"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K1300S, K1200S, GT, R, RS, S1000RR world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it. Also... something to keep in mind... My language in the email subscription version may offend the meek. Subscribe at your own risk. The on-line version is a bit more... PC..

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

Lastly, our subscriber newsletter has a link to all our specials .. sales, blems, close-outs, scratch & dent items, etc. If you'd like a list of our current specials, just email me and I'll make it happen.

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: January 2010 .. Happy Freakin' New Year!!

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

The two actors are making conversation while trekking through the jungle. Kirk Lazerous, the serious thespian who has multiple academy awards on his resume, tries to enlighten clueless action hero Tugg Speedman on one of his recently panned roles....

Tugg Speedman: There were times while I was playing Jack where I felt... [pause] ...retarded. Like, really retarded.
Kirk Lazarus: Damn!
Tugg Speedman: In a weird way I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that is was ok to be stupid or dumb.
Kirk Lazarus: To be a moron.
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: To be moronical.
Tugg Speedman: Exactly, to be a moron.
Kirk Lazarus: An imbecile.
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: Like the dumbest mother f*#@ that ever lived.
Tugg Speedman: [pause] When I was playing the character.
Kirk Lazarus: Everybody knows you never go full retard.
Tugg Speedman: What do you mean?

Kirk Lazarus: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho'. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. That guy Pirate that writes the Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter.  Disturbed, maybe. Retarded.. No. Peter Sellers, "Being There." Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, "I Am Sam." Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed...

Tugg Speedman / Ben Stiller   Kirk Lazarus / Robert Downey Jr.  Tropic Thunder 2008

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Acadia National Park! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our January POTM was contributed by Tim Duggan aka TJD over at I-BMW.com. This spectacular shot of his K1200GT was taken at the Acadia National Park in Harbor, Me in June 2009 with his Nikon Digital P80. He says of this shot.." Photo was taken on a 50 degree, foggy June day somewhere on Boot Cove Rd. and Rte 191 between Lubec, Maine and Machias, Maine. The road was recommended to us by a friendly Maine local (they're mostly all friendly that far north) that we met at Quoddy Head Light, the furthermost northeastern point in the US. He was the second person that day who took the time to layout a map and personally recommend roads for us to ride. We ran these two coastal roads through long empty, winding stretches and into the occasional lobstering town like this one, for miles without seeing another vehicle. This was one of those times where you can stop in the middle of the road, park your bike, hop off for a photo and ride on without fear of being run down by an approaching vehicle. It's a terrific motorcycling road for anyone riding that way.

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, or any model year K1200GT and B. In focus.

Click Image for a Larger View

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World Superbike Bombshell!! Wishful Thinking? or Quadrazine Hallucination? Mladin may ride for BMW!!!
(as seen in VISOR DOWN magazine..)

Former AMA Superbike champ has been targeted by BMW for 2010! EARLIER TODAY we gave you the heads up that former multiple AMA Superbike champ Mat Mladin had let slip he was considering a comeback to racing after a couple of serious offers from two World Superbike squads.

Not long after the story went up, the jungle drums upped their tempo, resulting in a sneaky phone call to Visordown HQ from WSB insider, who claimed Mladin is being courted by Alfred Inzinger, former Power Horse Ducati boss, who took Troy Corser to WSB glory in '96. Our insider claims Inzinger, who is now running the satellite BMW team with Austrian rider Roland Resch as their first confirmed rider, wants Mladin in their BMW satellite squad for 2010.

Rumor has it Mladin isn't ready to fully retire from the sport. What's more, the Australian now believes he can replicate arch AMA rival Ben Spies' move to WSB. So Mladin, one of the hardest nuts in motorcycle racing, on an S1000RR, in World Superbikes for 2010.

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2010 BMW S1000RR Accessories: Who Ya Gonna Call?

The 2010 BMW S1000RR is already showing up in showrooms and garages around the world and people are already turning to Pirates Lair for accessories. And rightly so. As mentioned in last months cheesy newsletter, we have big plans for our S1000RR Product Line. FYI.. parts are already coming in from various manufacturers including R&G Racing (in the UK).. The following items are In Stock for the mighty BMW S1000RR

R & G Racing Clutch/Brake Reservoir Protector - Black / In Stock!
R & G Racing: Aero Crash Protectors - Black / In Stock!
R & G Racing: Cotton Reel Sliders -  Black / In Stock!
R & G Racing: Fork Protectors - Black / In Stock!
R & G Racing Tail Tidy w/LED Plate light - Black / In Stock!

Lots of other projects for the S1000RR are in the works from Pirates' Lair. We are currently talking with at least a dozen other manufacturers trying to get ahead of the prophesied parts demands.. Pit Bull, Sato, Tech Spec, Depends, etc . As with the current K1300S, the K1200S, and the venerable K1200RS before it... my goal is for Pirates' Lair to be the center of the BMW S1000RR universe..

What's New In the K12 / K13 / S1000RR No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and first generation GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

1. BMW riding high after success at MotorCycle News Awards! BMW Motorrad UK enjoyed further success at this year’s MotorCycle News (MCN) Awards, as Europe’s largest and most successful motorcycle manufacturer scooped top honors. The K1300S was voted the Best Sports Tourer of 2009. The awards are widely considered to be the most prestigious for the motorcycle industry, recognizing success in all areas of motorcycling.

2. Here is a great pictorial from the BMW Sport Touring chat site on How to Change Oil on a '07 K1200GT

3. Need a seat cover for your K1200RS or GS but your finances are limited due to the Obama economy? Rather than spend the big bucks with Sargent or Corbin... here's an economical option. Hydro-Turf Seat Covers. These are pre-cut to fit the BMW model of your choice or many other bikes. Cost is a reasonable $70.

4. The 2010 I-BMW.com Wall Calendars are now available at yes.. you guessed it.. I-BMW.com. Cost is a paltry $19.99 + shipping and the money goes towards site upkeep. Contribute to the best K12/K13 chat site on the planet and have yourself a waaaay cool calendar to boot.

5. For those so inclined.. the 2010 BMWMOA International Rally will be held July 15th-18th at the Deschutes County Fair and Expo Center in Redmond, Oregon. Pre-registration for this Rally will start March 1, 2010 Online, and forms will be in the March 2010 issue of the BMW Owners News.

6. If you're thinking about buying a new BMW S1000RR.. you're gonna need a wheel stands. Of course Pit Bull will be an option, but here's another... The BMW S1000RR Paddock Racing Stand by Bursig.com. This item is sooooo cool that I have contacted the Germans to ask them if we could become a US distributor. They also make stands for Ducatis, Gixxers, etc.. Sweet.

7. Just got some bad news from ZTechnik. They told Amber that they are discontinuing most of their Carbon Fiber accessories including their K1200S/K1200GT/K1200R / K1200RS gauge cover kits, gas cap covers, K1200GT/K1300GT rear rack covers, etc etc. The only Carbon Fiber that they will continue to produce will be tank protectors. This is baaad news as it's easily the highest quality Carbon Fiber on the market.. All that's left is in their warehouse. Once supplies are gone.. they will produce no more..Their products are only available from BMW dealers.. and Pirates Lair.

8. We just got word from the Austrians that the Remus S1000RR HyperCone Slip-On Exhaust will be available in late January. At first, only slip-ons in two versions.. Stainless steel and Titanium. Cost will be $599 / $699 respectively. Both come with carbon fiber end caps and all mounting hardware.. Sweet. And for those who feel like 197HP simply isn't enough,.. a full system will follow. The Ti slip-on version weighs 3.2lbs The entire line of Remus pipes guarantee increased mid-range and bottom end power, reduced weight, and a deep throaty tone. The Remus HyperCone slip-ons offer a 4-5 hp gain and weight loss. Need more? Click Here for a Dyno Chart. Like virtually all aftermarket exhausts, the Remus HyperCone eliminates the restrictive catalytic converter. Your O2 sensor remains plugged into your factory header. The Remus HyperCone will come with a removable 'street legal' silencer. Customer retains the option of keeping the factory heat shield. If erection lasts for over 4 hours... call more women.

Feel the chub..

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. BMW S1000RR Products Available! We just went live with an all new product section for the new king of superbikes.. the BMW S1000RR. The menu is currently small but we're adding products on a weekly basis. The newest offerings are sliders and a tail tidy kit from R & G Racing (in the UK) and the all new HyperCone Slip-on's from Remus. If you hear of a new product on the market for the S1000RR and don't see it on our website... shoot me an email and I'll see if I can pick it up. I'm really excited about this new section and the bike. My goal is to become the #1 one-stop shopping place for S1000RR accessories. As David Bowie would say... "Just watch me now."

Show me what you've got for the S1000RR!!

2. Kriega Price Reduction for 2010!: Kriega just dropped the pricing by a few dollars on their Kriega R15 / 15 liter Backpack. Even though I possess a vocabulary rivaling William F Buckley's when I have just the right mixture of drugs in me.... I can NOT do these bags verbal justice. I NEVER ride without my R15. They are that good. Perfect for the back-pack wearing street or off-road rider or for any rider thinking about an alternative to a lame-ass tank bag. I use mine when I hike or as my carry-on when I fly. You S1000RR owners will be needing something to carry your chit in... Look no further.

3. We are talking with a manufacturer about offering our customers Plug-N-Play HID kits. Hopefully we can come to terms and offer them on our site by the time our next newsletter comes out. Stay tuned.

4. As per the blurb in the previous section, ZTechnik is discontinuing most of their Carbon Fiber accessories for the BMW K1200RS, K1200S/K1200R, K1200GT/K1300GT, including gauge cover kits, gas cap covers, K1200GT/K1300GT rear rack covers, trim kits, etc, etc. The only Carbon Fiber that they will continue to produce will be tank protectors. This is baaad news as it's easily the highest quality Carbon Fiber on the market.. the good news is.. in preparation for the demise of said products.. Pirates Lair is purchasing virtually all their stock. Get them while supplies last.

5. We just received our bi-yearly shipment of our custom made Pirates Lair Paralever Torque Arms. Are they sweet? or what? Made from aluminum billet with chamfered lightening holes, they come with a bright "deep etched" finish.. and yes... they maintain stock paralever geometry so there are no warranty issues. Our arms are the EXACT same length as the factory K1300S, K1300R, K1200S, K1200R, and 2006-08 K1200GT arms. Very strong, very light, very cool and the only place you can get them is right here, bucko! ! Easy 10 minute install using furnished stainless steel bolts. No mods necessary. Replace that cheesy POS stock unit with something as beautiful as the bike itself. WE get more compliments on these than any other item we sell.

Got wood?

K12 / K13 Rally / Event News : Down The Road: 2010

2010 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 / K13 Rally: May 13-16, 2010

Where: Peaks of Otter Lodge, Blue Ridge Pkwy mp 86, Virginia
When: May 13th thru 16th, 2010 (Thur – Sun)

Call Peaks of Otter Lodge for reservations.
1.540.586.1081 • 1.800.542.5927 • Fax 1.540.586.4420
Note: Specify one bed or two. !!........Peaks does not offer Group Rates

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford

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2010 Sierra Gold Rush K12 / K13 Rally: Sept 12-15, 2010

Where: Sonora Days Inn, Sonora, California
When: Sept 12th thru 15th, 2009 (Sun – Weds)

A pre-rally is planned in Downieville, CA at the Riverside Inn: Rooms are reserved for Sept. 8th through 10th. September 11th will be a travel day to Sonora, an easy and beautiful day's ride south of Downieville. Lodging here is very limited... there are only a handful of rooms available, so if you plan to attend the pre-rally you should make your reservations immediately. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group!! If they are booked up when you call, there is other lodging available in Downieville, and everything is within walking distance:

For booking at the actual Sierra Gold Rush Rally call the Sonora Days Inn at 209-532-2400. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group. If you talk to someone who is clueless about our group, ask to speak to Tracy. We have rooms reserved here for Sept. 12th through 15th, with the 16th optional. Make your reservations now!

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The 11th Annual Deals Gap K12 / K13 Rally: Sept 23-26th, 2010

Where: Microtel Inn
111 Rodney Orr Byp
Robbinsville, NC 28771 US
When: Sept 23rd thru 26th, 2010
Reservations: Direct 828-479-6772 or Toll free 888 771-7171 or email.

Be sure to mention i-bmw group / If you have any issues.. ask for Sue. This motel won't hold us all, so make plans now! I have.

Group Rates $58.46 for a queen bed & around $64 for 2 beds per night plus tax / MC, Visa , Amex , Disc
24 hour cancellation notice / Area Maps
Alternative Lodging: San-Ran Motel Located in downtown Robbinsville on US 129 1/8 mile down from the Microtel. Covered bike parking. Paved parking for trailers. Reasonable rates. Clean and motorcyclist friendly. 828-479-3256

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

No new tips this month, but they are always worth a re-read.
Could our tips save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website.. I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

We have a new contribution this month from Sir Robert Frandanisa .Thx, Bob. ..Check out his
HID Headlight Upgrade for a 2003 K1200GT

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues