Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... Gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, liberal, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA.

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: May / June 2018 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... ..A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start this issue...

The Black Gate begins to open, and on Barad-dûûr, the Eye swings its gaze towards the North. Aragorn and the others see the Orcs marching towards them through the gate. Uncountable numbers. The soldiers are starting to lose heart and courage.

Aragorn: Hold your ground! Hold your ground.
The men stare at him, fear and uncertainty written on their faces. Aragorn rides back and forth in front of them, trying to shore up their courage.

Aragorn: Sons of Gondor! Of Rohan! My brothers. I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me. A day may come when the courage of Men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields when the Age of Men comes crashing down, but it is not this day! A day when the Cheesy Pirates' lair Newsletter does not arrive in a timely fashion, but it is not this day! This day we fight! By all that you hold dear on this good earth, I bid you stand, Men of the West!
The men draw their swords. Aragorn and the others watch as they are surrounded by Sauron's forces.

Gimli: Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an elf.
Legolas: What about side by side with a friend?
Gimli: Aye, I could do that.

Aragorn is motionless and stares off at "the Eye" in the distance. Then with courage and steely resolve he turns to his friends and the army behind him.
Aragorn: For Frodo……

Aragorn: Viggo Mortensen / Legolas: Orlando Bloom- The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (2003)

News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled No-Spin Zone...!!

Picture Of The Month! Sand & Sky... Saudi Arabia (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our May / June POTM was contributed by our new friend Ahmed in Saudi Arabia. He says of the photo..."The photo of my 2004 K1200RS was taken Feb 9th during my first long distance trip with the bike which is also my first motorcycle ever. I have been riding only six months. The trip was a one day trip covering a distance of 400 miles in middle of Saudi Arabia. The photo was taken against a small dune along Dahna Dunes which I have driven tens of times in my Jeep. Camera, nothing fancy, just my mobile "

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of any late model BMW .. B. In focus... C. No GS's for God's sake.

---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

The Australian I-BMW Rally 2018 - Thunder Down Under

Recently, the 4th Australian I-BMW event ended as another success. A special thanks goes out to KiwiMat for again stepping up to the plate and making the rally a reality. I wish I could have been there.

From the pictures I've seen there must have been at least 25 bikes in attendance. Some riding 1,500-5000km to take part in the riding and drinking fest. The weather was unseasonably warm this year or so we're told. It did make for nice dry roads early in the morning and provided excuses to drink beer at the end of the day although I'm guessing that no excuses were really needed, doncha know.

We hear the riding was spectacular over some of the best motorcycling roads down under. Accommodations were great, food was awesome, and drinks a plenty. Friendships were forged or rekindled. Basically.. a good time was had by all. I think the only negative of the event was that multiple riders went down. Krikey! No worries though. The riders lived to tell the tale. Full details can be found in the post over at I-BMW called. 2018 Rally Pictures and Report.

I 've posted all the rally pics that I could pilfer from I-BMW in the Pirates Lair Photo Gallery. Look for the album cleverly titled.... Australian I-BMW Rally 2018. Enjoy.

---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

Rainy Days and Mondays Always Get Me Wet: Comparing Glove Waterproofing Treatments

Ask any motorcyclist if they ride in the rain and most will say.. "not on purpose." Unfortunately... like taxes and painfully slow employees at the post office.. some things are unavoidable. However, rather than whine about it (like I usually do).. there are some options for staying dry while riding.. The following is a well done comparison (from Aerostitch) of products that will help keep your non-water-proof gloves dryer when faced with a wet mother nature. I read through it and found it very helpful. Hopefully, you will too.... Enjoy.

Just as there are innumerable wet-ride scenarios ranging from short urban distances to thousand mile travel days, there are infinite varieties of rainfall, from all-day hard rains to all-day mildly misty, and from brief intense rain to intermittent light sprinkles. Occasionally applying water-resisting treatment to your non-waterproof riding gloves will greatly increase your wet weather riding convenience and comfort.

But note that if you wake to steady rainfall beneath a dark overcast sky stretching to the horizon and have hours riding planned, starting out in our Triple Digit Raincovers over your leather gloves makes the most sense. For almost every other scenario, if it’s only partly cloudy with a likelihood of intermittent showers, or if you are urban commuting thru only moderate rainfall, waterproof-treated regular leather gloves are much easier and will work fine alone... Read more..

---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

It's A Jungle Out There : Asphalt Jungle Extreme Survival Guide

You'd probably never even suspect by riding with me that I'm a huge proponent of rider safety. Rumor has it that 98% of the time I'm on my bike.. I'm speeding or crossing double yellows. I admit that I have a well-documented velocity addiction, but I'm trying to do better. That being said, in the 48+ years and 600K miles I have under my riding belt, I have only one "street" accident on record. I learned a lot from that accident. Mostly that I don't ever want to do that again. Fortunately I learn from my mistakes and these days, now that I'm considered a "statesman," I'm not averse to sharing my survival skills with newbies, wanabees, and idiots.

Most of you know by now that I have an entire page dedicated to motorcycle safety.. How To Survive on a Motorcycle with over 200 tips for staying alive. If you haven't read it... you should. While most of the tips are common sense, I assure you.. you'll find something new that may save your life. This last week I came across an interesting article from Moto-eMag.com on surviving riding in major metro areas. Asphalt Jungle Extreme Survival Guide. Definitely worth a look. After all.. It's a jungle out there ...and virtually everything moving can and will kill you if you aren't prepared. Enjoy...

"Riding in dense urban areas is not for everyone. Your enemies are many and your friends none. The list of your enemies includes potholes, cabbies, buses, truck drivers, old people, young people and everyone else in between. You got distracted drivers aiming right for you, so do grannies who can barley see through their steering wheel. That 17 year old who just got a text from the hot girl in school is going to let go of the steering wheel in an instant and take his eyes off the road to see what she has to say. I have seen bikes damaging both wheels severely on Manhattan's notoriously bad roads, or being hit by a young LA actress wannabe who had to make sure her makeup was perfect for that audition she was rushing to. "

So, how do you survive riding your motorcycle in major metro areas? After 150,000 miles on sport and sport-touring bikes and many years of riding in US' largest cities I have compiled the following extreme list. Read more..

What's New In the No-Spin Zone

1. Spy Shots: New BMW R1200RT . This sounds intriguing..."We believe the new engine will push the capacity up a little to 1250cc, but more importantly it will have variable valve timing (VTT), for a better spread of power across the rev range, better fuel economy and improved emissions. We expect the new engine to make approximately 150bhp, which would make it the most powerful boxer engine BMW have produced." Can you say.. "game changer?"

2. For the sick bastages who find electric motorcycles interesting.. check ths out... eRR - Electric BMW S1000RR

3. RIP Gordin Gerbing - Father of Gerbings heated clothing.. In case you haven't gotten the memo.. heated gear on a motorcycle is a game changer. Like power steering in a car or a personal lubricant during sex.. Once you've tried it, you can never do without it.. I have personally put in thousands of miles in Gerbing heated gear.. He will be remembered as a pioneer in the field. Vaya con dios, G.

4. Did you know that. BMW does not sell replacement parts for the K1300S HP rearsets? I didn't either.. The good news is... a poster over at I-BMW.com found a source of repair parts. Check out TST Industries, LLC You will have to contact them because the parts are special order items and are not shown on their website.

5. 12 Reasons to Ride a Motorcycle.. a nice read by Chris Cope over at the on-line site.. RideApart.

6. BMW has won an innovation award for a prototype carbon-fibre swingarm that could pave the way for mass-produced and cheap carbon bike parts.

7. Leave it to BMW to be ahead of the curve.. Check out this waaay cool MCN article... BMW Prints a Bike! I find this technology fascinating.. and exciting.. The Germans revealed a 3D-printed aluminum chassis and swingarm for the S1000RR. The technology will allow them to custom build highly-complex objects. It also gives the firm the ability to rapid prototype new components. Apparently.. the future is here, my friends..

8. We hear from BMW K1200S and K1300S owners now and then complaining about how bad the oem mirrors are. I've never understood the complaint as IMHO they are the best mirrors I've ever had on any bike I've ever owned... but I digress.. Here's a solution for the complainers from MFW of Germany... Safe Spot Mirror Upgrade

9. You light up my life... No really... My favorite leather company, Vanson Leathers is about to release an LED Jacket called the Drifter LED. I've seen pics and it looks impressive.. There are a row of LED lights across the upper arms and across the back.. Very visible.. Priced at $999 for male or female.. If you are unsure of your gender, I'm sure they can offer advice. You can pre-order at 508-678-200..

10. Got a windshield that's seen better days? Scratches? Sand-blasted pits? Stains from acid-tainted bug guts? Rather than trash the rough looking screen and buy a new one, did you know you can repair it? Check out the Scratch Off Aircraft Windshield Repair Kit for around $40. Scratch Off remains the leading plexiglass and lexan restoration system worldwide and is guaranteed, when used as directed, to permanently improve the clarity of ALL aircraft or motorcycle windshields.. The reviews are all good.... You're welcome.

11. The BMW MOA International Rally site for 2018 was just announced. The winner is exotic Des Moines, Iowa. The Iowa State Fairgrounds will host BMW MOA members July 12 - 15, 2018. If you like to go to events with massive crowds, old guys in tents, and thousands of old BMW twins.. there's no better place to be. Think of it as Daytona Bike week without the Harleys, scantily clad women, or the beach.

12. Here's some news that at least 4 or 5 people might find interesting.. BMW Motorrad BoxerCup Returning In 2018 according to Roadracing World Publishing. BMW R nineT Racer machines will be the platform for the new BoxerCup. A popular championship (or so they claim) makes a comeback: the new BMW Motorrad BoxerCup starts in 2018. Up to 30 participants will be going up against one another on modified BMW R nineT Racer motorbikes. Identical bikes mean that everyone has an identical chance of success. Season opener as part of the ADAC Classic at the Sachsenring on 23rd/24th June 2018.

13. Many of my readers do track days. Next to sex, there's nothing more fun for a motorcyclist.. If I had had them when I was growing up, I'd be a better rider today.. That being said.. I found this to be a very interesting read.. Could this lawsuit affect track days and club racing?

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. If you've visited any of the BMW chat sites you've probably heard weepy stories about bikes overheating due to radiators getting clogged. The reason this is happening is the design of the BMW front fenders. While beautiful to look at, they allow the front tire to throw crap directly up into your radiator fins causing clogging and ultimately ..overheating. We just good news from Oberon (in the UK)..The ExtendaFenda's we've been selling for the 2009-11 K1300GT, 2006-08 K1200GT, 2011+ K1600GTL, and K1600GT also fit the new K1600 Bagger..

2. As per the bad news in our Jan/Feb Newsletter.. Staintune has closed their doors. Hence forth, Pirates Lair will NOT be taking any more Staintune orders due to their pending closure. We have a few silencers left in stock,.. otherwise... that's all folkes... However.. we will continue to buy and sell pre-owned Staintune K1200RS / GT systems.. If you have one available or know of someone.. please email me.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

3. Last Call for a Remus Powercone! Over the last year or so, we've been told by the lone Remus importer that their ultra cool looking Powercone Slip-On Exhausts were no longer available. I even took them off the menu and have turned away multiple customers wanting them and believe me.. I hate turning away business. The good news is.. the situation seems to have changed. I just got a notification from my supplier that they actually have a few left both in the Titanium and the Matte Stainless Steel Black. As of this writing I'm trying to find out just how many kits are available and for what bikes. So far I've been told they have them for the K1200S, K1200R, and K1200R Sport and at $100 off retail until they are gone. I think he said they may have some for a few of the R bikes. I should have that info this week. E-mail me if interested.

I will add that while these are damn sexy exhausts, they are on the loud side. If you are wanting something stealthy... this is NOT the exhaust for you. It's NOT "Harley-loud", but it sure isn't BMW quiet either. Otherwise.. who of us couldn't use a little more horsepower, less weight, and obviously.. a sleeker appearance? Every Remus Powercone slip-on kit comes complete with connector pipes.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

3. Newbies to our newsletter may be unaware that in a past life.. I was a journalist. I used to write for multiple magazines and newspapers both in the US and abroad. These days, besides this cheese infested newsletter and my profanity-laced diatribes to Congress, I only write for pleasure. This last week I finished a story I'd been thinking about putting to "paper" for over 50 years. The Trans-Dimensional Stick People... A Supernatural True Story It's not motorcycle related. Perhaps it'll be relevant to someone in the future whether that be a family member, paranormal detectives,  doctors at my competency hearing, or otherwise. I wrote it primarily for my myself. In a nutshell.. I've experienced two supernatural, unexplainable events in my life. Three if you count my third marriage. I documented the first one..The Entity: A Truly Scary Story, a few years ago for my grandsons. This new story happened years earlier. For those who are truly gluttons for punishment, these and other articles I've written are on our Archives Page.

4. Arrival of the first shipment of Remus K16 Bagger Quad Custom Exhaust.for the BMW K1600 Bagger is imminent... Rid yourself of one of the ugliest oem exhausts in the Milky Way galaxy with this new offering from Austria. The first US shipment is due in any day and we match anyone's posted prices..

5. Big boots and a small brake lever make for a bad combination. Here's some good news for "Bagger" owners.. I just discovered that our Hornig K1600GTL Brake Pedal Extension and the Hornig Shift Lever Extension also fits the new K1600 Bagger....

6. Speaking of the K16 Bagger.. we have checked and can confirm that our Verholen Peg Lowering kit for the K1600GT and GTL will fit the Bagger model. Sweet.

I-BMW Rally Event News : 2018
NOTE: I-bmw.com is not an "official" sponsor of any of the following posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

Blue Ridge Parkway I-BMW Rally: May 17th - May 20th, 2018

Where: Wattstull Inn, just north of Buchanan, Virginia
When: May 17th thru May 20th, 2018 - Arrive Thursday depart Sunday May 20th.

Call 540-254-1551 for reservations. / Mention: i-bmw group
SPECIFY ROOM TYPE - single, double, king.. / Rooms are 75 per night + taxes = $83.50 includes continental breakfast.

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford or Peaks of Otter Lodge

SSR / Summer Solstice I-BMW Rally: June 28th - July 1st, 2018

When: Arrive Thursday June 28th, depart Sun July 1st
Where: Weston, VT on Rt 100
Command Central: The Colonial House Inn and Motel
Reservations: Call (802) 824-6286 ask for Jeff or Kim and say you're with the I-BMW group.

There are 14 rooms of different bed and bath arrangements - BOOK EARLY
Cancellation policy is two weeks notice. They will invoice you through SQUARE.
There can be a BBQ if we give notice, Jeff does a mean Pulled Pork BBQ. Or if there is interest he will come up with a dinner menu but the restaurant isn't normally open for dinner.

I-BMW Deals Gap Rally: Revived! Sept 13-16th, 2018

Where: Creekside Lodge
Nearest town: Maggie Valley, NC
When: Starts Thursday, September 13th and check out is Sunday, September 16th.
Reservations: 800-621-1260

This year the event will be held in Maggie Valley, NC at the Maggie Valley Creekside Lodge. Rooms are $99 plus tax per night for the Standard room with two queens or $109 plus tax per night for the Creekside Room with two queens. This is for 2 adults. Maggie Valley Creekside Lodge 2716 Soco Road Maggie Valley, NC 28751. We have blocked 16 rooms out of 40 total rooms so call and make your reservations! You can always cancel.

Making discounted reservations are good until August 13th and then special pricing is no longer available. Cancellation is good with a weeks notice, anything less than a week, they charge you for a night. The hotel has some other restrictions that will be passed along at the time you make your reservations (no pets, charges for stealing TV remotes, no smoking in rooms, etc.) There are a few secluded areas to smoke, if you know what I mean. Full details are here...


How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have no new contributions this month. Our last was from Paul Andry of Highlands, North Carolina . Check out #166. Could his tip save your life? Dare you not look?.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-hundred page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

We have a new contribution in this issue from "Voxmagna" (a regular poster over at I-BMW.com ) who resides in London, England
. I'll wager that his tip might just be a godsend to many K1200RS owners... K1200RS Blinker Pods: 'Fixed' Forever! Thanks, Vox. Well done..

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues