Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post a new cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment. Basically.. "enter at ye own peril.."

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA or Russian hackers.

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: May / June 2017 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start this issue...

Capt. Jack Aubrey: Right lads, now, I know there's not a faint heart among you, and I know you're as anxious as I am to get into close action. But we must bring them right up beside us before we spring this trap. That will test our nerve, and discipline will count just as much as courage. The Acheron is a tough nut to crack... more than twice our guns, more than twice our numbers, and they will sell their lives dearly. Topmen, your handling of the sheets to be lubberly and un-navy like.
Capt. Jack Aubrey (continuing..) Until the signal calls, you're to spill the wind from our sails, this will bring us almost to a complete stop. Gun crews, you must run out and tie down in double quick time. With the rear wheels removed, you've gained elevation. and without recoil, there'll be no chance for re-load, so gun captains, that gives you one shot from the lardboard battery... one shot only. You'll fire for her mainmast. Much will depend on your accuracy... however... even crippled, she will still be dangerous, like a wounded beast. Captain Howard and the marines will sweep their weather deck with swivel gun and musket fire from the tops. They'll try and even the odds for us before we board. They mean to take us as a prize.
[all chuckling]
Capt. Jack Aubrey: And we are worth more to them undamaged. Their greed... will be their downfall. England is under threat of invasion, and though we be on the far side of the world, this ship is our home. This ship, is England. So it's every hand to his rope or gun, quick's the word and sharp's the action. After all... surprise is on our side.
Crew: Huzzah, huzzah!
Capt. Jack Aubrey: For England, for home, and for the Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter!!

Capt. Jack Aubrey / Russell Crowe / Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World (2003)

News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! "Top O' the World, Ma!" Arctic Circle! (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our May / June POTM was contributed by my good friend Del Fye. He says of the photo..."These shot was taken during my trip to Alaska and the Arctic Circle. I spent 28 days on the road and saw a lot of country, actually two countries. To tell the truth I needed more time to take in everything. The ride thru the Canadian Rockies will blow your mind. From going to the Sun Highway, crossing the Alaska Highway (1,300 miles), the Arctic Circle, visiting the Devils Tower, Spearfish canyon, Mount Rushmore / Crazy Horse/early Strugis, riding thru the badlands, to a ferry ride across the mighty Mississippi. All on my 2008 BMW K1200S... PRICELESS... Could be the first K1200S to the Circle and back ! Mileage for complete trip was 10,367 miles from Kingston, Tenn to Arctic Circle, Ak and back. This shot was taken July 17 2014 "

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of any late model BMW .. B. In focus... C. No GS's for Gods sake.

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New Study: Using a GPS “Disables” Parts of the Human Brain

Since I started using a GPS and stopped using a paper map, I almost never pay attention to where I am or how I got to my destination. I mindlessly just follow the soothing voice on my Garmin and hope she knows what she's talking about and doesn't lead me into temptation. My guess is.. I'm not the only one..

I'd always known that watching "the View" or MSNBC made you stupider, but apparently you can add using a GPS to the ever growing list. NaturalNews.com just put out some interesting info on the subject. My guess is nobody will be shocked. They say....

"One of the most useful features that modern technology has brought us is mapping software that uses the Global Positioning System (GPS) network. This worldwide satellite navigation system uses a network of satellites and receivers to determine location, and it’s used in many vehicles and smartphones to help people reach their destinations in the least amount of time. While anyone who has ever been lost in a sketchy neighborhood will tell you just how vital this tool is, there is also a pretty big downside: it may be hurting your brain.

A study from University College London found that relying on GPS navigation essentially turns off the parts of your brain that you would have used to simulate different routes had you not been using GPS. This conclusion was reached after studying 24 volunteers who navigated a simulation of central London’s Soho district, while undergoing brain scans. For the full article .. Click here..

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BMW Motorrad Launches the R1200GS xDrive Hybrid

In case you haven't heard.. BMW is about to introduce the R1200GS xDrive Hybrid... The world’s first all-wheel drive travel enduro. My guess is.. about 1/2 of those that just read that sentence are thinking... "sweet!!.. this is a game changer..".. the other 1/2 (like myself) is probably thinking..."geezz.. can BMW make these bikes any more complicated?"

I've been around motorcycles and motorcyclists for over 50 years and not once have I heard anyone mention that they'd like an all-wheel drive bike. Oh well.. Maybe the BMW design team knows something we don't. On second thought, I got stuck in sand once in Daytona Beach and two-wheel drive capability would have probably gotten me out of that bind, so yes.. in 500,000+ career miles I could have used such a set-up... once. With the upcoming world premiere of the near-series test version of the R1200GS xDrive Hybrid, BMW Motorrad may or may not change a lot of minds.. including mine. We shall see..

The new R 1200 GS xDrive Hybrid is based on BMW's golden goose.. the R1200GS Adventure. As we all know, the liquid cooled twin generates an output of 92 kW (125 hp) at 7 750 rpm as well as a maximum torque of 125 Nm at 6500 rpm and delivers it to the rear wheel via shaft drive. 

The Hybrid drive, with 125 kW (170 hp) overall system output, ensures supreme performance in all riding conditions. The unique all-wheel drive of the front wheel of the xDrive Hybrid ensures even better traction on slippery road conditions, sand, mud, or deep shit. This technological feat is achieved using the system developed by BMW automobiles. All-wheel drive can be operated automatically or manually by the rider via the 2WD (Two-Wheel Drive) switch located on the left handlebar operation unit. It activates the wheel-hub e-Drive system which functions both as electric motor and generator. With the additional output of 33 kW (45 hp) and overall 125 kW (170 hp) system performance, the admittedly innovative all-wheel drive system opens up a whole new dimension of performance and off road-suitability.. How dependable will this xDrive be? We'll let the beta testers of the first year or two production models let us know.. . Read More Here...

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S1000RR HP4 Race: The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of

Earlier today I got my first look at the upcoming BMW S1000RR HP4 Race... I'm impressed.. I want one.. I suspect Jesus does, too.

According to the article written by Trevor Hedge at MCNews.com.au (out of Australia).. BMW knocks it out of the proverbial park with BMW HP4 Race and with a predicted $100,000 price tag, one would expect no less... Featuring a carbon-fibre frame weighing less than 8kg and suspended with Öhlins FGR300 forks and TTX 36 GP shock, 215 horsepower, and full race specification electronics the new BMW HP4 Race takes the Superbike game to a new level. Only 750 of the machines are being produced. Got wood yet? You will... The following is from the MCNews article...

"BMW has a long history with their HP series representing the ultimate incarnation of any of their individual models. From HP2 Megamoto, to HP2 Enduro and then through to the HP4 version of the S1000RR which was first announced in 2012. The HP4 was the first motorcycle to bring top level semi-active suspension to the street when it was released in 2014. At the EICMA show last year BMW showed off a new more exclusive version dubbed the HP4 Race. Today, the covers have come off the production ready new sporting flagship for BMW Motorrad, as the BMW HP4 Race was unveiled today in Shanghai. For the full article.. click here..

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Back In The Saddle: Remus Rides Again!

In our Jan/Feb 2017 Cheesy Newsletter article..The EPA vs Motorcyclists: I Should Have Taken the Blue Pill, I informed our readers of some mui malo news. Due to one of Obama's parting gifts.. ie.. an executive order to the EPA killing sales of any car or motorcycle aftermarket exhaust or device that eliminated or even effected oem catalytic converters, RemusUSA had to pull 1/2 of their product line off the US market. To make things worse, this was just after losing our exclusive distributorship of Staintune exhausts. Sheesh. So basically, overnight 1/2 of the Remus exhausts we sell that made up 1/2 of our total sales was taken off the market (and off our menu) during the harshest economic times we've seen in the history of our company. To quote a famous Tamarian..."Shaka... When the walls fell."

At the end of that write up I added that there was some potentially good news on the horizon. Donald Trump, while on the campaign trail, promised that if elected (with a stroke of his pen) he'd reverse all of Obama's small biz / job killing regulations within the first 100 days in office. Well.. we just got word from RemusUSA that the new president lived up to his promise, reversed that executive order, and the entire Remus product line is now back on the US market. Woohoo! How refreshing is that? A "politician" delivering on a promise.. As you can imagine, we are both excited, relieved, and dare I say.. sexually aroused.. I can only imagine how the Austrians must feel to have their key market back.. and so soon..

With that said, if you are looking for a Remus exhaust for your bike.. let us know and we'll quote a price to your door.. (see link below).. And to sweeten the deal, for a limited time we are giving away a Free Pirates Lair tee with every exhaust sold...

What's New In the BMW No-Spin Zone

1. Here's something interesting... 12 Motorcycle Statistics That'll Floor You. The facts that explain the changing face of the motorcycle industry and those who support it. Worth a look.

2. Looking for a radar or GPS mount for your bike to sit up over the triple clamp, but don't see many options on the market for your bike... ie.. K1200RS, GT, RT, GS, and even your S1000RR? Here's something worth a look.. Check out the GadgetGuy. The mount looks kinda industrial, but bullet-proof... Very nice... Functional.. Mui adjustable. No doubt designed by an engineer... The Gadget Guy also carries versions of this waaaay cool mount for lessor motorcycles.... Honda, Harley, Ducati, KTM, Guzzi, Suzuki, Triumph, etc etc... The website may be low-budget, but the product looks first rate..

3. To quote Jim Morrison.. "Keep yours eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel..".. A new law just passed in the UK making it illegal to use hand-held devices while driving. GPS's can still be used while riding, but they'll need to be positioned out of the 45º angle of the rider's view and you won't be allowed to reprogram them while riding. Meanwhile drivers caught using mobile phones while driving will face tougher penalties, which extend to sitting in stationary traffic. Drivers will be handed six penalty points - instead of three - and a £200 fine. Double the previous fine. The new penalties mean drivers caught within the first two years of passing their test could risk losing their licence. Yikes..

4. A customer of mine sent this helpful money saving tip in.." I bought some BMW HP foot pegs, brake pedal, and shifter from a German firm. .KFM-Motorräder While there were no instructions, they were almost $300.00 cheaper than what BMW USA was charging. The main reason I used them, besides price, was that they took PayPal."

5. Been looking for a decent GPS mount for your BMW K1200RS or GT? There's not much still on the market for these venerable bikes.. Here's something I had not seen before, being sold by Hornig of Germany.. GPS Mounting for BMW K1200RS & K1200GT While we do NOT intend on carrying these on the Pirates Lair menu... we do carry Hornig products and would be glad to special order one if anyone is interested...

6. I always wanted a brake light on the back of my helmet... A few companies make some devices, but I've never seen one that I thought was a viable option.. This one is closer to what I had in mind and although it's a prototype, it does look close to production. Check out the Brake Free. Kinda cool, huh? a paltry 6oz, no wires, and it looks damn good, too. I'd love to hear any feedback on this product...

7. Here's a good find by a friend of ours in Johannesburg, SA. I'd never seen these before... Check out these side mid-bike body panels for the BMW K1300R and K1200R from MDI Carbon. I looked all over their website and have no idea where the company is located, but if you like Carbon Fiber and want to cover those unsightly holes just below the seat... these seem to be the only game in town.. Available in 4 finishes.. Plain Glossy, Plain Matte, Twill Glossy, and Twill Matte and at a reasonable price.

8. Now and then I get requests for suspension riser plates... It's nothing we intend to carry, but if I can help fellow riders out... I will. Here's a place that produces them. Check out the German company.. Schwabenmax.com. This link is for a kit for the BMW K1300S. I didn't look but I'll assume they make them for other BMW's too...You're welcome...

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. New Product Alert : A customer pointed out last week that we didn't have the R1200GS's listed on our Carbone Lorraine Brake Pads page. No idea how I missed that. Must be getting old. No matter.. problem solved.. We now have the French-made brake pads listed for every R1200GS / Adventure from 2005-2017. Bam!

2. Speaking of Carbone Lorraine Brake pads... We just added pads for the Honda ST1300 and the Yamaha FJR 1300 to those respective product menus.. We have them for all the model years and in various materials. If you have another bike (not listed on our website) that you need brake pads for.. let me know and I'll look them up and quote you prices. Just email me what bike and year and I'll get back with you ASAP. CL Brake Pads are available as OEM replacement for virtually all popular motorcycles.

Click Here for Full Web Page.. If You Dare

3. Verholen of Germany just informed us they are no longer producing the Verholen K1300S/ K1200S Hubcaps that we've been selling for the last 10 years... All gone, my friends.. FYI..

4. New Product Alert: Priced a replacement brake rotor from your local dealer lately? Yikes!! They generally run over $400 (when all the bits are added in.. ie. new bolts, wave washers, Astroglide, etc) and that doesn't include dinner afterwards or a reach-around. Rather than decimate your wallet, Pirates Lair is now offering an alternative. German-made ABM Brake Rotors. Each ABM rotor uses a new proprietary blend of stainless steel that performs as well as iron with all the benefits of stainless. Couple this with an all new ultra lightweight design carrier and you have a new benchmark in motorcycle braking performance. ABM rotors offer an ideal combination of value, durability, and performance for an oem replacement. We carry these for many late model BMWs, Kawasaki, Yamaha, Ducati, Honda, etc.. If you don't see what you need.. email me and I'll check on availability...

Click Here for Full Web Page.. If You Dare!

5. New Product Alert: As per the blurb in the top section..( Back In The Saddle: Remus Rides Again!) Remus is back, baby. Back in black.. Literally.. Check out their all new R1200GS LC "8" Series Exhausts. The multi-pass interior design of the innovative "8" muffler offers a big expansion volume to enable an increase of engine power and torque in combination with the well-known Remus sound. Of course the Remus 8 sound is within all legal limits and the kit is delivered with EEC and Starfleet approval papers. Despite the big volume of the muffler, the slim design enables the easy mounting of oem cases. Available in Matte Stainless Steel or Black Stainless Steel. I love the look of the new "8".. Can't wait to hear one.. OBTW.. a header is also available as an option on the new GS which eliminates the cat.. Sweet!

6. New Product Alert: We just got word that Synto Levers are now available for the BMW RNineT....If interested, email me for pricing and ordering...

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

7. New Product Alert: Back on the menu for 2017 is the Ilmburger K1300S / K1200S / K1300R K1200R / R Sport Carbon Fiber Hugger. Many of our sick yet loyal followers will recall that we lost our Ilmburger supplier about a year or so ago. While we are NOT carrying the entire Ilmburger product line for the new year, we have managed to secure a source in Germany for these huggers. These provide the ultimate protection for the rear shock absorber. Spend less time cleaning, more time riding! Simply the best on the market...Glad to have them back..

8. New Product Alert: Nothing is worse than arriving at your destination after a long (or short) ride in the rain and all your gear/clothing/yeyo is wet ..Other than taking your SUV next time, here's a smart alternative.. We are now carrying DrySpec Motorcycle Dry Bags. Each 100% waterproof bag is made from rugged 22oz vinyl and coated Cordura. We're offering 3 different size bags which come in 3 different colors. Black, Orange, and Gray. Whether your motorcycle decides to take a nap during your favorite water crossing or the skies let loose torrential rain, keep your essential gear stowed and dry.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

I-BMW Rally Event News : 2017
NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an "official" sponsor of any of the following posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

Blue Ridge Parkway I-BMW Rally: May 18th-21st, 2017 New Date!

Where: Wattstull Inn, just north of Buchanan, Virginia
When: May 18th thru 21st, 2017 - Arrive Thursday depart Sunday May 21st.

Call 540-254-1551 for reservations. / Mention: i-bmw group
SPECIFY ROOM TYPE - single, double, king.. / Rooms are $70 per night plus tax

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford or Peaks of Otter Lodge

SSR / Summer Solstice I-BMW Rally: June 29- July 2nd, 2017

Where: The Colonial House Inn and Motel in Weston VT on Rt 100
When: June 29- July 2nd, 2017 - Arrive Thursday depart Sunday May 21st.

Call (802) 824-6286 ask for Jeff or Kim and say you're with the I-BMW group.

There are 14 rooms of different bed and bath arrangements - BOOK EARLY
Cancelation policy is two weeks notice. They will invoice you through SQUARE.
There can be a BBQ if we give notice, Jeff does a mean Pulled Pork BBQ. Or if there is interest he will come up with a dinner menu but the restaurant isn't normally open for dinner.

10th Annual I-BMW Sierra Gold Rush Rally & Pre-Rally: Sept 8th-Sept 12th, 2017

Where: Creekside Lodge
Nearest town: Markleeville, Ca.
When: Check in Friday, September 8th… check out date is estimated to be Tuesday, September 12th
Reservations: Please call Jeannie or Todd at the Creekside Lodge, 530 694-2511

In 2017, we will return to the Riverside Inn in Downieville for the pre-rally. We will check in at the Riverside Inn on Tuesday, September 5th, and check out on Friday, September 8th for our ride to Markleeville. Please call Mike or Nancy at 888-883-5100 or 530-289-1000 for your individual reservation, and you MUST identify yourself as part of the I-BMW group!! There will be overflow lodging available at both venues… in Downieville there is the Carriage House, right across the river from the Riverside Inn, 530-289-3573. And in Markleeville there is the Toll Station, which a few of you seem to prefer, 530-694-2507.

Lodging, as always, is very limited, and no advance arrangements have been made for our group for overflow lodging at either venue. If you are not absolutely certain that you will be joining us, please wait to make your reservation until you are committed. However, if you definitely plan to attend, you should make your reservations immediately.

The 18th Annual I-BMW Deals Gap Rally: Sept 28-30th, 2017 New Date!

Where: Tapoco Lodge
Nearest town: Robbinsville, NC
When: Sept 28-30th, 2017 [Thur-Sat] Check out Sunday
Reservations: Direct 800.849.2258

The Tapoco Lodge (near Robbinsville) site of our first 9 or so DGR's will again host the 2017 event. Hopefully without any hurricanes spoiling the fun. The newly renovated, upscale Tapoco has reserved all their cabins for our motley group. Woohoo!! All cabins for 2017 range from $129-229 a night. Be sure to mention i-bmw group when booking. Amber and I will be there. Neither of us will be wearing panties. They are taking reservations now!

Alternate Lodging in Robbinsville, NC. Microtel Motel or Fontana Village Resort
Closest BMW dealer: Eurosport of Asheville, NC

Cancellation Policy: In the event of cancellation 30 days prior to the event, guest will be charged for one night. If the cancellation is outside of the 30 days, there will be no charge. This policy will be strictly enforced in 2017 and is nonnegotiable. Savvy?

We're baaaaaack!


How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-hundred page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

We have 2 new contributions this month. Check out
Denali Split Soundbomb Installation on 2015 GS Adventure contributed by our good friend Mike (aka Cousi) over at I-BMW.com. Our second is Stebel Nautilus Horn Installation on Kawasaki Concours 14 contributed by Studio711.com

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues