Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... Gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA.

The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: March / April 2019 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... .. A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start this issue...

After Tommy DeVito (the most psychotic, trigger happy, unhinged mobster on their crew) finishes telling a funny "fucking" story, fellow mobster Henry Hill tells him, "you're a funny guy." Tommy DeVito wants clarification...

Tommy: What do you mean?
Henry: It's funny, you know. It's a good story. You're a funny guy.
Tommy: You mean the way I talk? What?
Henry: It's just, you know. You're just funny. You know, the way you tell the story.
Tommy: Funny how? What's funny about it?
Jimmy: You got it all wrong.
Tommy: He's a big boy. He knows what he said. Funny, how?
Henry: Just, you know. You're funny.
Tommy: Let me understand this. Maybe I'm a little fucked up. But... I'm funny how? Funny like a clown? Funny like a Cheesy Pirates Lair Newsletter? I amuse you? I'm here to fucking amuse you?
Tommy: What do you mean, funny? How am I funny?
Henry: You know, how you tell a story.
Tommy: I don't know. You said it. You said I'm funny.
Tommy: How am I funny? What the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me what's funny.
Everyone around the table is ready for anything to happen... Tommy is scared but tries not to show it..
Henry: Get the fuck outta here, Tommy.
Tommy: Motherfucker! I almost had him. (Laughs and relief all around..)

Henry ..Ray Liotta / Tommy.. Joe Pesci / Jimmy.. Robert DeNiro .... Goodfellas 1990

News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled World

Picture Of The Month! Rocky Mountain National Monument (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our Mar / April POTM was contributed by Craig Johnson of Phoenix, AZ. He says of the photo..."The shot was taken with a Nikon D810, and Nikon 24-70 F2.8g zoom lens during a solo trip to Colorado in 2016 at Rocky Mountain National Monument. I had visited the monument in the 1980's on a motorcycle trip with friends, and I always wanted to return. The shot was taken at the Grand View overlook looking north over the area just west of Grand Junction. Weather was perfect, in the high 70's. All the overlooks were fantastic and I was gearing up, stopping 1/4 mile later, removing gear, getting camera out, taking pictures, gearing up, moving another 1/4 mile, etc.

Colorado National Monument is just west of Grand Junction, Colorado, off Interstate 70. If passing through the area, you can take a detour off the interstate to do the 20-25 mile monument drive. If you don't stop, it will take 30-45 minutes. Or if you stop at every overlook like me, it will take 4 hours. Easy to do if staying overnight in Grand Junction. See the monument and be done by lunch, then take Unaweep Canyon south, or the Interstate east or west."

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of any late model BMW .. B. In focus... C. No GSs for God's sake.

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Women Riders Reach Record Numbers..

In an industry long plagued by dwindling rider numbers and a lack of enthusiasm from millennials, there’s one undeniable bright spot in the world of motorcycling.. Women are embracing the ride in record numbers.

According to a new report from the Motorcycle Industry Council (MIC), 19% of motorcycle owners across the U.S. are now women. Surely i'm not the only one to both find that number astonishing and arousing. That’s a major finding in and of itself, but the good news doesn't stop there. The study, which polled roughly 2,500 adults nationwide, found that among Gen X, 22% of motorcycle owners were women, and for Gen Y, women made up 26%. Sweet!

To illustrate the rapid rise of women riders, consider this: Just four short years ago, the overall share of women riders was just 14%. A decade ago, they made up just 1 in 10 motorcycle owners. With that number now sitting at 19% overall—and even higher among younger generations—the MIC’s latest report gives the motorcycle industry a lot to celebrate as we move into this new year

It also reaffirms that, in many ways, 2018 was indeed the Year of the Woman.  Thanks Clint Lawrence, founder of Motorcycle Shippers for the info and Sena for the cool pic....

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Come With Me If You Want To Live: How To Survive On a Motorcycle .. Part 3

One of the most popular sections on our vast website is our How To Survive on a Motorcycle page. I've been accumulating safety tips for almost 2 decades and they are posted for your enlightenment. 100% free to peruse, share, or re-print. Consider it a rare humanitarian gesture made to the community I love.

While some of the tips were gleaned from from my own 1/2 million accident-free miles on two wheels, the bulk were contributed by experienced and seasoned riders from all over the globe. Some of the tips you'll already know... some not. By the number of monthly hits the page gets and the number of emails I get asking for permission to re-print them I can only assume our readers take riding seriously (rightly so) and choose to ride as prepared as possible.

Up until recently, I had two sections.. Solo Riding or Large Group Riding. This week I added a third section.. Asphalt Jungle Riding.. This new section is dedicated to city riding. The first 20 or so tips in our new section were graciously contributed by the good folkes at MOTOEMag.com. If you'd like to contribute your own tip to this or the other two sections.. please email me and I'll check it's worthiness and if helpful, add it to our ever expanding list. Thanks in advance. Ride safe, my friends.. It's a dangerous world out there.

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Motorcycle Adventuring With Purpose In Nepal : Touring the Himalayas
Written by Misti Hurst via MotorcyclistOnline

There are adventure trips and there are ADVENTURE trips.. Most of us have dreamed of exotic motorcycle trips. Few actually get to live them. While I've been riding almost 50 years with over 1/2 a million miles on my resume.. 100% of those miles were A. In the USA and B. On pavement. Going to exotic locals, riding off road, camping, roughing it.. Getting closer to nature. Sounds good, doesn't it? Alas, it's just not in my DNA, but that fact has never stopped the desire. Of all the motorcyclists I've known through the years.. I can count the "real" adventure riders on one hand and they are the few that I both envy and admire.

That being said, I just added another name to the list...Misti Hurst. She's a semi-regular poster over at I-BMW.com, AMA Racer, and California Superbike School coach. She recently returned from an epic adventure to Nepal, some of which was documented in the current MotorcyclistOnline.. Click here for photo's of her trip.. The write up is also well worth a look. Thought I'd share... Enjoy...

Arriving in Nepal is like being thrust into the middle of a kaleidoscope, with music blaring. It’s an assault on the senses, vibrant, thumping, pungent. An over stimulation of color, noise, and scent, all at once, and I loved it immediately. Read More...

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Riding in Heavy Wind aka. Drowning In Air
Written by Mike / @Ride2ADV @ Adventure Rider

There are many things to think about when heading out on a long motorcycle trip.  What route will I take?  How many miles will I cover in a day?  What do I need to bring?  Do these leathers make my ass look fat? Are my tires in good shape? Should I tell the wife? What will the weather be like?

Ah yes, what will the weather be like?   A weather check is mandatory for any seasoned rider, but those are usually relegated to checking the temperature and whether there will be any precipitation.

But there is another weather factor that riders should be concerned about.  Wind.  Yes, wind.  Sometimes if decent weather is forecast, we just head out and leave it at that.  But is it smart to do so?  What if you are in an unfamiliar part of the world or near mountains?

For these types of situations, it best to have a look at predicted wind or at least make a judgment about it before you head out.  If you live in a part of the world where there is little wind, forecasts may not even discuss the wind.  However, when you are in an area that often has to deal with heavy winds, information and warnings can be pretty easy to find.. Read More...

What's New In the No-Spin Zone

1. Bring Out Your Dead! I heard some unexpected news just this week.. If you've been following our cheesy newsletters (and who doesn't!) you know that Staintune exhausts went out of business about a year or so ago. Here's my original write up. Well.. apparently they aren't quite dead yet... While they have NOT found a buyer yet, they have interviewed a few potentials and they seem quite hopeful that the right buyer will come along. As of today, 2/26/19, they are still up for sale and going for a bargain $250,000 AUD. That’s around $180,000 USD. If interested, email me for direct contact info with the current owners.

2. Good news for those looking at the all new 2019 R1250GS.. I just got confirmation that the Pirates Lair BMW R1200GS LC Stealth Backrest will fit the R1250GS LC. Woohoo! The kit will include a padded backrest and an aluminum mounting plate that bolts directly to the oem rack. Install is under 5 minutes with standard tools. No modifications necessary. Sadly, the backrest will NOT fit the Adventure.

3. Do you own a BMW K1600 that needs a little face-lift? Ilmberger has started work on creating carbon fiber parts for these bikes. They so far have 2 parts, front mudguard and tank center panel. If you want to see more options for your Inline-6 send them a message and let them know. Here's a link to their contact.

4. REMUS USA just hit the USA with a substantial price increase for 2019. 5%+ across the board. My guess is.. due to the massive loss of revenue they just incurred due to the aforementioned new "green" legislation forced on them by Kaleefornia legislators... Cause and effect, my friends.

5. I mentioned in the last issue of this most holy of newsletters that due to recent "green" legislation in Kaleefornia, Remus can no longer sell full exhaust systems for the BMW K1600GT, GTL and Bagger inside the USA. The good news is.. Pirates Lair has secured a Remus source outside the US that ships either K16 full systems or headers kits into the USA on a regular basis. Usually in about 6-7 days.

6. BMW MOTORRAD 2018 Sales Figures... BMW Motorrad sold more motorcycles in 2018 than ever before. Up 0.9%. As of December 2018 a total of 165,566 vehicles (previous year 164,153 units) were sold. The most important markets - France (16,615 units), Italy (14,110 units), Spain (11,124 units) and the UK / IE (9,224 units) - as well as the USA (13,842 units) once again recorded high-level sales figures. With 23,824 units, Germany is the largest individual market for BMW Motorrad yet again as the company defends its position as the most successful motorcycle manufacturer on the German market.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

7. RIP John Haynes, the man who brought us Haynes manuals. John Harold Haynes died at age 80. A legend in the industry.. Details here

8. From the Motorcycle Industry Council: IRVINE, Calif., Feb. 04, 2019 — We know that more motorcycle owners these days are women, and now we know increasing percentages of all owners are married and college graduates, and they’re generally older, according to the 2018 Motorcycle Industry Council Owner Survey. “Demographics are changing for Americans across the country and it’s no different for motorcycle owners,” said MIC President and CEO Tim Buche. “For decades, the MIC Owner Survey has told us a lot about who we are, and we’re now learning how things have shifted since our last study was done in 2014. Some of the stats are encouraging, like the increasing number of women owners, while other data, such as the rising median age, show where we have more work to do.” Check out the latest stats as to who's riding.. You will be surprised..

9. Weepy News.. Marker Machine aka.. Throttlemiester has closed their doors and is selling all their assets via auction.. Here's the weepy page.. Without notice their website went down in early Feb. This news is a shocker to me! I've been doing business with them for almost 20 years and never saw this coming. Not a peep of advance warning from the owners. Even if they find a buyer to carry on their product line (which is listed in the assets being sold) .. it could be months before any product is available again. This is a sad day for the motorcycling community.. I'm hoping to post a follow-up on this at some point. Best of wishes to the current owners for happy trails ahead..

10. Our Next Motorcycle Crash.. a well written article by motorcycle journalist legend, former racer, and bon vivant.. Nick Ienatsch

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. As per the blurb above .. Remus can no longer sell any exhaust system inside the USA that eliminates the cat including the BMW K1200S/R/GT as well as K1300S or K1300R, the K1600GT, GTL, or Bagger. The good news is.. Pirates Lair does via our sources outside the US. "Law don't go around here. Savvy?".. Ike Clanton

2. New Product for 2019: We just added HeliBars Tour Performance Handlebar Relocation Adapters for the K1600GT and GTL to our website. The much anticipated replacement handlebar system for the BMW K1600GTL & BMW K1600GT offers the same oem rear offset, but more height and a little closer. This kit installs beneath your stock bars and raise them 1/2" (12mm)** and move them towards the rider 1 3/4" (44mm.) You bought the most magnificent motorcycle on earth.. Take the time to get the ergos right for the most comfort... Cost to your door .. $144. Bam.. Chimp-easy install. * Chimp not included.

Shoe Me More, El Capitan!

3. New for 2019! We now have the Phil Sutter Design K1300s / K1200S TechSpec Kit on our menu. This is similar to the previous K1200S/K1300S kit we've sold for years, but the new design extends further down close to the frame offering more protection where it's needed..

4. New for 2019: Grip Buddies Smartskin "Lite" Comfort Grips are a wonderful grip option for ladies or men (like me) with smaller hands wanting more comfort, less vibration, durability, and a no-drama chimp-easy install. The texture and tactile feel is the same as the original Grip Buddies, just less bulky. Smartskin Lite Comfort Grips are made from the same rubber-rich neoprene as the originals, they’re just thinner: 3.2mm for Lite vs. 4.7mm for the original. With Grip Buddies there is no need to remove your OEM grips.. Just wrap these babies around them (they attach via Velcro on the underside) and you're ready to ride in just a few minutes. Heated-grip compatible.

5. New for 2019!.. We now have the Remus 8 Slip-On Exhaust Systems for the  2019+ R1250GS / Adventure... Increase torque and HP...

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

6. New For 2019! Witness the bad-ass looking Black Hawk Stainless Steel Racing Exhaust System for the BMW K1600GT / K1600GTL. We offer these in both slip-ons or a full exhaust. Each kit features high grade stainless steel, performance and torque increase, sporty sonorous sound, weight reduction, and longer lasting erections.

7. New for 2019!.. We now have the Remus 8 Slip-On Exhaust Systems for the  2019+ R1250GS / Adventure... Increase torque and HP...

8. We've been selling helmet locks for various BMW's for over a decade.. K1200RS, K1200GT, K1300GT, K1600s, K1300S, K1200S, R1200R,R1200GS, etc etc... That's coming to an end.. The components that we buy from BMW for our kits just got too expensive to make a profit as of Jan 1st, 2019 and I refuse to raise the pricing any higher. That being said.. as soon as I run out of stock.. I'll remove them from our various menus.. You gotta draw the line somewhere..

9. New for 2019! We just got confirmation that our BMW R1200GS LC Stealth Backrest will fit the R1250GS LC. Woohoo! Our kit includes a padded backrest and an aluminum mounting plate that bolts directly to the top of your oem rack. Install is under 5 minutes with standard tools. The backrest slides on and off the bike in under 15 seconds. No modifications necessary. Our backrest will NOT fit the Adventure.

10. New for 2019! We now have ZTechnik Headlight Guards for the all new BMW R1250GS & Adventure as well as all the other late model GSs.

11. New for 2019! We now have ZTechnik VStream Windshields for the all new BMW R1250GS & Adventure as well as all the 2013-2018 R1200GS & Adventure.

12. New for 2019! We now have the Pyramid Carbon Fiber Fenda Extenda for the 2011+ BMW K1600GTL / K1600GT & 2017+ Bagger. No drilling required. Chimp easy install.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare

I-BMW / Theriderspace.com Rally Event News : 2019
NOTE: I-bmw.com or theriderspace.com are not "official" sponsors of any of the following posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

Blue Ridge Parkway I-BMW Rally: May 16th - May 19th, 2019 New!

Where: Wattstull Inn, just north of Buchanan, Virginia
When: May 16th - May 19th, 2019 - Arrive Thursday May 16th, leave Sunday May 19th

Call Ann @ 540-254-1551 for reservations. / Mention: i-bmw group
SPECIFY ROOM TYPE - single, double, king.. /

NOTE: The rooms are being held for the group until APRIL 1ST - After that they are open to anyone.

Blue Ridge Parkway info and maps can be found here and here

Alternate Lodging (info only) : Super 8 – Bedford or Days Inn – Bedford or Peaks of Otter Lodge

Non-Invitational 2019 DGR Rally: Sept 5th-8th, 2019 NEW!

Where: Creekside Lodge
Nearest town: Maggie Valley, NC
When: Starts Thursday, September 5th and check out is Sunday, September 8th.
Reservations: 800-621-1260

his year the event will be held in Maggie Valley, NC at the Maggie Valley Creekside Lodge. Rooms are $109 plus tax per night for the Standard room with two queens or $119 plus tax per night for the Creekside Room with two queens. This is for 2 adults. You can also rent a jacuzzi room with one King bed for $149 a night. (yes, prices went up $10 this year)

Making discounted reservations are good until August 13th and then special pricing is no longer available. Cancellation is good with a weeks notice, anything less than a week, they charge you for a night. The hotel has some other restrictions that will be passed along at the time you make your reservations (no pets, charges for stealing TV remotes, no smoking in rooms, etc.) There are a few secluded areas to smoke, if you know what I mean. Full details are here...


How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have no new contributions this month. Our last was from Paul Andry of Highlands, North Carolina . Check out #166. Could his tip save your life? Dare you not look?.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-hundred page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

We have no new contributions this issue. Our last contribution was from "Voxmagna" (a regular poster over at I-BMW.com ) who resides in London, England. I'll wager that his tip might just be a godsend to many K1200RS owners... K1200RS Blinker Pods: 'Fixed' Forever! Thanks, Vox. Well done..

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues