Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy K12 newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell .. I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek, amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.
So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: February 2005 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed K12 Riders.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the new year......

Harry and A.J. have successfully wired the NUCLEAR DEVICE. It's ready for the detonation that should, in theory save the earth..AJ has drawn the short straw..meaning he'll have to remain behind on the asteroid to manually detonate the bomb. When the two reach the air lock door....With one hand, Harry stabs the door, and then with a small pipe clamp, rips A.J.'s air tubes....

Harry: It's my hole, I drilled it, and I'm staying with it till the end. Harry grabs him, throws his kicking, screaming body into the airlock. A.J. is choking.
Harry: She's always going to be my little girl. The door shuts automatically. Harry is now alone.
AJ: Goddamn it, Harry....! A.J. lunges for the airlock. Sharp grabs A.J. with his good arm, helped by Bear..holding him back.

A.J., sobbing, furious, pounds on the airlock window, staring at Harry outside. Harry turns and walks back to the drilling hole. Sharp looks at him.
Sharp: This guy really is a hero....
Skip: Director? It's Mr. Stamper. He wants to talk to his daughter.
A N.A.S.A. Tech hands Grace a mike and exits. She stares at the static on the monitor. Harry's face fades in and out. Grace knows something is very wrong from her father's strained, tired face. She forces a smile.
Grace: Daddy.
Harry: Grace. I...(sighs) This is so hard for me. I don't have.... Tears start to well up in her eyes.
Harry: ...I just....want you to know how much I love you.
Grace: I'm so proud of you, Daddy. She wipes a tear from her face.
Harry: (looking at Earth) It's so beautiful up here. So pure. (swallows hard) I remember something I read once in the Pirates' Lair Cheesy Newsletter..."The world is a fine place...and worth fighting for." (He looks at Earth, smiles) Gracie, I'm just an iron-ass-warrior doin' what's best. Take care of A.J. I'll look in on you from time to time....

Harry Stamper: Bruce Willis / AJ: Ben Affleck / Grace: Liv Tyler Armageddon (1998)

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Latest on the BMW K1200S

BMW has now confirmed that, "in direct response to early press reports", it will or already has modifed the combustion chamber, ignition mapping, injection levels and air box in order to improve fuel consumption, smooth out the power delivery and prevent the engine from stalling. The company had already announced that production bikes would be fitted with a steering damper not present on machines ridden at the launch. Base $15,750 The initial bikes will all have ABS, non-ABS later. Four color options. In the showrooms by April. For a waaaay cool video of the new K1200S in motion....Click HERE.

The 33rd Annual International BMW Rally and F@%*ing Morons

I don't want to get off on a rant here but by now, most of you have heard that the 33rd Annual International BMW Rally will be on July 21-24th in Lima, Ohio.. My question is... "what genius chose f#@*ing OHIO?" and more importantly, as there MUST have been a committee that discussed it... didn't anyone even mention that Ohio is about the most boring state in the US to ride a motorcycle? There are a thousand wonderful scenic places in the US.. with curvaceous roads... forests or ocean views.. .I could name dozens of places that would be a better venue...but f#@*ing OHIO? !!! Was the ONLY criteria for the event a large parking lot? This is the best they could come up with?? Geeezuz.. I am mystified. And BTW.. If any of our Ohio friends/customers write in with the usual "there are plenty of great roads here in Ohio" comments... expect no leniency from me.. You think this because you are stuck there... probably due to a curse from a past life. Keep in mind.. even prison inmates can point out positive things after living behind bars for years and years... but it's still f#@*ing PRISON. I'll not be going... When they choose a venue for actually RIDING motorcycles rather than just parking them.. I'll show up...Perhaps Big Sur, or Aspen, or Charleston, or San Francisco? Rant over... Feel better now..

What's New In the K1200RS/GT/S World

1. Looks like there is a new K1200RS/GT Titanium exhaust system on the market.. the Spectrum According to their website... 11.4 peak HP gain (No loss throughout RPM range), 17.66lbs. (8Kg) weight savings. (62% weight loss), 5 lbs/ft peak torque gain (No loss throughout RPM range), no computer chip or fuel map change required... and all for the exorbitant retail price of $1895.00 Not including shipping fee and Astroglide.

2. Strange that the K1200RS is officially out of production and we now see 2 new aftermarket exhaust systems in 3 weeks.. Here's another.. The Hattech They have it listed as $999.Euro which comes out to about $1,310.14 US..

3. Sargent Cycle Products (located in Jacksonville, Fl.) just announced their plans to host its "First Ever Open House" at their facility in Jacksonville, Florida during Daytona Bike Week 2005. Here's some wordage from good friend, Michelle Todd, Marketing Director at Sargent.

"The decision to move from our regular venue at the Daytona Speedway was a difficult one, but we think Jacksonville, which is only 90 minutes north of Daytona, has a lot to offer tourists and motorcyclists. Located near the I-10 and I-95 merger in Northeast Florida, Sargent should be an easy stop for almost anyone headed to or from Daytona. Dates and times are as follows: March 7 - 14, 2005
Monday through Friday 9:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.
Saturday and Sunday 10:00 a.m. - 6:00 p.m.

For information about Sargent Cycle Products' Open House event and Jacksonville, Florida, please visit their website at http://www.sargentcycle.com/ or call toll-free 1-800-749-7328.

4. Most of us have enough since to leave our bikes in the garage when there's snow or ice on the ground... but .. some us us don't.. If you absolutely must ride year round or you live in an area where you could get caught in an unexpected snow storm... these might be nice to have in your tank bag... Snow Claws from Verholen of Germany.. Looks like about $115.US plus shipping.. Dem wacky Germans...

5. Remus contacted us to confirm that they have 5 exhausts options for the upcoming K1200S . First they offer (3) SLIP-ONS ...Aluminum @ $415.US, Carbon Fiber @ $510 and the ultra light Titanium also @ $510.US. The slip-ons offer about 4hp gain and god knows how much of a weight loss. Need more? of course you do...We're men aren't we??!! They also offer ( 2) complete 4 into 2 into 1 exhaust systems. A stainless steel header version with Ti-Oval can at $1495 and an ALL titanium version weighing in at a waif-ish .. ( can you believe this??!!)..10lbs complete!... for $1895.US. I've seen the dyno charts and the full systems offer a full 11hp gain over the stock sloth of a bike.

6. If you want to see what BMW and most of the other manufacturers have to offer... check out the 24th Annual Cycle World Motorcycle Show . Dates/places are posted. The question is.. will they have an S bike on display..?. Amber and I will walk among the mortals at the Chicago show on Feb Sat 12th.. Wanna hook up?

7. Many of you bright guys have purchased PIAA 1100X Kits for your bikes.. Simply the best on the market.. FYI.. If you ever burn one out, I found a good deal on replacement bulbs at http://www.store.yahoo.com/shopmomo/pia-15352.html Only $35.28 each "Shine on you crazy diamond.."

8. Germany's FASTBIKE Magazine has a couple of video's on-line featuring some of the new BMW's... Check out this European presentation of BMW's latest bikes ..Click HERE Contributed by Shahram Shiva

9. Those wacky Dutch..! Ever had the urge to turn your GT into a police bike? Of course you have..! or just want an LT-ish fairing with RT-ish riding position? Check out http://www.schurgersdesign.com/ or +31 (0) 23 5283367 or fax +31 (0) 23 5475771.

10. Our good friend Vic Salemme is asking for help in offsetting the costs of running http://www.i-bmw.com/.. the best f@#*in' K12 chat site on earth. Here's your chance to suck it up and step up to the plate to show your support. If you care about I-BMW.com and would like to help.. Click HERE for what's happening with the site, contribution info, and a beautiful woman flashing some superb, pouting, young breasts. .(Note from Pirate: The flashing breasts were my idea...for purely artistic reasons, of course.)

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. We are considering offering the NippyNormans LED Kits for the Clear Blinker Housings on our website and we'd like opinions. While we have spoken to at least one customer that has them and raves about them, the cost has me cringing. Retail here in the USA would be $100-$105, if my math is correct...Do you, my cyber-advisers, think this is reasonable? Do you think they are worth it? What say ye?

2. The CLEAR Taillight Housing with RED LED's are finally In Stock!! Got EVO?? These clear taillight kits are compatible with ALL K12's. In every box, the manufacturer includes a resistor and easy to install instructions. These resistors restore factory current levels (or something technical like that) so the sissy, foofoo idiot light on the dash is none the wiser..No splicing. For the early bikes .. 1997-2001.. these resistors are, they tell men.. not needed..

3. Speaking of Clear Taillight Housings... Already own a BRAKE LED Kit ? or thinking about buying one? Wondering about installing one inside the NON-LED clear housing? Are they compatible? YES.. they are compatible with only one small modification necessary to the clear housing. Check out my own Clear Taillight Housing/BRAKE LED Kit Install How-To link . FYI.. It takes only about 2 minutes and a Dremel tool to make the mod. I did mine and it's sweet! So what are the benefits of buying a BRAKE LED Kit and installing it inside a clear housing over simply buying the Clear Tail LED Kit? First of all.. either kit is 200%+ brighter than the cheesy factory bulb so you can't go wrong. The BRAKE LED kit offers two advantages... First.. it's noticeably brighter.. Secondly, unlike the Clear Housing LED's which simply simulate a tail/brake light... the BRAKE LED Kit flashes and pulses in 3 different programmed modes which is an attention getter. Install is just as easy. It's your money.. and your ass..

4. Take a gander at our R1200GS Stealth Backrest. It's gone into production... Comments? Opinions? Nekid pics?

5. and the saga continues... As you may recall.. a company in Austria was producing Carbon Fiber Front Fenders for the RS'GT's... Our first shipment revealed poor quality in over 50% of them..We told them we weren't impressed and we weren't interested in any more... Apparently, we carry some weight a as they contacted us with news that they had reevaluated the manufacturing and had improved the product.. yea yea.. Heard that before. Well.. today one of the second generation fenders arrived and it looks VERY nice.. better finish... no blems.. WORTHY of my bike. Guess I'll give them another shot.. Will be ordering a few Carbon Fiber Front fenders this week.. Will put them back on the menu when they arrive.

6. We have tentatively decided on our next backrest project... Looking at the 2005 R1200RT. You heard it here first you scurby mates.

7. Amber has enough pictures to produce a K1200RS Calender.. Some of the finest shots we've seen.. EVER.. The good news is.. she has selected the shots she'll use and is ready to proceed.. The bad news is.. the first place we checked with for an estimate quoted $25,000 for 100... That would break down to $250 a calendar.. If we ordered 1000 calendars the price would go up to $29,000 but drop OUR cost to about $29 ea.. Still not in the range we think is a fair market price nor are we so confident that we could sell 1000 of them... Still shopping around.. Any tips as to who might do this at a decent price would be helpful..

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2005

The 2005 Hill Country Rally! Word from fellow K12'er, Sir Barry Gibbs.. former marriage counselor for Brad and Jen.

"To help accommodate an overbooking by Inn of the Hills, I have agreed to change our date from April 7-10 to April 14-17. By agreeing to this change, the hotel has offered to reduce our room rate by $10 per room to $72 for the standard room. They were not forcing us to change, only asking that we help them out. I did not receive any negative comments from potential attendees, so I agreed.
When you reserve your room, tell the you are attending the Rally and that we have a special room rate. If you have any problems, ask for Eric in Sales at 800-292-5690"

The BRPR 2005 is Set !!!! (info provided by the inestimable Tim Hudspeth.. a.k.a CBNFVR)
Where: Peaks of Otter 1-800-542-5927 Blue Ridge Parkway, mile post 86
When: May 12-15 (Thur-Sun) First night deposit required ($94.17, 2004 rates, No change expected for 2005.)
We have all 63 rooms (62 now) held until April 1st, 2005. After April 1st, all non-reserved rooms go public. Mention BMW Motorcycle Group to reserve your room. Other lodging available in Bedford, Va: Super 8 and /or Days Inn

Italy, May 2005 The German K12 Chat site at http://www.k1200rs.de/events/meeting-11/index.htm is having a K12 Rally in Northern Italy next year, May 26-29 2005, in San Damiano near Piacenza and just south of Milan.

2005 Ride to Read Rally (from fellow K12'er Jerome Eberharter / Founder, CEO White Cloud Coffee & self proclaimed Coffee Adventurer)

"A quick note to let you know the 2005 Ride to Read rally here in Boise will be on June 11. We had an excellent turn out and ride this year. People can see more at: http://www.whitecloudcoffee.com/r2r/index.php "
Thanks & All the Best! Jerome

Summer Solstice Rally, Northeast (from the quasi-esteemed Mike Cousino at www.I-BMW.com)
Okay the place and date is set for Camp Meade on Friday and Saturday, June 10th and 11th, 2005. They have twenty rooms. Some are their own cottages. Some are double, with two separate rooms to one cottage. Each room/cottage has their own bath. There are no cots so don't ask to put extra people in a room. I would ask the the single riders pair up and share a room/cottage with another person as space is limited.
Prices are:
Dbl = $63, there are eleven of these
2- Dbls = $73, there are eight of these
For reservations or additional information telephone:
Camp Meade @ (802) 223-5537 / Refer to BMW group

The 6th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally ...will again be held at the Tapoco Lodge in 2005, Sept 29th-Oct 1st to be precise. It won't hold us all, so make plans now! No sign-up sheet yet. Just reserve a room and be there! Most of us from this year already have a room, so it's not too soon to plan.
(info provided by the quasi-esteemed moto-god...Tim Hudspeth.. a.k.a CBNFVR) Glad to know that besides Bill O'Reilly.. someone else is looking out for us.. Thanks Tim.


Latest To Our K12 How To Section
Check out my own Clear Taillight Housing/BRAKE LED Kit Install How-To link

How To Survive on a Motorcycle
We have a new contribution from quasi-esteemed Brian of Culpeper, VA .. Check out # 77 Could it save your life? Do you dare NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and I'll add it on.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

Guess that kinda wraps this one up. Ride safe and best wishes for an early spring!.... Until we meet again....

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues