Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. our subscriber version newsletter has been suspended as of June 1st, 2013. As much as I've tried to conjure the time to keep them flowing... I've come to realize that there are simply not enough hours in the day and something (other than my sanity) has got to give.. However.. our on-line version will continue ad infinitum. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen.  I will continue to email each of our former subscribers a notification of when a new newsletter is posted. Enjoy!

Prepare to be boarded!

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: November 2004 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed K12 Riders.... ..A famous (and slightly edited) movie moment to start the day......

The Rock Ledge of Sietch Tabr is filled with Fedaykin and monks; Chani, Jessica, Gurney and stand together near the back. Paul moves out on the Rock Ledge overlooking the Hall of Rites which is crowded with Fremen warriors who chant "Maud'Dib" along with the powerful sounds of the wind organ and Fremen war drums.

Paul Atreides looks out over the masses... raises his open hand. SILENCE. A hush falls over the Fremen gathering.

Paul: Arrakis... Dune... Desert Planet.
A quiet, haunting MOAN of recognition of a master rises from the Fremen.
Paul: (loud) Your time has come. (inner voice) Father... our time has come. (out loud again) A storm is coming -- our storm... and when it comes it will shake the Universe like the latest Chessy Pirates Lair Newsletter. Emperor... we come for you!
A thunderous ROAR arises. War drums pound. The organ blows a hurricane of power through the sietch.
Paul: (he raises his crysknife) Long live the fighters!
Stilgar: Long live the fighters!
Fremen Warriors: (in uinson...) : Long live the fighters!

Paul Atreides / Kyle MacLachlan / Stilgar / Everett McGill / Dune 1984

Yes, it's time again you, the election weary masses.. Time to invade your personal space and clutter your in-box, but with the quasi-noble intent of informing you of what's new in the BMW K1200RS/GT community and... at Pirates' Lair.

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Word from Rhinewest Performance, Inc Regarding Chip Compatibility with the new ECU..

This just in from my good friend, Jim Adair... VIP at Rhinewest Performance, Inc.. waaaay down in Texas...Makers of the best damn KRS/GT Chip on the market (pasted and edited for content)

"....and if you have customers with the new ECU for their RS/GT we strongly suggest they not install aftermarket software (our's or any others). .."
Jim Adair

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Blue Ridge Motorcycle Campground : Request for Help

Not sure if any of you have ever visited the Blue Ridge Motorcycle Campground just off the Pky just south of Mt. Pisqua, but it is/was simply an astonishingly beautiful camping oasis for two-wheelers. It is one of the few motorcycle-specific campgrounds in the east coast. Run by motorcyclists for motorcyclists. The bad news is.. owners (and friends) Phillip and Leslie Johnson just informed us that they are closed indefinitely due to the damage caused by the string of hurricanes that pummeled them recently. The storms tore out their 100ft bridge, which was the ONLY way in and did serious damage to some of the cabins, buildings, and roadways on the property. FEMA came in and gave them a whopping $460.00.. Geezz.. They are currently trying to figure out if they can reopen at all. For more info or to offer any help, check out their website
Click image to right for larger view of the pre-storm property. 

What's New In the K1200RS/GT World

1. Many choose not to believe/trust the results posted at http://www.radartest.com/ as to the best detector on the market as there is reputed bad blood between them and highlander, Mike Valentine..(There can be only one, ya know...) Long story.. don't ask.. Just found a new test and it seems VERY comprehensive...and with slightly different results.. Check it out at http://www.speedzones.com/

2. I just found out that contrary to what that moron ..( er..me..) reported in our last cheesy newsletter.. There will NOT be a Rhinewest Staintune Specific Chip There was apparently a communication breakdown.. Apparently they were referring to an LT Chip.. NOT the KRS/GT. as Rosanne Rosanadana use to say... "Nevermind." Also found out that Rhinewest is working on new chips for the 2005 LT and R1200GS.... and this info has been confirmed as correct..

3. Is your 2003 or 4 K1200RS or GT stumbling at cold start-up.. idling erratically? Poor performance? Erectile dysfunction? Flatulent? There may be a free fix as close as your nearest dealer... Apparently BMW is offering a FREE Remapped ECU which usually costs a whopping $550 to those that request it... it is NOT a recall.
All 2003/2004 K1200RS or GT models produced up to and including April 4,2004 MAY be affected. Only bikes that exhibit the symptoms during cold startup or during initial warmup need the new Motronic to be fitted. Contact your dealer and reference this ECU exchange authorization service number # 13 00204 057 . There's a string on this subject at the greatest K12 Caht site on earth... www.i-bmw.com @ http://www2.i-bmw.com/ubbthreads/showthreaded.php?Cat=&Board=technical&Number=57396&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=0&fpart=

4. Accessories are already being produced for the new K1200S bike... Verholen of Germany already has barbacks and a peg lowering kit on the market and now an aftermarket exhaust system is already available at http://www.sr-racing.de/ Dyno chart looks impressive....

5. Speaking of the K1200S Bike.. Believe it or not there is a Repair Manual CD already available from your local extortionist..er.. dealer: PN is: 01-59-7-693-540.

6. Speaking of K1200S bike repairs... As you may or may not know.. a few have already been sold in Germany well... just last week they were all recalled to the factory.. BMW called all the bikes back because of an undetected problem that potentially involves the security of the rider. The problem apparently is unsatisfactory hardening of the cam-shafts. I'm sure some of you know how embarrassing THAT is... As far as I know, the newly manufactured parts are supposed to be delivered late this month.. and so it begins.

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. For a limited time only starting Dec 1st...you or your handlers will receive a FREE Pirates' Lair Hat with every K12RS/GT exhaust system sold . Remus, Staintune, Two Brothers, or ZTechnik...I should note that these hats are babe magnets so if your personality and/or expensive toys aren't effective bait for the opposite s#x.. these hats should do the trick..... Guaranteed to get you laid more often. Note: The guarantee doesn't apply to married customers.

2. Once again we have heard the pleas from the whining masses and again we deliver.. Our newest Pirates' Lair Tees are in stock!!. These feature the Silver bike with Red Stripes. and like all the other versions.. these are limited edition. Once they are gone, there will be no more produced no matter how many deviant sexual favors involving warm oil and feathers or bags of very expensive, tasty weed are offered.. Unlike previous versions, these are available in LONG SLEEVE only.. and 100% preshrunk cotton... It appears they run a little large so order accordingly by Clicking here.. Breaking centuries old traditions, we are offering these long-sleeve tees in two colors. White and light gray. however, as of this writing.. the size LARGE are already SOLD OUT..The John Kerry campaign bought them all in a last ditch effort in winning the hearts and minds of the populace... Too little.. too late after that crack about Cheney's daughter... the thespian.

Whether wanting to look stylish at your daughters wedding or just lounging around the crack house.. we have a tee for you.. Be the envy of your work place or prison yard... !! The XX Large tees also make wonderful sleep wear for that special person in your life... and they make great Christmas gifts, too!!

3. Amber has decided she wants to create a K12RS/GT CALENDER.... I have a few good shots that we may or may not use but we need more. We'd like to ask you.. the yearning masses for your BEST scenic shot featuring a KRS or GT... We are NOT looking for shots of your bike in garage or your patio (unless you live at the Taj Mahal or the White House or.... theres some gratuitous female nudity involved).. We're looking for scenic views... We'll need hi-rez images.. not small internet size pics... and please do us a favor... do NOT send us dozens of pics with your Sharpei or nephew Nathan sitting on the bike.. Choose your BEST one or 2 shots. And what will you receive for your gratitude?? Well.. besides a hardy pat on the buttock from Amber and sincere thanks, you'll get a free calender if we use your pic... and the knowledge that you made a quasi-selfless gesture in order to promote the sport.

4. and speaking of exhaust systems... as Nostradamus prophesied...As of Oct 1st, the exclusive contract between Staintune and CBT Imports (based in California) expired allowing the Australian company to open up the US market to an all new marketing approach. They have officially designated Pirates’ Lair a new US distributor of the entire line of Staintune systems and our first shipment of KRS/GT/ST exhausts has arrived and are In Stock at http://pirateslair.net/Staintune.htm The rest of the Staintune product line is at http://pirateslair.net/Staintuneall.htm

5. New and In Stock is the H.A.R.D. Wireless Radar Detector Device. After testing a unit for almost a year on my MV F4, I have deemed the wireless device... worthy. ... Instead of a blaring speaker or a faint light, the Inside Helmet Visual Alert .. a.k.a.H.A.R.D. provides an immediate visual alert via a flashing LED light , inside the helmet that is illuminated within your field of vision allowing immediate recognition of radar. While there are a few down sides to the HARD, as with every other similar product on the market, after 10 months I'm still happy with it's performance and it's saved me from many close encounters of the law kind. The main downside of the HARD, at least with me is the fact that you MUST remember to turn it off when you get off the bike.. if you don't.. it'll run the watch-type batteries dead.. and it uses TWO of them. I've run through so many that the geeks at the local Radio Shack know me by name.... To make life easier on our quasi-esteemed customers, we also offer spare batteries at a fraction of retail price... Just because we love you.. in a non-homosexual way, of course, not that there's anything wrong with that..

6. Hell must have frozen over and monkeys are flying out my butt as we finally have the Austrian made Carbon Fiber Front Fenders in stock. Do these match the carbon fiber weave pattern of the British made Pyramid Huggers that we sell? Amazingly, YES! The weave pattern is a dead-on perfect match. The clear-coat finish on the Austrian fender isn't as good as the triple clear coat of the British made Pyramid, but you can't tell unless you have your nose pressed to it... and I wouldn't offer them if they weren't worthy of my own bike. Get them while you can..

7. Speaking of Huggers.. We will NOT be ordering any more of the Silver Carbon Fiber Huggers from Mad Mix of Germany.. and we have only (1) Left In Stock. If you have been thinking about one of these.. you'd better act now or forever hold your piece... and yes.. I spelled it that way on purpose.

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2005

The date for the 2005 Hill Country Rally has changed! Word from fellow K12'er, Sir Barry Gibbs.. formerly of the Knights Who Say Nee.

"To help accommodate an overbooking by Inn of the Hills, I have agreed to change our date from April 7-10 to April 14-17. By agreeing to this change, the hotel has offered to reduce our room rate by $10 per night. This means that the rooms will only be $62 for the standard room. They were not forcing us to change, only asking that we help them out. I did not receive any negative comments from potential attendees, so I agreed.
When you reserve your room, tell the you are attending the Rally and that we have a special room rate. If you have any problems, ask for Eric in Sales at 800-292-5690"

The BRPR 2005 is Set !!!! (info provided by the inestimable Tim Hudspeth.. a.k.a CBNFVR)
Where: Peaks of Otter 1-800-542-5927 Blue Ridge Parkway, mile post 86
When: May 12-15 (Thur-Sun) First night deposit required ($ 94.17, 2004 rates, No change expected for 2005.)
We have all 63 rooms (62 now) held until April 1st, 2005. After April 1st, all non-reserved rooms go public. Mention BMW Motorcycle Group to reserve your room. Other lodging available in Bedford, Va: Super 8 and /or Days Inn

2005 Ride to Read Rally (from fellow K12'er jerome eberharter / Founder, CEO White Cloud Coffee & self proclaimed Coffee Adventurer)

"A quick note to let you know the 2005 Ride to Read rally here in Boise will be on June 11. We had an excellent turn out and ride this year. People can see more at: http://www.whitecloudcoffee.com/r2r/index.php "
Thanks & All the Best! Jerome

Summer Solstice Rally, Northeast (from the quasi-esteemed Mike Cousino at www.I-BMW.com)
Okay the place and date is set for Camp Meade on Friday and Saturday, June 10th and 11th, 2005. They have twenty rooms. Some are their own cottages. Some are double, with two separate rooms to one cottage. Each room/cottage has their own bath. There are no cots so don't ask to put extra people in a room. I would ask the the single riders pair up and share a room/cottage with another person as space is limited.
Prices are:
Dbl = $63, there are eleven of these
2- Dbls = $73, there are eight of these
For reservations or additional information telephone:
Camp Meade @ (802) 223-5537 / Refer to BMW group

The 6th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally ...will again be held at the Tapoco Lodge in 2005, Sept 29th-Oct 1st to be precise. It won't hold us all, so make plans now! No sign-up sheet yet. Just reserve a room and be there! Most of us from this year already have a room, so it's not too soon to plan.
(info provided by the quasi-esteemed moto-god...Tim Hudspeth.. a.k.a CBNFVR) Glad to know that besides Bill O'Reilly.. someone else is looking out for us.. Thanks Tim.


New To Our How To Section
With some special effects provided by our man about town, Rodney Harvey, I just added my own How to Install the Brake! LED Taillight™ Kit

How To Survive on a Motorcycle
We have a new contribution from the quasi-esteemed Richard Craig .. Check it out ... #76 Will this tip save your life? Alter your destiny? Check it out and see.....

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and I'll add it on.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

Guess that kinda wraps this one up. Ride safe and Happy Trails until we meet again....

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues