"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around the 1st or 15th of each month, when I deem you are worthy, we put out our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW K12RS/GT/S/R world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out? If you want to subscribe and have these sent via e-mail to your home or office just let us know at pirate@acelink.net .. otherwise you'll get 95% of it here. Why only 95%? Because I tend to tell the brutal truth as I see it on many issues/products and while I don't mind spewing "my opinion" into your home, office or cell, I have no desire to slam, insult, or malign any company, individual, competitor in public.. unless they blatantly deserve it.

While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered or meek, amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. So it is written.. so let it be done....

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: Sept 2007 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the day.....

After witnessing the miracle which is right in front of him, Terrence "Terry" Mann has an epiphany. Rather than watch Ray give up the farm no matter how bleak things are financially, he offers THE solution...

Terence: "People will come, Ray." They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway, not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children ...longing for the past.
Terence: "Of course, we won't mind if you look around," you'll say. "It's only $ per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it. For it is money they have and peace they like.
Mark: Ray! Just sign the papers.
You can see the indecision on Rays face as he's forced to decide the fate of his family.
Terence: Then they'll walk off to the bleachers....and sit in their shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon.They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines..where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes....and they'll watch the game.....and it will be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick..they'll have to brush them away from their faces.
Mark: When the bank opens in the morning, they'll foreclose.
Terence: People will come, Ray.
Mark: You're broke, Ray. You sell now, or you lose everything.
Terence: The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been the Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter.. and to a lessor extent...baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But the Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter ..and to a lessor extent.. baseball has marked the time. This field, this game. It's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds us of all that once was good....and it could be again.
Terence: People will come, Ray.
Ray: I'm not signing.

Ray Kinsella..Kevin Costner / Mark..Tim Busfield / Terence Mann.. James Earl Jones / Field of Dreams (1989)

News From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Shocked at the Cost of ESA Replacement? A Rational Solution

Have you priced replacement shocks on your ESA equipped GT, S, or R? A front and rear BMW package is a sphincter puckering $3000. Feel like screaming? Go right ahead. Scream to the Germans that you're mad as hell and not gonna take it any more. Rather than bend over and take it like a sissy, Works Performance now has replacement shocks that are fully compatible with your foofoo ESA suspension. WP will need your old shocks to remove the hydraulic pre-loader and eye from the rear and the eye from the front shock but that's not much to ask, IMHO. And yes, all ESA functions of valving and remote preload are maintained.

Works Performance Pricing:
Rear: $649 + $100 for removal of the components from your stock shock and installation on the new.
Front: $479 + $25 for removal of the components from your stock shock and installation on the new.

You will have to send your old shocks in and they will be useless after the components are removed. The new Works shocks will be custom built to your weight and riding style. They also can be custom made to lower the bike up to 2". They can provide replacement shocks for any ESA equipped BMW R or K-series.
If you are interested you can contact WP at (818) 701-1010

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New Motorcycle Race Track? High Rock Raceway..

A buddy of mine just pointed us to something that got my attention. At least on paper..the High Rock Raceway looks to be one of the finest in the country rivaling Barber Motorsports in Birmingham..The main difference being.. these guys are selling race condos which overlook the track and track privilege memberships. Buy a condo and you get a special membership giving you track privileges 60 days a year. The membership alone costs a lofty one time fee of $12K with a yearly fee of $3000 to keep your membership. Damn!!

According to their website, the track was designed by world-renowned road-racer, Elliott Forbes-Robinson and they received additional track and paddock design input from a number of motorcycle and road-racing sanctioning bodies, safety professionals and racers.

The property is located off Interstate 85, approximately forty minutes drive north of Charlotte, NC and forty minutes drive south of Greensboro. That's about 2 hours from yours truly..so you already know what I'm thinking...

The track will be forty feet in width with a 2,400+ foot front straight, a 1,600+ foot back straight and a 10+ acre paved paddock. Throughout the fourteen-turn course there will be ten separate rolling changes in elevation of between thirty and sixty feet. Check out the track! I intend to..

Click For Larger Image

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Vanson Blames It's Woes On George Bush! Geeezz!

According to the left-wing media, global warming, New Orleans flooding, avian flu, and the occasional bad cheesy newsletter can be directly attributed to George Bush and his policies. Now, Vanson Leathers, who just filed Chapter 11, is heaping their myopic woes on the US president.

Check out this article written by Mark Patinkin of the Providence Journal entitled Fall River Jobs Another Casualty Of Bush’s War in Iraq He has an in depth interview with Bob Friedman of Vanson who blames their $10,000,000 a year sales figures being cut in half by the collapse of foreign market directly on George Bush's policies abroad.

While I'm sure there may be some truthiness involved in losing some sales overseas due to Vanson being a 100% American-made product... overall... I think the article and their excuses are rubbish. Other US motorcycle apparel companies like ICON, FirstGear, Joe Rocket, and Cortech are booming abroad. I wonder why? Yes.. I'm sure they out-source some of the sewing, but nothing is keeping Vanson from doing the same thing if that's what's needed to stay competitive. Vanson blaming their failures on the Bush administration's policies is pretty pathetic, me thinks. Guess they never thought of the other possibilities of why their biz has gone in the crapper like.. oh.. I don't know.. poor customer service, cheaper, more stylish, and in some cases better made competition, or their exorbitant pricing. Geezz... Whatever happened to sucking it up like a man and taking responsibility for your own failures?

While I love the Vanson gear that I own and would love to support the floundering company, they would have garnered my respect AND a little bit of sympathy if they had just come out and said... "Hey... we've been sitting on our collective, lazy American asses for waaaay too long while others in the biz have moved ahead in this market. We screwed up and we'd appreciate your support while we get our Shiite together."

Read the article.. decide for yourself.

What's New In the K1200RS/GT/S/R No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the RS and first generation GT has been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com, www.K-Bikes.com , and www.BMWK1200S.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these chat sites..

1. If you are absolutely determined to turn your 06+ GT into an LT... er....that's not nice... . I mean.. if you are looking for more wind protection for your GT.. Aeroflow now has Aeroguard Wind Deflectors which attach to the side of the fairings to block wind and rain off your hands. Clear $179.95 or smoke $199.95. In case you didn't know.. they also offer a couple of different windshields for the GT offering lots of protection and ugliness.

2. In last months cheesy newsletter we mentioned that we had received confirmation from a customer that R& G Racing K1200S Frame Sliders .. upper frame, front fork sliders, and shaft protectors will also fit the 2006+ BMW K1200GT's! We were told that the upper frame sliders will require a few spacers to be made in order to make it look complete. Well we just received a file from this same customer. How-To Adapt the K1200S R&G Frame Sliders to the 2006+ K1200GT in PDF form.. This should be invaluable for those who are thinking about doing the GT Install. Thx, Paul.

3. 2008 will bring an all black K1200R to the world market...Not only black panties....er.. plastic, but the frame, drive shaft and wheels matched in black. Here's a look..

4. New K1200GT owner and want/need/desire clear front blinker lenses?? Of course you do.. and Hornig of Germany has them!!

5. If you are waiting for a new air box for your K1200S or GT, I just got word from BMWNA that they won't be in until later this month. In case you've been on Citi Alpha 5, some of the 06 model S and GT's have air boxes that, due to heat, are warping causing air leaks and subsequent poor idling. If you have the problem BMW will replace the air box under warranty.. If you don't.. they won't..

6. Heads Up: Due to a variety of reasons/circumstances including fluctuations of the Aussie dollar, low product demand , high cost of manufacturing materials, and I'm sure George Bush's failed foreign policies... MotorCycle Cruise is discontinuing the K1200RS cruise controls effective immediately. As of this writing all are gone.. there will be no more.. or so they tell me or if they do decide to produce more, they will be under an all new price structuring. FYI.. The Aussies will be keeping an extensive inventory of replacement parts should those ever be needed.. Aint' procrastination a bitch?

7. We just got off the phone with ZTechnik.. They told us they will NOT be producing aftermarket windshields for the K1200R Sport. They actually tried and ran into serious mold problems. "Mold" as in plastic forming.. not fungus.

8. ZTechnik has a new radar detector/GPS/IPod mount on the market for the 2006 & Up K1200GT and it is visually impressive. The centrally mounted ZTechnik GT TechMount is sleek, stylish, and amazingly attractive unlike virtually everything else on the market. You won't be ashamed to have it on your bike.

The ZTechnik GT Tech Mount matches the bike's form and style, while providing a safe, secure central mounting location for a wide variety of accessories. Range of movement and adjustability are the same as all ZTechnik Techmount ball and socket systems meaning you can adjust this sucker into a 100+ positions. Silver finish only. Fits virtually all radar detectors. Plenty strong for GPS's. Sleek, small, sexy. It fits the 2006 & Up K1200GT Only..

Click Here For Larger Image

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Woohoo!! After waiting for almost 9 months, we just got our first shipment in of Carbon Fiber K1200S Solo Seat Cowlings from Ilmberger of Germany. Mounting hardware is included, but in typical German fashion.. no instructions, but.. it looks caveman easy. This piece is as light as a mountain air and offers a deep gloss finish for the ultimate in weight loss and good looks. Worthy of the K1200S. Quality German craftsmanship. In case you are curious, the Carbon Fiber pattern of Ilmberger products is an exact match for the patterns of both Pack Parts and ZTechnik Carbon Fiber products so there is no issue with mixing and matching. Fits the K1200S only. Limited supply!

Click For Larger Image.. If You Dare!

2. We just found out that the Pack Parts Carbon Fiber Front Fender we've been selling for the K1200S will also fit the 2006+ BMW K1200GT.

3. As mentioned in the perfectly worded blurb above, ZTechnik has a new radar detector/GPS/IPod mount on the market for the 2006 & Up K1200GT and we have them here.. These come in a silver finish only and mount directly center of the rider for a perfect view. Fits virtually all radar detectors. Plenty strong for GPS's. Sleek, small, sexy. It fits the 2006 & Up K1200GT Only..

4. For our socially elite MV Agusta customers we just added fork slider kits for the 2006-2007 F4 1000R and Brutale 910R

5. OK... After serious late night board meetings, heated deliberations within the head of the company, and of course numerous fatties we've decided to cave to the hungering masses and add a complete K1200R Carbon Fiber Section to our menu. We'll start small and add products as we figure out what the sicko K1200R guys want. If you have any suggestions.. let us know. Our first large shipment should be in in about 2 weeks which will include belly pans, front and rear Carbon Fiber fenders, etc. etc...A lot of the stuff will cross over to the R Sport. Save up!

6. Tired of being shunned by everyone except for the blind? Our first shipment just arrived of the LED V1 Taillight Kits from Pack Parts of Germany should be a dream come true to any BMW K1200R or R Sport owner. Why? Because in case you hadn't noticed, your factory tail light is an abomination to all mankind and most of the known universe. There I've said it. Disagree with me and you're wrong. The V1 LED Taillight is simply a thing of beauty and is guaranteed to turn that baboon-looking rear end into an ass Jessica Alba would envy. Our supply is limited. Expensive, unpainted, and worth every freakin' penny/peso/doubloon. I only wish to the god above that these fit my K1200S. Fits the BMW K1200R and K1200R Sport Only.

7. Got an MV Agusta, Yamaha, or Ducati and want to add something that will attract women like bums to spare change? Sure you do.. We should be getting our first shipment any day now of these British-made Billet Aluminum MV / Yamaha / Ducati Gas Caps. These are simply the finest looking billet gas caps I've ever seen and I've been around longer than dirt. Are we not worthy? I have one on both my Yamaha R1, my MV F4, and my BMW K1200S. A special thanks to our good friends at Oberon Engineering in the UK for producing these for us...

I'm pretty sure these will fit virtually every MV Agusta (including the Brutales) as well as virtually all late model Yamahas and Ducatis. If in doubt..Email me and we'll figure it out.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

Rally News/Info: Down The Road: 2007/2008

2007 Deals Gap K12 Rally: Sept 27-29 (Contributed by our good buddy, Sir Tim Hudspeth aka CBNFVR over at www.I-BMW.com )

Well.. the last K12 rally of the year is upon us, friends. Again it'll be at the Tapoco Lodge at Deal's Gap again for 2007, Sept 27th - 29th. I'll be arriving Thurday noon-ish!! Pretty sure Amber will not attend this year due to family obligations. This'll be the last K12 Rally of the year, my friends. Be there or forever regret it like the time you blew that chance with those twins because you misread the subtle signals they were giving you..

Friday noon meal (at 1:00pm) will be at the Troll Restaurant in Helen, Ga (under the bridge)
Saturday noon meal (at 1:00pm) will be at the Bistro, Telico Plains, Tennessee (western end of the Cherohala)

As usual, Fri and Sat evening will consist of tall tales, video worthy of Americas Most Wanted, and food in the Lodge. No set times. No set activities or rides. Everything is as loose as a Thai hooker.

Alternate Lodging in Robbinsville, NC. Microtel Motel.
Closest dealer (err, one in Knoxville yet?) Touring Sport BMW Greenville, SC

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New!! Blue Ridge K12 Rally: May 15th - 18th, 2008 (Contributed by our good buddy, Sir Tim Hudspeth aka CBNFVR over at www.I-BMW.com )

Seems as if the Snowshoe people have decided to let our bunch of miscreants inhabit the Inn at Snowshoe for BRR 2008 (BRR = Blue Ridge Rally). This is a confirmed event. I'm already booked.

Location: Inn at Snowshoe , Snowshoe, West Virginia
Reservations: 1 877 441-4386 , Mention "BMW Motorcycle Group - 5071OE" 40 rooms are held for us until 4-11-2008. After that any remaining rooms are available to the general public. The rate is 79 per night (plus taxes).
Amenities: Bar, jacuzzi, walk to beverage store, walk to gas or groceries, restaurant on site, pool. Each room has a TV and phone. Some have a fridge.
Sat Lunch: River Place, downtown Marlinton
Fri-Sat evening meals At the Inn or walk to the Deli a few hundred feet away! No riding required. (Note: There is no organized meal. (i.e. Pay as you go. Go when you wish.)
Links: http://www.pocahontas.org/

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have 3 new contributions this month.! Check out # 128-130 contributed by Tracy Bradford in Port Clinton, F*ing Ohio.!!! Thx!!

Could this tip save your life? Dare you NOT look?

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive on your Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.. Remember.. we're all in this together.. so use deodorant.

BMW How-To Section

We have a new one this month.. contributed by Sir Paul Gatto Check out his
How-To Adapt the K1200S R&G Frame Sliders to the 2006+ K1200GT .

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues