"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S/R world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it. Also..Something to keep in mind... My language in the email subscription version may offend the meek. Subscribe at your own risk. The on-line version is a bit more... PC..

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: January 2008 Issue : Happy New Year!

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the holidays.....

Angry and determined to seek justice, Retired General Hummel and a crack team of mercs and marines seize control of Alcatraz Island, taking hostage a group of tourists. If reparations for fallen comrades are not immediately forthcoming, he plans to launch a battery of rockets charged with lethal V.X. poison gas on the San Francisco Bay area. In response, the Navy Seals have found a way in and are now poised to make an assault on the General and his band of mercenaries..They are in position with their weapons trained on the opposing forces above... Up on the shower room mezzanine, the merc have their weapons trained on the forces below..  Hummel appraises the situation then yells his command.

Hummel: Drop your weapons!
The Navy Seals hesitate but do not drop their weapons They stand back-to-back, weapons trained at the catwalk. squinting into the white light. The Seals behind the tiled columns take cover. The situation is chilling:
Commander Anderson: Anderson here, General Hummel. Commander. Team Leader.
Hummel: Commander Anderson, if you have any concern for the lives of your men, you will order them to safety their weapons and place them on the deck at their feet-
Sanchez: Oh Christ this isn't happening.
From high in the mezzanine, Hummel looks down at the Seals. The other marines are at positions around the mezzanine perimeter, M-16's trained and ready.
Commander Anderson: Sir, we know why you're out here. God knows I agree with you sir, but like you sir, I swore to defend this country against all enemies. Foreign and domestic. (shouts now) General, we've spilled the same blood in the same mud. You know goddamn well that I cannot give that order...

Hummel:  Your unit is covered from an elevated position, Commander. I'm not going to ask again. Don't do anything stupid, Commander. No one has to die here.
Commander Anderson: You men following the General: You are United States Marines and under oath you forgotten that? We all have shipmates we remember - some of 'em were shit on and spit on by the Pentagon - that doesn't give you the right to mutiny.
Hummel:  That's a nice speech, Commander. I heard plenty like it in the Pentagon and on Capitol Hill. They all added up to zero. Pretty words  like you might find in this months Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter aren't gonna get you out of this, Commander. Now abort this mission. Goddamn it, abort.
Commander Anderson: (yelling) I can NOT do that sir!

 Commander Anderson / Michael Biehn / Brigadier General Hummel / Ed Harris / The Rock.. 1996

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Stelvio Pass, Switzerland! (Click image for a larger view)

I have decided that starting with this issue, I'm going to feature a "worthy" picture in this Picture of the Month spot. Many of our customers send us some killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this, the most holy of cheesy newsletters. Feel me?

Our Jan POTM was sent in by Mark Ninnim.. He writes of this shot.." The picture was taken on June 23rd, 07 while touring around Germany and Switzerland. On this day I had decided to follow the S40 south through Austria and into Italy then take a right onto the S36 west towards the Stelvio Pass.The Stelvio Pass rises to a height of 2800m and is must do ride. The temperature at the bottom of the mountain was about 20C but by the top it had dropped to a chilly 5C and there was still a lot of snow on the ground. The actual ascent up the mountain was an unbelievable ride and includes something like 72 hairpins in the space of 5 miles. The camera used is a Fuji FinePix A510. This picture was actually taken by mistake as I had been following a BMW Z4 sports car for a few miles and he kept slowing down in the corners so I had decided to stop and put some distance between us and took the opportunity to take a couple of pictures."

Click Here For Larger View.. If You Dare!

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, or any model year K1200GT and B. In focus.

Hi-Rez is fine just not "stupid-large." If you don't know how to reduce a photo from a gargantuan size.. buy a freakin' book or program and learn. Geezz. Along with the photo, provide your full name and a paragraph or two explaining when and where the shot was taken.. some minor details...whatever you want to add.. temp, camera, state of mind, etc, .. I'll evaluate all the photos I accumulate at the end of the month and pick one. No promises! If you beg me to post yours.. that will guarantee you that I won't. Se comprende?

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2009 BMW Super Bike - 190 hp - 419 lb! There Must Be a God.. and He's German! The Latest News!
Contributed by Sir Miles Miller @ www.I-BMW.com

Just when everything calmed down and got eerily quiet much to the chagrin of many of us that would like more information, here comes Motorcycle-USA.com with some input of their own. Prepare for wood.

A sort of good news, bad news tone to what they're saying; i.e. the "production" version won't be introduced until next fall 2008 at the Cologne show, but that the bike will not be part of the exclusive and expensive "HP" series - suggesting it's price will be competitive with - get this - Japanese Litre bikes. Let's hope so - on the price front, that is....

Here is the latest...Clad in Yamaha R6 bodywork, the bike has allegedly been lapping over a second faster than the likes of a Yamaha R1, Suzuki GSX-R1000, and Honda's Fireblade (CBR1000RR for us yanks - ed) when undergoing circuit tests recently. .

Given the size of the bodywork, this is remarkable for a one-liter machine to be this small. What is also interesting is, despite the lack of visible items on the spy shots, the bike is very conventional, with normal inverted telescopic forks and swing arm. The frame looks fairly conventional as well. Apparently, the codename for this bike is 190/190 to indicate 190 hp and a ready-to-ride weight of 190 kgs (419 lbs). (The WSB version will have to get this down to 162kg and produce 210bhp.) This bike will apparently have a price tag that puts it into direct competition with Japanese one-liter machines when it is debuted at the Cologne show next year, rather than being a high-priced, limited-production machine like the HP2..

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Vicmoto Passenger Motorcycle Tours : "A Different Way Around Australia"

We received this info from Martin Craig, co-director of Vicmoto Motorcycle Tours Pty Ltd. an all new luxury passenger touring service operating out of Australia centered around the BMW K1200GT. Basically it's a service that you hire to carry you around in the country two-up. Your own private two-wheeled chauffeur. Not sure how many hetero American men would take advantage of this service, but I can think of a few women and gay friends that just might. Here's some wordage from Martin..

"My son Steven and I operate out of Melbourne Australia on 100% identical machines and offer structured tours for passengers and provide complete equipment from helmet to boots plus a fully fitted communications system with bike-to-bike UHF. We are the only such service on BMWs in Australia. The K1200GT has proven to be both an excellent choice and a great machine, it is comfortable, powerful, reliable, and has plenty of stowage space with the additional 49 litre topbox. In the first half of 2008 we are adding a holistic guided tours service, BMW bikes, BMW led, BMW roadside assist backup, UHF comms for all riders, fuel and accommodation included, and complete outfits supplied for all riders from helmet to boots (if required). Cheers.....
"A Different Way Around" .... Martin Craig "

Show Me More, Mate!

Looks like they are able to organize all manner of custom passenger tours with a minimum of a half day’s duration including one-way tours to Victorian or interstate destinations departing from any location within Australia – such as travel to conferences, holiday destinations or activities. Return tours to Victorian or interstate destinations departing from any location within Australia – including drop-off at your travel destination and pick-up and return to your departure location at a later date. Tours including other activities such as hot air ballooning, visits to tourism attractions, or other tourist activities are available.. Prices range from $196.US PP for 1/2 day tours on up. Sounds like a unique service for the adventuresome pillion.

Contact them via e-mail at vicmoto@bigpond.com or check out the VicMoto Motorcycle Tours Website

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Turning Japanese? : Enter the Yamaha FJ1300 Section

No.. I'm not turning Japanese.. not that there's anything wrong with that...I'm just bowing to the demands of our customers. Some of you may or may not have noticed that I have just added a Yamaha FJ1300 Product Section to our humble yet decidedly cheesy website. You may ask yourself.. What up wit dat? And you may ask yourself.. What is that beautiful house? And you may ask yourself ..Where does that highway go? And you may ask yourself.. Am I right? ...am I wrong? And you may tell yourself.. My god!...what have I done? Wait a minute!! How'd I veer off on a Talking Heads riff?

As with a few other bikes on our menu that I generally do NOT specialize in like the BMW R1200GS, the Honda ST1300, the Suzuki VStrom, and the BMW R1150R, if I design a backrest around one of these bikes, I'll usually try to build a product line around the backrest consisting of crossover products from the BMW K12 series bikes that we do specialize in. This happens to be the case with the FJ13 offerings.

As you may have surmised.. yes I am designing a Stealth Backrest for the 2006-2008 Yamaha FJ1300. It should be on the market by spring 2008 and it will be the LAST backrest I design or produce. The design is complete in my aging gulliver.. I just need to get my hands on a bike so my machinists can get a hands-on perspective in order to complete the pre-production prototype. Out the door price of the backrest should be under $300. Where are we now? I'm hoping to purchase an 08 FJ as soon as they start hitting US showroom floors which should be any day now. Oh the things I do for the hungering masses..

Show me more you you godlike stud of a man

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BMW HP Forged Wheels Available! What's In Your Wallet! (as seen at www.I-BMW.com )

Looking for a way to lighten your bike and your wallet? Here's a way to kill two birds with one stone. BMW has just announced that their HP Forged Wheels are now available for the HP2, R1200S, K1200S, K1200R and K1200R Sport. Here is some wordage from the German press release..

"These absolutely top-quality rims are made of a very rigid aluminum alloy and have the striking “Y” design with its extremely sporty appearance. The rims also feature a highly distinctive touch with the color Magnesium metallic matt, which is applied using the triple layer technique. Naturally, the super-light appearance is reflected in consistent lightweight construction: the weight of the rims has been reduced by more than one kilogram! A motorcycle fitted with HP forged wheels thus has even further improved handling and a higher degree of suspension comfort."

Part number 71607710904 - HP Forged Wheel, Front $1,295.00 USD
Part number 71607709398 - HP Forged Wheel, Rear $1,395.00 USD

Click Here For Larger View.. If You Dare!
Are they worth the money? Hmmm.. Depends on what your goal is and your skill level. I doubt if I could tell the difference of 4-6lbs of unsprung weight on a track, but.. I'd sure have one sharp looking bike. IMHO.. If I had $2700 of extra money that I absolutely was determined to spend on my motorcycling hobby... I'd invest in a track school.. Keith Code, Kevin Swantz.. or for $2700 I could even afford the Freddie Spencer School in Vegas..!!

What's New In the K1200S / K1200GT / K1200R / K1200RS No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and first generation GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these chat sites..

1. Looks like those second generation replacement BMW air-boxes are finally in the states. It's about time!! I've been waiting for 7 months. If you have been waiting on one to fix the inherent running problems...bad idle, low rpm stumbling, flaccid penis, etc, on your late model K1200GT or early model K1200S.. your wait should be just about over. I've already made an appointment to have mine installed next week.

2. Nippy Normans in the UK has some new items listed on their website for the K1200S and K1200R that you might find interesting.. including Baglux Padded Tank Covers (in a variety of colors), EBC brake pads, mudguard/fender extender, and the foofoo Centric AF-1 auxiliary fuse panel. Nice people to deal with.. The bad news is.. the US dollar is virtually worthless against the British pound.

3. The French company Bagster has a damn nice looking aftermarket seat on the market for the BMW K1200S.. A worthy alternative to the Sargent or the criminally priced Corbin.

4. If you are looking for an aftermarket seat for your K1200S, RS, or GT there are quite a few options. Bill Mayer Saddles (which are now built by Rocky Mayer, Bill's son) has a comfortable looking seat on the market for these bikes with an all new manufacturing process behind it. They call the new seats BMS Evolution Saddles. Check them out..They have a reputation for making very comfy seats.

5. Many of us have trailers.. Be it for motorcycle, horse, 4-wheelers, etc.. These suckers are usually expensive yet what do most people do with them when they aren't using them? Yes..they leave them out in the weather to rust and deteriorate. Of course some buy sheds or store them under a carport but .. here's another option. Beverly Bay not only sells a wide variety of trailer covers but they also make custom trailer covers. I had them make one for my enclosed motorcycle trailer about a year ago and I can honestly say.. this is one first class cover. It's heavy.. it breathes..and it has zippers in all the right places so I can get in and out of the trailer without having to remove the entire cover. If you have been looking for a trailer cover... this be da place....

6. Baxley Chocks will raise the price on all their chocks on Jan 1st. Looks like about $25 higher across the board. IMHO.. Man's greatest invention behind the A/C, the microwave, and those rubber hanging license plate testicles.. Every motorcyclist should have one.

7. Woohoo! The first ever BMW K12 track day weekend has been arranged by a member of www.I-BMW.com . The event is limited to site members and there are a limited amount of spots open. The weekend is confirmed and reserved. If you are a member of I-BMW.com and are interested in attending this event you should visit the site for full details.They need a final list by January 15, 2008. Here's some basic info...
When: August 16 & 17, 2008 (Saturday & Sunday)
Where: Roebling Road Race Track (Savannah, GA area)
Cost: 1 instructional group with 10 people. Cost is $250.00 per day. $500 total. BOTH DAYS REQUIRED! 1 non-instructional with 20 people. Cost is $150.00 per day. $300 total. BOTH DAYS REQUIRED!

8. Death of the R Sport? Say it ain' t so. We've been getting news from multiple sources in Europe that the BMW K1200R Sport is finished ... No longer in production, or so they say.. Poor sales all over is apparently to blame or so they say. Production has halted to make room for the new R800GS. This could be the reason that BMW is offering 4K off the price of the bike and American Express is offering a K1200R Sport for 5K off.. Could this be proof? I'm not saying there's any truth to this rumor but.. I find it hard to believe that BMW would invest in all the tools and molds and design costs to produce the R Sport parts and then dump it after 1.5 years.. It's not like the Germans.. Japs maybe ...but not the Germans.. What's really sad to me is that I think the R Sport is arguably the best looking new bike they've come up with.. No freakin' idea why they might not be selling well...Go figure.

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. In case you overlooked the perfectly worded, well thought out blurb above ...No.. I'm not turning Japanese.. not that there's anything wrong with that.. I have just added a Yamaha FJ1300 Product Section to our humble yet cheesy website. As with a few other bikes on our menu that I generally do NOT specialize in like the BMW R1200GS, the Honda ST1300, and the BMW R1150R, if I design a backrest around one of these bikes, I'll usually try to build a product line around the backrest consisting of cross-over products from the BMW K12 series bikes that we do specialize in.

So yes, Banachek you can deduce by the aforementioned wordage that I am designing a Stealth Backrest for the 2006 & Up Yamaha FJ1300. It should be on the market by spring 2008 and it will be the LAST backrest I design or produce.

Click For The FJ 1300 Product Page

2. Due to word from Starfleet Command, we just raised the price of all the Baxley Chocks by $25 ea... Guess you shoulda bought in 07, huh? DOH!

3. Rare Sale Notice: We rarely mention sales in our on-line newsletter.. Those are usually exclusively included in the subscriber version of our cheesy newsletter. Well...heres an exception. We just got a large shipment of 30mm Verholen K1200RS Bar Risers from Germany by mistake.. MY mistake.. and we're gonna mark them down to help get rid of them. Retail is usually $140 delivered.. While our surplus lasts we're discounting them by $40 a pair to an unprecedented $100 delivered...You won't find a pair of RS risers anywhere for that price. While they last!

4. Last month I mentioned that we had just received our first shipment in 12 months of Billet Torque Arms for the K1200S/K1200R, and the 2006 & Up K1200GT. A week later we got our K1200RS version. While we have plenty left in stock for the K1200S and K1200R.. the K1200RS arms are already SOLD OUT and there will be no more ordered. Basically.. we are discontinuing these. Manufacturing costs have simply gotten out of control. Ain't that a pisser. Did you miss out? Had you been procrastinating? Bummer.

5. We have the new Evoluzione Race Air Filter Kits In Stock for the 2007 BMW K1200R. The kits are slightly different than the 2006 K1200R kits..

6. We just received our first shipment of brake pedal enlarger kits from Hornig of Germany. These fit the K1200S, K1200R, R Sport, or 2006 & Up K1200GT.. This enlarger simply slips on and is held in place with two furnished set-screws. I have to admit, after seeing one and trying it on my K1200S... I was impressed. Wish I had figured it out. After it's installed the brake pedal is both wider fore and aft as well as at least 1/2" longer. You can find them in our K1200S Product Section, our K1200GT Product Section, K1200R Product Section. For a Factory Brake Lever vs Hornig Brake Lever Extender Comparison.. Click Here..

7. As I mentioned in last months cheesy newsletter.. our R1200RT Stealth Backrest just hit the market. This project took over a year to complete.. There will be only ONE PRODUCTION RUN of (80) units so if you own an RT or know someone that is looking for one.. Now would be the time to get your arse in gear. Once these 80 units are gone.. there will be no more no matter how much begging or BJ's are offered. We're just selling these to recoup our R & D costs. They are simply too expensive to produce due to the skyrocketing costs of materials. So if you're on the fence... this is your only chance to make your move. I should mention.. these went on sale 2 weeks ago and are selling fairly well in spite of winter coming on. As of this writing there are about 50 left. Consider yourself forewarned.

Show me more!

K12 Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2008

Texas Hill Country K12 Roundup : April 21-24 , 2008 (Contributed by our good buddy, Sir Tim Hudspeth aka CBNFVR over at www.I-BMW.com )

The River Inn Resort in Hunt, Texas is on the banks of the Guadalupe river. Lodging is limited, so book early to guarantee a room. You can secure your reservation with AMEX, MasterCard or Visa....7 day cancellation policy..

What: THCR. A gathering of K12's (and lessor bikes) in the Hill Country west of San Antonio, Texas
Dates: Monday thru Thursday, April 21-24, 2008 (arrive Monday - leave Friday)
Location: Hwy 39 near Hunt - 22 miles from Hwy 83
Lodging: River Inn Resort in Hunt, Texas
Please call 1-800-841-0501 and talk with Cindy, Michelle, or Brenda and tell them you are with the BMW motorcycle group. (No on-line reservations available) Call Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm cst. Sat. and Sun. 9am to 4pm cst., only. A one bedroom is $55.00 plus tax, some do have sofa sleepers. They all have a refrigerator and microwave.
Agenda: Meet. Ride. Talk, Eat. Ride. Talk.

REGISTRATION INFO & WAIVER (Downloadable at www.I-BMW.com)
Complete both forms and return to:
James Myrick
5825 Meandering Road
River Oaks, Texas 76114-2812

Checks should be made payable to ........ James Myrick
This years registration (includes 3 meals) is $50.00 per person.

Deadline for liability wavier and registration will be on April 4th. There will be no late registration or paying for dinners at the Roundup.

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Blue Ridge Parkway K12 Rally: May 15th - 18th, 2008 (Contributed by our good buddy, Sir Tim Hudspeth aka CBNFVR over at www.I-BMW.com )

Looks like the Snowshoe people have decided to let our bunch of miscreants inhabit the Inn at Snowshoe for BRPR 2008 (BRPW = Blue Ridge Parkway Rally). This is a confirmed event. I'm already booked.

Location: Inn at Snowshoe , Snowshoe, West Virginia
Reservations: 1 877 441-4386 , Mention "BMW Motorcycle Group - 5071OE" 40 rooms are held for us until 4-11-2008. After that any remaining rooms are available to the general public. The rate is 79 per night (plus taxes).
Amenities: Bar, jacuzzi, walk to beverage store, walk to gas or groceries, restaurant on site, pool. Each room has a TV and phone. Some have a fridge.
Sat Lunch: River Place, downtown Marlinton
Fri-Sat evening meals At the Inn or walk to the Deli a few hundred feet away! No riding required. (Note: There is no organized meal. (i.e. Pay as you go. Go when you wish.)
Links: http://www.pocahontas.org/

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Deals Gap K12 Rally: Sept 25-28th 2008 (Sponsored by www.I-BMW.com )

Well.. the last K12 rally of the year will again be at the Tapoco Lodge at Deal's Gap. Dates are set for Thursday Sept 25th - Sunday 28th. It won't hold us all, so make plans now! Amber and I are already booked!! This'll be the last K12 Rally of 2008, my friends. Be there or forever regret it like the time you blew that chance with those twins because you misread the subtle signals they were giving you..

Call NOW to reserve a room...!

Friday noon meal (12-1:00pm) will be at the Troll Restaurant in Helen, Ga (under the bridge)
Saturday noon meal (12-1:00 pm) will be at the Bistro, Telico Plains, Tennessee (western end of the Cherohala)

As usual, Fri and Sat evening will consist of tall tales, videos worthy of "Americas Most Wanted", and food in the Lodge. No set times.

Alternate Lodging in Robbinsville, NC. Microtel Motel.
Closest dealer (err, one in Knoxville yet?) Touring Sport BMW Greenville, SC

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

Our latest contribution?? Check out # 132 contributed by contributed by
Gil Davis, Buena Park, CA .!!! Thx dude!!

Could this tip save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

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Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues