Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA.

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: July / August 2015 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

Tarmac - Pre-Dawn: The world is on the verge of annihilation from the alien attack. The fate of mankind is in the balance. Walking out the President scans the motley collection of planes; old, new, high-tech, low-tech. He knows he must address the pilots before the final aerial assault.

President Whitmore: Good morning. [the PA doesn't work. Turns it on]
President Whitmore: Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. To read the Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight!" We're going to live on! We're going to survive! We're going to ride our motorcycles. Today we celebrate our Independence Day!

President Thomas Whitmore / Bill Pullman... Independence Day... 1996

News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Desert Solitude! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our July / Aug POTM was unknowingly contributed by Paul Furlong (aka Fur777 over at I-BMW) of Bellingham, Washington. I couldn't get details about the shot at time of going to press. He had posted this shot over at I-BMW.com and it was simply too good to pass up. If he checks in I'll upgrade the photo info.

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of a BMW K1200S, K1300S, K1200RS, K1200R, R Sport, S1000RR, K1600GT, GTL, or any model year K1200GT or K1300GT and B. In focus. C. No GS's for Gods sake.

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The 2015 Blue Ridge Parkway I-BMW Rally: 15 Years of Refined Hooliganism!

Thanks to the great crew at www.I-BMW.com, for making this years event yet another success. Everyone seemed to have a good time according to the rally reports coming in over at www.I-BMW.com

The rally weather forecast was suspect from the get go, but in the end it turned out to be a non-issue. There was some rain... sun.. fog.. clouds.. spotty showers. About what you'd expect for this rally. I'd wager a guess that everyone is already thinking about the 2016 event. We'll have details soon in our upcoming rallies section...

I have posted as many rally pics as I could plunder..er.. accumulate from the I-BMW site in our Pirates Lair Photo Album . It's the first album in the BRPW section cleverly entitled.. BRPW 2015 Enjoy!


Pirates Lair Crystal Ball: I See A Future for the 2015 BMW R1200RS & R1200R!

As most of you already know, the 2015 BMW R1200RS is hitting showroom floors as we speak and I'm already getting calls and emails from owners around the world needing/wanting/desiring swag for their bike. That's always a good sign that the bike will be a big success for BMW. With this onslaught of requests I am already working on a product line for the bike (and the R1200R which gets most of the same parts) including a possible "stealth" backrest which should be available in 2016 if I can figure it out.. In fact, I already have a R1200RS / R1200R Product Page up.

Yea yea..... I've been reluctant about selling products for BMW twins and have dedicated 95% of our website to the manly 4 and 6 cylinder BMWs which is our forte. Generally any time I wander from our dedicated niche.. I end up regretting it both financially, emotionally, and rectally. I could give examples, but my mind has tried to squelch certain questionable decisions of the past and I see no need to trudge through the cerebral muck. The good news is, I'm keeping an open mind to change and again ( God help me).. I'm going to attempt to predict what the market will do and what BMW riders will buy. I'm betting on the R1200RS to be a success. We shall see..

For now, I've been speaking with a dozen different vendors about this bike and lots of things are planned or already in the works including taller windshields, exhausts, helmet locks, gps mount, carbon fiber, a fender eliminator kit, and even a a bellypan. I'll keep you guys and gals in the loop as info comes in.. I've also started a R1200RS Photo Album at the SmugMug Pirates Lair Photo Gallery. Enjoy.

Show Me What You Got, Captain!

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You May Want To Cover Your Eyes: BMW Reveals Six-Cylinder Bagger

Remember when BMW went off the rails with the R1200C back in 1997? That bike is widely regarded as an abomination to all things holy. Heralded across the galaxy as one of the ugliest, worst thought out bikes ever manufactured. After all these years it still makes me want to throw up a little in my mouth. Well, my friends.. It looks like the usually insightful Germans are about to step in another steaming pile...

BMW has just revealed this six-cylinder Concept 101 at the prestigious Villa d’Esta Concorso event held in Como, Italy. Just what the world has been waiting for. Another BMW cruiser. Geezz.. BMW's ad says..." The Concept 101 takes the engine and chassis from the K1600GT range but strips away as much as possible for a low, sleek and stylish look that captures the spirit of the open road." Sleek? Perhaps, but it's about as stylish as a Hoyt-Clagwell tractor or a Honda Rune. This, IMHO is one butt-ugly motorcycle.. Fake wood trim?? Really?!

BMW reps are remaining extremely tight-lipped over the production plans for the bagger, but sources say this bike – along with a revamp for the rest of the K1600GT and GTL models – will be revealed later this year to go on sale in 2016. You can read more about this visual atrocity and see a few more pictures (if you're still feeling up to it) at Motorcyclenews.com

"..the horror... the horror.."

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Blinker Genie Review Revisited: LED or Oem Bulbs? Feelin' Lucky?

In the Sept / Oct issue of our now infamous Pirates Lair cheesy newsletter, I gave a rave review of the Blinker Genie. I said then that it's the best little accessory lighting kit I've ever installed. My views on this little wunderkind of a kit have not changed. I simply love these things. So much so that I added them to our product line and have been selling the beegezus out of them ever since.

Last week some new information came to light causing me to re-evaluate some of the wordage in my review. A guy recently posted at I-BMW.com about there being possible long term problems due to heat damage if using oem bulbs with the Blinker Genie. As I tend to be cautious about these things, I contacted the manufacturer and asked him about this claim... FYI.. I've had them on my K1200S for about 8 months (with oem bulbs) and they're working perfectly......

I spoke with the guy that makes them and he confirmed that long term damage is possible on any bike with the oem bulbs. He does NOT say there will be problems, just that it's a possibility. He added that he strongly suggests replacing the oem bulbs with LED bulbs.. "Better safe than sorry", he said. This explanation sounded to me like the typical vendor "liability" warning and if in his shoes.. I'd probably do the same. The problem is.. I HATE LED bulbs. So what's a pirate to do?? I put my prejudices aside and ordered some... Perhaps LED bulbs are better these days than I remember. We shall see.

..weigh the risks and break the rules. Arrrrrrg!
A few days later I received the baddest, brightest LED CanBus compatible bulbs on the market from superbrightleds.com, popped them in and as I suspected.. I was disappointed. Cost of a pair of their best bulbs was $22.89 delivered. I received the following: 194 CAN Bus LED Bulb - 13 SMD LED Wedge Base Tower Amber and 194 CAN Bus LED Bulb - 13 SMD LED Wedge Base Tower Natural White Neither were was as bright as oem...

Not wanting to compromise the spanktacular visual effect of the Blinker Genies with oem bulbs,  I came up with Plan B.... After 8 months of usage I do see some discoloration of the front blinker bulb holders but none inside the blinker housing or the wiring harness. I see ZERO sign of any rear heat damage... none.. nada.. zip.. And while there is discoloration of the front bulb holders, nothing is melted and all the surrounding plastic looks fine other than the color. That may or may not be because I exercised my usual OCD caution and drilled a few 1/16th" venting holes in each housing anticipating some heat build up when I first installed the kit.

As I'm hell bent and determined to go against the manufacturers advice (a reoccurring theme in my life) and stick with the oem bulbs.. damned the consequences, on a hunch I checked the parts fiche at MAX BMW and as it turns out...(worse case scenario) if I have to replace a bulb holder the cost would be only $16.66 ea....

With that said... I returned the LED bulbs and reinstalled the oem bulbs front and rear. Every few months I'll pop open the lenses and see how things look.. Looking forward, If I have to replace the bulb holders... I'm only out the cost of a couple of good Burritos... Am I suggesting others take the same risk against the manufacturers advice?... Heck no... As "Danger" is my middle name.. its just in my nature to weigh the risks and break the rules. Arrrrrrg.

What's New In the BMW No-Spin Zone

1. The Pirates Lair R1200GSW Stealth Backrest will be appearing in 1/2 a dozen international magazines in the months to come including Rider, Backroads, BMW Magazine, and BMWON to name a few. A couple of Australian publications will be doing full reviews. If you've been waiting for one.. they are finally available from both Sargent Cycle (who will be selling them with their new R1200RS seat and a rider backrest) and of course.. Pirates Lair.

2. Worried about dropping your bike and scratching up that expensive aftermarket exhaust canister? I see it happen more often than you'd think.. Well check out the R&G Exhaust Protector for Akrapovic and other Hexagonal shape exhausts. This little device.. ie.. a canister slider/protector doesn't look half bad... and the price is very reasonable. They are being offered by Twisted Throttle but we can special order one for you should you choose to give us the biz... Just sayin.. Cost is around $65US + shipping.

R&G Exhaust Protector for Akrapovic

3. Here's a tasty tidbit for S1000R owners who like a nice looking ass. Check out the Evotech Italy Tail Tidy Fender Eliminator Adjustable License Plate Holder for the BMW S1000R with LED light. Imported by the good people at Bestem USA. Not cheap but then again.. how much are you willing to pay for a nice ass?

4. R & G Racing now has NO CUT Aero Frame Sliders for the 2015 BMW S1000RR. Apparently the kit is a little different than the kit for the 2014 bike.. and cheaper. Price is under $150US...Chimp-easy install.

5. If you've been looking for a radiator guard for your BMW K1300S... Wunderlich America now has one.. The Xtreme Radiator Guard. Part Number: 8160477. Price: $149.00 + shipping. That's more than reasonable and I'm sure well made...

6. Notice to KTM Owners: Staintune just discontinued ALL their KTM exhausts for 2015. There are none left and they will not produce any more.. Why?? I have no idea..

7. Looking for a deal on some high-end Carbon Fiber for your BMW K1300S?? Sierra BMW has a close out sale on Ilmberger CF going on right now..They are discontinuing that product line and are liquidating their stock at near dealer pricing. Check out the Ilmberger K1300S Carbon Fiber Fairing Insert Set which usually retails for a painful $275 + shipping.. On sale now for $145+ Dayum!!! While they last...

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Pirates Lair Vacation Notice: Amber and I haven't taken many vacations since the Obama regime took over.. "We used to travel extensively" he said with a heavy sigh... While money is still tight sometimes you just have to suck it up and do the right thing.. A few weeks ago my daughter called and invited Amber and myself to spend a week with them in Costa Rica to celebrate the graduation of my youngest grandson. As this may be the last chance I ever get to travel with either of them, we are taking them up on the offer. With that said.. Pirates Lair will be closed on June 21st-29th, 2015. We hope the strain isn't too much to bear. Order accordingly...

2. We just learned that our K16 TechSpec Gripster Kits do NOT fit the limited edition K1600GTL Exclusive. That bike has some chrome strips on the gas tank that make the tank protector part of the kit not workable.

3. We just got word that Wilbers (for a limited time) is having a spring sale on all their BMW shocks. This is the first sale I've seen from them in all my years selling them.. For a limited time they are offering $70 off every shock. Meaning if you purchase one of our combo (front and rear) package deals you'll get $140 off retail. Click here for the K1200RS / K1200GT page, K1200LT page, or the K1300S / K1200S page. The sale ends on the first day of summer...

4. We just verified that our TechMount Control Radar Mounts will NOT work on the 2015 K1600GT/GTL or R1200GSWs.. What a pisser!

5. As per the blurb in the top section.... We are now selling products for the 2015 BMW R1200RS and R1200R...Check out our all new R1200RS Product Section here...

6. One by one, products for the venerable 98-04 K1200RS and 02-04 K1200GT are being dropped by various manufactures as sales slow.. Hell.. we only have 1/2 a dozen of our RS Stealth Backrests left before we discontinue that item. Here's some more bad news.. Just heard from Verholen of Germany. They are discontinuing their Short-Shift Kits for the 98-2001 K1200RS. As of this posting they have only (4) left and will produce no more... IMHO.. this was one of the best accessories you could add to that bike.. They make shifting 100% better.. Shorter throw.. a crisper feel.. longer lasting erections. Night and day difference.. I may order all of them. Bottom line.. if you've been wanting your RS to shift better.. this little device is a simple bolt-on fix ..Painfully expensive, but worth every freakin' penny. Trust me on this.. Oh.. and did I mention that Verholen is about to raise the price (by $50) on the late model kits?? Ouch.. Now would be the time to buy... No pressure....

7. New Product Alert! Here's some juicy news just in..We can now take orders for the 2015 +Remus S1000RR HyperCone Slip-On Exhaust This is one damn nice looking slip-on kit for the 2015 model. Each canister comes with a carbon fiber end cap and all mounting hardware.. Sweet. The Remus HyperCone slip-ons offer a 2-3 hp gain and less weight. Like other aftermarket exhausts, the Remus HyperCone does NOT eliminate the catalytic converter so your bike stays legal in all 50 states and Europe. Connector / mid-pipe included in the kit. Customer retains the option of keeping the factory heat shield. I'm pretty sure this is what Jesus would buy..

8. New Product Alert! R & G Racing now has NO CUT Aero Frame Sliders for the 2015 BMW S1000RR. We just got our first shipment of them!..

9. Pirates Lair is no longer carrying the cruise controls manufactured by MotorcyleCruise (in Australia.) Long story.. Don't ask..

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

I-BMW Rally Event News : 2015
NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an "official" sponsor of any of the following posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

I-BMW SSR Rally: June 18th - June 21st, 2015

Where: GoldenEagle Resort
Location: 511 Mountain Rd, Stowe, VT, 05672
When: Arrive on Thursday June 18th leave Sunday June 21st
Reservations: 844-802-6358

Rate 1 person in the room-$133.10 includes all taxes and full breakfast per night.
Rate 2 people in the room-$144.10 includes all taxes and full breakfast per night.

Rooms are located close together. Will hold the block until 5/21/15.

The Golden Eagle is located across the street from several restaurants and a short 2 minute ride for beer and gas.. CANCELLATION-100% refund before 7 days-7 days of less 1 night. 1 night deposit required to hold the room. Reference i-BMW group when calling - ask for Andrew or Suzanne.

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The 3rd Annual I-BMW Rocky Mountain Rally: July 19 through July 22, 2015

Where: Quality Inn of Gunnison
Nearest town: Gunnison, Colorado
When: July 19 through July 22, 2015
Reservations: 970-641-1237

Our base of operations will again be the Quality Inn of Gunnison, which is located at 400 E. Tomichi Ave (also known as U.S. 50) in Gunnison. They are currently taking reservations for a block of rooms that are reserved for us. I encourage you to make you reservations early (like now), and to mention that you are with the BMW Motorcycle Group in order to get the rate of $95 plus tax per night (down from their advertised $119 + tax). Most of the rooms have two queen-sized beds, but there are also some available with one king or one queen. A hot breakfast is included. Here is a link to the motel's website.

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2015 I-BMW Kentucky Hill Country Rally: Aug. 6-9th, 2015

Where: Blue Licks Battlefield State Park
Address: 10299 Maysville Rd, Carlisle, KY 40311
Nearest town: Maysville, Ky
When: Aug. 6,7,8, and 9 (Arrive on Thur, play Fri and Sat and depart Sun )
Reservations: 800 443-7008

For reservations call 800 443-7008. There is a restaurant on the grounds. The rooms will be held until July 7. The site is roughly 15 miles South of Maysville Ky on us 68. It is 42 miles North of Lexington Ky on us 68. It is 78 miles East of Cincinnati Ohio. 114 miles East of Louisville Ky and 104 miles West of Huntington W.Va. Ridge land abounds with nice roadways and long views.

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The 16th Annual I-BMW Deals Gap Rally: October 1-4th, 2015 Venue Change Notice!!

Where: Tapoco Lodge
Nearest town: Robbinsville, NC
When: October 1st-4th, 2015 [Thur-Sunday]
Reservations: Direct 800.849.2258

The Tapoco Lodge (near Robbinsville,) site of our first 9 or so DGR's re-opened just recently under new (motorcycle friendly) management and members at I-BMW.com have voted overwhelmingly to change venues this year from the Fontana back to the Tapoco. The newly renovated, upscale Tapoco has reserved (20) cabins for our motley group. All cabins are $189 a night. As of this writing, there are few cabins left. Reservations at the discounted rally rate will end May 1st and then go full metal jacket retail which is $249 a night so book NOW or feel the burn of paying full retail during peak season. Be sure to mention i-bmw group when booking. Amber and I will be there. Neither of us will be wearing panties.

Alternate Lodging in Robbinsville, NC. Microtel Motel or Fontana Village Resort
Closest BMW dealer: Eurosport of Asheville, NC

...and don't forget... Pirates Lair will be offering your choice of either Pirates Lair tees or $25 gift cards to anyone who achieves a "velocity award" while in transit to or from or at the rally itself.. If we don't reward bad behavior... who else will?? Arrrrrrg.

We're baaaaaack!

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How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have no new contributions this month. Our last Tip # 164 was sent in by Mark Baldyga of Peabody, Mass! Thx, bro. Could his tip save your life? Dare you not look?.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-hundred page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

We have a new contribution this month.. Check out K1300S ROWE PDM60 Install
contributed by K13Mike from Calgary, Alberta., Canada . Mike is a regular over at I-BMW.com . Thx, buddy.

Courtesy of Sports Illustrated photographer Walter Iooss, Jr. / Model: Ms Melissa Haro

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues