"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S/R world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek, amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: September 2006 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the day.....

Clay, Myers, Abe and Hellboy march through the main lobby of the museum. They approach an oversize set of brass doors. Abe removes a leather glove from his hand. FWAP!! he spreads his webbed fingers on the door. He closes his three eyelids and concentrates. Two agents arrive with a rolling munitions case. Myers observes as Hellboy opens it and looks over a potpourri of bullets of all colors and shapes.

Abe: (pulling his hand away) Behind this door. A dark entity -- Evil, ancient and hungry. Abe quickly starts scanning a few leather-bound volumes of ancient magic.
Hellboy: Oh, well. Lemme go in and say "hi"
He walks in. The exhibits are destroyed; piles of debris are burning. Hellboy walks past a fallen display case. He moves around cautiously. On the floor: boots, half chewed. Bitten belts and shreds of uniforms and hats. A huge dark CREATURE hangs from the ceiling, chewing slowly.
Hellboy: Hey. Stinky. Kitchen's closed. Six library guards, raw? Plus belts and boots? Man, you're gonna need some heavy fiber to move that out --
Abe: (in earphone) Red, I found something -- Abe reads from a medieval book. The entity's name is Sammael, the desolate one, son of Nergal --
Hellboy: Hey, Sammy? I'm not a great shot, but -- (raises his gun) "The Samaritan" here, uses really big bullets, so whadyasay we work this out? Sammael stands and turns around --Screeching, Sammael leaps away!!! Hellboy shoots. The high-caliber ammo rips a few columns apart and finally catches the beast. The monster squeals and goes down. With a rattling cough, it grows still.
Hellboy: That's all for you, Sammy.
Abe: (in earpiece) Red -- you need to hear the rest of the information -- Hellboy turns away for a moment. Puts his gun away, like a gunslinger.
Hellboy: Nah -- he's taken care of.
Abe: No, listen this: Sammael, the desolate one, lord of the shadows, subscriber of the Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter, son of Nergal—hound of resurrection --, seed of destruction --
Hellboy: See? I don't like that . Hellboy looks back at the corpse: it's gone!
Abe: Hound of resurrection? or Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter subscriber?
Hellboy: Skip to the end, will ya? How do I kill it -- ?

Hellboy / Ron Pearlman / Abe Sapian / Doug Jones .... Hellboy 2001

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Cycle World Award:: BMW 2006 K1200GT Wins Best Sport Touring Bike of the Year

The 2006 BMW K1200GT has won Cycle World Magazine's "Best Sport Touring Bike of the Year" award. .. a major feather in BMW's cap considering it's an all new bike with an all new engine.

"This year's ten best recipients show just how good every bike maker's game has become", said David Edwards, editor in chief at Cycle World magazine. "We've got motorcycles from eight manufactures and five different countries competing for these awards."

"This years 10 best bikes represent machines that offer levels unprecedented levels of performance ay levels of sophistication that our industry has never witnessed." observed Corey Eastman, Cycle World's marketing director.

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News From the Motherland: (as seen at www.I-BMW.com)

August 15, 2006 / Germany - BMW Motorrad is proud to announce that an all-new ABS and automatic stability control system will be available for select 2007 models. The new Integral ABS II optimizes the braking system and adjusts it to the rider's requirements. The system improves braking performance on uneven road surfaces, offers increased control, and provides instant rider feedback if the traction limit if reached.
Working without power assistance, BMW Integral ABS II uses substantially less juice than the previous system as well as being smaller and lighter, something that will complement next year's increasingly more sport-focused machines. Another great feature of this system is its more sensitive response to road surface deficiencies. With the new Integral ABS II braking system, distribution of brake forces at the front and rear wheel is delivered correctly, according the road surface. Plus, the ignition no longer has to be switched on to achieve enough brake force when moving the bike. Automatic stability control, or ASC, is also available as an option for select 2007 models. ASC is an assistance system that offers riders enhanced safety on surfaces with a reduced friction coefficient. It limits the torque transmitted, only applying the exact amount needed to stop the bike. BMW Motorrad is currently the only manufacturer to offer ASC for motorcycles. A special off-road setup has also been developed for the R 1200 GS and R 1200 GS Adventure. Between BMW Motorrad Integral ABS II and ASC, there is no other braking system available on a motorcycle that is this advanced. Look for it to make your rides safer and more enjoyable than ever.

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BMW K1200R Triumphant at Suzuka

Congrats are in order for the BMW Motorrad supported Tras & PIAA team at the legendary Suzuka Eight-Hour race in Japan. The annual endurance race is one of the most prestigious and toughest races in the motorsport calendar and is an extreme challenge for any team - especially one running a near standard road bike.

The all Japanese team ran a former Power Cup K1200R in the XX-Formula Division 2 category meaning they could only carry out limited modifications to the bike. Eiji Saito and Shinichiro Imai completed 189 laps in the eight hours to not only win the XX-F Div. 2 class but bring the K1200 R home in a respectable 46th position overall. The result was even more impressive considering a field of 70 entries dominated by fully race prepared bikes.

This latest success followed a dominant win at the Road to Suzuka 300km race in June. As in the previous 300km race, the team encountered no reliability problems over their race distance of 1100km during the eight hours of racing this weekend. WooHoo!!

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"Sokath, His Eyes Opened" : Reality Smacks Me in the Kisser

I would hazard a guess that all of us can look back to our earlier days and remember a certain young lady.... or car... or motorcycle that really rocked our world. Ahh yes.. you remember, don't you? Those were the days. But think about this for a second... If you had the chance to go back and relive a few moments with that young lady or drive that car or ride that motorcycle.. would you want to?? Knowing what you know now.. ?? Think about it.. would you really? Sure you would.

A few weeks ago I went in search of a pristine Honda CBX for my stable. I had owned one back in 1980 (see pic at right) and dreamed of owning another ever since. My search was an eye opening experience, my friends and I got it all down on paper... Sit back, put your feet up, and read the full story.....

What's New In the K1200RS/GT/S/R No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and 02-05 GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.K-Bikes.com , www.I-BMW.com, and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these chat sites..

1. Wanting to install a radar detector or GPS on your 2006 K1200GT but can't find a decent looking mount? You might want to check out the ZTechnik GT Mirror Mount. It attaches via sliding into the unused mirror holes on either the left or right side of your GT bars. It's infinitely adjustable.. Very cool.. very sexy. Honestly.. these are the sleekest mounts I've ever seen. The Mirror Mount fits the 2006 K1200GT, as well as the 2001 and later K1200LT, R1150RT, & R1100S . The ONLY place you can buy these is from your BMW dealer or those guys at Pirates Lair. Price is a reasonable $80

2. Somebody alert the media... The 7.0 software upgrade for the K1200S is now available at virtually every BMW dealership. This is good news for those of us who's bikes have been problematic with the 6.0 version. I was told by BMWNA that unless you have called in or written in or complained to your local dealer about software problems the lucky customer will have to pay for the 7.0 upgrade UNLESS he's having scheduled warranty work. When I called my dealer to make my appointment he made it clear I'd have to PAY for the upgrade.. I informed him that I already had a case file with BMWNA and a contact name there and then he (the dealer) backed down and said it would be no charge.. FYI.. BMWNA's # is 800.831.1117 For what it's worth.. I had the upgrade and it has completely transformed my bike.. Mongo happy.

3. WooHoo!! Although the bike is out of production here's some news that should make every K1200RS owner rejoice and praise the death of a few trees... Clymer finally has their 640 page Shop Manual on the market for the 1998-2005 BMW K1200RS, GT & LT ..Yes, my fellow pirates... it covers EVERY model year K1200RS, first generation GT, and the K1200LT .. all in the same freakin book!! All for about 1/2 the cost of what your local extortionist...er..dealer wants for the German version. Unlike the factory manual.. the Clymer version has detailed wiring info.. You can get yours from Clymer's website or from those guys at Pirates Lair. This is the best money you can spend if you own a K12..

4. Falling down is a bad thing.. Falling down on a motorcycle is an expensive thing... If you have a K1200R and are wanting to protect your investment, we've found TWO choices of frame sliders on the market for your "R" bike.. Pack Parts of Germany has some and R&G Racing (in the UK) have a nice choice of frame sliders as well as a Shaft Protector slider.. and we all know how important it is to protect our shafts.. Bottom line.. on a naked bike there is no excuse why NOT to have sliders. Tips again provided by Locus of Borg. Thx, bro

5. I'm a big fan of the MutiVex Mirrors. Used to have them on my RS and they rocked my blind-spotted world.. I was in contact with them back in June about producing them for the new S bike.. Sent them the pattern, etc.and after evaluation I was told they couldn't make them for the K1200S due to the shape. In case you hadn't noticed, the K1200S mirrors actually come to a point on one side.. a point of which the Multivex machine can't cut.. major BUMMER!! ....but before you stick your head in an oven... today.. 8/31, they called me back and have come up with a possible solution involving rounding the pointed edge just a bit. I came to pricing terms with the owner and he's going to produce the molds (or whatever he produces) and cut me a prototype pair for evaluation. Said I'd have them in my hands in about 5-6 weeks.. Will report back with pics in an upcoming newsletter... This is VERY good news...

6. Looks like there's now a very nice alternative K1200GT Throttle Lock on the market made by Kaoko Products of South Africa . It looks a little different than either my favorite.. the Throttlemeister or the Wunderlich. Check them out at the US distributor .. Adventure Workshop

7. Speaking of Pack Parts of Germany, (weren't we?)... they are now offering some all new goodies for us to waste our hard earned doubloons on... Including a Slipper Clutch for the K1200S and K1200R. Retail looks to be around $1480.US... If you are doing track days this would be a VERY cool add-on. Heavy braking by downshifting, especially going into a turn, can lead to unnerving chattering at the rear wheel. Experienced riders overcome this problem with a gentle pull on the clutch lever, thereby reducing the transference of this force to the rear wheel. A slipper clutch takes care of this chore automatically.. leaving one less thing you have to think about when preparing for a curve. also.. they are offering FRONT and REAR Wave Brake Disks for about $216.ea US plus shipping.

8. "The lunatic is on the grass.. the lunatics are on the grass.. Remembering days of daisy chains and laughs..got to keep the Germans on the path." . While I admire Verholen of Germany for thinking out of the box as to accessory design.. this is just all wrong... Judge for yourself..

9. By-pass your foofoo Can-Bus system at your accessory socket with the BMW iCAN Stock Socket Rewire Kit. Nice kit.. top quality materials and only $30..

10. Hornig of Germany has some new tasty new bits for the K1200S and R including a White Power rear shock, some footpegs, and some very nice lightweight wheels and for the 2006 GT owners it looks like they offer a peel-n-stick 3M-type tank protector kit. It's all in German so I can't figure out the details...

11. Thinking about buying a motorcycle but before you pull the trigger you'd like a quick reference as to the specs? weight? HP? Tire size, etc? Check out http://www.motorcyclespecs.co.za/index.htm

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Track day junkie? Deals Gap warrior? Alcoholic? Want to protect your K1200S or K1200R when/if it goes down?? Sure you do.. We just got our first shipment of K1200S/R Sliders from R & G Racing of the UK and they look killer! I already have them mounted on my S. We have Front Fork Sliders, Upper Frame Sliders, and Drive Shaft Protectors. Not only are they functional, but they look trick as hell. Very sleek. Install takes all of 2 minutes on the fork and shaft protectors. Better safe than sorry...

2. WooHoo!! as per the blurb above.... Clymer finally has their 640 page Shop Manual on the market for the 1998-2005 BMW K1200RS, GT & LT ..Yes, my fellow pirates... it covers EVERY model year K1200RS, first generation GT, and the K1200LT .. all in the same freakin book!! All for about 1/2 the cost of the factory version. Unlike the factory manual.. the Clymer version has detailed wiring info.. This is the best money you can spend if you own one of these bikes. We have them in stock at Pirates Lair....!

3. In last months most holy newsletter I reported that the ZTechnik TechMount that we've been selling for the K1200S, and R also fit the new GT. .. WRONG. The geniuses at ZTechnik were wrong. Doh!! However... we now have a GT specific version.

4. The new K1200GT Two Bros Exhaust Slip On page is up. It's a damn fine looking pipe!! More power, Scotty!

5. Have a K1200S or K1200R and worry about getting rear ended by a Buick... ?? We have the solution. .. the US-made K1200S Lite Buddy's are super bright LED solid state lights with 24 total LEDs per turn signal. They offer one solution to front and/or rear visibility (or lack thereof) for your BMW K1200S or K1200R, the new GS, the GS/Adv, and the F800ST. Lite Buddy's fit inside the turn signal housings. The FRONT kit will burn amber all the time. The REAR kit burns a bright RED at all times and 16 of the LED's burn amber when the turn signals are used. Very unobtrusive. Easy install with no mods or drilling. Increase your rear visibility by 200%. We have the REAR In Stock!! It's going to be a few weeks before the front kits are available.

6. We finally got our Verholen PASSENGER Peg Lowering Kits in for both the K1200S, K1200R, and the 2006 K1200GT!! They allow your passenger a full 60mm more leg room.. that's a little over 2.5", I think...and we all know virtually all women would like to have 2 more inches. .. except for mine.

7. I have posted the first pictures of our upcoming R1200RT Stealth Backrest in the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery . So far I have only 3 shots uploaded....These should be on the market around Christmas.. Look for the photo album cleverly titled.. BMW R1200RT Stealth Backrest: First Look

8. We have a new product available for our corner carving, track day junkie friends...We are now special ordering the K1200S / K1200R Slipper Clutch from MBC of Germany. Virtually every superbike on the market comes from the factory with a slipper clutch....MV Agusta, Ducati, Bimota, etc... all save for the BMW K1200S and K1200R. I guess the Germans didn't think we deserved one for our paltry $20,000 entry fee. If you don't know what this does.. you probably don't need one. Basically..A slipper clutch allows the clutch to slip when reverse loaded ( downshifting aggressively before a corner). This stops the rear wheel losing traction and/or hopping allowing better traction and more rubber on the ground..

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2006

The 7th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally ...(sponsored by www.I-BMW.com) WooHooo!! It's almost time, my friends!! The last K12 event of the season will again be held at the Tapoco Lodge at the end of September 2006. ... Sept 28-30th to be precise. Be there!! Simply the best time of year to be in the mountains. Virtually perfect weather the last 5 years. If you need advice as to where to stay, etc... email me and I can possibly shed some sage enlightenment in your general direction. Amber and I will be there... and she'll not be wearing panties.

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have 1 new contribution this month.. . Thx guys/gals!!! Could these tips save your life? Dare you NOT look?
Check out # 111 Contributed by the legendary (in his own mind) Robert Rehkopf / Bartlett, TN

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

BMW How-To Section

Nothing new this month..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues