's new at Pirates' Lair?

1. Those waaay cool SILVER Carbon Fiber Huggers from Germany are in stock. This is simply some beautiful stuff. You can gaze upon this exclusive Silver Carbon at http://piratesk12site.net/Hugger1.htm

2. We now have Staintune Exhaust Systems in stock. It's been a long time coming, my friends. I can say this ... In my opinion, it’s the best sounding K12 exhaust out there. Nuff said.... Page is up at http://piratesk12site.net/Staintune.htm with a sound clip. and just because I care... we will also carry a cleaner to keep your pipe looking as sexy as Shania Twain in a see-through teddy.

3. The all new Pirates' Lair K1200RS Tees at http://www.piratesk12site.net/Tee.htm are in stock. First printing is of the most beautiful K1200RS ever produced, IMHO... the Classic 98 Dakar Yellow. A second version featuring the Marrakech RED bike is being produced this week. Inside Scoop: We have just heard that J-LO and Ben Affleck have ordered TWO of the Red version and will be wearing them in the post wedding photos rather than the planned Vera Wang and Armani. The fact that we will not be able to deliver them for another week or so is the "real" reason the wedding was postponed... You heard it here first...

4. GT Owners: Barbacks Update: Good news.. !! We should have some in stock within the next few days. We have chosen to carry only the Suburban Machine barbacks. Suburban is approaching the barback concept with an all out assault on the problem. Not only will they offer 40mm barbacks (at $140), but as an option they will offer a kit with (2) custom made, longer throttle cables so the customer can run the lines under the triple clamp for a cleaner look. Cost of the Suburban Kit with longer lines is $220. Like the American Machine version, they also change the grip angle by 10 degrees. No changes to brake hose or clutch hose will be necessary on either brand 'backs. As per the prophesy.. web page is up at http://piratesk12site.net/gtbb.htm

5. About a month ago, at the request of the designer, we pulled the Avant Guard Radar Mount at http://piratesk12site.net/Avant.htm off the market for a minor tweaking. No... no problems worth freaking out about...Apparently a few customers mentioned a screw or two loosening up or too much flex when hitting pot-holes in the cities with crappy roads like NY, Detroit, St. Louis. The new version will has been strengthened for less flex and different mounting hardware will be added ...Should be back on the market in a week or two... He has suggested to all who have previously purchased them to add a drop of fingernail polish (any color is fine, duh) as a locking agent as Loctite does not work with non-metal screws. Appreciate all the feedback.

6. Many of you may have noticed that we have a new button on the index page at http://piratesk12site.net/ for the MV Agusta F4. Amber recently forced me to purchase one as a second bike and belive me.. if you think finding RS/GT accessories is tough.... finding anything for this bike is akin to finding Beyonce Knowles lathered and naked and waiting for you in your shower. As I can NOT leave well enough alone.. I am designing a few items for this bike.. rear sets, barbacks, etc.. which will A. Allow me to have what I need/want/desire and B. Allow me to write off the bike, insurance, tires, etc.. on my taxes...Isn't this a great country?? As products become available I will activate the button... Hmmm.. As I recall.. this is how I got started in this biz in the first place.... geeezzz. Somebody stop me..

7. Our K1200RS/GT Custom Footpeg Kits project is complete.First order has left the UK and should be in my grubby hands in a matter of days. http://piratesk12site.net/TopGear.htm Amber and I both prefer these to the factory pegs and allow for more ground clearance over the factory pegs.

8. Cruise Controls!!..The MotorCycle Cruise Controls are back on the market and as promised, we have them in stock for the 98-01 K1200RS (manufactured by the Australian Guymer brothers) Like crack, sex, or Mountain Dew... once you've tried it.. you'll never be able to do without.. http://piratesk12site.net/Cruise.htm

9. We will soon be phasing out 90% of our line of R1150R products.. Why? These people are simply not buying anything.. not supportive at all.. Tired of wasting my time and brain cells. So it is written.. so let it be done.

New How-To Links at http://piratesk12site.net/Howto.htm

None this month, but If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To.. we'd be more than happy to link you up to our site. Might be your only chance to be respected and admired by your peers. Just send us the URL or if you are HTML ignorant.. maybe we could work it up for you if you furnish it on floppy disk or CD.

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues