Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K1300S, K1200S, GT, R, RS, S1000RR world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: October / November 2010

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

Princess Nuala: [with the others in the meat-locker] To wage his war, my brother needs this.
[holding the crown piece and cylinder]
Princess Nuala: The final piece of the crown of BethMora and this Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter.
Johann Krauss: Ahh yes.. the Cheesiest of Newsletters. The harbingers of BMW accessories.. the unstoppable purveyor of cheese...
Hellboy: [under his breath] Howdy Doody.
Johann Krauss: Your Highness, if you hand the crown piece and the newsletter over to us...
Princess Nuala: No. Where it goes, I go. My father died to uphold the truce with the BMW riders of your world. We must honor his noble intentions.
Abe Sapien: The lady is in dire danger.
Johann Krauss: I take is your are vouching for her, Agent Sapien?
Abe Sapien: Most emphatically, yes.
Johann Krauss: Even so... I am sorry, but we simply cannot assume such responsibility on our own.
Hellboy: [getting in Johann's face] Lady just lost her father, what more do you want?
Johann Krauss: You may not care, but there are procedures, rules, and little handbooks that...
Hellboy: She's coming with us. You got that, gasbag?
Johann Krauss: [offended] What-what did you call me?
Prince Nuala: [from behind the group] You! You will pay for what happened to my friend down there.
Hellboy: Yeah, right. You take checks?

 Hellboy... Ron Perlman..  / Princess Nuala...Anna Walton / Abe Sapien.. Doug Jones / .. Hellboy II: The Golden Army (2008)


News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Judaculla Rock, Caney Fork, NC! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our October POTM was contributed by Stephen Durham, who lives in Hillsborough, NC .He says of the picture..."Taken May 2, 2009, about Noon at Judaculla Rock. This is after camping the night in Cruso. The roads were wonderfully empty this Saturday morning. This picture is at the end of Judaculla Rock Rd, at the rock.  This is off Caney Fork Rd near Cullowhee NC. The light rain began about 15 minutes before the picture. Even with the rain and it still being early spring in the mountains,  it was a mild 60ish kind of day.  The camera is a Pentax Optio W60.  A good camera for this purpose in that it is waterproof and thus can be handy on the bike even in the rain, can thus be packed handily on the top of the packed bags or tank bag where wetness is OK, a reasonable 5x zoom, and small enough to pack easily,   This was part of a great spring trip to western NC. ."

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S or K1300S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, S1000RR, or any model year K1200GT or K1300GT and B. In focus.

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2010 I-BMW.com Sierra Goldrush K12 / K13 Rally: California Dreamin! (Sponsored by www.I-BMW.com )

The 3rd annual west coast K12 rally ..aka. the 2010 I-BMW Sierra Goldrush K12 / K13 Rally was another roaring success. So far, all reports say no "velocity awards" and perfect weather! Does it get any better than that?! Oddly enough..we hear that the turnout was small. What the f#@*?! So let me get this straight.. Some of the best roads in the country... perfect weather.. magnificent scenery.. probably 1/4 of our customers live in California so no shortage of riders... and less than 20 people show up?? Can somebody 'splain this to me? What's up wit dat?

Having attended the SGR the first year, I can wholeheartedly say that California roads do not disappoint.They have some of the best roads in the country. Scenic vistas, mountain lakes, gigantic trees, hobbits, wizards, "almost" legalized pot, and the wonderful smells of riding at high altitude.. The Sonora Pass alone is worth the price of admission. Amazing. If I was within 500 miles I'd have not missed it. If you missed it you should be kicking yourself in the cajones (not an easy thing to do.)

Thx to the effervescent Charlie W.. aka Kneedragger (over at I-BMW.com) for stepping up to the plate yet again and making the event a continued success. thanks again, Charlie! You da man! I've posted rally pics in the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery. Look for the album cleverly titled.. the Sierra Gold Rush Rally 2010 Enjoy.

Show me more, Captain!

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2010 I-BMW. com's (Sponsored by www.I-BMW.com )

The 2010 I-BMW.com Deals Gap K12/K13 Rally was again the center of the known universe last week and wow did I have a great time.. We had twice as many bikes as I was expecting and I think everyone else was as surprised as I. At least 35 by my count. And while many of the regulars didn't show.. quite a few did.We had some newbies show up which added a little spice to the event. Weather was spanktacular unlike last years tour de (gale) force of torrential rains. While we had a few isolated rain showers on Sat, Thursday and Friday were sunny and low 80's... Warmer than usual for this time of year, but perfect for riding.

Oddly enough, while Amber and I (and Aaron over at LegalSpeeding.com) had a few "I Have a Speeding Problem"  tees to hand out to anyone who "achieved" a velocity award while at the rally.. and there were cops aplenty.. not one rally attendee (I'm not kidding) got a ticket and not for lack of trying as I personally witnessed some damn fast riders.. I wasn't one of them as speeding is wrong, but the riders both in front of and behind me were constantly breaking the local speed laws. I tried to talk with them about this blatant disregard for proper road etiquette, but to no avail.. If any of youz guys did get a speeding ticket either at or on the way to or from the rally.. let me know.. We reward bad behavior here.

Show me more, Captain!
Personally I had a better time at this years DGR than many in the past for one simple reason. Over the last 10 years.. virtually all attendees, for reasons that I will never fathom, choose to get up at dawn and head out at 6-7-8am.. What the f%#$? Don't people like to sleep late any more? Isn't that a prerequisite for relaxation?  Doesn't 8 hours sleep lead to a healthier, more productive mind and glowing facial complexion? As I never, ever get up before 9am (unless a sex is involved) and can rarely get motivated to suit up before 10am, I'm generally left riding alone. *insert sympathy here please.  At virtually every rally I spend most of the day trying to find and hook up with my fellow riders who had suited up and rolled out while I was still drooling on my pillow deep in REM sleep. 

This year was different.. There were at least 10 others who, like me, think that purposely getting out of  perfectly comfortable bed early in the morning is something to avoid like a Facebook "poke" from your ex-wife, a kick in the balls, or eating at Taco Bell.  Many of us like to sleep late, eat a leisurely breakfast, then take our time suiting up as if we're on vacation, then head out around 10am.. I was beginning to wonder if it was just me. Apparently..(Woohoo!).. I'm not an aberrant anomaly after all.  This year I had 2 full days of rare group riding and enjoyed every minute of it. .. or almost every minute of it.
Friday mostly consisted of riding the Dragon (which I hadn't done in 2 years) and the Cherohala Skyway. Two of my fav roads in the Milky Way Galaxy... Saturday was mostly spent trashing  roads in North Georgia. I'd never been on most of them and all were world class. Hundreds and hundreds of perfectly paved, gravel-less curves with very little traffic and zero law enforcement. At one time I remember thinking of that scene in Field of Dreams where (I think) Shoeless Joe Jackson asks Kevin Costner.. "Is this heaven?" to which he replies.. "No.. it's Iowa."... except in this case.. "No..it's Georgia." While I thought I had it good where I live here in Asheville..and most are probably tired of hearing me rubbing it in.. we have few roads that compare to what we were riding down there. My God.

I did have one serious "pucker" moment. Considering the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of blazing curves over the weekend.. I don't feel too bad about it.  I was mid-pack and we were all one-by-one passing a cage.... Ahead I saw an opening to pass with a slightly downhill flat hard left just ahead of the car.  I could see all the way through the curve, but I knew I had to rev up, pass fast, then brake real hard to make it. Under ideal circumstances I could make it pretty easily with probably minimal rear end slide and it looked ideal from where I was. However, once I had passed, got back into my lane and was fully committed.. things didn't look so ideal. At about .008 seconds before hitting the brakes prior to diving into the curve, I see what looks like sand or dirt directly in the apex.. In fact the entire corner looks covered in some brownish substance. Sand.. dirt.. brown sugar... Hmmm.. not good. I only had two options and less than .0006 seconds to choose one. A. Either try to make the curve as intended and pray that I had enough good Karma from a past life to make it though... or B. run wide through the curve and off the road. Fortunately there was about 15 feet of run-off  so I opted for B.. I stood it up, broke hard and overshot the curve by about 10 feet.. Got  back on the road without soiling my Fruit of the Looms although the pinch mark on my seat still hasn't gone away.. 
Show me more, Captain!
I should mention.. I know many of you are aware of the fact that the Tapoco Lodge (site of 8 of the last 10 DGRs) is re-opening in January and there has been talk and high hopes that our little group of hooligans would be once again booking that venue for 2011. That kinda looks doubtful as of this week. A couple of us have spoken to the new owner about booking, pricing, etc and for whatever reason, the guy simply will not commit and seems totally apathetic to continuing our patronage. He won't give straight answers on any aspect of us returning. It's like talking to a politician. We're kinda baffled at his response, or lack thereof, but rather than lose sleep over it.. good news.. There's a 90% chance that we've already found an alternative for DGR 2011 in the newly renovated Fontana Village Resort which has told us up front they'd love to have our group and would hold 30+ rooms and/or cabins with a very tantalizing group rate. The location is perfect. Their restaurant is excellent and they "promise" our experience would be better than a few years ago..which as many of you know.. was not a good one.  In fact it sucked. Details are being worked out by Bert B who is talking with them. Details to come.

Overall.. I loved this years rally. While the leaves haven't even started to turn due to the weird weather we've had... the warmer temps were a godsend for tire grip. A personal thx to the injured, but recovering Tim H who set up this years event at the Microtel. To all those who missed this years DGR.. our 11th...all I can say is.. you shoulda been there and hope to see you next year... It was absolutely killer. I've posted lots of rally pics in the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery. More are coming in. Look for the album cleverly titled.. the
Deals Gap Rally 2010 Enjoy.

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Pyramid Plastics New Product: Fiberglass K1200R / R Sport Bellypan

Pyramid Plastics (in the UK) has developed, IMHO.. the best looking K1200R bellypan on the market. See for yourself! I love the flowing, curvaceous design which, IMHO both softens the rough edged look of the bike and adds a dash of symmetrical color. Click Here for a nice shot of the Silver version.

Each fiberglass piece has a deep, hand rubbed gloss finish for the ultimate in spectacular looks. They offer these in 3 colors.. yellow, silver, and dark graphite. And for those sick demented individuals, like myself, that want to paint their panels to match a custom paint job.. they also offer these un-painted. Cool!

Since the 1980's Pyramid Plastics has been producing high-quality motorcycle products equaling OEM quality. If you thought your only option for a belly pan for your K1200R or K1200R Sport was paying big bucks for carbon fiber .. you were wrong, bukko! Here's the fiberglass alternative that I think most K1200R owners have been waiting for.

Note: This bellypan will fit only the K1200R & K1200R Sport only. .. NOT fit the K1300R. And yes.. as one as intelligent as yourself would expect.. Pirates Lair Has Them Here...

Show me more, Captain!

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Corbin... My White Whale

Thinking about having your seat re-covered? Unless you're a sadomasochist who loves subjecting yourself to financial rape, I'd think twice before giving Corbin your business. Of course, anyone who follows my newsletters knows that I hate the Corbin business model and look for reasons to slam them in public. Most would agree that those reasons are generally not hard to come by hence this latest tirade.. While I wouldn't consider myself obsessed with my dislike of Corbin, I would theorize that me and Capt Ahab would have a lot in common... "I'll follow them around the Horn, and around the Norway maelstrom, and around perdition's flames before I give them up"..

Now that I'm loving the K1200S and plan on keeping her a while, I recently decided I'd ship the front only portion of my 2 piece Corbin Gunfighter seat to Corbin and have them recover it in vinyl. It came in leather and I hate leather on any motorcycle seat. I figured a reasonable price to recover the small section would be $70-100 + shipping.. Having learned my lesson previously,  I figured Corbin would gleefully bend me over without the benefit of Rohypnol..er.. I mean price gouge me and double that to $140-200. Wrong...They quoted a criminally insane $309+ shipping.. My God!! The quote was so obviously out of line that I yelled to my crewman.. "Blacksmith, I set ye a task. Take these harpoons and lances. Melt them down. Forge me new weapons that will strike deep and hold fast."

From hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.

Just for reference and fairness to my "out of line" allegations.. I contacted a few other aftermarket seat makers just to compare pricing on the exact same work....
www.rickmayercycle.com said... . If we have to make a new basic-no frills vinyl cover-$85 plus $25 shipping.
www.SargentCycle.com said... For a "standard offering" seat cover it would be $79.95 + shipping for a one piece.. 
www.billmayersaddles.com said.. $189.00 in vinyl

If you'd like to send a message to them, I'd suggest you avoid them like a red-headed Ebola carrier... And Mike Corbin.. I don't know how you and Bernie Madoff sleep at night. My 2 doubloons.

What's New In the K12 / K13 / S1000RR No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the K1200RS and first generation K1200GT have been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

1. If you have a new BMW S1000RR...sooner or later .. probably sooner, you're gonna need a radar detector mount. The good news is.. the long awaited TECHMOUNT S1000RR Euro Radar Detector Mount is now available. They offer these in both silver or black anodized finishes. The Euro Mount system is designed to clamp onto the top of the S1000RR fork tubes for an unobtrusive look and unobstructed view of all your dash functions.You can mount the unit on either the left or right hand sides (or both) giving you install flexibility should you be the type rider that goes both ways. Another cool feature... as the mount has two ball bearings, you can adjust both the height and angle of the platform to your sick, demented needs. No mods or engineering diploma needed. Kits include velcro and tools. You can also procure these from the friendly people at Pirates' Lair! Price is $84.US delivered.

2. Looking for spiritual reinforcement that your purchase of the S1000RR was the right one? Here's a nice article I found on a Canadian website.. Aprilia RSV4 vs.BMW S1000RR Top Guns Put to the Test!

3. Own a late model BMW.. i.e.. K1200S, K1200R, R Sport, or K1300S with ESA and getting a few miles on it? Sooner or later you're gonna need to replacement your shocks ..Unless you are Bill Gates and can afford the multi-thousand dollar factory replacements... here's a viable, cheaper alternative. Works Performance is rebuilding ESA shocks for about $1300 a pair.

4. The BMW S1000RR DVD Repair Manual 1st Edition [01597721679] is now available... Cost is $104.+ shipping.

5. Wow.. here's some new pics of the K1200LT replacement 1600cc bike...The K1600GTL

6. Teaser alert: The rumor mill has good news for those living in or around Asheville, NC... Word is that a new BMW dealer may be in the works.. I've been sworn to secrecy on details for now..

7. To get the peak performance from your BMW S1000RR, enthusiasts now have the option of replacing their factory air filter with a reusable High-Flow K&N Air Filter! K&N's air filter for the 2010 BMW S1000RR is listed as part number BM-1010. Price is $65+ shipping.

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. K1200S / K1300S Sato Rearset News!!! Woohoo!. Since the last cheesy newsletter we have determined (with a little help from our friends..) that the current K1200R kit will also fit the K1200S and K1300S? The kit K1200R kit is a simple bolt on on the K1200S, but the K1300S owner must purchase 2 additional pieces from his or her local extortionist...er.. dealership (cost $150) to make the kit compatible. Check out the exact part numbers Here...You'll need items 5 & 6 in the diagram. For a view of Black Satos on 2010 BMW K1300S / Right Side .. Click Here For a view of Black Satos on 2010 BMW K1300S / Left Side .. Click Here Thx, Charlie.

Bottom line.. your wait is over, bucko.. As beautiful as they are functional, Sato rearsets set the standard in a sea of "fugly" equipment and we have them Here... You own one of the most beautiful bikes ever created.. Shouldn't you choose your equipment with the same criteria? They come in 3 color choices.. Silver, Black, or Gold anodized. Levers ride on twin ball bearings for a smooth feel, and no slop, as in found with bushings. Knurled non-folding pegs offer good grip with more ground clearance. Fully adjustable 8 positions. If erection lasts for more than 4 hours.. call more ladies..

2. Riding a BMW S1000RR on the street without a radar detector is like visiting a brothel without condoms. I simply do not know how anyone can do it without protection. Sooner or later bad things are gonna catch up with you. For those who've been patiently waiting for a radar detector mount for your BMW S1000RR... Good news!! We now have a TechMount Euro Mount for the new BMW. We currently have SILVER mounts in stock and can get a black version as a special order item. I have a similar mount on my Ducati 1098 and swear by it. It's sleek, beautiful, and reasonably priced.

3. We just added Ilmberger S1000RR Carbon Fiber Frame Covers Pair (Left & Right ) to our ever growing inventory of S1000RR Carbon Fiber parts. Price for the pair is $325.US delivered. You can find all our S1000RR Carbon Fiber here..

4. Good news if you've been waiting for a Techmount for your BMW K1200S / K1300S / K1200GT / K1300GT. We just got a large shipment and now have the Mirror Mount, Control Mounts for the K1200S & K1300S and the Aluminum Center Mount for the K1300GT & 2006 -08 K1200GT in stock and all with the old style platforms!!

5. If you thought your only option for a rear wheel hugger for your BMW K1200RS or 2002-05 K1200/GT was paying the big bucks for Carbon Fiber .. you were wrong, bukko! Pirates' Lair just added these beautiful black plastic rear wheel huggers from Pyramid Plastics to our menu. Protect your bike from flying debris and add a little flash without plundering your wallet. Each piece has a deep, hand rubbed gloss finish for the ultimate in spectacular looks. Of course, if you don't want a black hugger... these are paintable! Price is $188 delivered.

6. Speaking of Pyramid products... and just in case you missed the blurb above or suffer from ADD... we now carry the Pyramid Plastics (of the UK) Fiberglass Belly Pans for the BMW K1200R. We offer a choice of 3 colors or unpainted. These are damn beautiful if I say so myself.. Price is under $500 for unpainted.

7. We just received a new shipment of our exclusively made Pirates Lair Torque Arms. This batch is Silver..A visual delight. We also have Black in stock. You want to make your bike stand out? I got your back.

8. Unfortunately, we just had an across the board price hike of all our exclusively produced helmet locks.. We've held the same prices for 5 years now and as you may have heard.. the times, they are a changin.' Our locks for the K1200RS/GT, K1300S/K1200S, K1300GT/K1200GT, and S1000RR have gone from $85 to $95 for Black and $90 to $100 for Silver delivered.. Ain't dat a pisser?

9. Pirates Lair gets more requests for fender extenders than any other single item other than naked pics of Amber. A long lost source in the UK.. Pyramid Plastics just contacted us with a whole line of them. How fortuitous! The Extenda Fenda is an inexpensive farkel that actually has a function unlike a lot of the foofoo fancy gratuitous crap that we sell.. These are designed to protect your bike from debris thrown up by the front tire. The extenda fender helps keep rider and bike cleaner, cuts down on paint damage on the lower fairing, and also protects important parts of the bike such as the radiator and oil cooler. Chimp easy install. We now have them to fit every model year K1300GT, K1200S, K1200RS, 2002-05 K1200GT, R1150R, and R1150RS. Price is under $45 delivered.

10. We now have LSL 'Twin Match' Bar Risers for BMW S1000RR on the menu. Sweet looking and expensive. No mods or longer cables necessary.

Show me more!

K12 / K13 Rally / Event News : Down The Road: 2010 / 2011

The AHR.. aka.. Arkansas Hillbilly Rally K12 / K13 Rally: Oct. 13 - 17th 2010

Where: Jasper, Arkansas, Gordon Motel
When: Oct 13th thru 17th, 2010
Reservations: Direct 800-477-8509

Be sure to mention i-bmw group / If you have any issues.. ask for Mrs Gordon. This motel won't hold us all, so make plans now!

Group Rates: Reasonable / MC, Visa , Amex , Disc
There will be no refund after 7 days prior to your arrival date. / Directions

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2011 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 / K13 Rally: May 12-15, 2011 (New!)

Where: Wattstull Inn, just north of Buchanan, Virginia
When: May 12th thru 15th, 2010 (Thur – Sun)

Call Wattstull Inn for reservations.
540-254-1551 / Mention: i-bmw group
SPECIFY ROOM TYPE - single, double, king

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford or Peaks of Otter Lodge

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

No new contributions
this month. Our last was # 156! Contributed by M. Ellwood.. aka Muzzy in Australia. Could our tips save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

No new contributions
this month. Our last was pilfered from lagunas2k over at www.I-BMW.com. Well done. Thx, mate. ..Check out his How To Install Z4 Turn Signals on BMW K1200S

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues