Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... Gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA.


The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: March / April 2021 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... .. A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start this issue...

The conquering king Xerxes has sent his messengers to inform King Leonidas that he is standing in his way of conquering the country. He demands submission from the Spartan people offering "Earth and water" in return... a gesture that infuriates the queen and all about. Clearly this Persian has never dealt with Spartans before and underestimates their resolve.

Messenger: Choose your next words carefully, Leonidas. They may be your last as king.
King Leonidas: [to himself: thinking] "Earth and water"?
Leonidas unsheathes and points his sword at the Messenger's throat
Messenger: Madman! You're a madman!
King Leonidas: Earth and water? You'll find plenty of both down there. (gesturing to the bottomless pit behind the messenger.)
Messenger: No man, Persian or Greek, no man threatens a messenger!
King Leonidas: You bring the crowns and heads of conquered kings to my city steps. You insult my queen. You threaten my people with slavery and death! and worst of all.. You vilified our March issue Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletter without even reading it! Oh, I've chosen my words carefully, Persian. Perhaps you should have done the same!
Messenger: This is blasphemy! This is madness!
King Leonidas: Madness...?
King Leonidas: [shouting] This is Sparta!

King Leonidas / Gerard Butler...300 .. 2007

This is Sparta!

News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled World

Picture Of The Month! Mt Washington NH .. (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our March/ April POTM was contributed by Wolfgang Stauber who lives in Holyoke Ma. He says of the photo.. " This shot one was taken on August 1 2020 with my IPhone 9. It was taken near the summit of Mt Washington NH. Beautiful weather with 60 f temp at the summit. The decent was as much fun as the climb 1st and 2nd gear (hardly had to use brakes) 500 miles round trip in one day (got back in daytime) on the K1300s autobahn -burner. "

If you would like to contribute your own"worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots or send me a link if you've already uploaded them somewhere. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of any late model BMW .. B. In focus... C. No GSs for God's sake.

---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

Passing Of an Icon..

I received the following from my friends at the Wheels of Time Museum today (2/4/21).... Thought I'd share. ----------

It is with heavy hearts that we at Wheels Through Time let you know that our beloved founder, curator, and friend Dale Walksler passed away peacefully, with his wife by his side, at home on February 3, 2021, after a courageous four year battle with cancer.

In 1967 at the age of 15, Dale built his first motorcycle, sparking a life-long love affair with American Motorcycles and their history. At 22, Dale established a Harley/Davidson Franchise in Mt. Vernon, Ill: Dale’s Harley-Davidson. His signal success as a dealer grew to include the decades-long work that would define his life: the creation of the museum we now know as Wheels Through Time.

As the museum collection grew, so too did Dale’s vision for the museum, his reputation, his mechanical and curatorial skills, and a goal of always exceeding expectations of customers and guests. In 2002 Dale opened the Wheels Through Time Museum in Maggie Valley, NC. From humble beginnings in a small Illinois town, one of the world’s premier collections of rare and vintage American motorcycles, automobiles, and memorabilia emerged. Wheels Through Time became an Iconic American Institution and known internationally.

Those who have visited Wheels Through Time know that Dale’s passion was not just something to be observed but rather experienced. Whether it was listening to his vast knowledge and stories of transportation history or watching him start a motorcycle, his was a passion that was infectious. It inspired in many, that same desire to preserve and celebrate American motorcycle history. His genius rested on the latter portion of the Wheels Through Time logo, “The Museum That Runs.”

Dale was a man of vision, zeal, intensity, imagination, and generosity. He will be deeply missed by his family, friends, and the staff at Wheels Through Time, and as well as by the countless tens of thousands who have visited the museum. Dale’s vision was not just one of preserving the past but was also focused on the future. In that regard, he made great strides to ensure that the museum and his legacy would carry on for generations to come.

A celebration of Dale’s life will be announced at a later date. At this time, we ask for privacy for the family as they mourn his passing. At Dale’s request, in lieu of flowers, please send any donations and condolences to Wheels Through Time, PO Box 790, Maggie Valley, NC 28751.

---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

It's Alive! Staintune Back In Business!

I reported 3 years ago almost to the day about the demise of Staintune Exhausts in Australia. They had closed their doors due to some Orwellian "green" laws and were looking for a buyer. We were the last US importer and their closure hit both the industry and our income pretty hard.. Having sold many brand exhausts over the years, it was and still is my opinion that Staintunes are the best on the market.

The good news is, last month and just days before going on the auction block .. they found a buyer! Woohoo! We don't have much info, but from the press release.. it's all good. Apparently, they are in the process of moving to a new location under the new ownership. Here's what we know now..

Feb 10, 2021
At the final hour (literally) Staintune has been able to secure a sale deal. This will assure the name and more importantly the product, quality and customer support lives on!

The Australian based company Torqit of Beresfield NSW, saw the opportunity for Staintune to be able to be incorporated into their production and business plan. The deal was done!

Torqit specializes in the innovation, development, manufacture and sale of high quality 304 stainless steel performance 4WD exhaust systems. They also develop and sell throttle control systems and plug in ECU programming tools to get the very best out of your 4WD. I have no doubt in my mind that the team at Torqit have the ability, passion and energy to take the Staintune brand far into the future, bringing in a new era of the iconic Staintune ethos and quality of product!

More details of time lines and product availability will follow. It'll take a short period of time before the new facility is set up and put into operation, STAINTUNED for more information.

---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

Requiem for a Friend: A Long Overdue Tribute

I lost my best friend 24 years ago this week to the ravages of old age. Up until this week, I'd never eulogized him. Not because I hadn't thought about it .. I have.. Or thought he deserved it.. He does... I simply wasn't emotionally ready. Even after all this time, the pain of my loss is ever present. I miss him every single day. As I type this I have his picture in front of me just below my computer monitor. In the pic he's just standing in a doorway watching me. I'm not sure when the photo was taken or where. He was probably hoping I'd take him for one of our daily walks. His full name was Huan Chuhada of Valinor, but I called him BooBoo. He was an English bulldog.

Oh what a wonderful 13 years we spent together. Though good times and bad, never once did I doubt his love and devotion, nor did he question mine. He was my best friend, confidante, and my protector.  In fact, he saved my life countless times by warding off assassins disguised as mail carriers, UPS men, or Jehovah’s Witnesses. On one occasion he jumped in between me and a gun-wielding lunatic and refused to move while facing certain death. In essence, he was willing to take a bullet for me.

I picked BooBoo out of a littler of 6 pups after he climbed out of his little basket, ran over to me, and just sat down beside me as if he knew we'd be together always. On second thought.. I guess he picked me.  To this day I have no idea what he saw in me. I'm a rather selfish person. Perhaps he saw beyond my shortcomings. They say dogs have that "sixth sense" that lets them see into our souls. Perhaps. Read my full eulogy here..

---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

I-BMW Reunion.. Pirates Lair Is Throwing Another Party!

It's been 13 years since Amber and I threw a party. Our last was in 2007 at a park near Lake Lure just east of Asheville. We had around 80 riders show up in spite of some brutal heat. Pretty damn sure a good time was had by all. Here's a link to pictures of that event.. For the last year or so I've been missing the I-BMW events and the dozens of friends and quasi-friends I've met through the former website. Call me nostalgic. In January I decided I'd do something about it. A plan to get the gang together for one last blow out before we've shuffled off this mortal coil.

As Amber and I just recently turned our 6 acres of mountain property into a "boutique" campground (see below), we think it would be a perfect place to host an event. I've mentioned my idea to a few of the old crowd and all seemed interested bordering on excited. I'm pretty sure one of them got an erection, but Amber has that effect on a lot of guys.

If you were a I-BMW member, poster, or even a lurker, mark your calendar for Sat October 16th, 2021. If all the planets align, It'll start around noon and end when the cows come home or someone starts talking politics. Generally the leaves are in full color that time of year and the gravity is on the seasonal wane. The weather should be cool-ish for excellent riding with little chance of rain. Our property has plenty of parking space for bikes, cars, trailers, etc. Like all past I-BMW events or the last two Pirates Lair parties, there will be no entry fees. No hoops to jump through. No waivers to sign. No oaths of fealty. We just want our friends to show up, eat some burgers, hang out for a few hours, then get the fuck out. Interested? Let me know so we can start making plans as to how much hamburger, hotdogs, and caviar we'll be needing. I should add.. this isn't a designated "motorcycle" rally. We don't care if you ride or drive.

I'll be posting updates in upcoming newsletters and at theRiderspace chat site..


---------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------

Paradise Ridge Campground: Right Off the Blue Ridge Parkway

Amber and I bought 6 acres of mountain property just east of Asheville, NC a dozen or so years ago. We chose this location, just 8 minutes from the Blue Ridge Parkway, as it's my favorite place to ride. We've slowly been making improvements to the property in preparation for inviting friends and family over and eventually building our retirement home on it. Landscaping, clearing brush and thinning trees, a barn for Amber's horses, a fire pit, picnic tables, a shower, outhouse, a covered gazebo with fireplace, and 8 geese a laying..

A couple of years ago Amber had an idea to recoup some of our monthly expenses by allowing campers to pitch their tents on our beautiful plot of paradise. Asheville is a huge tourist destination. Wish I had thought of it!.. Anyway, just this month we started taking reservations via the HipCamp.com website. We've had perhaps a dozen couples as of this writing and we've gotten nothing but rave reviews. Now that we've worked through the learning curve of discerning what campers need and/or want, we're ready to spread the word and offer invites to our quasi-esteemed newsletter readers.

You can get most of the booking information and directions off the (admittedly lacking) Hipcamp website, but I'll also add... while there are the obligatory camping rules, we offer about 6 wooded camping spots plus a wide open grassy pasture for parking RVs, vans, campers, trailers, or buses. We are (of course) motorcycle friendly and depending on the weather, allow riders to park their bikes by their camp spot. As of this writing Amber charges $20 per tent per night. We offer on-site security from dusk till dawn, free fire-wood for the fire pit, bottled water, shower access. Pets are welcome.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare
Click Here To See More... If You Dare!
Click Here To See More... If You Dare


What's New In the No-Spin Zone

1. Here's some good news for two-wheel travelers to start the new year... Ecuador Opens for Motorcycle Tourism. Having spent some time in Ecuador I can enthusiastically say riding in the country would rival Europe except .. the gas is cheaper, the people friendlier, the food better, and the weather is generally better. This is on my bucket list.

2. I post links to the Adventure Rider website all the time.. Good bunch of people over there with lots of good information. Looks like they're making a bold move for 2021.. While motorcycle magazines are dropping like flies, Adventure Rider is Coming To Print. We wish them well.. They'll need it in today's market when new riders are few and the only things they seem to read are Facebook and Twitter posts.

3. Can I have that to go? Honda is now offering home delivery.. Welcome to 2021. Indian announced it was doing it. Then Yamaha and Kawasaki. Now, Honda is also announcing a home delivery program for its US customers.

4. Centerstand- A Motorcycle Industry Podcast.. Centerstand, a new Podcast, is diving into hot topics for the motorcycle industry to leave businesses with actionable advice for now and the future. Worth a listen..

5. We just got notified by WhiteLights of Germany that some of their specialty K-Bike lenses have been discontinued.. Specifically.. the Front Clear Lenses for the BMW K1300GT / K1200GT and the Smoke Front Lenses for the K1300S / K1200S. As time relentlessly marches on, I'll assume their other lenses for these aging bikes will also disappear soon. I'm working on securing another source.

6. One hassle associated with chain-driven motorcycles is cleaning the chain. Yes, it can be quite messy, but it’s really not that hard. Are there any solutions that can make this dirty but necessary chore faster, easier, and perhaps even more environmentally friendly? Enter ChainBath.

7. This shouldn't surprise anyone reading this newsletter... Study Finds Motorcyclists Happier Than Motorists...

8. FBI Raids Ducati’s North America Office... Ouch!

9. Here's something you'll not see every day... I don't think it's practical, but it's nice to look at.. BMW’s released the R18 cruiser platform, but seems intent on continuing its original promotional plan too, with one-off custom bikes showing the machine’s potential. Now, Dirk Oehlerking of Kingston Customs has tackled the R18, morphing the mega-cruiser into a weird art deco-styled roadster. It’s called the “Spirit of Passion.”

10. Harley-Davidson Reveals 2021 Product Line...

11. Despite pandemic, BMW has near-record sales...

12. Do you suffer from "sweaty-butt syndrome" when spending a lot of time in the saddle? Here's a cool (no pun intended) solution.. The Air-Flow Seat Cover from Airflowseatcovers.com. Made for riders in hot climates. It’s made of a unique 3D net elastic substance that forms a unique shape while riding and is cut to different sizes for all kinds of motorcycles.


What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. New Product Alert! We just added the Akrapovic R1250RS / R1250R Titanium Slip-On Exhaust System to our menu. The Akrapovic Ti Slip-On exhaust system was (according to their literature) developed for riders who want to make a slight alteration to the bike’s looks and performance with minimum modification. This canister does NOT eliminate the catalytic converter (which is located in the oem header system) so you are legal in all 50 states and Europe. The kit includes a carbon fiber heat shield and all mounting hardware. System retains centerstand capability. And yes.. this exhaust system is compatible with BMW side cases. Chimp easy install. Chimp not included. Fits 2019+ BMW R1250RS & R1250R. Here's a YouTube sound video of this kit

2. New Product Alert! Want to get rid of the catalytic converter on your 2019+ BMW R1250R & R1250RS? Are we not men? Be all you can be with an Akrapovic header kit for your 2019-2020 BMW R1250RS and R1250R. Choose from the finest titanium or stainless steel to upgrade your Akrapovič Slip-On to a full exhaust system. Stand out from the pack with more power, beautiful design, and the unique Akrapovič sound. Featuring exhaust valve for improved rideability in lower rpm. Stats for the Titanium headers- Power +3.5 HP at 7350 rpm / Torque +6.7 Nm at 2650 rpm / Weight -5.3 lb. Unleash the beast.

3. Drum roll please..... As per the blurb in our top section.. our latest Stealth Backrest for the BMW R1200RS / R1250RS is finally in stock. Production pieces are in a textured black powder-coated finish unlike the prototype pics circulating on CNN. Cost is a bit less than our other offerings. Like all our other backrests, install is under 10 minutes with standard tools and intellect. The backrest slides on and off the bike in under 10 seconds. No modifications necessary. A one beer job. Get em while they're hot. Customer comments are just now trickling in..

4. Sign O' the Times: Good news / Bad news from Remus.. 8/25: We were just informed that they have discontinued all the Non-Cat Hexacone slip-on kits for the K1300S and K1300R. The only slip-on kits still in production contain cats. Ain't dat a pisser?! The only way to go cat-less is their painfully expensive full system that clocks in at a rectum busting $2200.US. The good news is.. they have resurrected the Carbon Fiber K1200S cat-less slip-on kit at least temporarily.. A year ago they said no more would be produced. Due to demand (I suspect) they have produced at least one last production run of the Carbon Fiber. We carry both the K1200S & K1200R as well as the K1300S / K1300R Slip-Ons here..

Click Here To See More... If You Dare
Click Here To See More... If You Dare

5. Special Offer: We bought a factory R1200RS / R1250RS rear rack from BMW for design purposes for the RS backrest project. Now that the project is complete we're selling it. If you have a 2015+ BMW R1200R and R1250R and would like to purchase it for the purpose of installing our RS backrest, we're offering it at a substantial discount. You can find it here.

6. New Product Alert! I recently had a customer ask me why I didn't offer any LED CanBus specific headlight bulbs. Simple.. I hadn't found any that were worthy of our site.. I'd seen the Cyclops kits, but wasn't impressed.. Looked around and bam. Placed a large order and now we have CanBus-specific, 55w Watonlight LED bulbs on all our menus EXCEPT the K1600s. ... I have one installed on my K1200S..These are in stock.

7. More bad news for K1300S owners.. Just got off the phone with my Two Brothers Racing rep.. They have discontinued all their K1300S exhausts..

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

8. While "cat-less" Remus slip-on kits have been discontinued for the K1300S / K1300R... Pirates Lair can still get the Remus K1300S / K1300R Hexacone Full Exhaust System from Austria. Be all you can. The benefits of the kit are: Ultra Lightweight... Deeptone Sound... High Quality materials .. Extra ponies... Longer lasting erections.. Lighter wallet. Unchain the beast. Fits the BMW K1300S, K1300R only.

9. New Product Alert! Pissed off that the Germans didn't include a freakin' centerstand on your R1250RS or R1200RS? You should be. We all need one. What's worse is the factory center stand option is a wallet-busting $400! Yikes! Here's a sane alternative at 1/2 the price. The SW-Motech Center Stand. Perform basic maintenance while on the go; no need for a shop stand to remove the wheel for tire changes, flat repairs, or even cleaning your wheels. Integration with the stock components allows full functionality with the OEM exhaust and sidestand with no modifications. Cornering clearances are not sacrificed and lean angles remain unaffected. Each kit comes with complete mounting hardware and detailed instructions. No mods necessary. Fits the BMW R1200R '15-'19, R1200RS '15-'19 & R1250RS


I-BMW / Theriderspace.com Rally Event News : 2021
NOTE: Pirates Lair is not an "official" sponsor of any of the following posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

Texas Hill Country Rally: April 13-16, 2021

Location: Bandera, Tx
Where:
The River Front Motel
When: Tuesday thru Friday, April 13th thru 16th (check in Tuesday, check out Fri. AM)
Contact: Mary Jane (830) 328-5110

This rally was arranged by former I-BMW members who now hang out at Theriderspace.com. It's a yearly event going back a decade or more.. Great roads, great food, and lots of quasi-legal fun. One of my favorite places to ride.

Agenda: Meet. Ride. Talk, Eat. Ride. Talk. - Here's a link to the discussion at TheRidersPace You can find the latest information there.


Kentucky Hill Country Rally: August 12-14, 2021 New!

Location: Slade, Ky
Where:
The Lil Abner Motel & Cottages
When: Thurs thru Sat, August 12th thru 14th
Contact: (606)663-5384

This rally was arranged by former I-BMW members who now hang out at Ttheriderspace.com. The 2021 version of the Kentucky Hill Country Rally will be held August 12, 13, and 14 of 2021 at The Lil Abner Motel & Cottages in Slade KY. Lil Abner is located between the Red River Gorge and Natural Bridge State Parks. If you have any thoughts or desire to attend this function my advice is to book a room NOW. This motel is a prime point for hikers in both parks. It is also a big draw for reunions and weddings. The rooms go quickly and several months in advance. You have been warned.

Agenda: Meet. Ride. Talk, Eat. Ride. Talk. - Here's a link to the discussion at TheRidersPace You can find the latest information there.


I-BMW Reunion.. Pirates Lair Is Throwing Another Party! Oct 16th, 2021 New!

Where: 122 Flat Top Mountain Rd, Fairview, NC 28730
When: Sat October 16th- Noon-Until....
Contact : 828-628-7093 or Pirate@acelink.net
Nearby Motel: Ramada by Wyndham Asheville Southeast

Been missing the old gang of deplorables? Me, too. Time for one last party. No stinkin' Chinese virus is gonna stop this event although bad weather might. Amber and I will be hosting this one-day event (our first since 2007) for former I-BMW members, posters, or lurkers. Guests are welcome. This will be held on our mountain property (Paradise Ridge Campground) just a few miles east of Asheville and 5 miles off the Blue Ridge Parkway.
If all goes as planned we'll have food, drinks, campfires, outdoor toilets, scantily clad jugglers, maybe even live music.

We don't care if you ride or drive. There will be plenty of parking although some of it may be in a grassy pasture. There are motels nearby if attendees want to overnight in the area. Limited on-site camping will be available. Bring your own intoxicants. More details to come. Check with us a week prior to the event to make sure we're still a go. These are crazy times, doncha know.


MISCELLANEOUS / HOW-TO / ARCHIVES

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have no new contributions this month.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-hundred page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps rolling joints, pissing people off on Facebook, and cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

Our last contribution was
.. How to replace the spark plugs on a Bmw k1300s. It's apparently easier than you think.

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues