"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy K12 newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S/R world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell .. I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek, amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.
So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: December 2005 Issue : Happy Holidays

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the day.....

As various members of the family bring out a punch bowl and glasses, Janie sits down at the piano and strikes a chord. She starts playing "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing," and the entire crowd joins in the singing. Some people are still coming in and dropping their money on the table. Carter, the bank examiner, makes a donation; the sheriff sheepishly looks at George and tears his warrant in small pieces. Just then, Harry, in Naval uniform, enters, accompanied by Bert, the cop.

Harry: Hello, George, how are you?
George: Harry . . . Harry . . . !!
Harry: (as he sees the money) Mary ---- looks like I got here too late.
Bert: Mary, I got him here from the airport as quickly as I could. The fool flew all the way up here in a blizzard.
Mrs Bailey: Harry, how about your banquet in New York?
Harry: Oh, I left right in the middle of it as soon as I got Mary's telegram. Ernie hands Harry a glass of wine.
Harry: Good idea, Ernie. A toast . . . to my big brother, George. The richest man in town! Once more the crowd breaks into cheering and applause. Janie at the piano and Bert on his accordion start playing "Auld Lang syne," and everyone joins in.
George, still holding Zuzu in his arms, glances down at the pile of money on the table. His eye catches something on top of the pile, and he reaches down for it. It is Clarence's copy of the Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter. George opens it and finds an inscription written in it "Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has a BMW and friends. Thanks for the wings, Love Clarence."
Mary: (looking at the newsletter) What's that?
George: That's a Christmas present from a very dear friend of mine.

George Bailey / James Stewart Mary / Donna Reed / It's a Wonderful Life ... 1946

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

The Demise of I-BMW.Com and the Rise of www.K-Bikes.com/

I promised in our last issue that I'd post the back-scene details of what happened to www.I-BMW.com and even now, while the smoke has cleared, I'm reluctant to go into much detail. Apparently there was lots of cyber-blood spilled during the transition. Lots of bad feelings and to be honest.. two stories coming from the opposing camps that simply didn't mesh.. What blows my mind is that I know all parties involved and consider everyone straight up, honest guys, yet neither version of what happened matched.. A conundrum that I'll not waste another brain cell pondering. Bottom line.. I.BMW.com is face down in the dirt.. and we have a new sheriff in town..His new address is www.K-Bikes.com Hope to see you all there.

...but lest we forget our roots... Vic's efforts changed the face of the K1200RS community forever. What he accomplished can not be understated by me or his detractors. His vision brought people together in ways most don't realize. We became friends.. we became a community which can not be diminished by a simple change of URL. I consider Vic a good friend today as I will tomorrow....and a damn good rider... A worthy epitaph in my book.
As for the actual demise of I-BMW and the rise of K-Bikes.com...It can best be summed up in a parable by fellow K12'er .. Tim H.. AKA Cabnfvr .. followed by some final deep thoughts by Vic himself. ... by Clicking Here...

Release of the New K1200GT!! Word Up! (info pilfered from http://www.k-bikes.com/) Thx El Jeffe..

BMW unveiled the new 2006/7 K1200GT on November 15th, 2005..

The new K1200GT will be based upon the new K1200 transverse engine and also have the new duolever and paralever suspension system and 152 bhp and 130 nm torque. Expect price to be between $19,000 to $21,000(US) for the K1200GT depending on options. One thing the GT has that I wish my S had... Electronic Cruise Control!! Damn!

I hear dealers are already taking deposits. The K1200GT will make it's US debut at the IMS in Long Beach in December. I have posted what pics I could find in our Pirates' Lair Photo Gallery or http://www.community.webshots.com/user/pirate0007 One of these links should work.

Back in Black From the South Pacific

Amber and I would like to thank everyone for your patience and understanding while we were away this last month. We're back now and refreshed from our dream trip (and my 50th birthday blow-out) to Bora Bora in Tahiti.

If anyone would like to peruse our vacation pics.. .I have posted them in our Pirates' Lair Photo Gallery or http://www.community.webshots.com/user/pirate0007
One of these links should work. The pics are in the first 3 albums. The first is Tahiti.. the second two are Bora Bora and are labeled accordingly. Hope you like them..Without our customers.. we wouldn't have them.

The Best Wax On the Planet!!

Most don't realize how the entity "Pirates' Lair" got it's start. Well..take a load off, as I'm gonna tell you a story about a man named Jed.. a poor mountaineer, barely kept his fam...er... I wait.. wrong story... O, yea...Years ago when the earth was young and dirt was still a novelty, I ran a "motorcycle only" detailing service in Nashville Tennessee. My service was so good that after less than a year (and apparently lots of word-of-mouth) we became the premier motorcycle detailing service in the south working for virtually ALL the local bike shops, individuals, and even many country music stars. The shops would get trade ins, call me out to make them look new again, then sell for profit without them ever having to touch the bikes. The country music people simply wanted pristine rides...

Initially most of the bikes we "prettied up" were Harleys so I chose the name Pirates' Lair as the name seemed to work for that breed of clientele... but... enough bloviating. The point I was meandering towards was that for a few years I was a professional motorcycle detailer. I have tried virtually every wax and/or polish on the market. Most are decent.. some are crap, but a few are a cut above. Up until recently I had pretty much settled on a combination of 2-3 different polishes. A Maguires Carnuba paste wax for once or twice a year, Plexus for every day "tweaking", and some foofoo high dollar scented spray stuff from http://www.griotsgarage.com/ for those in-between times when you just want to look and smell pretty.

A few weeks ago I started seeing ads in various magazines and reading some glowing (no pun intended, but clever, nonetheless) reviews for CRYSTAL-GLO Acrylic Motorcycle Polish I called and ordered a bottle from the Canadian manufacturer, tried it out and...it has simply blown me and every other wax I've ever seen away. Like their advertisements, it really does leave a WET looking finish. As if you could touch it and leave a fingerprint like .. wet-paint. According to their literature, the polish which contains NO WAX or SILICONE leaves an ACRYLIC coating once applied. It's nonabrasive, non-yellowing, leaves no swirls or streaks, protects against fuel spills, grease, tar, bird droppings, has a UV protection factor of 30, and even feeds the kids and reads to them before bedtime..

It protects all paints, clear coat, fiberglass, polished aluminum, chrome, polished metal, and smooth plastic. It revives 'dead' finishes and revitalizes colors to provide a long lasting, protective mirror-finish, and I suspect can even cure impotency. ..Does this sounds too good to be true?? Hell yes it does.. but amazingly.. it delivers on it's promises. It goes on as easy as any liquid wax I've ever used and comes off easier than most without leaving the white powder that most do... Bottom line..after trying it, I'm spoiled and will NEVER use any other wax. FYI.. No I do NOT intend to sell the product nor do I get any perks from the manufacturer for this review... not that I'm above that. Geezz.. What a great year 2005 has been!! With the advent of the No-Mar Tire Changer (I reviewed recently), those rubber hanging license plate testicles, and now this CRYSTAL-GLO Acrylic Motorcycle Polish.. Life really is getting better for us motorcyclists..

K1200S Battery Chargers ...What's the Real Story?

I've been using a loyal Battery Tender Plus on my K1200RS (which plugs directly into the accessory plug) for the last 4 years. When I sold my RS a few weeks ago, I had 43K on the original battery and it was working like a charm so as you can imagine.. I swear by them. I now have a new K1200S sitting in my garage and my faithful Battery Tender isn't compatible with it. Geezz. As a matter of fact, no standard aftermarket battery charger will work with the new foofoo German electrical system on the "S" bike. What to do?

As old bastage winter is probably beating at your door, you'll need to rig up a charger for winter storage. Your options are... 1. You can modify your factory accessory socket to by-pass the current shutoff feature by wiring directly to your battery (which I did) 2. Purchase the high dollar BMW Battery Charger. or 3. Purchase the accessory parts directly from Battery Tender which will allow you to use your Battery Charger with the new bike.

So what's the deal on the new bike and it's compatibility with an aftermarket charger? Rather than rely on verbal spewage from people who may or may not be speaking from their anal cavity I decided to call the good folks at Deltran (makers of Battery Tender Chargers) direct and see what they have to say..

This in from a very patient Joe Harding of Deltran..
"On the new BMW's, everything runs off a serial data bus. BMW turns off the accessory outlet when the bike is not running. I believe this is to prevent discharging the battery with an accessory while not riding. For a charger to be able to work through the accessory outlet it needs to pulse the outlet to keep it awake after charging. (Maintenance mode) Our chargers do not do that and the outlet will go to sleep after charging. BMW of Daytona installs our ring terminal accessory to all their batteries because they like our charger better.

The only purpose for plugging your current Battery Tender Plus into the outlet is that the battery will get charged, but it will not be maintained because the factory socket will go to sleep. If you want to charge and maintain your battery you cannot plug the Battery Tender into the accessory outlet on some models of the '05 BMW motorcycles. You have to use the ring terminal accessory that we provide with the chargers. We do not make a charger that can keep the particular new accessory outlets awake.

I wish BMW Germany would not make things so difficult for you guys, when they make changes they don't seem to see the impact it will have on you. We really don't have anything that will keep the accessory adapter awake on the new 05's. I'm sorry. The part number for the ring terminal accessory is 081-0069-6."

Joe Harding
801 U.S. Hwy. 92 East
Deland Fl. 32724
Phone: (386)736-7900

Getting Into Carol Davis' Underwear!! Sweet!!

Looking for a no-miss Christmas gift for that certain motorcycling SO?? Trust me.. You can't go wrong by ordering a pair of Carol Davis Fleece Undewear. I've been wearing mine for years..(I do take it off once a year for washing). When the temps drop there's nothing I like to do more than get into Carol's underwear before going for a long ride....The product is top quality and unbelievably comfy.. Here's some wordage from my good friend Carol herself.. (pasted unedited)

"Three new products have been introduced by Carol Davis Sportswear, the company known for its outstanding high-performance thermal underwear and accessories for cold-weather riding. New products are the dickie neckwarmers, thermal skull caps and hooded mittens. The company already produces four styles of full body suits.

All products are constructed of Powerstretch Polartec fleece. It is ultra-lightweight but very warm. It wicks perspiration away from the skin to keep the wearer dry. It breathes to help keep body temp even. It retards the growth of body bacteria thus controlling odors. It is machine washable, does not shrink and is 100% USA made.

The four way stretch fabric stretches in all direction for full range of motion and an incredibly comfortable fit that conforms to the body. Just throw on your leathers and hit the road. For more info contact www.cdsportswear.com or call 712-847-0300 for a free product catalog and swatch of the fabric."

Carol Davis,Pres.

What's New In the K1200RS/GT/S/R No-Spin Zone

1. In case you haven't seen them already... You can find Exclusive Images of the upcoming 2007 K1200GT over at Shiva's K1200S Chat site site.

2. Pack Parts in Europe has lots of new Carbon Fiber parts for both the K1200S and the R.. Top quality and high prices to prove it!.

3. This tip contributed by man about town, Sir Dave Kowalski... "I came across a really nice product for the K1200S by Bagster http://www.bagster.com/. It's a tank protector that's color-matched to your bike...and...they have tankbags, etc that attach to it. It's a nice alternative to the 'clear bra' 3M product (which isn't the easiest thing to apply) and it doesn't clutter up the appearance of the bike. Bagster products are available from CIMA International 630.671.9710. They're not cheap, but hey...anything that's good quality never is right?"

4. Guess who's working on a Performance Chip for the K1200S??? I've been sworn to quasi-secrecy.. O, hell..this is good news!! RhineWest, Inc says it's looking good.. They will have at least TWO versions.. One for the Remus Slip-On and one for the Laser Slip-On.

5. This word just in from Sargent Seats owner/player Mark Todd: "We are just starting work on a K1200S seat, with a hopeful release date sometime in late spring/summer 06."

6. In case any K1200S owners wants the right tool for front wheel removal... SnapOn has this item.# HXD22 Can be ordered directly from them / Contributed by Erik Miner over at http://www.k-bikes.com/

7. Looks like Evoluzione has quite a few K1200S and R products including a race air-flow kit, peg relocator kits, license plate relocator kits, brighter headlight bulbs, a stainless steel fastener kit, and.. an anodized 6061-t6 billet aluminum slave cylinder not only reduces clutch lever pull by almost 20% but allows a much smoother engagement. I've ordered some parts for evaluation. They arrived this am and the quality looks first rate.

8. Geez.. the bike hasn't been out 6 months and there's already 7 exhaust systems on the market for it..or almost on the market. This does bode well for the accessory industry.. Check out the Bos Performance Exhaust Systems with dual canisters in an under/over layout for the K1200R and S. No idea of price but they claim a 7hp gain...

9. MV Verholen now has lots of new goodies on their menu including some waaay cool Carbon Fiber parts for the new bikes.. Also...both front and rear wheel lifts on their menu for the K1200R and S bikes. The rear looks to be about $223US plus shipping. The front $105.US As the Euro is so high right now.. I would imagine shipping from Germany would break Bill Gates. I have ordered a few items for evaluation including their Carbon Fiber Lower Cowling and their rear wheel Hugger, also in CF...

10. Here's yet another exhaust on the market for the K1200S/R.. a FULL system at http://www.netwave.or.jp/~virago/titanium-E-k12s-r.htm No other details..

11. and another for the K1200S/R from Leo Vince USA . These slip-ons look pretty good, me thinks. $300 for Aluminum slip-on and $395 for the Carbon fiber or Titanium... Had heard these were imported from Italy.

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Our quasi-esteemed customers should see a new look when they log in to http://www.pirateslair.net/ or http://www.pirateslair.net/ any day now. I have hired some foofoo, hired-gun professionals at Dragonfly Interactive to give us an easier site to navigate and...make us visually as exciting as Jessica Alba in a shallow bubble bath. The change has been a long time coming. My own CroMagnon-like HTML skills have simply reached their cut-n-paste limit... I just hope their design theme integrates some gratuitous nudity.. Mongo say "Nudity is good."

2. Pirates' Lair now offers the entire line of replacement BMW K1200S Windshields from MRA of Germany. The variable adjustable shield, a race version, and a touring version. All come with a sporty dark tint which not only helps protect your gauges from menacing UV rays, but makes your gauges easier to read in both bright light and at night... and did I mention they look great!! We have all 3 versions In Stock. ALL are taller than factory and ALL offer better protection. I have the Touring version on my "S" and LOVE it.. For my 5/8" height, it's 100% better than the noisy stock shield.

3. We now have the Verholen Rear Wheel Hucap In Stock! for the K1200R/K1200S/R1200GS/RT/ST.. and they look damn nice. I've already put one on my S..

4. We now have K1200R Bar Risers Kits on the menu and In Stock. They are actually a little cheaper than the $400 I was predicting...$385 delivered inside the USA

5. We now have the Verholen Mini-Tank Bag (reviewed in last months newsletter) In Stock! for the K1200R/K1200S/R1200GS/RT/ST Aw hell they fit every BMW ever made.. or so they tell us. Looking for the perfect inexpensive Christmas gift for that BMW rider you sleep with?? Look no further. and in case you are into "swapping"... extra pins are also available for the lucky bastages with more than one BMW.

6. Been looking for a radar detector mount for your K1200S?? I have. Well.. my FIRST design project has been a mount for this bike. The prototype unit will be in my hands as this goes to press and If I like it.. Straight into production.. It's sleeker than anything on the market, mounts in 60 seconds, actually looks great on the bike and will be under $60 delivered. Stay tuned.. May have them before Xmas...No idea if it will work on the R or not.. Will check that out soon.. I'll not post pics for fear that somebody may pilfer the idea... Very excited about this one..

7. I have someone.. a specialist ...working on a custom torque arm to replace that cheesy stock unit for the K1200S. Like our RS arms, this one will be sleek, beautiful, sexy..and should have the Pirates Lair logo engraved into the ends..

8. I have just ordered a small quantity of the Pack Parts Carbon Fiber K1200S Battery Cover. Looks just too good to pass up. If anyone is interested in one, let me know. If I like the quality of their product, will probably offer their entire line of Carbon Fiber parts.. for both the K1200S and K1200R.. Here's a pic of the battery cover..

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2006

The 2006 Hill Country Rally !! ! Here's a note from our good pardner James Myrick,... the 2006 organizer.....
"Well partners, the Texas Hill Country Roundup 2006 date is official: We are going for 4 days of two wheel fun in the country this time around. April 12 ( Wed.) 13,14, 15 and if you wish Sunday 16th ( Easter ). It will be at "The Inn of the Hills " so mark your calendars. Details to follow in a few months. "

The 7th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally ...(sponsored by http://www.i-bmw.com/) is already scheduled and will again be held at the Tapoco Lodge at the end of September 2006. ... Sept 28-30th to be precise. This year every room was booked so I suggest you make reservations NOW just to make sure. You can always cancel if you can't make it. Be there!! Simply the best time of year to be in the mountains. Virtually perfect weather the last 5 years.

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

Nothing this month..

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

BMW How-To Section

I have posted my own K1200S Accessory Outlet Modification It shows and easy, inexpensive way to run a new harness directly from your battery to the power-lacking factory accessory socket.. just like the Germans should have done...

Guess that kinda wraps this one up. This will be the last communiqué for 2005. It's been a good year for Amber and I (and Pirates' Lair) thanks to many of you.. or in spite of many of you. We appreciate your help, advice, encouragement, and occasional naked pics. Best wishes to you all...

In spite of what the far left ACLU would like us to say, we sincerely hope that you and yours (no matter what bike you ride and/or religion) have a a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember if you're gonna drink...stop by here and of course... leave the bike at home... For our secularist customers... Happy Winter Season... for the Seinfeld aficionados.. Happy Festivus.

For our US troops and loyal allies serving around the world....a heartfelt thankyou for everything you are doing for us and the world and... Godspeed. Best wishes to you and your families.

Take care.. ride safe...stay warm.. watch out for flying reindeer...see you in the New Year..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues