"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S/R world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it. Also... something to keep in mind... My language in the email subscription version may offend the meek. Subscribe at your own risk. The on-line version is a bit more... PC..

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

Bad Santa

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: December 2008 Issue : Happy Holidays!

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

The rouge Col Kurtz sits by the fire.. Even in his cave the jungle's humidity is stifling. His captive... Captain Willard, who has been sent to "terminate" the Colonel,...sits quietly ... pasivly..All thoughts of surviving this mission are gone.. He now strugles to understand...

Willard: They told me that you had gone totally insane, and that your methods were unsound.
Are my methods unsound?
I don't see any method at all, sir.
I expected someone like you. What did you expect? Are you an assassin?
I'm a soldier.
You're neither. You're an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.
Kurtz pauses... slowly rubs the sweat of his head... continues..
I've seen horrors... horrors that you've seen. But you have no right to call me a murderer. You have a right to kill me. You have a right to do that... but you have no right to judge me. It's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face... and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends. If they are not then they are enemies to be feared. They are truly enemies. I remember when I was with Special Forces. Seems a thousand centuries ago. We went into a camp to educate the children as to what's new in the K12 world. We left the camp after we had uploaded the children's computers with the latest info, and this old man came running after us and he was crying. He couldn't see. We went back there and they had come and hacked their little computers. There they were in a pile. A pile of little Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters. And I remember... I... I... I cried. I wept like some grandmother. I wanted to tear my teeth out. I didn't know what I wanted to do. And I want to remember it. I never want to forget it. I never want to forget. And then I realized... like I was shot... like I was shot with a diamond... a diamond bullet right through my forehead. And I thought: My God... the genius of that. The genius. The will to do that. Perfect, genuine, complete, crystalline, pure. And then I realized they were stronger than we. Because they could stand that these were not monsters. These were men... trained cadres. These men who fought with their hearts, who had families, who had children, who were filled with love... but they had the strength... the strength... to do that. If I had ten divisions of those men our troubles here would be over very quickly. You have to have men who are moral... and at the same time who are able to utilize their primordial instincts to kill without feeling... without passion... without judgment... without judgment. Because it's judgment that defeats us.

Colonel Kurtz / Marlon Brando  .. Apocalypse Now (1979)

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! New England Fall Colors (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our Dec POTM was contributed by one of our long time customers...Sir James Pellenbarg. The shot was taken just north of Cockeysville (north side of Baltimore on I-83) in a rural area. With the riding season coming to an end.. I thought it was appropriate..and it is a spectacular shot. Enjoy.

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, or any model year K1200GT and B. In focus.

Hi-Rez is fine just not "stupid-large." If you don't know how to reduce a photo from a gargantuan size.. buy a freakin' book or program and learn. Geezz. Along with the photo, provide your full name and a paragraph or two explaining when and where the shot was taken.. some minor details...whatever you want to add.. temp, camera, state of mind, etc, .. I'll evaluate all the photos I accumulate at the end of the month and pick one. No promises! If you beg me to post yours.. that will guarantee you that I won't. Savvy?

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2009 BMW K1300S, K1300R, K1300GT Revealed!! 175HP! 502lbs! Wet Yet?! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Well.. as most of you already know.. the rumors were true.. Details are already out on the upcoming 2009 BMW K1300S, K1300R, and K1300GT. Here's a sweet Youtube video of the new K1300S...

Here are a few listed changes for the new "S"..*Aluminum lower control arm. 1 kg lighter. 1/2 of that contributes to unsprung weight of the front wheel. * 62.4" wheelbase (vs 61.9"), 60.4 deg head angle (vs 61 deg), trail 104.4 (vs 101mm).* More torque from 2000-8000 with a peak of 103 at 8250. *Exhaust flap to improve torque. * Upgraded clutch upgraded gearbox.* Lighter, cleaner looking exhaust canister * Japanese style blinker switch on left bar *A taillight that's NOT an abomination * Optional rear rack.

In response to complaints that the front end of the K1200S lacked feedback, the new 1300's Duolever has a lower control arm made of aluminum. BMW "claims" this will offer better feel as well as less weight. We'll see. Also.. The new models will offer as an option.. HP Gearshift Assistance... an electronic system that momentarily interrupts the ignition and fuel injection, allowing the rider to shift without using the clutch. Geezz.. am I the only one wanting a simpler motorcycle and getting the opposite?

For a Larger View..And a Chub... Click Here!
Click Image for a Larger View

As for the 2009 BMW K1300R ..Expect an additional 10hp bringing it up to around 173bhp on tap with a dry weight of 217kg. Optional traction control will be available. The usual refinements are on offer like Duolever suspension and a 79mm x 59mm four-cylinder motor. ABS features too. A price has yet to be set. In contrast, the 2009 K1300GT receives the fewest updates of any K-series for 2009. Guess they couldn't figure out how to make it any more complicated and/or harder to work on. Those with deposits on the K13S have been told to "expect" an early February delivery date; while those with deposits on the K13GT have been given an early March date. Expect lots of details to be released in the next few months.

I've posted pics of the 2009 BMWs in the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery. Look for the album cleverly titled.. 2009 BMW K1200S , K1200R, K1200GT: First Look! There are also a couple of Youtube videos worth looking at... Click Here for a static view of the 2009 K1300S and Click Here for the 2009 K1300S in motion.

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Product Review: Kriega R15 / R20 Back-Packs! Listen Up Santa!

When it comes to carrying your daily crap around on your motorcycle, some choose to go with tank bags, top-boxes, and/or rear rack bags.. Others, like me prefer a back-pack. I hate putting bags of any type on my bike. They add "sprung" static weight, affect handling, they usually look ugly, they invite vandalism, and eventually some how or some way your bag(s) will mar your paint causing sleepless nights and in some cases.. erectile dysfunction. No such issues with back-packs. Most generic back-packs are made for camping, hiking, etc and aren't comfortable on a bike...The Kriegas are different. They were designed by motorcyclists for motorcyclists.

Recently a local 'Busa rider turned me on to the British company Kriega and their selection of motorcycle-specific back-packs. I tried his on and it was so comfortable and so unobtrusive ..I placed an order with the lone importer, Aerostitch the next day. After a week using the bag and falling in love with it, I made inquires, signed all the paperwork, jumped through all the hoops, blew the appropriate people and now Pirates Lair sells them..

Actually I ordered TWO back-packs for evaluation not knowing which size I'd prefer. The 6'2" 'Busa rider had an R25 (25 liter capacity hence the designation) which was too big for my needs so I ordered the 2 next smaller bags in the Kriega line... the R15 (pictured at right) and the R20. I figured I'd try them out... see which one felt the best when sitting on my bikes then ship the other back.. My SOP..As it turned out.. I ended up keeping BOTH.. One for daily riding and the larger one for when I need to pack for a day trip out of town.

The R15 Kriega Backpack!

The R15 @ 17"×13"×7" is exactly the same in functionality and design as the slightly larger R20 which is 19.5"×14.5"×11.5". They advertise the smaller bag for those under 5.5’ but I'm 5'8" and the R15 won the contest for "my" daily needs and I would suspect most would be happy with it. The R15 offers a 15 litre capacity (that's DOUBLE the capacity of the Engage Tank Bags we sell) which is plenty of storage capacity for around town use or minor drug smuggling. Inside the main compartment, which is kept secure by a YKK water resistant zipper, you'll find a few inner pockets with either zippers or pull-ties. There's also a side access pocket also with a YKK water-resistant zipper. The R20, which I'd recommend for those over 6ft, has a whopping 20 litre capacity. These bags, IMHO would be nicer with more pockets to keep things separated and/or a rain cover, but that's a minor complaint. All the Kriega bags feature 3M reflective areas along back and front. The internal reservoir pocket with compression straps fits an optional 3 liter hydration insert (not included).

The main selling point of the Kriega back-packs is their innovative Quad-Loc harness and strap system. These are unlike any back-pack system I've ever seen except for some scuba BC's. The straps are angled out of the way for total freedom of movement. The aforementioned Quad-Loc offers one click lock-in/unlock. Each back-pack comes with a lower "waist" strap but I removed mine. Those straps are for off-road riding. As the inside surface of the pack is contoured.. shaped like a lazy crescent moon... once you get the back-pack on and sitting on the bike.. you really don't know it's there as it fits the curvature of your spine. Another benefit of the angled straps is ease of on/off. Unlike other back-packs, where you have to struggle like Houdini to get the sucker on or off.. the design of the Kriega makes this issue a thing of the past. Amazing. Even small details like flapping straps have been addressed.

I wish I could channel William F Buckley as I don't have the vocabulary to do these bags verbal justice. They are that good. IMHO.. the perfect Christmas gift for the back-pack wearing street or off-road rider... or for any rider thinking about an alternative to a tank bag.

The R15 Kriega Backpack!

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Product Review: Fix'n Go Fiberglass Repair Kit

Sooner or later if you ride a motorcycle, you're gonna crack something made of plastic or fiberglass. When you do.. not if.. you're gonna have to either A. Pay your local extornionist..er.. dealer for a criminally high priced replacement panel or B. Entertain the idea of making a repair yourself. Earlier this year I went down on my track bike (not a blow job... a crash.. sheesh) and did some minor damage to a couple of body panels and faced this scenario.. Trying to save myself a few doubloons, I did some research, then purchased the Fix'n Go Fiberglass Repair Kit from Sound Specialty Coatings Corporation.

Fix'n Go is a two part, fast curing fiberglass repair kit for motorcycles, boats, kayaks, auto, etc, etc. You can also use it on wood, metal and concrete and get this...it can be applied underwater and will cure underwater. You can even buy the stuff in a variety of colors. The Fix'nGo kit consists of two bottles of thick liquids, some rubber gloves, mixing spoon, application brush, and a baggie of powder that looks like overly stepped-on Cocaine. Probably wouldn't be a good idea to carry this in your car or through any airport in the world. They say it's some sort of flour but it doesn't look like it.. Basically, you pour and mix equal parts of the 2 liquids in a plastic container then mix in the powder to the consistency of a thick creamy gel then apply..

I mixed and applied a small amount to my broken panel and within a few hours it had dried and was easily sanded out to a smooth finish. It goes on very easy but I learned that if you don't make it thick enough.. it'll run. Overall.. it's easy to use.. easy to sand.. and cheap to buy. Well worth the $12.95 investment. As I successfully repaired my body panel I figured I saved myself about $200 even after paying a local guy to paint it. The Fix'nGo kit I bought should last.. oh.. about 200 years as a little goes a long way.

"Say hello to my little friend."
I should mention.. while the product is all that I had hoped for and IMHO well worth the money ... dealing with Sound Specialty Corporation was about as pleasant as having a rusty phillips head shoved up my urethra. Not something I'd want to do more than once. After a quick phone call to place the order and then a 2 week wait.. the order never arrived. "It must have got lost in the mail"... was their lament. I think they never shipped it. A second shipment arrived 2 weeks later and was missing the blow...er.. powder. Geezz. When I called to ask for the missing Yeyo she apologized and said it was out of stock and didn't know when it would be back in stock. I asked when I might expect it and she said.. "we can ship today!" ?? What the f@*k?... I'd hazard a guess that she (I think her name was Apathy) was obviously off her ADD meds. I'd bet my kingdom that she simply forgot to pack the stuff in the first place, but rather than be truthful and just apologize.. she lied. Every time I'd call she acted like I was interrupting Oprah offering zero assistance. The worst customer service I've experienced since my last run in with the troglodites at Corbin. Be forewarned if you deal with them.

What's New In the K1200S / K1200GT / K1200R / K1200RS No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and first generation GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these chat sites..

1. "Shaka.. When the walls fell..!!".. Rhinewest, Inc.. makers of the thousands of performance chips and cam kits we've been selling to our K1200RS, GT, R1150R, and LT customers for years has closed their doors to motorcycle business. In case you've been living on Ceti Alpha 6 for the last 8 years, Rhinewest has been one of the few if not the only company specializing in performance parts for the venerable K1200RS.

Amber spoke with the owner a few weeks ago and he did not give a full reason why, but I suspect it's an economic decision. He did tell us that they would continue to burn and sell performance chips until parts are gone, but all new motorcycle sales as well as the motorcycle repair, service, and maintenance end of their operation has closed. Vaya con dios, my friends. One of the best run BMW operations I've ever done business with.. They will be missed.

One silver lining to this dark cloud.. We hear that chief Rhinewest BMW mechanic (and our good friend), Hank Arriazola is planning on opening his own motorcycle repair shop in the same vicinity. He's already looking at a few different locations. Hank is a good friend of ours and one of the best BMW wrenches I've personally ever known. Best of luck Hank.

Vaya con dios!

2. BMW Motorsport is proud to announce double World Superbike Champion Troy Corser will partner recently recruited Ruben Xaus in the WSB 2009 Championship. Two of the most experienced riders in the series have joined forces to prove the potential of the new S1000RR racebike. In 1996, Corser was the youngest rider ever to win the World Superbike Championship, and he repeated this success in 2005. Having competed in 300 races, Corser climbed the podium 126 times, and his 42 pole positions gave him the nickname ‘Mr Superbike’. This experience will help the team immensely in developing the BMW S1000RR, which is sure to be a challenging and exciting debut season. Peter Müller (Head of Development and Model Series at BMW Motorrad): “I’m convinced that we have the best riders for entering the Superbike World Championship. Troy’s experience in this series is unparalleled. Combined with Ruben’s enthusiasm these two are our absolute dream team – exactly the combination which will help us close the gap to the level of top teams as fast as possible.”

3. Speaking of the upcoming BMW superbike ..Would you like to get naked? In today's MCN according to journalist Chris Newbigging who was speaking to Peter Mueller BMWs vice president of development at Cologne. BMW intends to launch a naked version of the S1000RR equipped with ABS and traction control next spring and a 600cc super sport triple is set to follow. BMW is using the S1000RR as a basis for a family of new models including nakeds and all rounders.

4. Here's a tidbit of info that might help RS owners who are thinking about changing their fork oil...Thx, Chuck. "Spoke w/you a coupla weeks ago. Asked about fork oil for my K1200RS, you were stumped. Well be enlightened ( I am sure you were losing sleep over this one) I plundered the info from Foothills BMW, it's a half liter per tube and 15 wt. oil. Cheers Scherer Steamboat,CO.

5. Can you see me now? Interested in front end accessory lighting? Came across this just recently.."The Photon Blaster adds two high-intensity yellow LED light bars on either side of your front wheel. The brilliant yellow color helps your motorcycle stand out and the extra, distinct lights arranged in a triangular pattern with the headlight helps oncoming drivers judge how far away you are and how fast you're approaching. " Hmm.. not too ugly.. Might be worth a look at $150.US

6. R&G Racing has just started selling upper frame crash protectors specifically for the new BMW K1200GT. Check out the installation instructions. I'm not a big fan of the wedge shaped bobbins, but at least the kit is bike specific..

7. Everyone was shocked that the production version of the BMW S1000RR wasn't unveiled at Intermot a few weeks ago. And it wasn't at the EICMA event either. The good news is... the road-going version of the S1000RR SBK World Championship contender has been spied undergoing final shakedown testing at Circuito Alabacete in Southern Spain. The street version of the bike was being tested against a Honda CBR 1000RR and according to all in attendance.. it looked like the BMW was out accelerating the Honda coming out of the curves.

8. Freddie Spencer's High Performance Riding School is CLOSED DOWN! Some people want their deposits back and others want their wages paid. Yikes This really is a bummer. Fast Freddie was in evidence at the school and did some teaching, but Nick Ienatsch was really the main instructor in the recent months. Seems like maybe it's no coincidence that the school has closed as Freddie's broadcasting career has expanded...as well as of course the current financial unpleasantness. Here's hoping Spencer opens the school again, and if not, Ienatsch finds a place to teach.

9. Speaking of fast riding.. We just heard that a new road racing track is being built in Kentucky...The Bluegrass Road Course. Here's the spiel from their website.. "The Bluegrass Road Course is a 3.54-mile Derek Daly Design Signature Track. We are a racetrack down to the DNA of a Thoroughbred Road Course of the finest pedigree. Bluegrass accommodates a variety of motorsports events for cars, karts, and motorcycles, starting at the grassroots and ranging from high-performance driving & riding schools and club racing to the upper echelon of sanctioned events and pro racing. In addition, corporate events and law enforcement & emergency personnel education will be available, along with adult and teen driving and riding schools." Check out the course map.. It looks wild!. This news gives me a chub. Note: Their website goes down more often than a Bangkok ho...Good luck wit dat.

10. Overzealous with your throttle hand? and No.. I'm not talking about excessive masturbation.. not that there's anything wrong with that.. Are you one of the approximately 35 million people who receive a speeding ticket each year? I know I am.. Hell.. I'm the poster boy for speeding tickets. Rather than just sheepishly paying those speeding tickets.. fight back.. Here's some tips how... Fighting a Speeding Ticket

11. Verholen of Germany has something new on their menu.. Bar Risers for the 2006 & Later BMW K1200GT. Price looks to be a reasonable $170 plus shipping. The silver anodized adapters are adjustable and bring the bars about 42 mm higher and 25 mm closer to the rider. The following cryptic text is from their website and concerns the riser kit. I have ZERO idea what it means.. "The M8 clamp boring in the adjustable range received a steel insert M8."

12. Looks like the French company Bullster.com is offering a couple of windshields for the BMW K1200S.. and 18 colors to choose from! Yes.. 18!! They look to me like the standard replacement shape and a double bubble version produced by Secdem. Looks like this is the place to go if you absolutely positively want a windshield to match your paint job.

13. Just in time for Christmas!... it's the RIDE THE DRAGON GAME! FYI... Some very good friends of ours .. fellow motorcyclists... have just got into the board game biz and their first offering is the "Ride The Dragon Game." We got a sample of the game and it is one first class offering. While I have NOT actually played the game, I would assume it would be a very cool Christmas present for that special someone who has everything. Here's some of the verbiage from the Ride The Dragon Game web site...

"Be the first motorcycle rider to safely complete the journey up the dragon's back in this exciting Motorcycle Adventure Game." In the foothills of North Carolina and Tennessee there lies a dragon. You've come to challenge the dragon with your trusty iron steed. You will meet the dragon in every corner and on every curve. There is beauty everywhere, but don't let the dragon's treachery subdue you into false confidence. Sometimes the dragon wins. Are your skills and luck good enough to ride and conquer the dragon? ?

Price looks to be a reasonable $39.95.+ shipping. The perfect stocking stuffer for kids or adults or your cell mate. You can order directly from their website or place an order over the phone at 828-479-1255. Good luck with this, Kim and Jim!

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. About a year ago we had to drop Laser Exhausts from our K1200S and K1200R product lines as the manufacturer had run into serious problems buying manufacturing materials. Mainly stainless steel, but also Titanium. China is buying up all the planets metals causing a worldwide supply problem and higher prices. Micron, makers of hundreds exhausts of Japanese and Italian bikes just closed their doors due to this problem. The Lasers were our biggest selling systems and I hated to drop them.. We probably sold them 3-1 over Remus, Staintune, and Two Brothers combined... and for good reason.
The good news is.. not only is Laser back up and operating at warp speed, but according to their new catalog, they also had an across the board price drop. For instance, their full 4-2-1 K1200S Titanium Exhaust system just dropped from a lofty $1550 to $1250... The Slip-On K1200S HotCam just dropped from $660 to $610. Not bad. As you may have guessed ...yes..we're again taking orders.. Woohoo!!

2. Speaking of Laser's second coming.. If that news didn't get you wet.. this will. In February, they'll have a new offering on the market for the K1200S, K1200R, and both the upcoming K1300S and K1300R..The yet to be released exhaust will have the designation.. Stealth. Here's a first look..(Click pic at right). It will be available in an extremely light-weight full carbon version and a stainless steel version (Inox).. No retail price as of yet. To hell with Viagra. If this doesn't give you a woody then you should donate your eyes to someone who can appreciate them. I'll probably try one of these on my own bike. This "Stealth" looks beeeeeeautiful. and of course.... Pirates' Lair as we will have them. Will post a web page as soon as we get confirmed information and delivery dates. Stay tuned.

Got wood?!

3. O, Canada..Part Deux: Last month I launched into a saliva slinging diatribe directed at a few of our Canadian customers who were refusing to pay their customs fees on orders they had received from us. Apparently, my threats of public scorn and humiliation worked as amazingly ALL involved sucked it up and decided to do the right thing. All paid their fees. Isn't that swell? Doesn't that restore your faith in humanity? Me neither, but I'll take it. Thx guys for not making me have to come up there and bust you open like a bag of corn nuts.

4. .. and on a related subject.. and it's probably "karma" related ...I'm very sorry, but I have bad news for our Canuck brethren... We've just had to temporarily cancel our FedEx Int Ground service to Canada. No.. it wasn't because of the aforementioned few apathetic customers trying to f#@k us... although I was tempted. The problem is, FedEx has doubled all their ground rates in the last 2 weeks and told us that we have to pay an additional $35 for each outgoing Int ground shipment to cover back-end brokerage fees. These fees used to be covered by the customer.. Not any more. Bottom line.. I'm simply NOT willing to bend over and take it.. So what does this mean for our Canadian customers? Well.. as UPS will not pick up here and we refuse to have to drive to the US Post office for every Canadian order then fill out forms to ship via them (which we consider no better than gambling), there's only 1 other option.. FedEx Express service.. Either Priority or Economy.. Not cheap.. The good news is.. we spoke to our FedEx rep and rather than lose our Canadian ground business (which is substantial), they are going to supply us with an all new "personalized" ground program with lower rates. We're waiting for the FedEx software guy to notify us of it's availability so we can schedule an appointment for him to come out and install it on our computers. We are very sorry about this.

5. We mentioned in last months cheesy newsletter that due to the sudden death of Richard Catey, the owner of Catey Enterprises ( the maker of BOMS AWAY metal polish) , we would get one last shipment of Boms Away Metal Polish ..Well.. here's the lastest..We suspect the widow is having a hard time as our last shipment never showed up as promised and BOTH her phone numbers have been disconnected...Not a good sign. Amber checked and she never cashed our check.. With that said.. rather than hassle a woman who has just had her life turned upside down..and/or ask our customers to continue waiting indefinitely, we issued full refunds 11/20/08 back through PayPal for all the Boms Away back-orders...If you previously ordered a bottle and have NOT recived our 11/20 email explanation and/or refund, you may need to log in and claim the $$. Sorry gents... this whole situation was out of our control..

BTW.. as an alternative to Boms Away... There's a product made by Staintune called Liquid Mirror Polish sold by CBT for $12.95 / Part # 130POL I've used the Liquid Mirror Polish and it's virtually the same product more or less.. Works every bit as good as the Boms Away.. Trust me..

6. As reported in last months cheesy newsletter.. we recently commissioned our good friends at Evoluzione to exclusively produce some BMW K1200S and K1200R Peg Lowering Kits for us. Those are now In Stock and just in time for Christmas. The "S" Relocator Kit drops your pegs straight down by a full 1" without mucking up the looks of your bike. Install takes all of 15 minutes and is virtually plug and play. You will need to adjust your shift lever which takes all of 2 minutes but otherwise.. a chimp on percodans could do the install. We offer the Evoluzione designed kits in both Silver or Black to match your bike. Cost is $120 delivered inside the US.

7. I recently mentioned we were discontinuing all imported Ilmberger and Pack Parts Carbon Fiber for the BMW K1200S and R and R Sport... Well.. we're getting down to the bare bones so if you've been procrastinating.. you might want to get it in gear soon ... 95% of our supply is already gone.. I have even dropped the price of our last (3) Ilmberger CF K1200S Solo Seat Cowlings from $395 to $340 until they are gone. Last warning.

8. He fall down. Here’s a testimonial from one of our customers for the R & G Racing Sliders we sell for the K1200S... Thought I'd share.. " I dropped my K12S last weekend going about 2-3mph whilst turning at a gravel-filed intersection, and there was absolutely NO damage except for the destruction of the downside slider in the fairing and just very slightly on the bottom front wheel hub slider that is unnoticeable … not even a slight scratch on the paint or elsewhere.  Pretty amazing … without the fairing slider, it would have cost several hundred $$$ or more to repair … well worth the $120/pair purchase price.  And the original installation through the fairing was truly an easy task (though irreversible once the fairing hole was drilled)". Thx, PB.

9. We now have the Kriega R15 and R20 Back-Packs (see product review in top section.) on our menu.. but our first shipment has been moving fast. While we have the R20 In Stock... we've already sold out of the R15, but you can dry dem crocodile tears as more should be here within the week-10 days. IMHO.. they are the best motorcycling back-packs on the market. Worthy of the gods.

10. Just in time for Christmas, and not a minute too soon. We just got a one of the rare shipments of those waaaaay cool Billet Torque Arms for the K1200S, K1200R, and R Sport. Each with the stylish Pirates Lair logo lovingly engraved on the side. Each will guarantee attention from the apposite sex..and occasionally from the same sex. We have only (2) left in silver and (5) left an anodized black... I should mention .. we get perhaps 2 small shipments a year so if you are prone to procrastination...now would be the time to get over it if you've been wanting one of these.. Consider yourself forewarned, swabbie. I keeed you not.. these will tranform the rear section of your bike into a thing of beauty. In Stock / Limited Supply!

Do I make you horny?

K12 Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2009

*NEW* 2009 Texas Hill Country K12 Rally: April 20-23, 2009

Where: ...River Inn Resort in Hunt, Texas
When: April 20th thru 23rd, 2009 (Mon – Thurs)

Breakfast one day at OST in Bandera
Lunch one day at Los Maples in Utopia
Lunch one day at Coopers BBQ in Plano
Pie run one day to the Koffee Cup in Hico

Call River Inn Resort for reservations. / 1-800-841-0501 price will be the same as last year.
To get the best room rate, tell them you are with the " I-BMW Group "

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*NEW* 2009 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 Rally: May 14-17, 2009

Where: Peaks of Otter Lodge, Blue Ridge Pkwy mp 86, Virginia
When: May 14th thru 17th, 2009 (Thur – Sun)

Call Peaks of Otter Lodge for reservations.
1.540.586.1081 • 1.800.542.5927 • Fax 1.540.586.4420
Note: Specify one bed or two. !!........Peaks does not offer Group Rates

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) :
Super 8 – Bedford
Days Inn – Bedford

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*NEW* 2009 Sierra Gold Rush K12 Rally: Sept 13-16, 2009

Where: Sonora Days Inn, Sonora, California
When: Sept 12th thru 16th, 2009 (Sun – Weds)

A pre-rally is planned in Downieville, CA at the Riverside Inn: Rooms are reserved for Sept. 9th through 11th. September 12th will be a travel day to Sonora, an easy and beautiful day's ride south of Downieville.Lodging here is very limited... there are only a handful of rooms available, so if you plan to attend the pre-rally you should make your reservations immediately. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group!! If they are booked up when you call, there is other lodging available in Downieville, and everything is within walking distance:

For booking at the actual rally call them at 209-532-2400. Tell them that you are with the I-BMW group. If you talk to someone who is clueless about our group, ask to speak to Star or Brianna. We have rooms reserved here for Sept. 12th through 15th, with the 16th optional. This rally will be even better than the last, and we are expecting a much larger turnout, so make your reservations now!

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The 10th Annual Deals Gap K12 Rally: Sept 24-27th, 2009

Where: Tapoco Lodge near Robbinsville, NC
When: Sept 24th thru 27th, 2009

Well.. the last K12 rally of 2009 will again be at the Tapoco Lodge at Deals Gap and this'll be the 10th anniversary of the gathering. . It won't hold us all, so make plans now! Amber and I are already booked!! This'll be the last K12 Rally of 2009, my friends. Be there or forever regret it like the time you blew that chance with those twins because you misread the subtle signals they were giving you..

Alternate Lodging in Robbinsville, NC. Microtel Motel.
Closest dealer (err, one in Knoxville yet?) Touring Sport BMW Greenville, SC

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have 3 contributions this month.. Check out #137 contributed by Mike Wilson and #'s 138 & 139 contributed by Jamie Bush of Washington, DC.
Thx mates!

Could these tips save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website.. I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

Our last contribution was my own...
Check out my How-To Install a Nautilus Air Horn on Ducati 1098. It's the first listing on the page.

Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

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Guess that kinda wraps up another year. Don't they pass so quickly? This will be the last communiqué for 2008. It's been another good year for Amber and I (and Pirates' Lair) thanks to many of you.. or in spite of many of you. We appreciate your help, advice, encouragement, and occasional naked pics. Best wishes to you all...

In spite of what the far left ACLU would like us to say, we sincerely hope that you and yours (no matter what bike you ride and/or religion) have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Remember if you're gonna drink...stop by here and of course... leave the bike at home... For our secularist customers... Happy Winter Season...

For our thank you for everything you are doing for us and the world and... Godspeed.

Take care.. ride safe...stay warm.. watch out for flying reindeer...see you in the New Year.. in my mirrors.

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues