"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S/R world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek, amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: January 2006 Issue : Happy New Year!!

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the day.....

From the Reliant Bridge, Kahn orders Capt Terrell , deep in the rocky cavern on planet Regula far below, to kill Kirk.. He struggles, refuses, then turns the phaser on himself.. Chekov screams horribly, drops his phaser, clutching his head. Bones leaps to his side, pulls an injection device from his belt pack, jabs it into Chekov's arm. Chekov, with a sigh of relief, drops.

Bones: God sakes! They rush to his side, as do Carol and David. From Chekov's ear, a Ceti eel crawls out. It has grown quite large. Horror from all. Kirk picks up a phaser. As the eel clears Chekov, he fires and destroys it. He shudders, then sees the wrist recorder and grabs it.
Kirk: You're going to have to do your own dirty work now, Khan! Do you hear me?! Do you?!

Khan reacts to hearing Kirk's voice: utter surprise... he clutches the communicator, his eye-whites rolling.
Khan: Kirk! Kirk, you're still alive - my old friend...
Kirk: Still... 'old friend.' You've managed kill just about everyone else. ...but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target.
Khan: (ironic) Perhaps I no longer need to try. He punches several buttons.
In the rocky cavern the transporter beam locks on to the Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter and as Kirk and the others watch, horrified, Khan beams it up. David tries to reach the newsletter, but Saavik holds him fast -
David: No - he can't take it - ! The beam disappears and the newsletter with it.
(desperate) Khan, Khan, you've got our cheesy newsletter... . but you don't have me! You were going to kill me, Khan! You're going to have to come down here! You're going to have to come down here!
Khan: I've done far worse than kill you. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you, as you left me - .. as you left her. Marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet -... Buried alive!.. Buried alive!

Khan / Ricardo Mantalban Kirk / William Shatner/ Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan / 1982

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Latest Info and Pics of the New K1200GT!!! (info pilfered from www.K-bikes.com)

Here's the latest info on the upcoming K1200GT..Release date is scheduled for April 2006. Price starting at $18,740. 3 color options.. Dark graphite metallic, Crystal Grey Metallic, and Deep Blue metallic. An optional grey seat will be available. Glove box on right side of fairing opens with a push of the keyed button (when unlocked). There is no box on left side of fairing. Per BMW rep, there are "electronics" beneath/behind the left side panel and no room for radio. The left panel is one piece. The handle bars can be manually (with tool) raised or lowered about 1.5-2 inches in height. The tail rack is substantial and reportedly easy to mount a BMW top case.

Dealers are already taking deposits. I have posted what pics I can find in our Pirates’ Lair Photo Gallery or if that link desn't work.. Click Here for Alternate Link

BMW K1200S Sets New World Land Speed Record

Woodcliff Lake, NJ - November 8, 2005 - A 2006 production model BMW K1200S has set a world land speed record in the 1000 - 1350 cc stock, partially streamlined, naturally aspirated motorcycle class at Utah's famed Bonneville Salt Flats. The engine was bone stock except for a Remus full titanium exhaust system.

The "S", piloted by 56-year-old Andy Sills of San Francisco, CA, and sponsored by Max Moto and BMW of San Francisco reached an average speed of 173.57 mph and top speed of 176.789 mph after two runs on salt plains. Sills also clocked a record speed of 169 mph, riding the K1200S two-up with passenger Erin Hunter. The pair received a standing ovation from a cheering crowd of fellow competitors as they made their way into the pits.

Another record at Bonneville was achieved by Brian Parriott and San Jose BMW, on a BMW K1200R Power Cup bike, setting an AMA speed record for non-streamlined motorcycles in the 1300cc class at an average of 164.480 mph and top speed of 167.331mph.

Product Review: Moto GP Nitrous Gloves

For most of us not living in Florida or Kaleefornia, it's ass-bitin' cold (a technical term) out there. Many of us are looking forward to sunny days, warm breezes, perfectly paved tarmac, sweeping curves, track days, a pro GP contract with Repsol, large trophies, tanned scantily clad umbrella girls with firm pouting young breasts spraying you with oversized bottles of champagne, ah.. this is the life.....er...where was I... O, yea... warm riding weather.. Just before the weather turned bad I got to evaluate some very sleek and attractive summer gloves from www.motogp.com The Nitrous Glove. In a word.. sweet. Some of the features.. high grade cowhide leather, fiber reinforced knuckle and finger protection, performance fit with pre-curved fingers, foam padding outer shell protection, Schoeller Keprotec protective material, sticky-grip palm material, adjustable cuff with hook and loop closure, adjustable strap with hook and loop closure under wrist, and elastic at the wrist.

My size large fit wonderfully right out of the box and was true to standard "human" sizing charts. On my left hand the sticky-grip palm material tended to roll up when on the grip hard so I took a razor blade and removed about 1/4" of it, then epoxied the loose material back down.. perfect. These are some of the finest and most attractive gloves I've had the pleasure of owning in 30+ years of riding. Easily good enough for professional racing yet not so pretentious that you'd feel out of place at the local hangout.. Expect to pay about $110...While we'll never ride like Valentino...or share his umbrella girls (at least on the track.. wink wink.. nudge nudge..) we sure can get the same protection and without a GP contract or sponsors!! My personal thumbs up.

Product Review: KBC 2005 FFR Infinity Modular Helmet

Just recently I started looking for a replacement helmet for my 5 year old HJC Symax flip-up. Like Kofi Annan, it had exceeded it's useful life. I looked around for another flip-up. Once you've tried a flip-up... you'll never go back. I initially looked at the criminally priced Shuberth.. too heavy.... the Nolan N100E.. too Gort-like.. the Shoei Syncrotec Modular ... visually challenged...so after my usual anal research and palm readings, I decided to try the KBC FFR Infinity Modular Helmet .

I'll assume the masses are like me in that helmet buying criteria usually consists of evaluating comfort, appearance, weight, function, and price. The KBC Infinity LOOKS spectacular and the price is very reasonable at around $190.. KBC's advertising touts.. "Most technically advanced, feature packed helmet from KBC" and "Totally 3D engineered from the very beginning by an international design team." International design team? Most technically advanced? This doesn't bode well for the future of the company as this helmet is definitely disappointing. IMHO..while the paint looks spectacular...it's a horrible excuse for a lid. Worst interior of almost any helmet I've seen. You put the KBC on and it sounds like you have one of those $3 styrofoam beverage coolers (the kind you get at a HotStop) stuck on your head. It's so noisy that Marlee Matlin would complain.

It appears as though the design team had never actually seen a human head as the interior is lacking in every aspect. Has this international design team ever tried on an Arai? or a Shuberth? Do they actually test these on motorcycles? I wonder. Me thinks they should spend less $$$ on advertising and actually put some money into designing a better product. I ended up shipping the helmet back then buying another HJC Symax... sleek, attractive, durable .. and the second most comfortable helmet I've ever worn next to the kings of comfort.. Arai

What's New In the K1200RS/GT/S/R No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and GT have been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it.

Verholen of Germany has some waaaay cool extentions for your factory K1200S mirrors. Glad somebody is thinking outside the box.

2. Here's a new European website that has lots of unique accessories for the K1200R and S, including some alternative Torque arms, Carbon Fiber frame protectors, etc... Their site is lacking, but their product line is extensive...http://www.vanharten.nl/site/specialparts.php

3. Worry about dropping your K1200R?? You sissy..er.. I mean check out these sleek, reasonably priced .SW-MOTECH Crashbars/Engine Guards

4. Have heard a few K1200R owners complaining about their factory mirrors not being up to par. Quasi-esteemed customer Alan Brothers pointed out this German option.

5. ZTechnik has just released their K1200S/R radar detector Techmounts on the market... very sleek.. very small..great design if I say so myself. Install takes all of 10 minutes..

6. If you've got an 05 K1200S and seen the wonderfully improved dash display on the 06's you are probably cursing the Germans and wondering if the 06 dash panel can be retrofited to your 05...Yes, it can be done but a dealer must reprogram the unit to match your bike. Cost is around $800 just for the parts..Doh! The question is.. "What's in your wallet? Is the retrofit worth it? All I an say is.. I'm glad I waited for the 06 because yes.. it is that much better.

7. Word is that at least one company will have a replacement white speedo face for the K1200S on the market soon. It will look factory, we are told except that it won't have kilometers on it.. A Euro version with kilometers will also be available.

8. German company, AC Snitzer has some choice, albeit expensive goodies on their menu for the new K1200S and R. Alloy wheels, round handlebars, and an exhaust that looks like a Remus to me and some fiberglass body parts for the R..I hear their goods are top quality.

9. ZTechnik has their new K1200S and R Exhaust Systems on the market. They offer both a Ti slip-on system AND a full Titanium system. The Z4031 full system (which offers a very waifish, 11" canister) offers only 5 extra HP and a negligible torque gain for a lofty $2200.US!! The good news is that the Z full system is the lightest on the market (by about 5oz)..it looks good.. sounds good..no mods are necessary and.. they are approved by BMW dealers worldwide. BTW.. A removable dB killer silencer is included with the slip-on's only so you can choose the sound you like...sedate or serious. The silencer is NOT an option with the full system. No idea at this time whether the full system is centerstand compatible but I'll find out soon.

10. While this sounds like total BS to me... I'll just report and let youz guyz discern the value... For those of you K1200R or S owners thinking about installing a Throttlemeister, I have heard the following from TWO separate sources . "If you have heated grips, then turn them on for about 4 minutes before installing. They will expand significantly when heated. If you have the Throttlemeister just right without expanding the grips, the throttle may get snug in the open position unexpectedly. " I'll just add.. I have a Throttlemeister on my K1200S.. and I have heated grips and I installed mine while cold and it works perfectly hot or cold...no binding.

11. ZTechnik finally has their K1200R Carbon Fiber Trim and K1200R Tank Protector Kits on the market. Available from any BMW dealer.. or that guy at Pirates Lair.

12. BMW dealers closing? End of Days? BMW of St. Louis, one of the biggest dealers in the US closed their doors recently..We checked and their phones have been disconnected. Oh, the humanity. While I liked those guys and considered a couple of them my friends, not surprised that ANY dealer would go under while located in a hellhole of a city like St. Louis, but ...I digress.. Hate to hear it nonetheless. It also appears that BMW of the Tristate (Cincinnati) is going to close its doors any day. Have no confirmation on that. Wasn't this mentioned in Revelations?? I have no clue why this is happening. Can't be the economy or the motorcycle market as I also just read that since the Katrina disaster and the following hike in gas/oil prices, motorcycles sales in the US are up 50%.

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. We now have the just released ZTechnik K1200S/R TechMounts In Stock. If you need to install a radar detector, GPS, phone, IPod, Auto Suck... this is one sleek mount. Fits the BMW K1200S, K1200R, R1200GS, and the R1200ST.

2. Speaking of radar detector mounts.. my own "Stealth" design mount is in full production. It's ever sleeker than the ZTechnik version although mine will not be adjustable. The all aluminum"stealth" version will also work on the K1200S, K1200R, R1200GS, and R1200ST. Ours will mount directly over the left side clutch reservoir cap via two set screws and will be powder coated a slightly textured black. Cost will be about $50-55 delivered. Expect to see them on the menu by Feb 1st.

3. We now have the Verholen Rear Wheel Hucap In Stock! for the K1200R/K1200S/R1200GS/RT/ST.. and they look damn nice. I've already put one on my S..They seem to be selling out as soon as they arrive so consider yourself forewarned.

4. We just received our first shipment of the new ZTechnik K1200R Carbon Fiber Trim and K1200R Tank Protector Kits..Supply is limited.

5. A have a few custom K1200S wiring harness' that plug into the battery and then to your factory accessory socket to by-pass the current shutoff feature in stock. Essentially, once installed you'll be able to use your accessory socket as it should be used.. With any aftermarket accessories..Battery Tender, vests, chaps, electric gloves, etc... NOT just BMW brand products. The harness looks factory and is plug-n-play. Here's my install. This will be a "seasonal" offering, me thinks and only a handful are available. Cost is $45 delivered in the US. We sell them for a buddy of ours and do NOT make a penny on them.

6. Pirates' Lair now offers the entire line of replacement BMW K1200S windshields from MRA of Germany. The variable adjustable shield, a race version, and a touring version. All come with a sporty dark tint which not only helps protect your gauges from menacing UV rays, but makes your gauges easier to read in both bright light and at night... and did I mention they look great!! We have all 3 versions In Stock. I have the touring version on my K1200S and it simply rocks my world. Clean air... virtually no noise. All 3 are TALLER than stock.

7. ZTechnik has their new K1200S and R Exhaust Systems on the market and we have them. Slip-On's and the lightest full system on the market.

8. I have just ordered a small quantity of the Pack Parts Carbon Fiber K1200S Battery Cover and Carbon Fiber inner fairing wings. Looks just too good to pass up. If anyone is interested, let me know. If I like the quality of their product, will probably offer their entire line of Carbon Fiber parts.. for both the K1200S and K1200R.. Here's a pic of the battery cover..

9. Due to demand from the torch bearing masses we have decided to carry the Evoluzione License Plate Relocator I have one on my S and it's waaay cool. Shortens the bike by almost 2 full inches and looks factory. Page is up and they are In Stock

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2006

The Blue Ridge Parkway Rally (Contributed by man about town, Tim (CBNFVR) Hudspeth over at www.K-Bikes.com )
Where: Peaks of Otter Lodge, Blue Ridge Pkwy mp 86, Virginia
When: May 4th thru 7th, 2006 (Thur – Sun)
Call Peaks of Otter Lodge for reservations. 1.540.586.1081 • 1.800.542.5927 • Fax 1.540.586.4420
Note: Specify one bed or two. !! Last year some found out that a few KING size beds are available. Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here Don’t know what BRPR is? It is us. All of these IDs and passwords transformed into real people, riding and laughing for three days. Rain or shine. If you don’t have a good time, sell the bike.
Alternate Lodging (info only) :
Super 8 – Bedford
Days Inn – Bedford

The 2006 Hill Country Rally !! ! Here's a note from our good pardner James Myrick,... the 2006 organizer.....
"Well partners, the Texas Hill Country Roundup 2006 date is official: We are going for 4 days of two wheel fun in the country this time around. April 12 ( Wed.) 13,14, 15 and if you wish Sunday 16th ( Easter ). It will be at "The Inn of the Hills " so mark your calendars. Details to follow in a few months. "

The 7th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally ...(sponsored by www.I-BMW.com) is already scheduled and will again be held at the Tapoco Lodge at the end of September 2006. ... Sept 28-30th to be precise. This year every room was booked so I suggest you make reservations NOW just to make sure. You can always cancel if you can't make it. Be there!! Simply the best time of year to be in the mountains. Virtually perfect weather the last 5 years.

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

Nothing this month..

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

BMW How-To Section

I have posted a new link... A Complete Parts Fishe for Your BMW K1200S

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues