"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it. Also... something to keep in mind... My language in the email subscription version may offend the meek. Subscribe at your own risk. The on-line version is a bit more... PC..

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

Lastly, our e-subscriber newsletter also has all our specials listed.. sales, blems, close-outs, scratch & dent items, etc. If you'd like a list of our current specials, just email me and I'll make it happen.

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: May 2009

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

The conquering king Xerxes has sent his messengers to inform King Leonidas that he is standing in his way of conquering the country. He demands submission from the Spartan people offering "Earth and water" in return... a gesture that infuriates the queen and all about.  Clearly this Persian has never dealt with Spartans before and underestimates their resolve.

Messenger: Choose your next words carefully, Leonidas. They may be your last as king.
King Leonidas: [to himself: thinking] "Earth and water"?
Leonidas unsheathes and points his sword at the Messenger's throat
Messenger: Madman! You're a madman!
King Leonidas: Earth and water? You'll find plenty of both down there. (gesturing to the bottomless pit behind the messenger.)
Messenger: No man, Persian or Greek, no man threatens a messenger!
King Leonidas: You bring the crowns and heads of conquered kings to my city steps. You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death! and worst of all.. You vilified our May issue Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletter without even reading it! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same!
Messenger: This is blasphemy! This is madness!
King Leonidas: Madness...?
King Leonidas: [shouting] This is Sparta!

This is Sparta!
King Leonidas / Gerard Butler...300 .. 2007

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! The Beauty of Finland (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our May POTM was contributed by our good buddy, Jukka Reipas .. This spectacular shot was taken in 2008 in Vihti, a small town located some 40 miles away from Helsinki, Finland. Kiitos Sinulle, Jukka.

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, or any model year K1200GT and B. In focus.

Click For Larger Image If You Dare..
Click Image for a Larger View

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Now Big Brother Is F#@*ing With Our Kids: Another Nail In Our Coffin: Part Four

My first experience on two wheels was on a ratty 50cc mini-bike back in 1965. The little sucker was death trap, I admit. The brakes were poor, sometimes the throttle stuck wide open, and more than once it caught fire while I was actually riding it. It was waaay too fast for a 10 year old and I knew nothing about safety gear yet for whatever reason.. my parents trusted me not to kill myself and I didn't let them down. They had faith in me. If I fell off it.. I'd learn from the experience. The 2 years I owned that thing were 2 of the happiest years in my life and probably set the tone for my future. I learned independence and responsibility and I learned to love the feeling of the wind in my face and a hot exhaust burning skin off my leg. ..IMHO..joys every youngster should experience on their journey into adulthood..

On August 14, 2008, Congress, in all it's wisdom, enacted the Consumer Product Safety Improvement Act of 2008 (CPSIA or Act). The Act was primarily in reaction to the recent influx of foreign made lead-tainted toys that resulted in numerous recalls and significant public outcry for more stringent government standards. Unfortunately, apparently in the subtext of the bill is a Sales Ban on Children's Motorcycles Containing Lead. Geezz.. I guess the mighty AMA was vacationing that day? How could they let this happen?

The CPSIA requires manufacturers of “Children’s Products,” defined as those products designed or intended primarily for children 12 years of age or younger, to meet increasingly stringent lead paint and lead content standards and to certify, based on third party testing, that the products meet the Act’s requirements. Products that fail to comply with the prescribed lead limits are considered a “banned hazardous substance” and cannot be sold or offered for sale.

The language of the Congressional Act is broad enough to encompass motorcycles containing lead in "substrate material" over 600ppm, which would impact certain motorcycles and ATVs even though paint on those models contains lead within acceptable limits. The ban would seemingly encompass any motorcycle or ATV "designed or intended primarily for children 12 years of age or younger." Violation of the prescribed limits can result in severe civil fines of $1000 per violation and/or criminal penalties. In fact, under the terms of the recently passed bill, dealers cannot even display these models on their showroom floor, distribute brochures, or advertise them on their website.

What all of this means, my friends is that without Congressional action to reverse this decision-- you will not be able to buy your child a small bike or ATV to learn to ride on. Aren't you glad the politicians are looking our for your best interests? They obviously believe that YOU are a moron and incapable of making crucial decisions as to what your child can or can not do. I hope you remember this come next election time. Lastly.. for those of you who are members and pay dues to the toothless AMA ..I'd suggest a sternly worded letter directed at it's directors asking how they could let this bill pass.. If it were me.. I'd be asking for my dues money back as obviously they were asleep at the wheel. My 2 doubloons. .

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Product Review: EarFuze Custom Earphones

After the debacle which was my recent purchase (and return) of a pair of $200 custom made earplugs (story in our April Newsletter) it came as a welcome surprise when somebody recently turned me on to EarFuze Custom Earphones. After checking out their website I ordered a pair. At $35 they certainly looked like a viable, inexpensive alternative to high dollar custom ear plugs. In the EarFuze ads they say.. "Superb Sound!" and "Unmatched Comfort!" and "Won't Shift or Fall Out! I'd put those claims to the task..

EarFuze uses a 3 step system that enables the user to create a permanent pair of custom-fitted earphones in only minutes. Basically.. 1.You insert the the speakers into your ear canals.. 2. Mix the 2-part soft putty that comes in the kit. 3. Insert the mixed ear mold material into the ear, press into shape, leave for 15 minutes until it hardens and that's it.. Custom plugs. Sounds almost too easy, doesn't it? Well.. it was. I had Amber help me and it was easier than we thought.

On the road ..I quickly ascertain the plus's and minus's of the EarFuze Custom Earphones. First.. they are not as quiet as either custom made ear plugs or foam plugs as far as wind noise suppression. This is probably due to the fact that the actual rubber speakers are just stuck in the ear.. NOT molded into the canal like either custom plugs or even foam. But what do you expect at 1/5 the cost? If Hearos foam ear plugs rate a 10 on wind noise reduction and custom made earplugs rate an 8, I'd give the EarFuze product a 6. Not good.

Can you hear me now?

However.. when the conversation turns to comfort...the tables turn. . The EarFuze product is easily more comfortable than the $200 custom plugs I reviewed last month and, like the high-dollar custom plugs, stay in place when you are wearing them. The fit is very nice. Unusual but nice. In fact.. they were almost as comfortable as foam plugs. Almost. Sound quality, as best I could tell when using them with my Garmin GPS, was fair at best. Pretty good at low speeds..but who rides at low speeds? .

So to summarize and finally get to a freakin' point....If all you want to do is hear the sweet voice of your GPS bemoaning your navigational incompetence.."recalculating" the EarFuze Kit at $35 is well worth the money and should satisfy your needs. If you want to listen to the ethereal sounds of Mozart's Violin Concerto #4 or Linkin' Park kickin out the jams... I'd spend the big bucks and go full custom.

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Product Review: Park-n-Move™

I was recently contacted by my good buddy, Aaron at Legal Speeding.com (makers of the HARD) with news of his latest new product.. the Park-n-Move. At first it didn't sound like something I'd need or want as I'm kinda used to moving my 3 bikes around the shop for various pagan rituals, procedures, or rides. No idea if my customers would be interested, but I try to keep an open mind. He offered to send me a demo unit for testing and I accepted. Four days later I was in my shop putting it together. Sweet!

Prior to assembly, I watched all his very informative on-line instruction videos as if I was watching porn for the first time.. .except without the drooling or erections.. Taking it all in so I'd know what to do.. and what not to do once I had the opportunity to use it. Assembly took all of 4-5 minutes. The PnM is such a simple, ingenious design that I was kicking myself thinking.. "Damn.. I wish I'd thought of this." Every time I use a Baxley Chock (which has sold about 10 trillion units and made a gazillion dollars) .. I feel the same way, but... I digress.
.. Where was I? O, yea..

Of my 3 bikes, only my 2006 BMW K1200S has a centerstand so I slid the PnM under her and quickly learned that the Park-n-Move will NOT work properly with a 190 series or wider tire. F@%*! Rather than blow off my product review, I figured out a way to actually get the K1200S on the PnM (not easy and not recommended) for evaluation purposes.

What's in your wallet?

At first I was tentative not knowing how secure the bike would be on the PnM, but those fears quickly faded as I saw that not only was the bike rock solid, but it looked like it would actually be hard to knock the bike off it even if you tried. I rolled the bike around the shop and was instantly amazed at how good this device really is. This is one valuable shop tool and if it actually worked well with the bike..I would have gladly paid to keep it.

While the current PnM is, IMHO, another "must have" for anyone's shop .. the 2 prerequisites are...A. Your bike must have a centerstand and B. Your tire must be 180 series or smaller. The PnM is a hell of a product.. worthy of the Motorcycle Consumer News' "Innovation of the Month" award it won recently.

Follow-Up: As I said...the current Park-n-Move will NOT work on bikes with a 190 series or wider tire. That means it will NOT work with the BMW K1200S, K1300S, K1200R, K1300R, K1200R Sport. or HP2 Sport.. The good news is... a wider version PnM is in production that will accommodate tires up to a 210. We should have those on the menu by June 1st and I'll be first in line to buy one.

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Product Review: Laser Stealth HotCam 2 Slip-Ons

While the sound of the stock BMW K1200S isn't half bad, the massive torpedo-like canister is a visual abomination and probably violates the Geneva convention. Leave it to the Germans to come up with something so visually challenged.

The first thing I did when I bought my 2006 K1200S a few years ago (besides crying about the ugly tail light which is also an abomination) was to toss the factory canister for an aftermarket. HP was not a concern or I would have gone with the Staintune as it's the only one on the market that adds a full 10 extra ponies.. No.. I wanted something sleek, dark, and sexy. As I had just about every brand in stock, I tried 6 different slip-ons to see which one looked the best with my new paint. I settled on the attractive Remus Carbon Fiber Oval Revolution for a while then switched over to what I think is the sleekest, sexiest K1200S slip-on available.. the Remus Black Powercone when it became available. It looks like nothing else.. it's exotic and it's very light at only 5lbs 4oz...The only downside of the Powercone is that it's the loudest on the market. Not obnoxiously loud, but close. For the last 2 years I've let my visual desires overrule my aural cravings just so I could have the best looking canister on the market.. All this time I've been waiting for an alternative. A slip-on that is every bit as sexy yet .. civilized.

Got wood?
When my good buddy Robert (at FosterRad) contacted me a few months ago with some pics of the upcoming Laser Stealth HotCam 2 Slip-Ons, I knew instantly this would be the long awaited replacement for my Powercone. In the pictures the Stealth HotCam 2 was a thing of beauty and knowing the sound of previous HotCams, I knew the sound would sooth my savage beast. I ordered mine months in advance, got it last week, and it's already installed. Here are my impressions.

The Good: The Laser Stealth HotCam2 comes in carbon fiber only and damn if it doesn't look good up close. I've seen and owned many carbon fiber canisters through the years. I have a CF Akropovic on my R1 and a CF QuatD on my Ducati, but the Laser carbon finish is the best I've seen hands down. The finish is smooth and deep as if it's got 3 layers of clear coat on top of the carbon material. Honestly.. it's impressive. The kit comes with an optional Silver & Black Laser decal. Use it or not. The connector piece (pic below right) is average and comparable to everything else on the market. I weighed the system on my shop scales and it's only 5lbs 7oz. complete. That's light. If you follow the well written instructions you'll have it on the bike in about 10 minutes. I generally don't like hex shaped canisters as I kinda think it's a fad or perhaps I'm just old school, but this one looks damn nice. Canister length (with end cap) is 20 3/4". You can compare that figure with the slip-on comparo chart I did in our April 2006 Cheesy Newsletter.

As for the sound.. ahh... just what I had hoped for. It's perfect.With the silencer in, it's just what the doctor ordered. Deep and throaty. I think that's the way I'll run mine for a while. It's a nice change from the small-animal-scaring Powercone. FYI.. I haven't taken the silencer out. No need to. Happy at last.

The Enigma: For reasons that I can't fathom, the furnished Laser hanger positions the canister at a weird, cocked angle. (pic at right) What the f#@*? This may or may not bother some, but it bugged the s#*t out of me and there's no way I could live with it. So what to do? Well.. as fate would have it, I sold a Stealth HotCam 2 to a guy a week before (who also hated the angle) and he designed a custom hanger that resolves the issue nicely. He made one for me and it corrected the angle to my anal satisfaction. Looks perfect now. Now ask me how it's hangin!! He's even selling the custom hangers to anyone who asks for about $20 + shipping. . Email me for contact info.

Ahh.. but the review doesn't end there, my friends. Lets insert a little drama.. As a vendor selling their product and as a customer with their product on my bike, I felt it was my duty to question the odd angle with Laser and offer some advice.. I furnished photos, showed them the simple custom bracket, offered pics showing the vastly improved look, and suggested they look into furnishing a similar hanger as they'd be cheap to produce and probably stifle possible customer complaints down the road. I told them that IMHO.. some.. many.. most people might prefer a more "visually correct" angle.

Not only did they NOT appreciate my idea, they freaked out with all kinds of warnings. This is the response I got (edited for saliva slinging content).."Your bracket idea is so wrong. When the Laser Stealth is installed correctly the integrity of the mount is guaranteed. It also looks better as it is canted inward. If you mount it differently - Neither Laser nor Foster RAD want to be part of any alternative design.. Laser R&D guarantees the stock CF clamp failure ONLY when used with the furnished hanger. Your customers should  understand this and the liabilities that you would be exposed to if a clamp breaks. These clamps are designed for the angle intended. May your family members all drown in lakes of blood ." O, well. So much for sharing my insightful ideas for making the world a better place to live. I told Laser I'd put a disclaimer on my website stating that if a customer modifies anything or adds a custom hanger Laser, FosterRad, nor I are responsible, but that's all I'd do. I would continue to offer information as to where a customer could purchase the custom hanger.. Personally.. I think Laser screwed up and I told them so. I wonder if they look at the leaning tower of Pisa and see anything wrong with that?

So to wind this review up. With the custom hanger in place, I love my Laser Stealth HotCam 2 Slip-Ons.. with the stock hanger I would still like it.. I just wouldn't achieve an erection. The sound and look are just what I'd been waiting for. Is the Laser Stealth HotCam 2 as sleek and sexy as the Remus Powercone. In my opinion.. no, but it's close and the HotCam 2 will be a lot easier to live with. You should hear this thing sing... Sweet... The extra 5 or so ponies are just icing on the cake.

Postscript: Initially, I was told by Laser that they were producing only (50) units. I honestly thought it was just a marketing ploy to sell them quickly. Apparently this may be true. We (Pirates Lair) sold 20 before they even arrived in the US. Once the first of 2 shipments cleared customs, was labeled, and ready to ship to those pre-paid customers, FedEx picked them up then promptly damaged or destroyed the first (25) units when they crushed an entire pallet of them. "Oh, the humanity!" That meant that virtually all the prepaid customers were screwed and would have to wait for the second shipment. I got word last week that we can NOT take any more orders until the balance of the pre-paid customers have been taken care of. I should add that the lone importer, FosterRad has dealt with this tragedy better than I would have expected.. Kudos to those guys for soldiering through the ordeal in spite of the headaches, the irate and impatient customers, and possible ED they must have incurred trying to sort out FedEx's incompetence. I probably would have ended up with a gun in my mouth and/or arsenic in my rum..

What's New In the K12 / K13 No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and first generation GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these chat sites..

1. From the waaay cool pics I've seen, it looks like the 2009 Texas Hill Country BMW Rally was another success. Weather was ideal.. nobody went down and believe it or not.. I don't think anyone got a "velocity award" while in Texas. Sounds like a bunch of underachievers to me. I sure wish I could have attended this year but it wasn't in the cards. Like many others I'm cutting back on "spiritual" events until the economy gets better. In the mean time, I have posted all the rally pictures I could find and pilfer at www.I-BMW.com in the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery. Look for the album cleverly titled "Texas Hill Country BMW Rally 2009." If anyone is in a witness protection program and would like their picture(s) removed.. Just ask. FYI.. I am making plans to attend in 2010. Glad everyone had a good time.

2. Here's some more revelatory news I found over at www.I-BMW.com I was recently told by two different dealers that the beautiful LED Tail light that comes stock on the new 2009 BMW K1300S could NOT be retrofitted onto the 2005-2008 K1200S.. Well, my fellow babboon-assed pirates.. that information was dead wrong. It can be done and the full details can be found here... Apparently a few new bike owners figured it out themselves. It's NOT quite plug-n-play but close. Here's a blurb from one guy that did the switch.."The K1300S LED Rear Light requires the rear tail wiring harness. The light requires the 3-Pin connector that comes with the harness. The wires match the color codes of the existing harness. I modified the new harness to include bayonet type connectors to match the existing connectors. Took 20 minutes, tops. I was prepared to add a resister or two, but it was not necessary. I plugged the rear LED light in, and it worked first time. .. no fault messages." So there you have it.. the cure for baboon-ass for around $164.49 (63217713302) for the tail light. and around $58 for the adapter cable.

While we're on the subject.. Another buddy of ours, (Randy over at www.I-BMW.com) told us that at the THCR, several riders did an unofficial comparison of the K1200S vs. the K1300S tail lights as far as visibility. The nod was giving to the LED on the K1300S for the tail light and the K1200S for the brake light. Straight on, the LED version was slightly brighter, but the regular old bulb won out off axis (up/down AND left/right) for both tail and brake functions. So, the bottom line is that if you want the LED for looks and/or reliability, then go for it, however, if you desire more visibility, there isn't enough of a difference to change....

3. There is a very good How To Change a K1200RS Rear Brake Pads thread over at www.I-BMW.com Worth a look if you have a 1998-2004 K1200RS in need of pads. Thx Travis

4. Not happy with the way your BMW K1200S, K1200R, or K1200GT runs due to the software that the Germans bestowed on you? I don't even have to ask to know the answer to that. It's a BMW. Enough said. I've been hearing a lot of good comments about the Plug-N-Play FRK Power Module Module. Here's the wordage from their website.." This Power FRK Module is engineered to produce more wide range power, excellent throttle response and smoothness with stock exhaust/ stock air filter or slip-ons with or without a performance air filter like the BMC or Pipercross. This performance is achieved with the Power FRK Module's circuitry. Smoother throttle response, increased HP/Torque and no flat spots! This is an easy Plug and Play way to optimize your fuel and ignition mapping on your stock or modified motorcycle. As you open the throttle the Power FRK Module makes makes the necessary adjustments for both fuel and ignition performance mapping. This module can be removed at any time and the bike will revert to normal ECU mapping. This Power FRK Module is not detectable by BMW's diagnostic equipment." Sounds almost too good to be true yet everyone I spoke with says the product delivers. Cost is $327. If the little gadget actually works.. it would be worth the money.. I'm still skeptical. Would love to hear other opinions on this little goodie...

5. I received a message from BMW of Santa Cruz and the new website for Wunderlich products is finally up..Wunderlich USA . Check it out. Some choice farkels.

6. Track day rider? Backroads demon? Alcoholic? Worried about dropping your brand spanking new K1300S? Relax. We just got this word from R & G Racing (in the UK).. "Just wanted to let you know we started working on Aero-shaped crash protectors for BMW K1300S.  I reckon we're a month away from having stock of these sliders."

7. I mentioned a cheap K1200S Sloppy Shifter Fix in last months cheesy newsletter. Full details are here.. FYI.. a good buddy of mine (Thx, Joe) installed the fix on my 2006 K1200S a few days ago and... it works like a charm. Well worth the money.(around $30)..Shifting is more precise, shorter throw, and overall smoother. Don't expect the clunkiness to disappear, but otherwise ..a major improvement. I'm impressed.

8. My good friend, Rick Mayer (of Rick Mayer Cycle, LLC) turned me on to this info.. Did you know that the OEM ZX-14 Kawasaki Seat Cowl fits the stock seat on a BMW K1200S perfectly? Neither did I! Apparently, the ZX Seat Cowl can be purchased for around $140 on-line at some discount parts places or for $190 from any Kawi dealer. Of course your choices are whatever colors the bike came in. I know they come in black. ( pic at right.. Click for larger image ) Not sure what other colors.. Rick says it attaches underneath the stock seat via (4) 3/4" #10 sheet metal screws. The tabs they screw into are molded into the cowl itself.. Pre-drilling them 1/8" first makes the screws start easy. For those with the K1200S tail rack..Fear not.. You can easily modify the cowl to fit with the rack by taking an inch or so off the tail with a die grinder which will allow the seat to go on and off-easily.  Just do an e bay search for 'zx 14 cowl'. You might get lucky. I found one there for $85. Cool, huh? Click Here for a view of Ricks Cowl on his K1200S. Thx Rick

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Hell must have frozen over as we just got a small shipment of IIlmberger K1200S / K1200R CF Rear Huggers FYI... shipments are as rare as a politician asking for term limits. These are imported from Ilmberger of Germany. Top quality. Easy install. Besides the K1200S and K1200R, these also fit the K1200R Sport and the 2006-08 K1200GT. They do NOT fit the K1300S or any other 2009 BMW. The bad news is.. we only got a handful. Next shipment date is estimated as May 2014.. No pressure.

Feel the love..

2. BMW K1300S Owners: We just found out that the Evoluzione License Plate Relocator that we've been selling for the K1200S will install and work perfectly on the new K1300S and K1300R.

3. We've been carrying headlight protectors for the K1200S (and now the K1300S) for a few years now. First we sold the AMHP from Australia as it was the only thing on the market. Then we switched to Cee Bailey about 8 months ago. Well.. from.the number of emails I've received over the last few weeks, it seems the masses prefer the Aussie product... So be it. I live to serve. As of 4/07/9 we have dropped Cee Bailey's K1200S cover and are now (again) selling the AMHP Headlight Protector. Those are In Stock.

4. Looking for some Carbon Fiber for your new K1300GT? Cool.. We just got our first shipment of ZTechnik K1300GT / R1200RT Gas Cap Covers.

5. We are having a rare sale on ALL our R & G Racing MV Agusta F4 and Brutale Sliders.. Frame sliders, Fork sliders, etc.. Get them while they last!!

6. We just found out that our ZTechnik Carbon Fiber GT Rack Cover that we've been selling for the 2006-08 K1200GT will also fit the new K1300GT.

7. We just found out that our Verholen 2006-08 K1200GT Bar Riser Kit that we've been selling for that bike will also fit the new K1300GT as long as aftermarket risers aren't installed..

8. Can you say BLING? We now have Clear Blinker Lens Kits for the 2009 BMW K1300GT. ... imported from Hornig / Pack Parts of Germany.

9. Like the look of the K1200S Laser HotCam2 Stealth Slip-On? Of course you do...Now we are offering one for the Ducati 848, 1098, 1098S, 1198, & 1198S. It is available in Carbon Fiber only. The new Ducati Laser Stealth comes with removable silencers, allowing you to go from a European approved deep tone sound level to a full sport sound in a matter of seconds. This is the first muffler designed completely using state of the art engine/exhaust/performance software. The benefits of this Laser handmade muffler are: Ultra Lightweight 60% lighter than stock.... Deep Sound... High Quality Carbon Fiber .. 5 extra ponies....Longer lasting erections. The badge /logo will peel right off (if desired) as it is a decal for a cleaner look. Damn these look good!!!
Click Here To See More... If You Dare

10. Speaking of Laser HotCam 2's. We just got word that Laser is finishing up on the K1300S version. These should be on our menu in June.

11. In case you didn't know.. our e-subscriber newsletter comes complete with a list of our specials.... sales, blems, close-outs, scratch & dent items, etc. If you'd like a list of our current specials, just email me and I'll make it happen.

12. O, Canada.. Et tu, Brute?: The Latest News... In our last few cheesy newsletters, I've been detailing the saga about how over a dozen Canadian customers were refusing to pay their customs fees on orders they had received from us. Those fees adding up to almost $2000 got kicked back on us and we're none to happy about this. The situation is so bad that FedEx has suspended our account.

The latest news is...Amber has been spending her off hours tracking them down.. one by one.. lowlife by lowlife ..and making them pay. What else has she got to do with her time off? Ride her horses? Spend time with her family? Last I heard she had collected the money from all but (2) and she was close to getting the $$ from them. As soon as we collect all the money... we'll get our FedEx account back , but.. we're gonna be leery about sending to Canadians via FedEx for the rest of our lives..Canucks will be offered USPS shipping only which is slow and unpredictable. Fooled once.. shame on you.. fooled twice shame on me.

K12 / K13 Rally / Event News : Down The Road: 2009

2009 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 Rally: May 14-17, 2009

Where: Peaks of Otter Lodge, Blue Ridge Pkwy mp 86, Virginia
When: May 14th thru 17th, 2009 (Thur – Sun)

Call Peaks of Otter Lodge for reservations.
1.540.586.1081 • 1.800.542.5927 • Fax 1.540.586.4420
Note: Specify one bed or two. !!........Peaks does not offer Group Rates

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) :
Super 8 – Bedford
Days Inn – Bedford

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I-BMW.com Track Day Weekend! June 20-21, 2009

When: June 20-21st, 2008 (Saturday & Sunday)
Where: Roebling Road Race Track (Savannah, GA area)
Cost: 1 instructional group with 10 people. Cost is $250.00 per day. $500 total. BOTH DAYS REQUIRED! 1 non-instructional with 20 people. Cost is $150.00 per day. $300 total. BOTH DAYS REQUIRED!

Woohoo! Are you ready for the second annual www.I-BMW.com track day weekend? Of course you are. The weekend is confirmed and reserved. If you are a member of I-BMW.com or just a mere mortal and are interested in attending this event you should visit the site for full details..

If the event is anything like last year, about 50% of the attendees will be on BMW's.. the other 50% on other brand bikes.. Ducati, MV Agusta, YamaHonSuzuSaki, etc. All religions are welcome.

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2009 Summer Solstice K12 Rally: June 19-21, 2009

Where: Sun & Ski Inn and Suites in Stowe, Vermont
When: June 19th thru 21st, 2009 (Fri – Sun)

The 2009 Summer Solstice Rally will again be in Stowe, VT on the weekend of June 19, 20 and 21. It will be at the Sun & Ski Inn on the Mountain Road. Just up from previous years location.

The rates based on Dbl occ
Standard $105
Superior $110

Rates incl breakfast, exclude rooms and meals tax of 10% and a 7 % service fee. Cancellation period is 15 days. They do ask for a one night deposit to hold the reservation. Participants should call in for direct reservations and refer to the BMW gathering for the correct rates.

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2009 Sierra Gold Rush K12 Rally: Sept 13-16, 2009

Where: Sonora Days Inn, Sonora, California
When: Sept 12th thru 16th, 2009 (Sun – Weds)

A pre-rally is planned in Downieville, CA at the Riverside Inn: Rooms are reserved for Sept. 9th through 11th. September 12th will be a travel day to Sonora, an easy and beautiful day's ride south of Downieville.Lodging here is very limited... there are only a handful of rooms available, so if you plan to attend the pre-rally you should make your reservations immediately. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group!! If they are booked up when you call, there is other lodging available in Downieville, and everything is within walking distance:

For booking at the actual Sierra Gold Rush Rally call the Sonora Days Inn at 209-532-2400. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group. If you talk to someone who is clueless about our group, ask to speak to Tracy. We have rooms reserved here for Sept. 12th through 15th, with the 16th optional. This rally will be even better than the last, and we are expecting a much larger turnout in 2009, so make your reservations now! If all the planets align.. I'll see you there. . I've already made my reservations.

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*NEW* The 10th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally: Sept 24-27th, 2009 ( New Location! )

Where: Ridge Top Motel and Campground, Bryson City, North Carolina
390 Arlington Ave, Bryson City, NC 28713
When: Sept 24th thru 27th, 2009
Reservations: (828) 488-6363 Toll Free (866) 415-9692

Be sure to mention i-bmw group

Rates $45 per night plus tax / MC, Visa , Amex , Disc
Office closes at 11:00 pm (late arrivals be sure to call ahead)
24 hour cancellation notice / Click for Google Map
Alternative Lodging: Sleep Inn, 500 Veterans Blvd, Bryson City, NC, US, 28713 / Phone: (828) 488-0326

Recently we were shocked to learn of the closing of the Topoco Lodge (near Robbinsville.) For the last nine straight years our Deals Gap K12 Rally has been held there. So what to do? Well thanks to the quick action of our bud, Tim (aka..Cbnfvr over at www.I-BMW.com) an alternative site has been booked. The 2009 Deals Gap K12 rally will be held in Bryson City, NC at the Ridge Top Motel and Campground. This'll be the 10th anniversary of the most sacred K12 gathering. This motel won't hold us all, so make plans now! This'll be the last K12 / K13 Rally of 2009, my friends.

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have (5) new contributions this month ..Woohoo!! Check out #142-146, contributed by
Lizard, organizer of Tucson Motorcycle Riders in Tucson Arizona

Could these tips save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website.. I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

We have a new offering this month from Sir Vince in Central Ca...
Check out his How-To Fix the Sloppy Shifter on your BMW K1200S / K1200R / K1200R Sport. It's the first listing on the page. . Thx Vince. Well done.

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

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Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues