Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy K12 newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S/R world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell .. I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek, amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.
So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: October & November 2005 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the day.....

Vincent flips the two locks, opening the case. We can't see what's inside, but a glow emits from the case. Vincent just stares at it, transfixed.

Jules: We happy? No answer from the transfixed Vincent.
Jules: Vincent! Vincent looks up at Jules. Closes the case.
Vincent: We're happy.
Jules, satisfied turns his attention to Brett.. one of the 3 young surfer types who have tried to rip off their boss....
Jules: Now describe what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: (out of fear) What? Jules takes his .45 and presses the barrel HARD in Brett's cheek.
Jules: Say "What" again! C'mon, say "What" again! I dare ya, I double dare ya motherfucker, say "What" one more goddamn time!
Jules: Now describe to me what Marsellus Wallace looks like!
Brett: Well he's ...he's...black -- and he's...he's...tall --
Jules: -- does he look like a bitch?!
Brett: (without thinking) What? Jules' eyes go to Vincent. Vincent smirks. Jules rolls his eyes and SHOOT's Brett in the shoulder. Brett SCREAMS.
Jules: Does-he-look-like-a-bitch?!
Brett: (in agony) No.
Jules: Then why did you try to fuck 'im like a bitch?!
Brett: (in spasm) I didn't.

Jules: Yes ya did Brett. Ya tried ta fuck 'im. You ever read the Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter, Brett?
Brett: (in spasm) Yes.
Jules: There's a passage from the July issue I got memorized, seems appropriate for this situation: "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is Pirate when I lay my vengeance upon you."

Vincent / John Travolta Jules / Samuel L. Jackson / Pulp Fiction 1994

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

End of Days?.. www.I-BMW.com reborn as www.k-bikes.com/ ???

"The sky is falling.. the sky is falling!".. er.. I mean..No reason to panic..but I suggest you get under the nearest doorway or in the basement until the storm passes. There is so much going on behind closed doors right now that I'm not even gonna comment until the smoke clears and I have personnaly checked the DNA and epithelias of the rotting corpse.... Will www.i-BMW.com, like Icarus, rise from the ashes? Or is www.K-bikes.com aire to the K Chat throne? At this point.. anything could happen. This should be the biggest story to hit the K12 community since.. since.. well... the beginning... Full details in our December newsletter. Stay tuned..and may your respective god/goddess/graven idol usher you through this trying time. Me thinks this story will not go quitely into the night...

The 6th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally Rocked!

The weather was perfect, the traffic wasn't bad, and the nude belly dancers were particularly beautiful this year. As far as I know.. our group of about 70 made it though the weekend without a single velocity award.. zero.. nada.. setting a new precedence for all future K12 rallies. Come on people.. we're gonna have to try harder next time.. !

I have posted some pics in our Photo Gallery in an album cleverly titled.. Deals Gap 6 BMW K12 Rally 9/29/05
If that link doesn't work. Try http://www.community.webshots.com/user/pirate0007 Besides my own shots, I have included pics contributed by fellow attendees Tim Hudspeth, Wayne Taylor, and Richard Clompus. Check out the pics... Relive the fantasy. If you have rally pics that you'd like to contribute.. please forward them to me and I'll add them....

Verholen Mini-Tankbag Evaluation!! Size Does Matter..

I've always hated tank bags. Most are ugly and distract from the sleekness of a bike. While functional for traveling, for everyday riding they are generally just too much. I would hypothesize that the majority of riders, like me would like to have a sleek, small, attractive tankbag for everyday riding, canyon blasting, or the quick run to the courthouse to pay this month's speeding tickets. A few years ago, I actually produced a small tankbag which utilized suction cups to hold it to the gas tank. It had small flip-up levers inside which would release the suction for gassing up, etc. While I sold the hell out of them.. they were a PITA to produce.. Consumed a lot of my invaluable time so I dropped them from the product line and moved on to my next quasi-brilliant idea.

I've been looking for a replacement bag for our menu ever since and it looks like I may have just found it in the new Verholen Mini Tank Bag A few weeks ago I ordered and received 4 from the German company for evaluation. As it turns out, It's not actually made by Verholen even though they market it under their name.

While the quality is NOT up there with any BMW or Marsee tankbag (nor is the price) the design, shape, and lilliputian size of 9" long x 8.5" wide x 2.75" tall is perfect for a book, sandwich or phone. The mounting method is simply ingenious. (see pic at right) You simply remove the two opposing screws from your gas cap ring, replace them with (2) furnished replacement screws which have little bullet type heads on them, and the bag slots down and locks onto them. Once on.. the bag does not move even a centimeter. The bag has a soft-rubbery bottom to (in theory) keep the bag from marring the paint although if I were to use one daily I'd probably install some http://www.thetankslapper.com/ material or clear 3M plastic in the contact areas.

To remove the bag for gas-ups, just open the top, push the 2 inner buttons to release the pins and it's off. Takes only seconds. The bag utilizes one wraparound zipper and no other compartments, but it's the perfect size for a phone, (1) paperback book, wallet, sandwich, rolling papers, Walther PPK, or other essentials. There's even a Lilliputian map-viewing window on the top but other than showcasing a biz card, drivers license, or medical info... It's virtually useless.

One other cool feature which caught me off guard.. Besides the locking bullethead screw attachment method, there are also powerful MAGNETS sewn into the bottom of the bag. I didn't even notice them until I placed the bag on my MV's gas tank to see how it would look and it locked down like a Mike Tyson on Evander Holyfield's ear. The magnets are so strong that the locking screws aren't even necessary for a bike with a metal gas tank. As fate would have it.. I can use the bag with the mounting hdwr on my K1200RS and then switch it over to my sport bike with metal tank with no hdwr necessary. A double duty bag and it looks sleek as hell on BOTH bikes. Well worth the asking price of around $40-45.US after shipping to the USA. For now, you can buy these direct at http://www.verholen.de/ We'll probably be placing our first bulk order this week if you can wait.

Pirelli Strada Sport Touring Tires: My Review

The search for the perfect all-around tire.. Ahhh.. Like Arthur's quest for the Holy Grail..or Jude Law's quest for the perfect nanny.. you wonder if it's there really is such a thing.. or just a myth. Opinions on what's the best sport touring tire are all over the board and for good reason. A tire that works great in Florida or Ohio where the roads are flat and boring may suck in Northern Kaleefornia or Virginia and vice versa. Like choosing a woman, each of our needs are defined by our expectations and/or sick demented desires.. Higher mileage? The ultimate stick? Decent mileage AND stick? A woman that laughs at your jokes and wears Chanel No 5? Or a slut in a nun's habit, stiletto heels, and a cat-woman mask?

Most of us are looking for a good compromise.. and I think I have found one... in both my wife Amber and the all new Pirelli Strada Extended Mileage Sport Touring Tire. I have less than 1000 miles on my first set but unlike every other tire I have tried in the past... Dunlops 205's & 7's, Metzeler MEZ-4's & M-1's, Michelins Pilots, Conti's, Pirelli Diablos, Corsa, & Super Corsa's, etc... these show virtually zero wear yet stick virtually as good as all but the super soft compound tires I've tried. As with all Pirelli tires, the feel is perfectly neutral with no surprises. Handling at triple digit speeds (or so I have heard.. wink wink.. nudge.. nudge) is rock solid. Warm-up is quick and peg/shift lever dragging lean angles are effortless. Pricing is even pretty damn good. You can find them all over the www at under $190 a pair. If you want to try something different next time around... you'll not be disappointed. I'll post updates as to long term mileage in a month or so.

End Of an Era / Yoko...The Pirates Lair White K1200RS Is For Sale...

Just last week I put Yoko up for sale.. my prized 98 RS.. Why am I selling? Actually it’s for all the WRONG reasons. I wish I could say I simply want the new “S” bike, but in actuality... I really don’t. I recently took a test ride on one and while it was very nice.. It didn’t rock my world. I don’t think it’s as attractive as the RS, or as stable, or as smooth. I think the Germans missed the mark with the angular styling which makes it look like every other Jap bike on the road.

However, Amber has convinced me (and unfortunately she’s usually right..) that we need hands-on access to an “S” in order for me to design products around it and... I can’t afford both. It’s a biz decision plain and simple and a tough one to make as my K1200RS is simply the finest motorcycle I’ve ever owned and is running better now than the day I bought it.. As we go to press with this newsletter, a deposit has been accepted. Check out my For Sale page with all the wood-giving details and lots of pretty pictures. Tecnically.. it's not been sold.. yet.

Drinking and Riding? Are You a Moron?

According to 2005 stats coming out of Washington, 60% of all motorcycle fatalities involved motorcyclists with alcohol in their blood.. 60%!!?? Geezz. Are there that many stupid motorcyclists out there?? The study didn't break it down into what type bikes comprised this 60% but I'd hazard an encompassing guess that many were Harley riders as I don't think you can pass a pub or bar at any hour in any city in any state on any planet and not see a few Harley's sitting in the parking lot. I've never quite understood this mentality... of drinking and riding or of actually buying a Harley,.. but I digress. While I'll admit I have no qualms about boozing and/or recreational drugs AFTER a ride (spare the sermons please)... I do draw the line at mixing the aforementioned with riding. If you are drinking and/or smoking BEFORE a ride...you are a moron.. Wise up. The life you save may belong to your daughter's father or your riding buddy. .. and that's all I've got to say about that. Now excuse me while I climb down off my high horse..

What's New In the K1200RS/GT/S/R No-Spin Zone

1. Oberon in the UK will have both touring and knurled footpeg kits available for the K1200S in the next week or so....Price should be about $120.US for both front and rear pegs and carriers...

2. We just heard that ZTechnik has just released their K1200S/R exhaust systems to the world market. We have no details or pictures as of yet.

3. Need a headlight bulb for your K1200RS or GT?? Sooner or later we all do.. FYI The best place I've seen to procure said bulbage is Autosupermart.
When you get there, search for Piaa h7 bulb and you'll get a few 100 w options.. that's your LOW beam . Then search for Piaa h3 bulb for your HIGH beam They seem to have about the best prices around and their customer service seems to be first rate..

4. Speaking of burnt out bulbs... Got Piaa's on your ride?? Need a spare or replacement bulb? A good source is CalMoto

5. MV Verholen of Germany now has a K1200R Bar Riser Kit on the market. Unlike the simple plug-n-play install on the "S", the "R" Riser Kit comes with a longer steel braided brake line and a longer throttle cable and a hefty retail price to complete the package. Install should be left to your local extortionists...er.. dealer as a brake bleed job will be necessary. Visually.. they look identical to the "S" version.

6. Speaking of MV Verholen... They also have a Snitzer Exhaust System on their menu for the K1200R/S. Looks just like a Remus to me and I'll bet it is manufactured by them for Snitzer.

7. The K1200R has been voted Motorcyclist's Best Motorcycle of 2005! Woohoo!!

8. Handlebar Vibrations on your K1200R? We got this tip from Sir Rob Wijhenke in Amsterdam ..."As some of you have noticed the R vibrates a bit in the steering section. I have removed the vibration dampeners at the end of the bars and replaced them with R1100S ones. They're about 60% heavier (and a bit longer) but they do the job. Vibes are reduced with (guessing here) 80%.

9. We just got word from a source at BMW Motorcycles of Atlanta that you can easily install a K12R final drive on a K12S and have better around town derivability due to lower gear ratio's. We're trying to find out what the procedure entails. If anyone finds out.. Please let us know...

10. More News From Australia: The BMW K1200S has scooped the prestigious ”TwoWheels Magazine Bike of the Year” award for 2005. And for the first time in the history of the competition, the same machine also secured victory in the equally highly prized “Western QBE TwoWheels Readers Choice Competition” as well, ensuring a double-barreled victory. Impressive.

11. Looking for a Radar Detector Mount for your BMW K1200R, K1200S, R1200GS and the R1200ST. .... This one looks pretty good and the price is right. If anyone buys one.. Can you send me pics of it installed and opinions??

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. We now have K1200R Bar Risers Kits on the menu and In Stock. They are actually a little cheaper than the $400 I was predicting...$385 delivered inside the USA.

2. As of 9/15 we discontinued the CeeBailey Headlight Covers for the K1200LT. Just trimming the LT product line section so we can focus on the K12RS/R/GT/S

3. Our latest Stealth backrest.. for the Suzuki VStrom hit the market a few weeks ago... One customer, Joseph Stevens of Hamilton, Mt liked it so much he produced a short video for us!! Check it out by Clicking Here...

4. In the next few weeks, our quasi-esteemed customers will see a new look on some pages of our website. I have hired some foofoo, hired-gun professionals to give us an easier site to navigate and...make us visually as exciting as Jessica Alba in a bubble bath. The change has been a long time coming. My own CroMagnon-like HTML skills have simply reached their cut-n-paste limit... I just hope their design theme integrates some gratuitous nudity.. Mongo say "Nudity is good."

5. A reminder from last month's newsletter..As of 9/7/2005, we have discontinued ALL international shipping via US Air Mail or US Global except to Canada and Mexico. While we hate to cut this service to our loyal international customers... it had simply become a major pain in the jewels dealing with the USPS. However..if you live in a foreign country and absolutely must have something on our menu....and a prerequisite fat wallet, we still ship via FEDEX anywhere in the world!! except Indonesia.

6. We have a few of the MRA Touring and Variable K1200S windshields (imported from Verholen of Germany) out in the field being tested. So far, we are hearing good things which means we will be placing a large order soon.

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2006

The 2006 Hill Country Rally !! ! Here's a note from our good pardner James Myrick,... the 2006 organizer.....
"Well partners, the Texas Hill Country Roundup 2006 date is official: We are going for 4 days of two wheel fun in the country this time around. April 12 ( Wed.) 13,14, 15 and if you wish Sunday 16th ( Easter ). It will be at "The Inn of the Hills " so mark your calendars. Details to follow in a few months. "

The 7th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally ...(sponsored by http://www.i-bmw.com/) is already scheduled and will again be held at the Tapoco Lodge at the end of September 2006. ... Sept 28-30th to be precise. This year every room was booked so I suggest you make reservations NOW just to make sure. You can always cancel if you can't make it. Be there!! Simply the best time of year to be in the mountains. Virtually perfect weather the last 5 years.

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

Statistically, most K12 owners are over 40.. and statistically at the age where a heart attack might occur.. What would you do if one occurred while riding?? Want to survive the experience? Sure you do...Then check out this month's tip contributed by our good buddy, Frank Ganger of Lake Bluff, IL it's # 92

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

BMW How-To Section

Nothing new this month.
Guess that kinda wraps this one up. Ride safe and best wishes for a Happy Halloween and scenic fall season!!...

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues