"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S/R world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek, amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: October / November 2007 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the day.....

Ilsa stops and looks into Rick's eyes.. Indecision is in her eyes. Victor stops to give them a moment .. He turns to look across the fog covered runway. The engines of the plane come to life.. It's time to board the plane for Lisbon.

Rick: Last night we said a great many things. You said I was to do the thinking for both of us. Well, I've done a lot of it since then, and it all adds up to one thing: you're getting on that plane with Victor where you belong.
Ilsa: But, Richard, no, I... I...
Rick: Now, you've got to listen to me! You have any idea what you'd have to look forward to if you stayed here? Nine chances out of ten, we'd both wind up in a concentration camp. Isn't that true, Louie?
Captain Renault: I'm afraid Major Strasser would insist.
Ilsa: You're saying this only to make me go.
Rick: I'm saying it because it's true. Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. You're part of his work, the thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.
Ilsa: But what about us?
Rick: We'll always have the Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night and it's a surprisingly good issue.
Ilsa: When I said I would never leave you......
Rick: And you never will. But I've got a job to do, too. Where I'm going to ride, you can't follow. What I've got to do, you can't be any part of. Ilsa, I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid.

Renault / Claude Rains .. Rick / Humphrey Bogart.. Ilsa / Ingrid Bergman.. / ..Casablanca 1942

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

I-BMW. com's 8th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally A Success!!

The 8th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally was again the center of the known universe last week. For the eighth straight year we had perfect weather, perfect temps, and world class twisty roads. My Pirellis are still warm to the touch! Among our group.. the usual miscreants showed and many brought their lovely wives which is always a plus. Nothing looks better than a woman in leathers. I counted over 70 bikes and at least 10 couples. Many legends (in their own minds) of the K12 community showed..but just as many were mysteriously absent. Apathy? Old age? Incontinence? Who knows. I won't name names for fear of blowing their cover in their respective witness protection programs.

T he only negatives for the rally weekend were the latent fear of the local lawdogs, i.e. the Tennessee Highway Patrol which for the most part kept most of the rally attendees off the infamous Tail of the Dragon and one pretty hairy crash by a Canadian attendee. For the last few months the local police have had direct orders from Allah to halt all 2 wheeled fun on the dragon and as expected, they were out in force. Can you say.. "profiling"? I wonder why our airports can't legally do it but the Tennessee Hwy Patrol has carte blanc to do whatever they want with gleeful abandon? I wish somebody would sue their ass (and Gov Phil Bredesen) back to the stoneage. Anyone interested in a class-action lawsuit? Count me in.. Amazingly.. out of over 100 attendees, I heard of only one "velocity award" for our group. Congrats John O!

Not sure if anyone else noticed this, but.. due to the fact that "Big Brother" has decided to shut down the fun on the dragon, the suits making these ridiculous policies have inadvertently forced the local sport bike crowd to disperse on to the other nearby twisty roads including the faster, more dangerous Cherohala. I saw speeding sport bikes on virtually every road our group was on although usually in my mirrors.. DOH! Before the crackdown, almost all the fast bikes were isolated to the dragon...Not any more! I think this is very cool and serves them right. In trying to stop our quasi-innocent fun on the one 11 mile stretch of road, they have created a similar "problem" on virtually every other road in the area. Geezz.. Stupid, stupid people and yes.. that includes the Gov of Tennessee who had a direct hand in the dragon crackdown and it's funding. What a maroon.

As previously mentioned, we had one quasi serious crash by our good friend, Charles (from Quebec.) His brand new GT went down hard in a pass-gone-bad at I'd guess around 50mph. The GT low-sided then lofted itself (and him) 15ft into the air then back down against an embankment totally destroying the bike and sending "Rocket Man" to the local hospital. Fortunately, Charles was wearing full protective gear and suffered only a slightly fractured ankle and pelvis, a few bruises, and an irate wife back in Canada. After a quick tour of the ER he was released in good spirits. One lucky SOB more or less.

Personally, I had a great time. My buds showed me some new roads that truly rocked my tire trashing world. To hell with the dragon for now. Our group ride on the Cherohala which (thank the lord god above) went unnoticed by the Tn or NC Hwy Patrol was honestly one of the most fun rides I've been on in years and it was caught on film via 4 different cameras. I just hope John Walsh doesn't get hold of these videos as we'd all go to jail. The footage was truly worthy of "Americas Most Wanted". Yikes! A public thanks to Monkey..er..Tom for fearlessly leading our group through treacherous, badge infested waters and to Rob and Julie for the preflight safety meetings, and to Mike and Bill for forcing me up and out of bed early to go on the group ride.

For pics of the rally check out the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery . Look for the album cleverly titled.. Deals Gap 8 K12 Rally 2007 FYI.. most of the shots are mine.. Others I plundered from my buds over at www.I-BMW.com Thx Flyboy, Eddie, and everyone else. If you missed the rally you should be kicking yourself in the cajones (not an easy thing to do) as it was most excellent. A personal thanks to the guys at www.I-BMW.com for yet another kick-ass year.

Lastly.. The Tapoco Lodge is already taking reservations for 2008's rally. (See rally news below) I strongly suggest you call and book NOW or be stuck out in Robbinsville with a 15 mile ride to the rally site like many attendees this year. Amber and I are already booked!!

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Ride in Ireland! .. BMW Motorcycle Rental Ireland

If you are like me.. you've always wanted to visit and or ride in Ireland. Well...I was contacted a few weeks ago by a new Irish company that is now offering BMW motorcycles to rent at reasonable prices. Thought I'd share.

The company, Motorcycle Rental Ireland is newly formed but run by experienced motorcyclists. They are based in Naas, County Kildare, approximately 40kms from Dublin Airport. Strategically situated, it’s location gives immediate access to Ireland’s best roads serving all routes, North, South, East and West.

Looks like rental pricing is about $1050US a week or $489US for 3 days. That includes unlimited mileage, fully comprehensive insurance, and a box of Lucky Charms. Bikes available.. BMW F650GS, BMW R850R, BMW R1150R, BMW R1150GS, Honda 650 Transalp, Honda 750 Shadow.

If interested... give them a shout and let me know how it goes... PHONE: (00 353) (0)45 888774
FAX: (00 353) (0)45 888774 or email them at info@motorental.ie

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Product Review: Silver Eagle Outfitters Microfiber Helmet Liner

How often do you spend a paltry $20 and get a product so cool that you want to share your discovery with fellow inmates...er... riders? Almost never? You selfish bastage!! I've been using one of Silver Eagle Outfitter's Microfiber Helmet Liners for the last few weeks and I simply love this thing.. By the time this newsletter comes out I'll have probably have ordered a couple more.

I'm the unfortunate victim of bad genetics and no longer posses hair on my head so I don't have to worry about helmet hair or dirty locks but, I still sweat when riding on hot days. Don't know about you but I hate putting anything wet/damp on my naked head (unless it's part of a woman's anatomy.. wink wink.. nudge nudge). The Microfiber Helmet Liner virtually eliminates the dampness problem and protects your helmet liner from dirt, skin oils, and damning epiphelials which can and will lead CSI investigators directly to your doorstep.

And for those of you who aren't genetically cursed, a helmet liner makes things a lot nicer/cleaner/sanitary and will keep the inside of your helmet (and your precious hair) looking and smelling as fresh as (I would imagine) Katherine Heigl's panties.

I found the Microfiber Helmet Liner to be unobtrusive when riding. It's very thin and feels like expensive silk. It's NOT tight so you can wear it all day in complete bliss. Machine washable. Cost is only $15 before shipping. These come in 3 colors. One size fits all heads no matter how much or how little hair you posses and no matter how large or small the brain within. My personal thumbs up! BTW.. IMHO this would make the perfect Christmas gift for ANY motorcyclist.

Here's some wordage from the Silver Eagle Outfitter's website: "Our satiny-soft, lightweight microfiber helmet liners are a dream-come true for those who are tired of itchy helmet-head. Made of quick-drying microfiber polyester, the micro-thin liner wicks moisture away from the scalp and into the fabric where it dries quickly."

Lastly.. unless otherwise specified .. I pay full retail for products that I review just like you mere mortals. If I like something.. I spread the word.. if I don't.. well.. if you've read previous newsletters, you know what happens when I hate a product.. ;-) No spin here, mates.

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New BMW Dealer Opens in Hell.. er.. St. Louis! Gateway BMW

Yes.. you all know St. Louis is my least favorite city in the Milky Way Galaxy. If while standing at the pearly gates God gives me a choice between Hell or St. Louis... it will be a tough choice. Don't get me wrong.. the Arch is magnificent and I'm sure there must be at least one other redeeming quality of the city besides good restaurants although I never discovered one. It's just simply the worst environment on earth for a dedicated motorcyclist.. Horrible roads, traffic that inspired Edvard Munch to paint "the Scream", and not a tree or curve within 200 miles. I lived there for a year.. I know what I'm talking about.

Just after I escaped...er.. left St. Louis in late 2005, the lone BMW dealer closed their doors. I hated to hear about it as those guys always treated me well. Another case of a great staff done in by a money grubbing, clueless management. Well .. good news for BMW riders in the area. We just found out a new BMW dealer has just sprung up in the gateway city..appropriately named.. Gateway BMW

The waaay cool facility is located off Interstate I-170, and is located just yards from the southbound lanes just south of St. Charles Rock Road. The word is, new owner/manager Bob Honz has put together a staff of dedicated riders to run things. I just hope they have biz running qualifications as they'll need it. If you want to call or visit them.. their # is 314.427.9090 CST

Pirates Lair wishes them success!!

What's New In the K1200RS/GT/S/R No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and first generation GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these chat sites..

1. If you are absolutely determined to turn your 06+ GT into an LT... er....that's not nice... . I mean.. if you are looking for more wind protection for your new GT.. Aeroflow now has Aeroguard Wind Deflectors which attach to the side of the fairings to block wind and rain off your hands. Clear $179.95 or smoke $199.95. In case you didn't know.. they also offer a couple of different windshields for the GT offering lots of protection and ugliness.

2. In last months cheesy newsletter we mentioned that we had received confirmation from a customer that R& G Racing K1200S Frame Sliders .. upper frame, front fork sliders, and shaft protectors will also fit the 2006+ BMW K1200GT's! We were told that the upper frame sliders will require a few spacers to be made in order to make it look complete. Well we just received a file from this same customer. How-To Adapt the K1200S R&G Frame Sliders to the 2006+ K1200GT in PDF form.. This should be invaluable for those who are thinking about doing the GT install. Thx, Paul.

3. 2008 will bring an all black K1200R...Not only black panties....er.. plastic, but the frame, drive shaft and wheels matched in black. Here's a look..

4. Apparently many new K1200GT owners are experiencing loose saddlebags and we all know how painful and embarrassing that can be. We just found out that there is a factory fix kit for them. The kit contains two matching pairs of plastic pads that replace the existing pads on the saddlebag's locking clamp. The original pad is approximately 2 mm thick and the set includes one pair that are about 3 mm thick and one pair that is about 4 mm. You simply choose the one that eliminates the movement. They're simple to replace with a screwdriver. Part # 46 54 7 712 002 - Repair Kit (also labeled "clamp") You are welcome.

4. Heads Up: Due to a variety of reasons/circumstances including fluctuations of the Aussie dollar, low product demand , high cost of manufacturing materials, and again.. again George Bush's failed foreign policies... MotorCycle Cruise in Australia is discontinuing the K1200RS cruise controls effective immediately. As of this writing all are gone.. there will be no more.. or so they tell me or if they do decide to produce more, they will be under an all new price structuring. FYI.. The Aussies will be keeping an extensive inventory of replacement parts should those ever be needed.. Aint' procrastination a bitch?

6. ZTechnik has a new radar detector/GPS/IPod mount on the market for the 2006 & Up K1200GT and it is visually impressive. Check dis out, mates.. The centrally mounted mount is sleek, stylish, and amazingly attractive unlike virtually everything else on the market. You won't be ashamed to have it on your bike.
The all new ZTechnik GT Tech Mount matches the bike's form and style, while providing a safe, secure central mounting location for a wide variety of accessories. Range of movement and adjustability are the same as all ZTechnik Techmount ball and socket systems meaning you can adjust this sucker into a 100+ positions. Silver finish only. Fits virtually all radar detectors. Plenty strong for GPS's. Sleek, small, sexy as it should be. It fits the 2006 & Up K1200GT Only..You can buy them from any BMW dealer or.. that chessy guy at Pirates Lair.

7. Looks like Pazzo Racing at is working on some adjustable shift/brake levers for the K1200R and K1200S.... Word is they'll be available in November.

8. If you are like me and still waiting for the new airbox for your K1200S or K1200GT... May as well take a seat as it's gonna be a little longer. Still no sign of them on US shores. BMW is typically pulling a Marcel Marceau .. annoying the crap out of us with nothing but silence.

9. We just got off the phone with ZTechnik.. They told us they will NOT be producing aftermarket windshields for the K1200R Sport. They actually tried and ran into serious mold problems. "Mold" as in plastic forming.. not fungus. I think they tried but could not in good concious blame this failure on the Bush administration..

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Woohoo!! After waiting for almost 9 months, we just got our first shipment in of Carbon Fiber K1200S Solo Seat Cowlings from Ilmberger of Germany. Mounting hardware is included, but in typical German fashion.. no instructions, but.. it looks caveman easy. This piece is as light as a feather and offers a deep gloss finish for the ultimate in weight loss and good looks. Worthy of the K1200S. Quality German craftsmanship. In case you are curious, the Carbon Fiber pattern of Ilmberger products is an exact match for the patterns of both Pack Parts and ZTechnik Carbon Fiber products so there is no issue with mixing and matching. Fits the K1200S only.

Click For Larger Image.. If You Dare!

2. We just found out that the Pack Parts Carbon Fiber Front Fender we've been selling for the K1200S will also fit the 2006+ BMW K1200GT.

3. For those with ADD and you've already forgotten the RED Scrolling Text above.... Pirates Lair will be closed for two full weeks at the end of the month.... Shut down for "mental renovation" from October 23rd - November 5th. This will be the first time since we started this cheesy biz that we have actually shut down most of the website. Previously we just let the site run while away and then came back eyeball deep in orders. This time we hope to come back fresh. We hope our customers will, too..

4. We just got our first shipment of MRA's Original Replacement Dark Tinted Windshields for the K1200S. Apparently there are sick, demented people out there that like the original shape and airflow characteristics of the stock K1200S windshield..

5. Tired of being shunned by everyone except the blind? Our first shipment just arrived of the LED V1 Taillight Kits from Pack Parts of Germany at should be a dream come true to any BMW K1200R or R Sport owner. Why? Because in case you hadn't noticed, your factory tail light is an abomination to all mankind and most of the known universe. There I've said it. Disagree with me and you're wrong. The V1 LED Taillight is simply a thing of beauty and is guaranteed to turn that baboon-looking rear end into an ass Jessica Alba would envy. Our supply is limited. Expensive, unpainted, and worth every freakin' penny/peso/doubloon/testicle. I only wish to the god above that these fit my K1200S, but alas.. these fit the BMW K1200R and K1200R Sport Only.

6. You lucky MV owners.. your ship has just come in... We're running a clearance sale on our last few MV Agusta tees.. Cover up those tattoos and inform the uneducated less fortunate masses that you ride the MV Agusta F4.. the Most Beautiful Motorcycle on Earth. To keep you from having to make tough decisions..(and as fate would have it) the only tees we have left are XXL. So... this would be a good opportunity to gain some weight if you think the XXL might be a tad too large. or.. they make very sexy sleepwear for your significant other or a great Christmas gift for that gravitationally-challenged loved one.

Get these limited edition soon to be collector Pirates Lair MV Agusta Tees while they last or forever live with the sobering regret that you shoulda but didn't.. Procrastination can be an ugly thing. While they last, cost to your US cell/cave/home is a paltry $15.

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2008

New!! Blue Ridge Parkway K12 Rally: May 15th - 18th, 2008 (Contributed by our good buddy, Sir Tim Hudspeth aka CBNFVR over at www.I-BMW.com )

Looks like the Snowshoe people have decided to let our bunch of miscreants inhabit the Inn at Snowshoe for BRPR 2008 (BRPW = Blue Ridge Parkay Rally). This is a confirmed event. I'm already booked.

Location: Inn at Snowshoe , Snowshoe, West Virginia
Reservations: 1 877 441-4386 , Mention "BMW Motorcycle Group - 5071OE" 40 rooms are held for us until 4-11-2008. After that any remaining rooms are available to the general public. The rate is 79 per night (plus taxes).
Amenities: Bar, jacuzzi, walk to beverage store, walk to gas or groceries, restaurant on site, pool. Each room has a TV and phone. Some have a fridge.
Sat Lunch: River Place, downtown Marlinton
Fri-Sat evening meals At the Inn or walk to the Deli a few hundred feet away! No riding required. (Note: There is no organized meal. (i.e. Pay as you go. Go when you wish.)
Links: http://www.pocahontas.org/

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New!! Deals Gap K12 Rally: Sept 25-28th 2008 (Sponsored by www.I-BMW.com )

Well.. the last K12 rally of the year will again be at the Tapoco Lodge at Deal's Gap. Dates are set for Thursday Sept 25th - Sunday 28th. It won't hold us all, so make plans now! Amber and I are already booked!! This'll be the last K12 Rally of 2008, my friends. Be there or forever regret it like the time you blew that chance with those twins because you misread the subtle signals they were giving you..

Call NOW to reserve a room...!

Friday noon meal (12-1:00pm) will be at the Troll Restaurant in Helen, Ga (under the bridge)
Saturday noon meal (12-1:00 pm) will be at the Bistro, Telico Plains, Tennessee (western end of the Cherohala)

As usual, Fri and Sat evening will consist of tall tales, videos worthy of "Americas Most Wanted", and food in the Lodge. No set times.

Alternate Lodging in Robbinsville, NC. Microtel Motel.
Closest dealer (err, one in Knoxville yet?) Touring Sport BMW Greenville, SC

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

Our latest contribution?? Check out # 127 contributed by Mountain Mike in the Trinity Alps CA.!!! Thx dude!!

Could this tip save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

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BMW How-To Section

We have a new one this month.. Contributed by Sir Paul Gatto Check out his
How-To Adapt the K1200S R&G Frame Sliders to the 2006+ K1200GT .

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues