Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. Basically.. "enter at ye own peril.."

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA.

Prepare to be boarded!

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: March / April 2016 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start the month.....

The killers have kidnapped Helen, the DA's daughter, in an effort to get to Reacher. They want him dead. He's all that stands in their way. They call Jack using her phone and the conversation doesn't go quite as expected. They make their demands thinking he'll blindly follow them....

Jack Reacher: You think I'm a hero? I am not a hero. I'm a drifter with nothing to lose. Now you killed that girl to put me in a frame. I mean to beat you to death and drink your blood from a boot! Now this is how it's gonna work. You're gonna give me the address and I'll be along when I'm damn good and ready. If she doesn't answer the phone when I call this number, if I even think you've hurt her, I disappear. And if you're smart, that scares you... Because I'm in your blind spot. And I have nothing better to do.. well other than read the latest Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter....
Charlie: (dumbstruck...) Got a pen?...
Reacher: Don't need one.

Reacher / Tom Cruise... Jack Reacher... 2012

News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Norwegian Rest Stop! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our March/April POTM was contributed by Lee and Debbie Fillian, regular posters over at I-BMW.com. He says of the photo..."The picture was taken on the morning of Oct 13th 2015 after spending a night at the Cliff House which is on Hwy 7, seven miles south of Jasper Arkansas. The air was clear and there was no haze or fog in the valley which made for a nice view. The picture was taken mid morning and the temperature was probably in the mid 60s. The camera is a cheap point and shoot, but works well. Panasonic DMC-SZ1 with a 10X Optical zoom. The back deck of the Cliff House is a nice place to relax and read a book."

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of any late model BMW .. B. In focus... C. No GS's for Gods sake.

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The 2nd Annual Australian I-BMW Rally 2016 - Krikey!

Last week the 2nd Aussie I-BMW event ended as another success. A special thanks goes out to KiwiMat for again stepping up to the plate and making the rally a reality. I wish I could have been there. He says of the rally...

"Another great Australian iBMW event comes to an end. We had 25 bikes in attendance this year. Some riding 1,500-5000km to take part in the 4 day riding and drinking fest. The weather was unseasonably hot this year with temps around 36-38 degrees C every afternoon. It did make for nice dry roads earlier in the morning, and more excuses to drink beer on our daily returns.

The riding was just spectacular with some of the best motorcycling roads available in Australia traveled over the 4 days. Accommodations were great, food was awesome, drinks a plenty. The people that took part were all experienced riders and great company. Many friendships were forged over the ride. Special mention to John, our first international guest who rode and partied like a champion, and also made some great friends along the way." Cheers Kiwimat

I 've posted all the rally pics that I could pilfer from I-BMW in the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery. Look for the album cleverly titled.... Australian I-BMW Rally 2016. Enjoy.

For Rally Pics.. Click Here!

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Pirates Lair Goes Live with BMW S1000XR Product Line!

Well.. I may be late to the party, but we've finally arrived and that's all that matters. After months of requests, we just went live with a product line-up for the BMW S1000XR. Sorry for the delay. I've spent the last few months working on a product line for the R1200RS menu and now that that's out of the way, I'll focus on the XR. I've actually had lots more requests from the XR crowd which makes this announcement even more timely and hopefully... fruitious.

The Pirates Lair S1000XR product line is kinda small for now, but I'll be adding to it as I find things that I think our customers will want. So far we've got XR product specific pages already up for the following items as well many cross-over products.

Remus Hexacone Slip-On exhausts...
Synto Levers...
Verholen Peg Lowering Kits...
Verholen Risers...
ZTechnik Windshields...
R & G Frame Sliders...
Pit Bull Wheels Stands...
Techmount Radar Detector Mount... etc etc..

PS.. I'm always open to suggestions for new products, too.. If there's something you think I should carry... please email me and let me know.

Show Me More, El Capitan!

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Pirates Lair Pre-Owned Accessories: Buy, Sell, Broker...

It's hard to believe that it's been 13 years since the last BMW K1200RS rolled off the assembly line. Damn! Where does the time go? The advent of that bike (coinciding with the birth I-BMW.com) inspired the transformation of Pirates Lair from an exclusive motorcycle detailing service (in Nashville) to the galactically renowned web-business it's become today. In fact, this is our 17th year in operation. Let me reiterate.. "Damn!"

Through the years I've designed many specialty motorcycle products. Many for the mighty K1200RS, but as the years passed and my hairline receded demand slowed for those products. One by one I was forced to discontinue them. It's the circle of life, doncha know. Not surprisingly I still get calls from riders looking for our discontinued swag. I have been telling those seekers of farkels that they should keep an eye open on eBay or the various BMW chat site classifieds, but recently I started keeping an on-going list of items people have for sale or want to buy. Now and then, all the planets align and I can put people together. One recent customer suggested I just broker the deals which would help customers with hard to find parts sell them much easier though a trusted source. Hmmm.. They get their dust covered parts sold and I make a few doubloons for the "meet cute." Win/Win. So once again I'm gonna try something new and see what happens. Last time I did that I couldn't pee right for a week.... but that's another story altogether.

With that said... if you or your friends have any out of production BMW barbacks, Peg lowering kits, or aftermarket exhausts you are wanting to get rid of.. email mail me and I'll see if I can help you sell them. If you have any of the discontinued Pirates Lair products (pictured below)... we are definitely interested.. Pictured below from the left.. The Protector K1200RS Cowling Screen, the Pirates Lair Torque Arm for either K1200RS, K1200S, K1300S, our K1200RS Solo Seat Cowling, and our original K1200RS or R1150R "Stealth" backrests. K1200RS/GT Staintune exhaust systems are in high demand these days.. If you have one of those for sale... email us.. we're interested.

Protector Screens
Torque Arm
Solo Seat Cowling
Stealth Backrests

What's New In the BMW No-Spin Zone

I should note that as the K1200RS and first generation K1200GT have been discontinued, I receive less and less news of any new products for them.. I mention this as a few semi-loyal subscribers have accused me of abandoning our roots.. Not true.. I only report what's going on.. Don't shoot the messenger.. I will NEVER abandon the K1200RS crowd. It appears that the times.. they are a changin.' Deal with it. Also.. a special thx to www.I-BMW.com or www.K-Bikes.com for the information & pictures I regularly pilfer from these sites..

1. If you've been looking for a sleek radar detector mount for your BMW K1600GT/GTL you might want to check out the AdaptivMount Horizontal Control Mount. offered by Adaptiv Technologies. Cost is a reasonable $85US + shipping. According to their advertising spiel.. the AdaptivMount Horizontal Control Mount is designed with a combination of high strength steel and aircraft grade anodized aluminum. Patent pending Adapti-Sorb Anti-Vibration Technology greatly reduces vibrations transferred from the bike to the mounted gadget. The double ball-joint design provides a high degree of freedom for optimal positioning, easy adjustment, and simple installation. They offer this mount for various bikes..

2. BMW Motorrad reveals experimental eRR electric superbike... While technical details won't be revealed until "a later date," BMW says the experimental vehicle is designed to investigate the possibilities of applying an electric power source to a sport bike. Whether this means there will be a production version in the near future remains to be seen. It may be beautiful, but it sounds as boring as Yanni on quaaludes. Motorcycles need sound.. That's part of the attraction.. They are meant to "sing." Ask any rider.

3. Many 2016 I-BMW Rally events have been scheduled. Texas Hill Country, the Rockies, Deals Gap, Australia.. Check out our rally section below for full details... More to come for 2016..

4. In case you hadn't heard.. BMW is about to release their smallest bike yet.. the G310R... My guess is their intended demographics are young riders new to the sport or frugal adults secure in their masculinity. Chain drive, 313cc, and 350 lbs fully gassed. Check it out and let me know what you think... And yes.. it comes in black.

5. Looking for more wind protection for your K1200S or K1300S, but not too particular about the looks?? You might want to check out MadStad Adjustable Windshields. I had never heard of them until a customer pointed me their way.. There are no pictures of them actually mounted on a bike on their website which makes me cringe. I would think that 99.9% of potential customers would want to see what they are buying. They offer their product in a variety of colors and heights. My guess is they are as ugly as an Aeroflow, but I admit that's just speculation. If you get a picture of one.. please forward to me.

6. Since Staintune discontinued their K1200RS / GT exhaust offering in March 2014, Remus is the only manufacturer still making exhausts for those bikes. Today, Feb 25th 2016 we were informed that they just raised the price to $1439 and reminded us that they won't be making them much longer. Sounds like the fat lady is singing. No pressure...

7. Remus just had a serious price increase.. I checked it out and it looks like about 50% of their exhaust systems went up a bit.. Been procrastinating on buying one?? Ain't dat a bitch?!

8. Pirates Lair sells a lot of exhausts... Remus, Staintune, Laser, Two Brothers, and we used to sell Akropovic. Out of all of these, we sell fewer Two Brothers than the other brands and generally it's for one simple reason.. Their mounting system. Most customers prefer a cleaner look than that big honking rubber band wrapped around the canister. It's an effective system, but not pretty. You may notice that in almost all of Two Brothers Racing advertising, they show their canisters NOT mounted on a bike and without that mounting strap. They do that for a reason. Customers, after seeing the band, many times opt for other brands.. No skin off my nose, but I've always hated the fact that I haven't been able to sell more for TB as the product is easily as good as anything else on the market and they are really good people running a first class operation.

Through the years they occasionally call and ask me why they aren't selling better and I flat out tell them the truth. Well.. Good news ..Somebody must have been listening as they just let me know that they have come up with a new mounting system and they plan on slowly integrating it with many of their new exhaust kits..and maybe some of the older ones. IMHO, this new design levels the playing field. Here's a profile shot of the new mount on a Ninja 300.. Way to go Two Brothers and good luck with the new design!

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. NEW PRODUCT 2016: From MV Verholen of Germany we now have a handlebar riser kit for the 2015+ water-cooled R1200RS. The kit allows for a more upright, relaxed riding position. The silver anodized adapters bring the handle bar 30 mm closer and higher ensuring a more comfortable reach to the bars. Less strain on your neck. More relaxed seating position. Less pressure on your wrists. Just what the doctor ordered. No....it is not necessary to change the brake cable. The kit is pretty much plug-n-play bolt-on kit. They tell us it's a chimp-easy 10 minute install.

2. NEW PRODUCT 2016! Also... K1600GT / GTL owners who've been waiting for a bike compatible tankbag.. we now offer (3) RKA tankbags to fit your K16 tankbag needs and we have them here.. . The 3.0 Liter Allegro, the 10 Liter "Super-Sport" Mini, and the 13.0 Liter Shiloh Rd. These should fit most motorcycles.. Expect premium quality workmanship. These also fit the venerable K1200RS and 2002-05 K1200GT.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

3. NEW PRODUCT 2016! As per the blurb in the top section.. we're loading up our new S1000XR section with lots of new swag.. New to the menu is TechSpec Gripster kits for that bike.. Those are in stock.

4. NEW PRODUCT 2016! New to the menu is TechSpec Gripster kits for the all new BMW R1200RS...

5. NEW PRODUCT 2016! Pirates Lair is now selling the Booster Plug.It's a simple device which improves the overall ride-ability of your motorcycle! It's a true Plug 'n Play solution that will provide the following advantages: * Improved and softer throttle response * Faster acceleration * Stronger and more reliable idle * Reduced backfiring when running an aftermarket exhaust * Simple chimp-easy install. I actually have one of these on my own bike and I'm very happy with it. Read my review here... You can find these on any of our Remus exhaust pages for the K1200RS / GT, K1200S, K1300S, K1600GT / GTL, or the R1200GS page..

6. NEW PRODUCT 2016! Hornig of Germany has just produced a brake lever extension (pic at right) for the 2015+ BMW R1200RS & R1200R LC.. Crafted out of T-6 aluminum, they are light as a feather and strong as factory. Just what you need for those wanting a more substantial brake pedal. A shift lever extension is also available as an option.

7. Military Perks: If you are a veteran or currently serving in the military, effective immediately Pirates Lair is including a FREE Kickstand Pad with every order. You will NOT see these listed on our website. Our kickstand pads are made of authentic black thermoplastic with the legendary Pirates Lair logo emblazoned on them. We hope our service men and women around the world take us up on the offer. This is our humble way of saying "Thank you for all you do, soldier." Just let us know at the time of order and we'll add one to your shipment.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

8. NEW PRODUCT 2016! As per the blurb in the top section.. we're loading up on S1000XR parts.. New to the menu is SSR Billet Aluminum Adjustable Wide Foot Pegs for that bike.. SSR's dual street/off-road design footpegs may be just what the doctor ordered. These wide pegs offer removable rubber inserts for off-road grip in slippery conditions (i.e. rain, snow, mud, etc...) with an added benefit of multiple angle adjustment positions. They provide excellent grip through aggressive teeth design. These also fit the K1200S / K1300S All Years, K1200R / K1300R All Years, K16000GT/GTL, 2004 - 2016 R1200GS & Adventure, R1100GS / R1150GS / R1150GS ADV All Years.

9. This is weird.. We just got word that the price of all Synto Levers has gone down as of March 1st!!! Yes down... Retail prices on our website just went from $298 a pair to $250 on every pair. Sweet!!! I have no idea what prompted this and I didn't ask...

10. It was inevitable. We've just had an across the board price increase on all our Stealth Backrests.. Yamaha FJR, Kawasaki Concours, R1200GSW, etc. The fact that we have to order in much smaller quantities and powder coat them in smaller quantities means we have to pay exponentially more.. The days when we could order 100 units at a time ended when Barry Obama took the helm. These days with diminished income (by 60%) and a depleted nationwide customer base we simply have no other choice than to pass the costs on until (we hope) the next president turns the economy around. We are very hopeful that will happen. So sorry...

11. NEW PRODUCT 2016! Woohoo! MV Verholen Of Germany delivers yet again with this impressive peg lowering kit for the 2015+ BMW R1200RS & R1200R LC.. Crafted out of T-6 aluminum, they are light as a feather and strong as factory. Just what you need for cramped legs and/or bad ergonomics. This German made lowering kit will lower the pegs by between 40mm. Bad knees? Join the club.. Do something about it nd stop whining. With the Verholen kit, the actual pegs are adjustable. a shift lever extension is available as an option.

12. Speaking of accessories for the R1200RS... We just learned that our shift lever extension we've been selling for other BMWs will fit the 2015+ BMW R1200RS & R1200R LC, S1000XR, R1200GT, and R1200RT,

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

I-BMW Rally Event News : 2016
NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an "official" sponsor of any of the following posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

2016 Texas Hill Country I-BMW Rally: April 11-15, 2016

Location: Hwy 39 near Hunt - 22 miles from hwy 83
River Inn Resort in Hunt, Texas
When: Monday thru Thursday, April 11th thru 15th ((check in Monday, check out Fri. AM))

Room prices (pre-tax): 2 bedroom - $125. / 1 bedroom - $95. / Studio - $75. Reservation deadline is Feb. 16th.

2 night minimum stay. 1-800-841-0501 or 1-830-238-4226 ask for Cindy. Lodging is limited, so Book early to guarantee a room. You can secure your reservation with AMEX, MasterCard or Visa....7 day cancellation policy, however there is a $25 service charge. They all have a refrigerator and microwave.

Agenda: Meet. Ride. Talk, Eat. Ride. Talk. - Here's a link to the discussion at I-BMW.com

The 4th Annual I-BMW Rocky Mountain Rally: July 17- 20th, 2016

Where: Quality Inn of Gunnison
Nearest town: Gunnison, Colorado
When: Arrive Sun July 17 through Weds July 20, 2016
Reservations: 970-641-1237

Our base of operations will again be the Quality Inn of Gunnison, which is located at 400 E. Tomichi Ave (also known as U.S. 50) in Gunnison. A block of 25 queen-sized, double, non-smoking rooms are reserved for us under the name "BMW Motorcycle Group." Rate is $95 per night plus taxes. $133 is the normal rate and the hotel sold was out the prior 2 years. This is a 2 level motor court style hotel. Hot breakfast is included in the rates. 2 block walking distance from downtown main street with many other places to get your belly full and drink-on. Non-ethanol gas is 5 blocks away. Walmart is 10 blocks away. Hardware stores, auto parts, cycle sales/repair shops, liquor store, sporting goods, campground, train museum, college - all close by. Because of last year's sell-out, make your reservation early. Here is a link to the motel's website and here's a link to the discussion at I-BMW.com

The 17th Annual I-BMW Deals Gap Rally: October 6-8th, 2016

Where: Tapoco Lodge
Nearest town: Robbinsville, NC
When: October 6th-9th, 2016 [Thur-Sat] Check out Sunday
Reservations: Direct 800.849.2258

The Tapoco Lodge (near Robbinsville) site of our first 9 or so DGR's and last year's rainfest will again host the 2016 event. Hopefully without any hurricanes spoiling the fun. The newly renovated, upscale Tapoco has reserved (20) cabins for our motley group and this year with cheaper rates. Woohoo!! All cabins for 2016 range from $159-219 a night and many will have new hot tubs for 2016. Be sure to mention i-bmw group when booking. Amber and I will be there. Neither of us will be wearing panties.

Alternate Lodging in Robbinsville, NC. Microtel Motel or Fontana Village Resort
Closest BMW dealer: Eurosport of Asheville, NC

Cancellation Policy 2016: In the event of cancellation 30 days prior to the event, guest will be charged for one night. If the cancellation is outside of the 30 days, there will be no charge. This policy will be strictly enforced in 2016 and is non-negotiable. Savvy?

...and don't forget... Pirates Lair will be offering your choice of either Pirates Lair tees or $25 gift cards to anyone who achieves a "velocity award" while in transit to or from DGR 2016 .. If we don't reward bad behavior... who else will?? Arrrrrrg.

We're baaaaaack!


How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have no new contributions this month. Could any of our tips save your life? Dare you not look?.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-hundred page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

We have no contributions this month. Feel free to check out our last contribution.
What To Do When You're The First On The Scene At An Accident. The life you save may be mine.

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues