Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K1300S, K1200S, GT, R, RS, S1000RR world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

Prepare to be boarded!

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: Jan 2011

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

The anxious ex-special ops member has just overheard (in excruciating detail) while on the phone to Paris, that his most precious possession has been taken from him. He tries to remain calm. He hopes to reason with these unknown men by giving them a peaceful way out of this. He explains the way things are...

Bryan: I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you return my Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter right now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.
Marko: [after a long pause] Good luck.

Bryan Mills... Liam Neeson ... / Marko.. Arben Bajraktaraj ... / Taken (2008)

News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! View From the Hirschegg! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our Jan POTM was contributed by Gijs van Dijk , in the Netherlands. He says of the picture..."This shot was taken near Graz, Austria. The road is called Hirschegg. It is a very small road through a gorgeous valley going to the Saltzstiegl, which is near an old salt mine. Once you reach the mine, the road turns to gravel for the next 2 miles or so before you reach the top. It’s 4 miles of up to 10 degree slopes and very tight hairpin turns in gravel. Exciting stuff. :) On top there is a little restaurant and a great view. The shot was taken about halfway through the gravel to the top. Shot was taken April 30,2010, hence the leftover snow - top is at just 1553m. I guess it was about 20C at the time, around 11am. Not bad given the time of year. The camera I used is my trusty Canon 5D (mk1) with the EF24-105/f4-L lens that I lug around everywhere I go. "

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 800x600 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S or K1300S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, S1000RR, or any model year K1200GT or K1300GT and B. In focus.

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Another BMW Recall! Yawn .. the Myth of Superior German Engineering!

BMW has issued yet another recall for many late model K12/K13 series bikes. How many does this make? 5? 6? 7? I forget. We've been hearing reports about the rear linkage locking up and even snapping for over a year now. Guess BMW decided to do something about it before somebody got killed. Look for a letter from BMW in the mail sometime after the first of the year. From what I understand.. your BMW dealer will be replacing the part marked in this pic as # 5 or the bearings in that piece.. The fix takes less than 15 minutes.

Model Year: Motorcycles manufactured between 2004 and May 2010.
Makes / Models / Years Affected:
BMW/K1200 GT/2004-2010
BMW/K1200 R/2004-2010
BMW/K1200 S/2004-2010
BMW/K1300 GT/2004-2010
BMW/K1300 R/2004-2010
BMW/K1300 S/2004-2010
NHTSA Campaign Number: 10V-488
Mfr's Report Date: October 8, 2010

Summary and Consequences: BMW has ascertained that the pivot mount of the relay lever on the rear spring strut can become stiff on account of corrosion. This can be the result of moisture penetrating the assembly (eg road spray, wateringress from washing with steam cleaner, power hose, riding in winter conditions). If the stiffness of the pivot mount is not noticed in good time (within the service maintenance schedule) the problem may become aggrivated to a point where the relay lever might break. Should a break of the lever occur, the handling of the motorcycle will be severly affected. In order to ensure trouble free operation throughout the service life of the motorcycle, the relay lever will be replaced with an improved version.
Consequences include bad handling and increased risk of driver losing control of the bike resulting in a crash followed by a HUGE lawsuit against BMW of NA, followed by an early retirement to your new home in Malibu or Antigua...

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Lake Lure, NC Anti-Motorcycle? Harley Riders Piss in the Punch Bowl

One of my favorite places to ride to is the little town of Lake Lure which is located on the super twisty Hwy 74, about 15 miles east of Asheville, NC. Lake Lure reminds me of Lake Tahoe or Gatlinburg about 30 years ago before those quaint little towns became overrun with fat flip-flop wearing tourists, Arab-run tee shirt shops, and fast food restaurants. Lake Lure sits on a scenic little lake with sheer mountain walls on both sides with perhaps a 3 motels, family run shops, and quaint restaurants.

The people are friendly and the air clean. Up until recently, it was a much visited motorcycle destination due to both the wonderful ride in and the view upon arriving. On any given weekend, the single road in and out was filled with bikes from all over the US. When I make the 15 minute ride to Lake Lure, I usually stop and grab a burger at the restaurant, pull up at the parking area over by the lake where all the motorcycles usually sit, and enjoy the spanktacular view while chatting with fellow cyclists.

About 2 years ago I started noticing fewer and fewer motorcycles heading towards Lake Lure. At about the same time the main motorcycle hangout, the always crowded Margarita Bar & Grill restaurant, changed names and turned into a decidedly boring family oriented restaurant. Just last weekend I noticed that the parking area in the center of town by the lake now has No Parking signs to keep bikes away. What the flock? Virtually every change I've noticed to the little municipality appears anti-motorcycle and in this slow economy... I'm kinda shocked... yes shocked that they would purposely discourage (either clandestinely or blatantly) two-wheeled biz from coming into the area. Could this just be my imagination run wild? or a quadrazine hallucination? Rather than wonder or speculate, I fired off the following question to Jim Proctor, a man who introduced himself to me as the mayor of Lake Lure at a party we held a few years ago.. He's also an avid motorcyclist who does a lot of charity ride work.

Question: "Jim ...I'm working on a write up for an upcoming newsletter on how I think Lake Lure seems decidedly anti-motorcycle as of the last few years and thought I'd see what you had to say about it being the major of that fair city."

Reply: "Jerry... I am not the mayor here anymore, but I do go to a lot of local meetings. I do not think the town is anti motorcycle. I do think the majority of folks here are anti noise. As long as motorcycles and trucks with 'Jake Brakes' have adequate mufflers they are more than welcome. If not, they are breaking state and local codes. The town did not put the 'no parking' signs at the road. This is a section that is privately owned (the owner of the Lake Lure Inn also owns the former Margarita Grill) and the owner put the signs up. The Lake Lure Inn has lost many thousands of dollars due to noisy vehicles and this is something they did to try and stop some of the noise. The owner did designate parking for motorcycles on the other side of the restaurant.

When my vacation rental customers complain about motorcycle noise and don't return, that is a problem. When customers come to my real estate office across the way from the Lake Lure Inn and end up going  somewhere else to buy their weekend getaway or retirement home because of noise, that is a problem. When I go to a funeral at the church in Bat Cave and I can't hear the service for the motorcycle noise, that is a problem. This is not just a personal problem, it is a business problem. The owners of the Lake Lure Inn bought the Margarita Grill and the real estate office next door so they could control where motorcycles can park. It was (and is) very hard for them to charge thousands of dollars for a wedding when you couldn't hear each other talk at the pool or veranda.  The property owners associations at more than one nearby development don't allow motorcycles. Not because of the fact that the vehicle does not have four wheels, but because many are too loud.

Once again, this is not a motorcycle problem, it is a noise problem.  Certainly we want more tourists to come to our area, but when a few cause many others to not want to be here, the town starts thinking of regulations and business owners create cumbersome rules that affect us all.

The answer is for motorcycle owners that respect the law and respect other people's right to a quite environment to let the motorcycle owners that don't have this same respect know that they are negatively impacting all the rest of us. I spent a decade as mayor of Lake Lure turning the conversations about bad motorcycles to conversations about bad noise. It is an uphill battle. Sorry to ramble on, but until the few motorcycle owners that insist on loud bikes understand the negatives of this, we will have a problem with how the general public looks at motorcycles."

Interesting and well thought out reply from Jim. Honestly, I was prepared to release the Kraken on them for my perceived anti-motorcycle bias, but after hearing Jim's opinion I have to admit.. I kinda feel their pain and if I were in their shoes.. I'd probably do the same.. or something similar. Once again, the morons riding loud bikes.. (ie..Harleys) with the prerequisite loud pipes have done the rest of their fellow motorcyclists a disservice making us all look bad. I'll give Lake Lure a pass on this one. I hate loud pipes, too.

What's New In the K12 / K13 / S1000RR No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the K1200RS and first generation K1200GT have been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

%1. Naked Aggression: Evoluzione Cyclesports Strips a BMW S1000RR Here's a nice write up from the on-line version of MotorCyclist magazine on a naked S1000RR. Nice work, Ken.

&2. Can't get her naked fast enough?? Last month I mentioned that you could buy BMW S1000RR Quick Release Seat Pins from Motovation Accessories. These stainless steel quick release seat pins will allow you to quickly remove the seat from your BMW S1000RR. What I didn't know at the time was that they sold them with a minimum of 5 sets at a time. I now know of another source where you can buy in pairs... Evoluzione.

The good news is.. I now know of another souce where you can buy in pairs...  http://www.evoluzione.net/evo-cycle-bmw.htm

3. Graves Motorsport Releases BMW S1000RR Full System Exhaust. It’s being offered in stainless steel and titanium. $1199 for stainless and $1699 for Ti.

4. A customer just pointed me to an alternative pair of wheel stands for the BMW K1200S... Check out Abba wheel stands based out of the UK. While it does look like a unique product, it doesn't look as easy to use as the cheaper Pit Bull stands which are available here in the US.

5. Guess it's not just a rumor.. "Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you...where you're young at heart." ..There will soon be a BMW dealer in Asheville, NC! Woohoo!! Details to come..

6. Cliff''s BMW sold to Max BMW on December 19th. This in from Cliff LaMotta.. "I have reached an agreement to sell of Cliff’s Cycle Revolution to a subsidiary of Penske Auto Group named PAG Stratton, LLC. dba Max BMW Motorcycles. Barring any unforeseen obstacles, which are unlikely, we plan to close the sale at 9AM this morning. Dealer Principal Max Stratton and I have worked over the past months to reach a mutually beneficial agreement leading to the sale of Cliff’s, and becoming the third motorcycle dealership flying the Max Stratton name. I made this decision very carefully, and wanted to be sure it was the right time, the right person, and the right terms. Sometimes things align themselves just right making a serious, difficult decision clear as day. I am comfortable knowing Max runs a class act. I would want nothing less, and would have accepted nothing less, for Cliff’s customers and employees."

7. We just heard that Ilmberger (in Germany) has implemented an across the board price increase on their Carbon Fiber parts for 2011.. I've seen the new pricing and some of it is painful. Ain't dat a pisser?

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. With all the snow we've already had nationwide, (Al Gore.. you're a moron).. there will be a lot of salt and sand on roads through spring. Want to protect your bike from all the flying corrosive crap? Sure you do. Here ya go. The Extenda Fenda is an inexpensive farkel that actually has a function unlike a lot of the foofoo fancy gratuitous chit that we sell.. These are designed to protect your bike from debris thrown up by the front tire. The extenda fender helps keep the bike cleaner, cuts down on paint damage on the lower fairing, and also protects important parts of the bike such as the radiator and oil cooler. Chimp easy install. We now have them to fit every model year K1300GT, K1200S, K1200RS, 2002-05 K1200GT, R1150R, and R1150RS. Price is under $45 delivered.

2. We're having a rare sale on our R & G Racing Case Protectors for the BMW S1000RR. We/I simply ordered more than we should have so we're over-stocked. Grab them while you can. If you're planning on doing track days this spring and summer... these will offer you some cheap insurance should you go down. Just sayin'.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

3. The Guymer Brothers and Pirates' Lair are proud to offer you the MotorCycle Cruise Control for the BMW K1300S We also have them for the 2005-2008 BMW K1200S.

4. Children of a Lessor God: We just heard from some Japanese bike owners, god bless their little souls, that our standard BMW Shift Lever Extender will also fit the Concours 14, ZX-14, and Honda Blackbirds. We suspect they'll fit other bikes as well but we have NOT tried them on others due to lack of access.

5. Due to so many requests, I'm in the beginning stages of designing a stealth backrest for the Kawasaki Concours 1400.

6. Speaking (or typing) about Carbon Fiber.. Pirates Lair has lots of new pieces on the menu from Bestem Carbon Fiber for the BMW K1300S & K1200S. Click Here

7. The 4 words your wife/significant other/cell mate needs to know for the upcoming year of accessory buying... Pirates Lair Gift Cards! Let the farkling begin!

8. Some of you may have noticed that we've been out of Rear Clear Blinker Lens Kits for the BMW K1200S, K1200R, and R1200GS for over 3 months.. Parts have simply been hard to get. Well... a shipment just arrived and I've just marked them as In Stock.

9. Due to global warming, the Bush administration, and/or Wikileaks (take your pick) ..the price of Oberon Touring Pegs for the BMW K1200RS went up from $140 to $150.. Sorry. Unavoidable.

K12 / K13 Rally / Event News : 2011

2011 Texas Hill Country K12 / K13 Rally: April 10-14, 2011 (New!)

Location: Hwy 39 near Hunt - 22 miles from hwy 83
River Inn Resort in Hunt, Texas
When: Sunday thru Thursday, April 10-14, 2010 (arrive Sunday - leave Friday)

Please call 1-800-841-0501 and tell them you are with the BMW motorcycle group. (No on-line reservations available) Call Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm cst. Sat. and Sun. 9am to 4pm cst., only. A one bedroom is $60.00 plus tax, some do have sofa sleepers. Lodging is limited, so Book early to guarantee a room. You can secure your reservation with AMEX, MasterCard or Visa....7 day cancellation policy, however there is a $25 service charge. They all have a refrigerator and microwave.

Agenda: Meet. Ride. Talk, Eat. Ride. Talk.


2011 Blue Ridge Parkway K12 / K13 Rally: May 12-15, 2011 (New!)

Where: Wattstull Inn, just north of Buchanan, Virginia
When: May 12th thru 15th, 2010 (Thur – Sun)

Call Wattstull Inn for reservations.
540-254-1551 / Mention: i-bmw group
SPECIFY ROOM TYPE - single, double, king

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford or Peaks of Otter Lodge


The 12th Annual Deals Gap K12 / K13 Rally: October 6-9th, 2011 (New!)

Where: Fontana Village Resort
Nearest town: Robbinsville, NC
When: October 6th-9th, 2011 [Thur-Sunday]
Reservations: Direct 800.849.2258

30 lodge rooms w/ 2 queen beds/ns: $85+tax 7-10 2br cabins with 1 queen and 2 twin beds/kitchen/ns: $120+tax When calling, specify room or cabin. Lodge rooms are in the Garden units with parking outside the door. Cabins will be either the Laurel or Hemlock cabins. Reservations for blocked out rooms will end 45 days prior. Saavy? Be sure to mention i-bmw group when booking. Thx to my good buddy, Bert B for arranging this event!!

NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an official sponsor of any posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability.

Be there!!!


How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

No new contributions
this month.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so shave your legs.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-thousand page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

No new contributions
this month.
Picture at right Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues