Take me home, El Capitan!

"Gather 'round, lads.... Gather 'round"...
Burt Lancaster / The Crimson Pirate (1952)

Around every other month, when I deem you are worthy, we post our cheesy newsletter to inform the masses as to what's happening in the BMW world and of course... Pirates' Lair. How else are you going to find out?

Warning: While I do try to add a little humor in every newsletter, some of my language may offend the mild mannered, politically correct, or meek amongst us. If you are offended easily I suggest you stop reading here and look elsewhere for your written info-tainment.

FYI.. If you'd like to be notified when each new newsletter is posted, just email me with your request and I'll make that happen. Our email database is 100% secure. Stored in a lock box formerly owned by Al Gore. Never shared or sold to third parties. Never perused by the NSA.


The Latest Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter: March / April 2022 Issue

Fellow esteemed and quasi-esteemed motorcyclists.... .. A famous (and slightly edited ) movie moment to start this issue...

Dutch's words resonate in the air... "He uses the trees." Billy and Ramirez stare up, a wave of fear passing through them.. Dutch turns, moving to where Dillon is guarding Anna, sitting on the ground. Reaching down, Dutch pulls her firmly to her feet, looking at her intensely.

Dutch's words resonate in the air... "He uses the trees." Billy and Ramirez stare up, a wave of fear passing through them.. Dutch turns, moving to where Dillon is guarding Anna, sitting on the ground. Reaching down, Dutch pulls her firmly to her feet, looking at her intensely.

Dutch:: Yesterday. What did you see? No more games.
Dillon: You're wastin' your time.
She looks at him a long moment, and then answers in English.
Anna: I don't know what it was. It... It changes colors, like the chameleon. It uses the jungle...
Dillon
: Shit, you trying to tell me Blain and Hawkins were killed by a fucking lizard? Don't listen to her. Its's a psych-job. Two, maybe three of them, that's all. We keep our cool, out-think them 'til we're across the border...
Ignoring him, Dutch takes her hands, drawing his commando knife, looking squarely into her eyes.
Dutch: What's your name?
Anna: Anna.
Dutch: Anna. He's hunting us. You know that? With a sudden movement he slices through her bonds.
Dillon: What the hell do you think you're doing?
Dutch: We're going to need everyone.
Dillon: What are you talking about? We'll be out of here in ten minutes.
Dutch: We're not going.

Dillon: That rendezvous is ten maybe twelve miles, at most! We're almost home. and the chopper won't wait.
Dutch: Dillon...This thing doesn't care who we are, who she is. We make a stand or there won't be anyone left to make that chopper. Dillon stares back, not wanting to hear what he already knows to be true. Anna touches Dutch's arm.
Anna: There is something else. When the big man was killed, you must have wounded it. (pause) It's blood was on his copy of the Cheesy Pirates' Lair Newsletter. Dutch turns to Dillon.
Dutch: If it bleeds, we can kill it.

Dutch .. Arnold Schwarzenegger / Dillon.. Carl Weathers/ Anna... Elpidia Carrillo / Predator 1987


News and Feltercarb From The Two-Wheeled World

Picture Of The Month! Red Rock Canyon. (Click Image for a Larger View)

Every month customers send us killer photos and I see no reason to keep them to myself so what better way to say thanks for sharing than to post them in this Picture of the Month spot..

Our March/ April POTM was contributed by Craig Holiday Haynes who lives in NYC, NY. He says of the shot.. " This was taken on the 13 mile loop at Red Rock National Park, (just adjacent to Las Vegas) Nevada on February 21, 2020. I was overwhelmed with the astounding vastness of the natural beauty of the canyons. I shot this with my iPhone XS. It was a beautiful day! "

If you would like to contribute your own "worthy" shot for our newsletter, here's what I'll need. First.. just email me 1 or 2 of your best digital shots or send me a link if you've already uploaded them somewhere. It'll need to be at least 1024x768 in size or larger and preferably A. Of any late model BMW .. B. In focus... C. No GSs for God's sake.

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Remembering a Friend.. Celebrating a Life

I'd bet a paycheck that all of us have a friend that has one of those "larger than life" personalities. The guy that tells the best stories at parties in such a cool way that everyone gathers around them and is spellbound while they weave their tale. We wish we could tell stories like him. The guy that effortlessly told funny as shit jokes. We wish we could tell jokes like that. The guy that has lived such an exciting, interesting life that you're never surprised when you hear of some new adventure they were part of. A guy that didn't try to be cool... He was born cool. My guy (and friend) was Pete Eschelman.. aka PistolPete.

I've known Pete for about 15 years and had the pleasure of riding with him on numerous occasions. Usually at various I-BMW rallies and even a few track days. He'd been by our house a couple of times. I say we rode together, but in reality I was usually just trying to keep up with him. He was without a doubt, the fastest rider I've ever known. I consider myself a fast guy, but on my best day I could barely keep him in my sights. Even when he was two-up. It was always a humbling experience. He made it look effortless.

Last October, just before my heart surgery, I got word that Pete had cancer. The kind that most mortals don't recover from. I contacted him and he related that it had already spread throughout his body and was now in his spine. His exact words were.. "Hero to zero in only 6 months." We both agreed that if I survived my bypass surgery and he survived the cancer we'd meet up over at our mountain property, toss back a few beers, and talk about old friends and past adventures. Both being realists, we knew this would never come to pass, but neither of us admitted it to each other. He knew he was done for.. Knocking on heaven's door.

Pete left us on Dec 13, 2021 with his family by his side in the hospital. He had lived one hell of a life. One for the books. There will never be another like him. For a walk down memory lane check out.... Pete Eschelman's Celebration of Life My sincere condolences go out to Linda, squidley kid, and the rest of his family in their time of loss. Travel well, my friend.

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New Michelin Road 6 Raises Bar For Sport Touring Motorcycles

I love Michelin tires. It's all I've run on my K1200S for the last 8 years. They offer everything I want in a sport touring tire. While I usually use the sticker series tires I always hear good things about their "Road Series. Thought I'd drop in with the latest news on their all new "Road 6".

The Michelin Road 6 tire brings motorcyclists multiple new features designed to improve wet grip, longevity and appearance on a range of motorcycles. The new tire, available now, is available in the standard Michelin Road 6 tire range, as well as the Michelin Road 6 GT tire range for larger, heavier touring motorcycles like the BMW K1600 GT/GTL. Technologies from Michelin’s research centers around the world, coupled with the class-leading technology of the tire’s predecessor, the Michelin Road 5 tire, leverage two decades of innovation to bring riders the following benefits:

Wet grip: The Michelin Road 6 tire has 15% more grip than its predecessor in wet conditions thanks to silica technology tread compounds and a new tread pattern featuring Michelin "Water Evergrip Technology."

Longevity: The Michelin Road 6 tire delivers 10% longer tread life compared with the previous generation. Sweet!

Tread design: An optimized ratio of grooves to rubber, known as the void ratio, gives improved grip performance in both wet and dry conditions. This ratio is not compromised when cornering, so riders have constant and accurate feedback from their tires. The Michelin X-Sipe Technology combined with Michelin "Water Evergrip Technology" ensures the tire has consistent grip throughout conditions and maintains its grip even as the tire wears – giving riders confidence in the tire from the first mile to the last mile. There are also new groove and sipe angles with longer edges that cut through water film and maintain road grip.



What's New In the No-Spin Zone

1. IF IT AIN’T BROKE... : The Top 10 Worst Ideas in Motorcycle Design - from VisorDown. For every brilliant motorcycling idea – fairings, disc brakes – there has inevitably been some diabolical ones... Here are the best. Or worst

2. Lets see a show of hands for my fellow Tail of the Dragon fans... Here's some good news if you aren't a Diva like me. There's a brand new camping spot located on Mecca Pike (TN39) 4 miles west of Tellico Plains, Mecca Camp Resort. With 29 large RV sites open to both pull-thru and back-in (soon to expand to 39 RV sites), it's a great option for big groups or those looking to explore the Tellico side of the mountain and the Cherohala Skyway. The Mecca Camp Resort also has "glamping" tents, hammock camping pods, primitive camp sites, a large family pool, bathhouse, and camp store. 1-423-253-3513 / Reservations@meccacampresort.com

3. BMW has a new K1600 arriving in late spring.. The 2022 K 1600 Grand America Option 719 Midnight.

4. Ever get stuck at a traffic light and the fucking light simply will not change? Of course you have.. You'll find this interesting.. Why Motorcycles Get Stuck at Traffic Lights I'll add.. I learned in the video that there are 12 states that actually allow for motorcyclists to run red lights.. Amazingly.. I live in one of them. Cool.

5. If you are going to Daytona Bike week and planning on test riding a new BMW.. you might want to pre-register on-line. Might save some time. Get ready to ride with BMW Motorrad.

6. If you've been thinking about seeing the country on a rental.. this might get you rock your world.. Motorcycle Rentals Done Right. Ride-Share offer rentals for Vegas, Death Valley, Lake Meade, Miami, Denver, Hawaii, etc.... The site says over 25,000 bikes available including BMW K1600GTLs...

7. Stuck with a flat battery in your BMW Motorrad keyless remote? Here's a simple tip that may save yourself a walk home!

8. Check out the world's fastest electric motorcycle...The WMC250EV high-speed demonstrator is more than two years in the making and heralds a new chapter in the evolution of motorcycle technical development. It is the result of a determination to turn an inspired vision for vastly reducing aerodynamic drag into reality, having won support and recognition from all corners of Britain’s fertile motorsport engineering industry. The prototype motorcycle, which is capable of speeds exceeding 250mph, features three market-disruptive technologies including WMC’s ultra-low drag system called V-Air. My guess is.. this bike figures prominently in our 2-wheeled future.. Here's the full write up..

9. Arizona and Virginia consider lane filtering for motorcycles..It seems new lane-splitting legislation pops up every year in one or more states, and this year it's Arizona (where a bill has made at least a little progress) and Virginia. I'm not a fan of lane splitting, but many are.

10. If you are bored and/or have some time to kill... there's some choice nuggets in here.. "The Idiot's Guide to Motorcycles - Second Edition" from the editors of Motorcyclist Magazine with Darwin Holmstrom.

11. If you're looking for a big CC Bagger from BMW, but don't like the 6 banger... Check out the new 2022 R 18 B: Raw Power. Pure Soul.


What's New at Pirates' Lair?

1. Staintune Exhausts Available Again in the USA... It's been a few years since Staintune informed us that they were closing their doors and looking for a buyer. Pirates Lair was their last US importer and we hated to see them (and their revenue) disappear almost overnight. As I understand it, the company was a victim of a new (job killing) Australian "green" law forbidding the sale of any exhaust inside Australia that eliminated the catalytic converter. In a nutshell.. Staintune couldn't sell their own products in their own country and would have to rely on international sales. Any businessman will tell you that's not possible unless your product is drugs or human trafficking. They eventually found a buyer who seems determined to carry on the legendary exhaust makers product line. Over the last year they've been sorting things out and are once again producing kits. Good news for the motorcycling community.

A few weeks ago I was contacted by the new owners wanting to know if I was still interested in selling their products. Of course I said yes. As of this writing I'm waiting to hear back from them as to terms, shipping details, etc.. As soon as the legalese is behind us it looks like (fingers crossed) Pirates Lair will be back in the saddle again carrying the entire Staintune product line.. Krikey.

2. We have learned that the Denali Soundbomb will NOT fit on the BMW R1200GSA or R1250GSA with a lowered suspension. So far those are the only bikes we've seen where there wasn't enough room for an install. For everyone else, if you want to hedge your bets of staying alive while riding... buy yourself a loud horn.

3. The Pirates Lair email address of 20 years recently changed from pirate@acelink.net to pirateslair@gmail.com

4. As of Feb 1st, there has been an across the board price increase of all Remus exhaust systems.

5.The all new Akrapovic Black Titanium Slip-On Exhaust System for the K16 Bagger / Grand America was developed for riders who want to make a change to the bike's look and sound with minimum modification. Ride in style with the Akrapovič Black Ti Slip-On exhaust system for the world's top-of-the-line BMW touring motorcycle. You will love its unique design, which is outstandingly executed using top-quality titanium canisters and carbon fiber outlet caps. Like every aftermarket exhaust available for the K1600 series, your O2 sensors remains plugged into your factory header. How does it sound? Fucking awesome. We're trying to determine if these kits fit the 2022 bikes..

6. New Product: Dominator has been selling exhausts for over a decade. Their Oval Stainless K1300S / K1200S Slip-On Exhausts are designed to lower weight, add a few ponies, and add a deep throaty tone for those on a budget. Is the quality as good as a Remus, Akrapovic, or Staintine? No, but I'd install one on my own K1200S in a second. Each kit includes a sexy oval stainless steel canister with a carbon fiber end cap, midpipe, and all mounting hardware. A simple bolt-on affair. Removable silencer included. They have a claimed weight of 6 lbs. And yes... they eliminate the catalytic converter. 5 year warranty included. Fits fit the 2005-2007 BMW K1200S or 2008-2015 K1300S.

Click Here To See More... If You Dare!

I-BMW / Theriderspace.com Rally Event News : 2022
NOTE: Pirates Lair is not an "official" sponsor of any of the following posted events. Event participation is the sole responsibility of the attendee. Motorcycle riding is potentially dangerous and can result in personal injury or death or lots of velocity awards.. You and you alone are responsible for your own safety. Ride within your own ability. It's called.. "personal responsibility."

I-BMW Reunion.. Pirates Lair Is Throwing Another Party! TBA

Where: 122 Flat Top Mountain Rd, Fairview, NC 28730
Remember, when you Google directions to our property to make sure you put in the zip code as there are TWO 122 Flat Top Mountain Rds in North Carolina. We don't want you getting lost or showing up at the wrong one.. Awkward.
GPS Coordinates: N 35 degrees, W 082 degrees
When: TBA
Contact : 828-628-7093 or Pirateslair@gmail.com
Nearby Motel: Ramada by Wyndham Asheville Southeast

Amber and I will be hosting this one-day event (our first since 2007) for former I-BMW members, posters, or lurkers. Guests are welcome. This will be held on our mountain property (Paradise Ridge Permaculture Campground) just a few miles east of Asheville and 5 miles off the Blue Ridge Parkway.
If all goes as planned we'll have food @ noon, non-alcoholic drinks, campfires, outdoor toilets, scantily clad jugglers, annoying mimes, maybe even live music around 5pm. Keep in mind, we do NOT have electricity on site.

Note: This will NOT be a "rain or shine" event. If it's gonna be wet or rainy.. we will cancel. Check with us a week prior to the event to make sure we're still a go.

We don't care if you ride or drive. There will be plenty of parking although most of it will be in a grassy pasture. There are motels nearby if attendees want to overnight in the area, but you'll need to book in advance as this is near the peak leaf-peeping season. Limited on-site camping will be available. Bring your own intoxicants. Email me for EXACT DIRECTIONS.


MISCELLANEOUS / HOW-TO / ARCHIVES

How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle

We have no new contributions this month.

If you'd like to help others by contributing a How-To-Survive On A Motorcycle, How to Survive Deals Gap, or any How-To link.. First... check out the tips we already have and if you have something new... just send to me and if it's worthy... I'll add it.

Pirates Lair Sacred Archives

We get a lot of requests for specific articles and/or reviews I've written in the past. Rather than fry my aging brain trying to remember where they are on our multi-hundred page website, I have decided to list the "worthy" ones here. Most of the links are to past newsletters.. Some are to full web articles. Remember, I'm no expert on anything except perhaps rolling joints, pissing people off on Facebook, and cunnilingus so the opinions within the archives are only my own. Saavy?

BMW How-To Section

Our last contribution was
.. How to replace the spark plugs on a Bmw k1300s. It's apparently easier than you think.

Click For Larger Image.. If You Want a Chub..

Pirates Lair Cheesy Newsletters .. Past Issues